On a totally unrelated note...

"nippon" (nipponbanzai) 11/29/2013 at 15:45 • Filed to: None

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My ex girlfriend is all weird again and that's making me go crazy again. More inside. Have a Subie in it's natural habitat.

Yes, i started talking to my ex again. I wanted to give it another shot because two years of a really good relationship are too good to get wasted because of shit. And because i fell for her so bad that i might think she is as good as it gets for me.

We've done good for the past week or so. I asked her out today, she said she will text me if she will be able to make it.
She texts no. I called her later and she was somewhere out in the city, tho she didn't pick up. Her sister told me she isn't home.
So three missed calls and texts later, that's her usual cue for something is wrong.
I kept on calling every now and then, almost three hours and 6 phone calls later she got home. Thanks to viber thingy we exchange few messages and she says she isn't really well and that she needs to get some alone time. And that's the usual cue for my-whole-world-collapsed.

Okay, i told her the usual comforting stuff, you know, i'm here for you and i'm worried for you, talk to me as soon as you get better and that kind of stuff.
In the process she blames me for abusing her because of all the calls. Okay, i guess.

I don't know what the hell is going on with her, she acts so weird like never before, and she clearly isn't okay now. I have no idea why and i'm blaming myself for all the calls and concern.
I'm really nervous now. And still, after all the crap i love the shit out of her. Oh well.

In return for reading the insight of my life now, i give you the wallpaper size of the Subie above. Click !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .
Also, go to speedhunters, they have some great rallying stuff there at the moment.

Rallying Roots

Five of the Greatest Rally On-Board Clips You'll See Today

d1ck > nippon 11/29/2013 at 15:47

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From my point of view it seems like you're the crazy one; six calls in three hours is a bit much. It sounds to me like she's not interested...

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > nippon 11/29/2013 at 15:54

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There are other girls. Some of them aren't even all that crazy!

Sounds like she isn't interested, and you probably need to back off. The constant attention generally pushes them away when they are not looking for it.

Also, if her life is frequently cycling between super-wonderful and the-sky-is-falling-we're-all-going-to-die, she's probably not stable and you should run.

ddavidn > nippon 11/29/2013 at 15:58

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Chicks are weird. Thanks for the subie.

orcim > nippon 11/29/2013 at 16:04

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Wondering if you could define this problem (read: opportunity) in your terms, and not including her? What do *you* want in life? What does *your* life look like when it's rockin'? Just by living and doing your thing, what do you want to change/affect in the world?

It's hard to comb out the real interesting conversation when it's tangled up with current events.

nippon > d1ck 11/29/2013 at 16:05

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Well, thing is she agreed that we should pick up the pieces and try again. And things went fine.
She has the emotional strength of a pudding. And she is keen to emotional breakdowns which cause her to block the entire world off and hide. Then she goes and wanders all over the city. After two years with her, trust me, that has happened once or twice.
I admit, i shouldn't have called her that many times. But i knew she wasn't fine and everything she did that day checked all the points for her to get broken and sad.

nippon > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 11/29/2013 at 16:11

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Thats true.
Except, we were good for the past week or more. We even went home together on daily basis, exchanged usual hugs/kisses. Hell, we even agreed to start the whole thing again and see where that takes us.

Yup, she is really emotional. She breaks way too easily and lets stuff to get to her more than she should have. I always kept her happy and somewhere in between, generally for the past couple of years(when we didn't even date) i was always there for her, no matter what.

nippon > orcim 11/29/2013 at 16:32

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I'm glad you brought this up.

I'm not really that social, but not that much that i'd be anti-social type of guy. It's just i hardly find people with similar interest. Problem is i always liked to hang out and talk to few years older people than my peers, that makes it hard for me.

My life isn't pretty, it consist of taking classes, working(programming) and generally being at home staring at the TV/monitor. And i'm somehow okay with that because i was never PARTY HARD type of person.
She was the one and only person in my life(by my choice), best friend and a girlfriend. We filled each other in everything, i helped her literally live her life without emotionally destroying herself(more on that later). And often i found myself prioritizing her needs and her life in front of my "thing".
I took care of her by all means. Here comes the fact that she only has one parent, that isn't so much of a parent figure and is her source of frustration.

What do i want in life, now in this given moment?
I have a job i like, i do stuff i enjoy doing. So..
I'd say i want to give it a shot and develop a new relationship with her. And live my life to the fullest with her included. And by that i mean that we take care of each other and have something special. After all, since we were kids in 7th grade there was some sort of special connection with her. And she just lights me up anytime, whether i'm sad or mad.
I understand there probably is a better match for me somewhere out there(and for her), maybe someone as crazy as i am or someone who is more emotionally stable than she is.
But i just don't see myself in all that now. I feel the need and the want to be with her again, at least to try.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > nippon 11/29/2013 at 16:35

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Sorry to break it to you, but you're being used.

You have two choices:

Get over her yourself and enjoy just being friends.

or

Stop being there for her, possibly ruining your friendship, but freeing yourself in the process.

I'm guessing you're young (damn kids), and thought it seems like you'll never find anyone else like her, trust me, there are plenty of girls out there who dream of someone who is willing to pay attention to them and who will be loyal and return the favor.

Keep looking.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > nippon 11/29/2013 at 16:35

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Uhhh, sorta tried the same thing, TWICE with my ex. We had a great relationship for about 8 months and it ended over stupidity and extreme emotions from both of us. I really fell for this girl and still love her to death. But, every time I tried, she just kept bring up the past and how she can't trust me. She openly admits she still loves me, but finds a heap of excuses for it to not work. I, much like you should, am trying to move on. Key word, trying.

It's really tough, especially when your a car guy and you like to fix things instead of 'buying/getting the new one'. You really just want it to work because you know it can. Honestly though, from the outside, it seems like it's just a game for her. I can relate. And it sucks, you get your hopes up. In an instant all the great memories come back, the ones you worked so hard to forget. It's really a terrible feeling. (And they usually don't even realize what they are doing)

But, I must advise that you move on. I am sure you are a great guy 'that deserves better'. 'There are plenty of fish in the sea'. All of these phrases suck. Just don't be made a fool. Respect yourself first and know that she was/is not the best thing since sliced bread.

(This is better than sliced bread and it came after)

Best of luck going down this bumpy road.

nippon > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 11/29/2013 at 16:51

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Don't be. :)
I had the feeling of being used, and i sort of still do.
Tho, i'm not sure that's she is using me on purpose, her traits and the way she sees the world suggest that.

I could never be just friends with her. She's a first real thing i had. And i'm her first real thing. And i couldn't just be there watching her replace me with some other guy. Nor she would do that in my case.

Young? Yup. Tho not that young that i think there isn't someone much better out there. But there is always that feel of what if with her.

nippon > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 11/29/2013 at 16:54

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You said it all my man. I'm in the exact same situation.
Thanks.

Also.

imped > nippon 11/29/2013 at 16:55

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2 wasted years are better than weeks of questioning your self worth due to someone else's issues. You sound young, and unfortunately the best lessons are lived. Take some advice from the old guys, also find a woman, not a girl.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > nippon 11/29/2013 at 18:25

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Cheers (only 19y/o though)

Just remember that you are always right.

orcim > nippon 11/29/2013 at 19:05

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Ah. So, just to be clear, you asked for advice, I'm about to give it. If that's not what you wanted, I apologize up front, I don't need to fix anyone or anything and I never speak advice without honest permission. (The times I have gotten myself in trouble violating those rules is epic.. I don't do that anymore.) So.. just stop reading if you don't want what I got to say.

One thing: blog comments suck for getting the real story because typing minus tone of voice, faces, gestures, body language, etc. I'm going to suggest some things based on what you said, but understand that my understanding is incomplete. Ok. Enough throwing the blanket.

Here's what I'm picking up:

>My life isn't pretty...

Your life is fucking *fantastic*, by definition, in my opinion. It might not be what you want, yet, but you're working towards that. That's a Good Thing. I see some self judgement in that statement - that always gets in the way, for everything. I'm 100% on that believing self judgement is a nasty piece of work considering my own experiences and data from other men.

>I'd say i want to give it a shot and develop a new relationship with her.

Ah.. I asked for it from your perspective, but you've woven her into it. That's indicating to me that you have an attachment to this particular person, yet she isn't really perfect because it's not working. Attachment to something not working is.. well, you can fill that in.

But how to "make it work?" You *can't* change her, you can only change yourself. But if you change yourself, you may not need "her" anymore. Scary, eh? Well, turns out that's how it all works, every time. You can only change yourself, "she" doesn't matter on some level with whether you are happy in a relationship or not. But if you are better able to handle, process, deal with the stress, then maybe it could work?

How to do that? It's actually easy, but it means work. I'd check out one of the initiation things like Mankind Project Warrior Weekend, or something like that. (There are more brutal things I've done, but Mankind is a good starter.) It's spiritual theater, but well done, and its focus is looking at yourself and choosing how you want to relate to the world. Unlike other places I've seen, they don't give a shit *how* you want to relate, just that you're *choosing*, yourself, how to relate. I like that about them. (They have one for women, too.. same stuff, different ways. Inner Woman I think it's called.)

As for trying to be with her again, I'll offer this. If that's what you want, I got nothing to say against it. I just want to offer this: if she's the same, and you're the same, why do you think it would be different this time? Something has to change, and since it can't be her (because you don't have the godlike power to effect that) then it's got to be you. And what are *you* doing to be different? I say that with the understanding that "being different" for humans is *really* hard... and it looks like "work" to most people.

Peace, brother. Wishing you the best of luck, health and happiness in your endeavors.