Why is every BMW Driver an A§§hat whereas Audis are so cool?

"Klaus Schmoll" (klausschmoll) 10/31/2013 at 18:27 • Filed to: rants

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I've had this question in my mind for quite a long time, so before bombarding me with blurry cellphone shots of parked Bimmers taken in portrait mode, please hear me out!

"So this is why BMW drivers are asshats" is a meme around these parts, and not just these parts of the interweb. It may not be as big as "Because Racecar" but it sure is bigger than "Why did you turn???".

At the same time, everything Audi is almost revered as it's the second coming of spongebob squarepants or whatever you choose to beliebe (I did that one on purpose!) in these days. Audis are cool, BMW drivers are wearing their hats on a funny part of their body. That's about the gist.

Or is it? See, when you are sitting in a nice restaurant, enjoying a nice meal with someone you care about, just having a good time, the obnoxious guy two tables over with his fist sized golden watch, always a little too tanned for the season and wearing an eye-cancer inducing polo shirt, constantly blaring into his phone about how awesome he is is probaly driving an Audi these days.

Also the car that is trying to ram you off the road because you are going slower than it's driver wants to go on the German Autobahn is probably an Audi not a BMW. Except the X5, I give you that one.

Even Jeremy Clarkson Esquire (he uses that as his Twatter handle so it MUST be true) said years ago that it's O.K. again to buy a BMW because all the jocks have moved on to Audis. And this is what truly happened. He is constantly mouthing out harsh opinions, so it's inevitable that one of them hits the truth eventually. When a product hits the coooooool spot, all the people who think of themselves as being cool have to have it. PERIOD! So a lot of younger, or youngish, or thinking of themselves as youngish blokes with questionable taste otherwise are getting Audis.

They are the current jock's vehicle of choice. I'm sorry to say that but it's true, at the very least in Yurrup.

And why did Audi get that aureole in the first place? I mean, all their cars look the same since the 90s.

I know that BMW got a lot of flak for the bangle years or the current X6, but if you look at the first picture, you'll see that Audi will also bring SUV/Crossover/Coupe thingys. and they will probably look as confused to what they are as the X3, or the 5 series GT, or the 3 series GT.

There is another point I don't get. How come the five-door A5 is the most beautiful car on the planet while BMW gets hated on for calling a four-door 6 series a "coupe". All I see when looking at an A5 is a sporty looking sedan with a large hatch. Much like my old Mazda.

Also, shouldn't we cut BMW some slack for really progressing? They have just dumped a lot of cashflow into this i-project thing which gave us enthusiasts the gorgeous looking i8 to lust for. And it's ugly brother the i3, well that's one of the first proper electric cars made by a large automotive company. As in made to be an electric car in the first place not a normal car fitted with batteries and electric motors. And what the guys in Ingolstadt do in the meantime? Sitting on their hand. At first they said that their Diesels are good enough, and that Hybrids are stupid, now their are busy catching up on Diesel Hybrids. And their electric cars? Noting but vaporware.

Not that I'm that much into EVs personally, but I that BMW should get some credit points for their effort.

Rant over! I had fun writing this and getting this stuff off my chest!

ddavidn > Klaus Schmoll 10/31/2013 at 18:33

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Where I live, there are still far more asshats driving BMWs than Audis. I haven't been cut off by an Audi in a long time, but two BMWs cut me off yesterday pretending they were on the Autobahn.

But I'm sure what you say is true in the Europes. All the people I hear complaining around here are in the USA.

For Sweden > Klaus Schmoll 10/31/2013 at 18:43

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Because Audi drivers use their turn signals and park inside the lines. Also rally.

AMC/Renauledge > Klaus Schmoll 10/31/2013 at 18:51

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Why is every BMW Driver an Asshat whereas Audis are so cold/distant and Jaguars and Alfa Romeos are the only beautiful upscale cars driven by good people?

BadMatt > Klaus Schmoll 10/31/2013 at 19:26

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Let's agree that a lot of people who can afford a Lexus, Audis, Mercedes Benz or BMW had more chance of being a butthole. High middle-class often act as if they are superior due to the fact they have more money and don't care for others. I really don't think this has a lot to do with car preferences...

Also, I find that among car enthusiats, people looking at showing their standing used to opt for a Mercedes Benz or Audi where BMW owners used to choose these for the fun of driving them. MB and even Audis are typically less sporty and more luxury/prestige unless you go to the S series. I am leaving the roadsters and cars like the TT out of this, I am comparing sedans and conventional coupés (MBs C and E series vs BMWs 1,3 and 5 series and Audis 3,4 and 5

Although I would say that this is changing : with the CLA for Mercedes Benz that is sporty as hell and BMWs that are getting bigger and longer... Audis don't change much but I really like the new S3! (Because Quebec = snow!)

SLR999 > AMC/Renauledge 10/31/2013 at 19:40

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Because they're not afraid to look a bit stupid to get the car they want, even if it runs half the time?

Hindered23 > BadMatt 10/31/2013 at 19:46

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my middle class ass drove an s4 in Michigan. I don't think I'm better than people who drive fords and Chevys thank you very much.

TheOnelectronic > Klaus Schmoll 10/31/2013 at 19:48

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Personal anecdotal responses;

The BMW->Asshat thing is just outdated. It pretty much used to be the case, but as Audi's presence rose, and especially with the R8, A5, and the move towards cars that actually look nice (more on that later), the douchebags who wanted a car purely as a status symbol started drifting towards them more and more. It's also worth keeping in mind that there's probably a distinct difference between your experience as a German (I hope I'm not misremembering that) and (assumedly) the bulk of Oppo's experiences as Americans. If nothing else, I'd wager that the general public's view of the two brands is very different between the two regions. I mean, China thinks Buicks are hot shit, so who knows.

Audi is "cool" because, traditionally, they've done things that are rather Jalop. Twin Turbo V-10 from the Gallardo in a station wagon? Fuck yes. Twin Turbo V6 in a station wagon with adjustable ride height and skid plates? Hell yeah! Taking a bonkers concept car from a movie and actually making something that resembles it? Unheard of.

As for styling, It's personal preference of course, but I think Audi's recent models are all the best looking in their class. The Fusion and Mazda 6 have possibly eclipsed the A4, but I'm not sure on that yet. Also, you can't say they look the same as they did in the 90's while showing that lead pic. :p

Full disclosure: Audi driver. Former BMW driver.

TheOnelectronic > AMC/Renauledge 10/31/2013 at 19:49

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Personal Anecdote: Jaguar refuses to offer a manual transmission, and their cars just don't quite compete, performance-wise, with their rivals. At least the XJ-superdoodle was quite a letdown for me.

TheOnelectronic > BadMatt 10/31/2013 at 19:57

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I think it's that they feel like they're clearly above the "peasants", but they still have the inferiority complex against people who are actually extremely wealthy. It's like financial middle child syndrome.

In my experiences, Mercs are for people who want a car that is comfortable, fast, quiet, and excellent for long drives cross country. They're even decently sporty.

BMW used to be for people who wanted a more connected, "driver's car", although many have said recently that this has changed, and I'm not sure I disagree.

Audi was sort of the hipster option for a while. They couldn't really compete with the other two, but they were different. More recently, as their styling has evolved and their reliability has improved, they've become sort of the "pragmatic prestige" choice. Solid powerplants, excellent AWD (AWD systems are NOT created equal), and outstanding interior quality helped set them apart, as well as being arguably the best looking of the bunch. BMW's coming out of its styling rut a bit, while Merc continues to chug the flame-surfacing koolaid.

Here was MY train of thought.

Merc C class: No manual, no chance. Old man's car. Not exciting.

BMW 3 Series: Just had one, new ones ditching second turbo, suspension is awful.

Audi S4: Slightly less "connected", but arguably better performing than 335i. Supercharger makes nice noise. Manual transmission feels really good. AWD is useful. Suspension is tight and controlled but also impossibly soft. Comes in Yellow.

AMC/Renauledge > TheOnelectronic 10/31/2013 at 19:57

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Jag offers manuals in Yurrp. But they haven't shown an American-spec 3-pedal since 2005, I think.

Also, your point about competing performance-wise is part of my point. BMWs and Audis are for people who HAVE TO DESTROY EVERYONE ELSE BY WINNING EVERYTHING!!!!!1!1!!!!!!

They're like Oregon Ducks fans.

People who drive Jags care about beauty, elegance, comfort, aromatic leather, etc. They aren't bought on their spec sheet. They're bought because they tug at the heart.

TheOnelectronic > AMC/Renauledge 10/31/2013 at 20:01

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Sorry, I should have used better words: I didn't mean number performance, I meant score on the smile-meter. The XJ just didn't "grab" me like other cars. Despite having the same engine as the 4th gen Range Rover S/C, and being assumedly lighter, it did not feel nearly as fast nor, surprisingly, as agile. I was really kind of bummed after the test drive. Maybe I'm just an anomaly, though.

Heh. Yurrp. I'm going to remember that.

AMC/Renauledge > TheOnelectronic 10/31/2013 at 20:23

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I totally understand. The XJ is actually my least favorite Jag now. Too narrow for its chunky length, which needed a C- pillar blackout to reduce visual mass and keep it from being mistaken for an A6.

Audi is my favorite of the German brands. Their swagger is a bit different if for no other reason than longitudinal FWD-based AWD.

But I'm one of those nutbars who'd take an XKR any day over an R8. Because beauty.

BadMatt > Hindered23 10/31/2013 at 20:38

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Right!! Exactly! It's not the car, it's the person!!

I have met asshats that drive a Jag, a Cadillac, a Corvette, a Ferrari, a Porsche.... And Fords, and Hondas, and Mazda, and GM, and...

But I do feel like we see more asshats among the wealthy...

TheOnelectronic > AMC/Renauledge 10/31/2013 at 21:03

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I can't look at an XKR without thinking "why didn't you just get the Aston version?"

kenhitch > Klaus Schmoll 11/08/2013 at 16:26

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All I know is people who don't know cars automatically assume the worst when I say I drive a BMW, and even when I tell them it's a '92 318 they fail to understand it cost me less to buy than their new whatever the hell boring car they drive. It's annoying. I love my Bimmer, but this is a seriously obnoxious fucking side effect to owning one.

Klaus Schmoll > kenhitch 11/08/2013 at 17:08

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Yeah, that's the problem. It became cool to hate on BMWs. It's just like Apple. Their shit is the last word even if other competitors have better products or competitive products for less. There just is no reasoning with these misconceptions.

Built BMW Tough > Klaus Schmoll 11/08/2013 at 19:00

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I try to drive as politely as possible because I assume everyone think I'm an asshole because I drive a BMW. That, of course, leads to people cutting me off and driving like assholes around me like I didn't fill an asshole driver quota.

I have noticed more assholes driving loud WRXs.

agershon > Klaus Schmoll 11/12/2013 at 12:06

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No, wrong. Everyone driving a Nissan Altima is a raging asshole. Trust me on this, and you will soon see the truth.

Nissan. Altima.