Cars That Star Wars Would Drive

"-Amateur" (amateur) 10/28/2013 at 07:00 • Filed to: Star Wars

5

33

Star Wars is awesome. Cars are awesome. Combine the two and we get a list of cars suited for those in a galaxy far, far away....

"Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money."

Everyone's favorite scoundrel has the fastest ship in the galaxy. This Corellian Corvette can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs; A Corvette ZR-1 should suit him nicely with a usable trunk for his illicit smuggling activities. It's not quite the bucket of bolts it's supposed to be, but give it a few years of rigorous use and close shaves and it'll start looking the part.

...and If you're Han Solo in carbonite trim, then a Ford Transit could dub as a makeshift Slave One to roll in style.

Yousa remember himsa! Everyone's favorite, Jar Jar Binks!

"Monsters out there, leaking in here. Weesa all sinking and no power. Whena yousa thinking we are in trouble?"

I feel Jar Jar would feel most at home in a garbage truck...like in the back part with all the trash, hopefully mushed to death. I'd also settle for the front of a combine.

Luke Skywalker

[Luke looks at Vader's bionic arm and then his own. He comes to a realization and throws away his lightsaber] Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You have failed, your highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.

The man who brought balance to the force, saved the rebels on numerous occasions, and saved his father from the dark side. He piloted a lot of vehicles, so bear with me.

Luke's Landspeeder was a basic, low-cost utilitarian vehicle to get from point a to be. A two-seater that was easy to work on. Can't beat the Honda Beat.

He also piloted a T-16 Skyhopper and enjoyed taking to Beggars Canyon back home. He's holding a model of it in his hand:

It's a weird looking ship aimed at the youth. It's also quite quick. Luke would totally take a Nismo Juke to Beggars Canyon, that AWD would come in handy.

Luke's notorious X-Wing is responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands and billions of credits worth of collateral. Remember the Death Star?

The Cobra Daytona fits this bill, regardless of original or kit car form. It has the same profile as the X-wing with that sleek front nose and stout rear. The thing looks like you can cram R2-D2 back there with no problems. It's fast and can hold it's own in a fight, all qualities to look for when Luke isn't killing bad guys.

Luke also piloted the Rebel Snowspeeder and brought down an AT-AT walker with a freaking harpoon style tow gun.

It's a civilian craft converted to military use. It's flies fast and low and has little to no armor plating. The Rebels were outmatched at every corner against the onslaught of the Imperials. The Honda S2K is front and center for winter duty.

Lando Calrissian

"That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!"

Lando mixes business with friends. It's a bad combination but what's a man to do when his city is being threatened because the bad guys want his friends?

Lando looks like a Oldsmobile man...like an '84 Olds Ninety-Eight kind of man.

Master Yoda

"You will know [the good from the bad] when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."

The oldest Jedi alive until he died and became ghost Yoda. He is wise, fast, and deadly. He also single-handily brought down the Jedi order by failing to defeat Emperor Palpatine when he had his death duel at Coruscant. Oh well, he saved the order by training Luke who played a hand in killing said Emperor. I guess they cancel each other out...right?

The answer this time is a Miata. It has an approachable demeanor, it's small, and as some serious agility.

Jabba the Hut

"You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookie to me"

He's a big fat slime ball who pits live humans against his pet Rancore and keeps half naked babes as slaves. He lives lavishly and also uses people who owe him money as wall decorations. Sounds like a typical Rolls-Royce owner to me, amirite guys?

He owns a Sand Barge/ Yatch:

A Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead isn't a far cry from that. May require some custom fabrication so that Jabba can actually fit in it.

Princess Leia

“Your friend is quite the mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything. Or anybody.”

Princess Leia has sass and class. She's no pushover and leads the Rebels to victory time and time again. She isn't afraid to get her hands dirty either, going into the line of fire to make things happen. Rightly so, from diplomatic vessels to rockin' speeder bikes, the car for her a Maserati Gran Turismo MC Stradale.

Chewbacca

"Rrrrrrr-ghghghghgh!"

Chewy is Hans right hand man. He's a walking tank that can pull the ears off a Gundark. He's not to be messed with unless you have a death wish.

With all that power disguised as his fists, Chewy would have no problem man-handling a Chevelle SS 454 big block:

Darth Vader

"The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master."

The face of the Empire, He was a Jedi, then Jedi-Killer, then Sith Lord, then born again Jedi. I guess love for your son trumps the dark side any day. Don't forget his wife losing the will to live, because that's totally believable. Whatever, he's got Force choking powers which is the equivalent to a pimp slap...errr, plus the whole killing thing. I don't think pimp slaps are capable of killing.

He get's two cars since he's Darth Vader:

Buick Regal Grand National:

Impala SS:

And for the record, Lord Vader doesn't ever associate himself with Volkswagens...ever.

Admiral Ackbar

"It's a TRAP!"

Admiral Ackbar is the Rebel's main man when it comes to coordinating suicidal attacks against the Death Star II. He also goes out of his way to let everyone know when it's a trap. Without him, no one would know a trap if it trapped them.

He sits atop of the Mon Calamari Cruiser, Home One. The biggest ship in the Mon Cal fleet. I feel that if Mon Calamari engineers switched over to making cars, they'd design something similar to a Morgan-Aero Super Sports. Admiral Ackbar can safely say that this car is not a trap, but the real deal.

Imperial Storm Trooper

"These aren't the droids we're looking for"

These guys are a dime a dozen. They aren't particularly useful either. They can't hit anything and were overpowered by stuffed teddy bears on Endor. They are also grossly incompetent. An Impala Ls is calling their name. It's a car that's not particularly good at anything...just like them.

Emperor Palpatine

"Good. Good. The Force is strong with you! A powerful Sith, you will become! Anakin Skywalker, you are one with the Order of the Sith Lords. Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth... Vader."

Emperor Palpatinos is a sadistic puppet master. He pretty much has been playing everyone from the start, and can't forget his order 66. There's really no rational explanation to why he looks like that (I'm not buying the whole Sith lightning spiel). Count Dooku gets decapitated on his orders and he owned Yoda in a duel. He also commissioned the creation of the Death Star I and II, yet the chess grandmaster didn't account for the furry Ewoks screwing with his plans nor Daddy Darth killing him. Whatever, he's always wearing his black robe and smiling. The Maybach Exelero is a spitting image of the great Emperor himself.

Mace Windu

" This party's over. "

The most badass Jedi ever. If he's not dealing with snakes on a plane, he's dealing with snakes in the galactic senate. He's the only Jedi who isn't afraid to lay down the law. He kicked the royal crap out of Palpatine and was going to straight up kill him until Anakin chopped off his arms so that the Emperor can toss him out the building, causing Mace to plummet to his death.

Mace looks threatening and takes no bull from anyone, just like the Lamborghini Reventon.

Darth Maul

uhhhh, talking really isn't his thing....

An underrated Sith, he knew no fear and had no boundaries. He tracked Padme and her crew all the way to Tatooine and instantly went in for the kill against the Likes of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

He then attacked them both with no fear again, killing Qui-Gon like nothing before kicking the crap out of Obi-Wan before his unexpected removal of torso from chest medical procedure.

Seeing how Darth Maul has no fear and is extremely capable with his combat skills, a Mansory 458 is his car of choice; not afraid of how it looks or to be seen driving in one, yet still fast as hell.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

"These aren't the droids you're looking for"

Everyone's favorite Jedi, if you look at his eyes, you could tell that he's seen some stuff. The man's a hero who led the Clone Troopers in numerous battles. His best friend, Anakin, went astray and he had to put him down...like chop off his arms and legs and leave him for dead in a molten lava pit. He then saved Luke and Leia by putting them in foster homes and lived life as a hermit to eventually train Luke to be a Jedi Knight. That's dedication.

It's no surprise that Obi-Wan isn't very fond of piloting and he's usually seen in bubble-shaped canopies within the starships he flies:

So in keeping with Obi-Wan tradition, he prefers smaller, lighter starships that sacrifice armor and range for speed and agility. Seriously, the ships he pilots are so small, they don't even have their own hyperdrives. A Lotus Exige is cut from the same cloth. It has a bubble shaped canopy, it's small, lightweight, and I'm 91% sure that it doesn't have a hyperdrive.

Tom McParland > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 07:40

1

That was pretty cool.

NoahthePorscheGuy > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 07:42

2

That last pic is epic

Slant6 > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 07:46

1

http://jalopnik.com/275042/what-wo…

aquila121 > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:05

1

I have to say, Han seems more likely to drive this (3:30 on):

Lots of cargo room, looks like junk, but is the ultimate sleeper. Hyperspeed!

505Turbeaux > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:09

1

The geek is strong in you. Nice post though! And don't you ever forget what else is up there

Desu-San-Desu > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:21

2

You were totally inspired by my remark about the GNX being the 'Darth Vader' of white trash cars, weren't you? ;-P

Also, what about when Vader goes into battle? He needs something small, maneuverable, fast as hell, styling that looks the part, and with open space for his hands in order to best utilize his force abilities. Luckily, that quandary has already been answered...

epicshooter > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:24

2

Lando originally owned the Falcon- how could he go from a vette to a Buick?

Also Obi-wan hated flying- seemed to like riding lizards better. Maybe a horse is more his speed.

LizTaylorsEarrings > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:52

2

Based on the fact that I love Rolls Royces, I can only assume that I would be Jabba the Hutt.

That feels right. Juuuuuust right.

ncasolowork2 > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 08:55

2

Lord Vader is spot on.

Take Jar Jar out of this post immediately please.

Ackbar should probably be driving an old Alfa Romeo. It's a trap! It looks great, but it will constantly break.

Sorry but I don't buy Slave 1 as a transit van. It is as maneuverable and as fast as an X-Wing. Slave 1 = Land Rover Sport.

Snowspeeder = RWD coupe? No. Snowspeeder = Subaru WRX STi

The Falcon being a Corvette ZR-1? No. The Falcon is constantly falling apart. It is old. And it is a joke that it is as fast as it is. As a result the correct Falcon is a rad rod of sorts. Like a rat rod drag racing station wagon with secret smuggling compartments.

Please fix these things. The Solo in my name should be more self explanatory to everyone now.

ncasolowork2 > aquila121 10/28/2013 at 08:56

1

Han would drive a rat rod wagon drag racer. Looks horrible everyone laughs at it, but it is fast and has room for secret smuggling compartments.

ncasolowork2 > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 09:04

0

Also what Lando gets AFTER the end of the 3rd movie is a luxury yacht. The most appropriate car (since you didn't seem to know what else to pick) for Lando is something like a Bentley Continental GT.

GTRZILLAR32-Now saving for Godzilla and a condo > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 09:16

1

I personally think Darth Maul would drive a Pagani Zonda or Huayra, but maybe that's just me playing favorites.

f1shkill > -Amateur 10/28/2013 at 09:38

0

Fairly certain this is an OLDSMOBILE 98 ... not a buick.

-Amateur > f1shkill 10/28/2013 at 13:48

0

Oops, you're totally right! I slipped up on that one, thanks, I will be fixing that.

Your boy, BJR > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 12:22

0

Say what you will about it, but my Viggen IS the earth going Millennium Falcon. Breaking a lot? check. Sometimes to the point of falling apart? check. People make fun of how much of a beater it is? check. Grey? check. Has a ton of room for smuggling? It's a 5 door Saab so triple check. Ungodly quick? check. When my dad used to own it, he would always say "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts."- a line Han describes the falcon with. And you know what? Fits 'er perfectly.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 13:37

1

I nominate the Ford Pinto for Ackbar's car. I would also accept Corvair.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > Desu-San-Desu 11/05/2013 at 13:42

0

When Darth Vader goes into battle, he tens to do it big. And with lots of armor.

So maybe this would be appropriate?

Fatamericanstig > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 13:50

3

Wrong. Han Solo Would drive this.

A Ford Transit stuffed with Jag XJ 220 innards

Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time? > Your boy, BJR 11/05/2013 at 13:53

1

I have a two door, but I agree with all of your points!

Z_Stig > ncasolowork2 11/05/2013 at 14:52

0

I always thought of autocross in when I saw your name LOL.

But yes, these are great suggestions.

DanimalHouse > Fatamericanstig 11/05/2013 at 15:19

2

She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts.

DanimalHouse > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 15:21

3

Stormtroopers get no Exige???

BTW, this article is bomb!! Love it!!!

TwinTurbosOfJustice > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 15:22

0

With all due respect, regarding Han (and especially since Chewie got a Chevelle)....

High flying, fast, boot leggin, smuggling and dodging authorities?

hizhinezz > f1shkill 11/05/2013 at 17:18

0

Texican > Fatamericanstig 11/05/2013 at 17:18

1

I was thinking something like this, but yours is good too.

He may have worked up to the Vette by Jedi, but he was a little more low key before he got mixed up with that Rebel scum.

Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 17:21

0

I'm late to this but...

http://blog.hemmings.com/index.php/2011…

Agrajag > -Amateur 11/05/2013 at 21:03

0

I agree with all except Han. Since a child, I thought these were the perfect automotive equivalent of the Millennium Falcon. Could hold tons of stuff, indifferent to what a parsec is, and was broken or on the verge of breaking all the time. If only it were faster.

Just Cars for Joe Bryant > -Amateur 11/06/2013 at 03:32

0

In my opinion Jabba isn't a Roller guy, he is a gangster, so any old Caddy that he can be driven around in (as the great Jabba the Hut doesn't do such menial tasks as driving) will do. Awesome list though.

911e46z06 > -Amateur 11/06/2013 at 03:33

0

I'm late to the party, but I have issues:

First of all, everyone knows Han Solo drives a GMC typhoon...

and Chewy rocks an El Camino.

And how do you think a Miata would do in the Dagoba swamps? Not well, that's how. And Yoda is nothing if not practical. That's why Yoda rolls with a Suzuki Samurai.

Jabba would never fit in that pretty little Rolls. Way too small, and way too tasteful. Only the most ostentatious party bus (with stripper pole of course) will do for Jabba.

Storm troopers wouldn't spend all that money on their scary masks just to roll up beige. They go for the 'yak G8 GT.

Maybe the young Obi Wan would have rocked the Lotus, but old Ben is no boy racer. I see him as a fan of sleepers. A few-years-old Charger SRT-8 fits the bill.

Other gripes: No way the Emporor drives himself. No way Ackbar drives a drop-top (can you imagine all that loose skin in the windstream?). And your choice for Lando is just a little bit racist.

Awesome idea though! Great fun.

911e46z06 > Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken 11/06/2013 at 03:35

0

Ha! Cuz it's a trap. Took me a few seconds.

KruleWorlder > -Amateur 11/06/2013 at 03:48

0

Everyone knows Han drives a FALCON!

chuckster1124 > -Amateur 11/09/2013 at 15:05

0

Don't be hatin'. This is one of my all time favorite commercials. And he isn't driving it, just controlling it.

chuckster1124 > -Amateur 11/09/2013 at 15:11

0

I dunno. His lifestyle on Tatooine makes me think he'd drive a POS VW Beetle. Engine tricked out, of course, but looking like it was rode hard and put up wet.