![]() 10/26/2013 at 13:04 • Filed to: MY STUPID LISTS | ![]() | ![]() |
Time and again, I like to tell people how great it is to live in California. You can ski in the mountains and visit the beach on the same day. State and national parks abound and are nearby. Microbreweries are not hard to find. The automotive scene is excellent, mainly since we have Pebble Beach.
But there are things they don't tell you. Like the high cost of living. The taxes. There's always road work being performed on the highways. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
However, there are some cars it's not in a thief's best interest to steal, mainly because it will end in ridicule and an immense loss of wasted effort. You'll be better off taking Silverados and 1990s Accords. (Yes thieves, I wrote this list for you.)
Author's Note: If you actually do buy one of these cars because of this list, I take no responsibility if it's stolen. Except for the last one. I want to meet the crazy person who bought it and the person who was insane enough to steal it. And before anyone asks why I didn't include cars with OnStar or other tracking systems, this list caters towards both sophisticated thieves (the ones who steal modern S-Classes) and the ones you see on Bait Car.
Scion FR-S/Subaru BRZ
Hell hath no fury like Toyobaru owners. Like NA Miata owners, Toyobaru owners are likely to know their cars down to the last detail instead of focusing on the car's lack of power. I wouldn't be surprised if they memorized the compression ratios or the suspension spring rates. As a result, if their car is stolen, an owner will go to the ends of the earth to find the car.
Most importantly, Toyobaru owners are constantly on forums. Chances are they know exactly what aftermarket parts they have on the car along with any serial number you can possibly think of. So good luck to thieves attempting to sell those expensive parts to the chop shops. And forum people help people track down their cars, and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
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Smart fortwo
On the bright side, Smarts are very easy to hide and surprisingly maneuverable at low speeds in the city. So they can get through traffic better than say, a Chrysler 300. But they have their quirks. For instance, the maddening transmission. Lack of space to stash other ill-gotten gains. Not being able to look good for the ladies.
And let's talk about when the fortwo owner gives up hope and thieves have to make money from it. Everything in that car is so packed together that key parts will certainly be damaged when ripping it off. And when dealers have a difficult time even giving them away, a thief won't be able to sell it. Meaning stealing a fortwo will have been in vain.
Any Electric Car That's Not A Tesla
For once, range anxiety is a good thing. Steal a Nissan Leaf or Mitsubishi i-MIEV and there's no telling how much charge is left in the battery. At full throttle, which significantly depletes the charge, a thief cannot get far, especially if a police chase ensues. But even recharging the cars takes a while, unlike filling up with gas.
However, if a thief does steal an EV, he or she will learn very quickly that parts are difficult to sell, largely because there's little demand for them. The (heavy) battery may be worth something, but good luck attempting to get it off the car and then selling it. On the bright side, electric car owners are next to guaranteed that their cars won't be swiped (unless it's a Tesla).
Dodge Journey
I usually forget that the Journey exists, and apparently, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , so do the thieves. That's because the 4WD Dodge Journey had the lowest claim rate for theft, which I personally find surprising, since many of them live in rental fleets. And let's face it, aren't car thieves supposed to target rental cars?
Once again, thieves will have a difficult time getting rid of the Journey, just like the car rental companies that get them to placate customers who don't want a minivan and sales managers who needed to meet their numbers for the quarter. Not to mention families who realized after the fact how little cargo room there is.
Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet
A Murano CrossCab theft will create the one instance where the thief will be more angry than the owner. In fact, the CrossCab owner !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , mainly because they won't have to make anymore payments on the thing and endure the stares from neighbors. They'll wish the thing was stolen and use the insurance money to buy any other convertible, which will most likely be a Chrysler 200, since CrossCab values have depreciated quite a bit.
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On the other hand, the thief will be miserable, as he or she should very well be. Because other motorists want to know who would drive a such a thing and will constantly look into the CrossCab. Since they watch the evening news just to look at the mugshots, the criminal will be caught in a heartbeat, becoming one good thing that the Murano CrossCabriolet has accomplished for society.
What other vehicles will get thieves to think twice before stealing them?
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! runs !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , named because "Clunker.com" was $82 at auction and would've taken 30% out of the balance of his Eagle Vision for LeMons fund. In between contemplating cross-country runs, he spends much of his time attempting to convince others that his MkV Jetta 2.0T Wolfsburg is indeed a sports sedan.
Photos courtesy respective manufacturers.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 13:16 |
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Saw an I-miev in Countryside Florida(where I live), It looked like a Toyota Yaris with Down's.
Also another car you don't want to steal, Any MINI. Because the Motorists will find you an will kill you.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 13:38 |
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Even a Paceman?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 13:47 |
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Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Like a high school's GSA(Gay Straight Alliance), anybody who has a MINI and loves him/her/it is accepted
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:47 |
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You forgot "Almost Any Car With a Manual Transmission."
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:48 |
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Well, in America, anything with a manual.
Here, a thief would surely think twice about stealing a huge American truck/SUV. They're virtually all left hand drive, which makes navigating the UK's narrow roads virtually impossible.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:53 |
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You know where else you can ski in the mountains and be at the beach within 45 minutes......Beirut.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:57 |
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Volt? Nobody seems to want one of those POS.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:57 |
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Why is the Tesla a target?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:59 |
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Truth.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 14:59 |
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Until just now I had no idea that the Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet even existed.
You bastard.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 15:11 |
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I'd love to rock a Hayabusa powered Smart car, but they don't have an OBD-II port and thus are not emission legal in Nevada without replacing the well sorted out stock ECU with some expensive aftermarket solution. :(
![]() 10/26/2013 at 15:56 |
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In that case, it's time to move to Florida. At least they don't care about emissions.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 15:56 |
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Really? I'm actually sorry.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 15:58 |
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It's worth quite a bit of money at the moment and the car has a range on par with gas-powered ones. Plus, it's an expensive lifestyle item like some Apple products. In fact, it's heavily in demand among the rich abroad, who want the latest and greatest.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 15:59 |
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It's actually a pretty good car. And since it has the gas engine, the Volt does have range.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:00 |
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Really? Now I have to visit!
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:01 |
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The manual thing doesn't stop much people in California. But in the UK, a big SUV would not make for a quick getaway. Unless it's a Range Rover.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:01 |
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6. Any car with a manual transmission.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:02 |
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Great answer. Thanks for taking the time.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:03 |
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It's over an hour by road. It's only 45 minutes if you get blown there by a landmine.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:04 |
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That hasn't stopped people in California. Why do you think 8 of the 10 cities on the most stolen list are in CA?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:04 |
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I know..thats part of the joke.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:07 |
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A Jag XJ-S. Because a thief would have to carry it away.
Also, all those beaters where you have to know just the right combination of key-wiggling, dash thumping, under-bonnet tweaking, and so-on needed to get them to start.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:09 |
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Well, you set it up nicely. I was just doing the punchline.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:18 |
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Believe or not, I want to own an XJ-S at some point. The kicker is whether or not any will be left in the next five years.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:18 |
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on the other hand, Tesla doesn't have a normal key, it's a key fob that looks like a miniature Tesla, so thieves can't hotwire the car or pry the ignition switch off and start it with a screwdriver like you see in the movies ... and if the key fob isn't physically in the car there's no way to get it out of Park
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:24 |
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Damnit, your FR-S/BRZ post hit it home. I actually own an FR-S and I do know everything that has ever been done to my car, to the mile. And yes, I have every serial noted in a safe place...
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:24 |
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Or find an emission exempt Austin Mini... It's just a shame they're so expensive due to their rarity. :(
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:25 |
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They made a hell of a lot of them. More than 100k in total, if I remember rightly.
A good friend of mine has been planning to get one at some point for a couple of years now. His mum was worrying about him buying a sports car with a 5.3l engine under the bonnet, but she settled down after I pointed out that the chances of it ever running were minimal.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:26 |
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Someone on my street owns one. And a local DJ has one that he loves to talk about. They're hideous, hateful cars. No reason for them to exist at all.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:28 |
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Integra Type R's and GSR's get stolen with manual transmissions. It is still not end all theft protection.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:38 |
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Really? My worries would be the money spent on it.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 16:51 |
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Actually, the Murano CC is holding it's value well:
http://www.cars.com/for-sale/searc…
Also, they drive nice. They are ugly, but behind the wheel is comfort and a good time.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:24 |
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After living in Cali for a few years Beirut sounds like a breath of fresh air.
-Happy in the Midwest..
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:32 |
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Good car. LMAO
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:35 |
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I disagree. Tesla's have sophisticated telematics and the home base has complete control over the car. I haven't heard of a single Tesla being stolen. The community is small and close knit. That, and the fact that you need the fob to do anything with the car, seems like a powerful anti-theft situation. So even if a thief has the fob, I'm pretty sure the owner can call Ownership and they can locate the car and shut it down remotely.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:37 |
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At least $10,000 depreciation in the first year on a $40,000 vehicle is not good.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:41 |
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How about a very specific 80's box Impala.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:44 |
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I drove a Murano CrossCabriolet over the summer at work. It looks even funkier in person. I had no idea what the hell it was when it pulled up.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:48 |
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This seemed more like a list of "cars that won't ever be stolen because nobody wants to steal them"
None of these cars seem appealing.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:51 |
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True, but it could be exported immediately like stolen S-Classes are. The profit margin is there to do so. But the telematics would need to be immediately disabled. And good luck if something breaks in the process.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:54 |
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You drove one?! I have to know how people looked at you and whether traffic slowed down just to see who was driving.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:55 |
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Not even the FR-S? It's good in small doses, mainly for drifting purposes.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 17:59 |
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Not because of manuals. What's your point?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 18:01 |
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Maybe if I drove (stole?) one I'd think differently, but it seems underpowered and too "single purpose" for my tastes. I have a kid coming and live in South Dakota where we see 15 foot snow drifts. A small, 2 seater with L shaped storage behind the driver/passenger (they call it a backseat), RWD with skinny tires wouldn't mesh well with my needs.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 18:09 |
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It's very much a single purpose car, which is why I wanted a 4 door version, but it's a lot of fun. An E39 is the perfect family car in that instance.
I would know. My dad still has his 2002 BMW 530i.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 18:27 |
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I like your dad! ;)
I would have to hear so much nagging every time my 6.5 month pregnant wife passed our BRZ in the garage to go outside and scrape the ice off her windshield....
Like I said on the other topic a few days ago, a 4 door version would make a great (don't laugh...) sport model Corolla. If they could carryover its tail happy nature to something like that, I'd be interested.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 18:30 |
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Have you driven one? Have you even sat in one?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 18:38 |
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Almost any Maseati. Aside from the noise and the somewhat exclusive exterior, it will probably break down before you can get it back home.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:00 |
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He's lucky enough not to actually need a car. Lives in London, can borrow either of his family's cars whenever he wants, which isn't often. He could afford to go out and buy a new Golf or some such if he wanted, but that would be pretty pointless. Compared to the cost of a new Golf, though, a decent-condition XJ-S is pretty cheap, so you can afford to have a lot of work done if you have to. If you then keep the car a decade or two, the money spent will be relatively inconsequential.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:10 |
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But you'll be looking cool in the process. Why do people steal Ferraris?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:12 |
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Its the best commute car I've ever had, and miles more fun to drive than anything that Toyota makes (That hasn't been breathed on by Subaru). Ya might want to try one before you shoot your mouth off.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:22 |
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Nice list, and another great article. I can vouch for tenacity (i.e. The Toyotaru part of your post) being one of the biggest factors in getting your stuff back (or at least getting restitution). I was this way in High School with my car. It was nothing special. 2000 Chevy Prizm. I did put a nice stereo in it though.
Came home one evening to find the sail window broken and the stereo, amp, and sub gone. Called the cops, was told there was nothing they could do. Went to school the next day and asked EVERY, SINGLE, STUDENT, if they stole my stereo. I watched for facial expressions when I asked them and compiled a short list (about 3 people). Called the detective assigned to my case back, gave him the names, he went and asked them and one of them cracked.
Unfortunately at that time they had already unloaded/tossed the rest into the river, but at lest I got damages and and replacement cost. Well, after waiting 14 years for the restitution check....
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:29 |
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Better than anything Toyota makes?! Toyota! Really? That is your benchmark? Oh my!
For the second time this evening, LMAO.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:40 |
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Most of those were 2011 models - a bit older than a year...
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:40 |
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I have an alternate theory about why the Dodge Journey has such a low theft report rate: owners regret buying one and can't take the shame of ever having owned one and thus would rather not report to the police that they ever got one.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:42 |
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I had someone try to steal one of my "just wiggle it like this while you hit that, apply half throttle and it'll start"-cars. A Volvo 740 if that matters.
He must've gotten very frustrated because in addition to the initial break-in and hotwiring damage he had proceeded to stab the dash, instrument cluster and center console several times with a screwdriver (Still left in the dash), break off both stalks on the steering wheel, cutting up the headliner and seats and finally he/she/they cleared out everything , including floor mats, a paperclip and napkins.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:44 |
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I've always wanted to think Crown Victoria's have a low theft rate, due to their cop-like nature. Mine has been quoted as a narc car by many people, even though to us Jalops it is obviously not (never seen a patrol car with honey comb wheels). Based on that, what typical thief would risk stealing what is potentially a detective or unmarked patrol car?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:45 |
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Tenacity does great things. That's what I like about Jalopnik if a car's reported stolen.
Has that person just not paid you back? I'm sure pending legal liabilities become a factor in whatever he (or she) does, like get a job, or a passport, or anything else government-related in Canada.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:48 |
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Congratulations on another "list" with recycled cars. Also, your Mitsubishi hate is confusing. Still. Like back in July when you slammed a Galant that hasn't been built since 2012.
Lol.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:48 |
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The only time I think I've even seen a Journey was when I rented one (because no minivan for me!). Ugly inside and out, drove poorly, bad ergonomics ... It's a festival of awful. What I'd love to know is, how does the manufacturer not get it? They make plenty of cars that are OK or better, so how did this one get through?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:50 |
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Darn! I wished I'd thought of the undercover cop car factor (then the Taurus, Charger, or 300 might have made it). But let's face it. Thieves even steal marked cop cars.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:52 |
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No, the Galant is still being built. They just call it a 2012 model, like the i-MIEV. Believe it or not, I do spend time on the Mitsubishi website. Meanwhile, I've just realized I have way too much time on my hands...
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:52 |
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I have no idea. And they have a reputation for being really unreliable too.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:54 |
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The automotive scene is excellent, mainly since we have Pebble Beach
Excuse me? SoCal also has land speed racing at El Mirage for the 11 months per year Bonneville speed week isn't happening. Drag racing, including Funny Car, has its roots in SoCal. Hot rods, imports, trucks. SEMA is full of California cars. We have a lot of offroad racing, and are only hours from Baja. Most off road race teams are Cali based.
The car scene here is a lot more than Pebble.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 19:59 |
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You're definitely right. I was going for personal experience with that one.
Being a NorCal guy, I haven't gone to those things. It's mainly been races at Sonoma, Laguna Seca, and Monterey Car Week.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:03 |
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Very true.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:14 |
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Carry it away? Why?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:20 |
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I almost got doored by a man in a Nissan CrossCabriolet yesterday. Fella just threw his mile-wide doors across the bike lane like it ain't nothin'.
Temperatures have been plunging here in Chicago, too, so his car's entire raison d'ętre has been obviated for the next 6 months, at least.
I just want to steal it to race in Lemons.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:21 |
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I was just paid back in August of this year. 14 years later. Originally I saw 1 restitution check for about a hundred bucks, then nothing. At the time I was moving from the States to Canada and forgot all about it. My guess is that there is not much in the legal system that catches and tracks boarder changes (even for dual citizens)
Best as I can figure, there was a note placed on the perps credit file. Said perp went to apply for a loan (house, car, who knows). When the credit check was ran, BLAMO. It showed up.
Now, knowing that I came from a small farming community, and also knowing that this perp was... not a bright bulb. 14 before he had his credit ran doesn't surprise me. This was in my favour though. There have been penalties, and late chargers that the perp had to pay that I get. So all in all, it turned out to be a good investment, even if unintended.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:29 |
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How much time have you spent in one?
![]() 10/26/2013 at 20:35 |
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Just two more years, and I think the value will be nil at auction.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 21:09 |
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Umm they are 1 cheap, and 2 the later ones are actually very reliable.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 21:14 |
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You're assuming the telematics only work over a domestic range... my guess is that there's likely a way to control them overseas as well, especially now that they're selling in some of overseas markets.
I've also never heard of a Tesla being successfully stolen at this point...
![]() 10/26/2013 at 21:17 |
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![]() 10/26/2013 at 22:33 |
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For some reason those things are spreading around my town like a disease. I'm not sure what it is about this place but people seem to be attracted to obscure, awful SUVs. We have a TON of Buick Rendezvous and Mitsubishi Endeavors, too, speaking of cars that never should have gotten the green light.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 23:36 |
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Let me put it this way. The XJ-S was built so poorly that when Jaguar offered them to their senior managers as company cars, even they said no.
![]() 10/26/2013 at 23:40 |
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Try Knowles Wilkins . They completely rebuild the suspension, steering and entire electrical system of the XJ-S, and squeeze another 50bhp from the V12.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 01:17 |
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Everything you said about the FRS/BRZ twins applies to Miata owners as well. My Miata's hardtop was stolen back in January and I'm still checking Craigslist daily in the hope of locating it before winter.
BTW if anyone sees a Mariner Blue hardtop for sale in the Seattle/Portland area message me!
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:20 |
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since it is made by Merc you should see the obvious solution... smart four-two AMG... i do believe Brabus has done them up though
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:22 |
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home? you'd be lucky if it started in the first place.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:22 |
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because some people just wanna be on fire sometimes
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:27 |
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because most people here cant drive a stick therefor have an auto which gets stolen. i would make the play that my gti is like most VW's harder still to steal if its parked head on into a spot. it has a trick reverse that cant be engaged without pushing down on the gearshift (no indication of this at all on anything in the car) when i first got the car i couldnt find it and almost got stuck in a parking lot on the drive home.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:29 |
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it does but only like 10% of cars here are manual. i would like to see your statistics on percentages of the cars stolen based on gearbox type.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:32 |
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because mitsubishi killed the only great car they made. this is why trash them. first they ruined the Evo with the hideous mk10 and then killed it off. now they have NO flagship no anything good they are chevy without the vette or camaro.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 02:38 |
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because it looks and is like no other electric car ever made. and if you knew nothing about it you probably wouldnt know its electric. probably because it looks like a great beautiful car not a sad little shit box wrapped around a golf cart. good luck with hotwiring THAT car though. i dont even know if it would be possible to steal... good luck getting inside as well. the door handles go away when its locked. and the interior ones im guessing since they are electric actuated and not analog (there is no hard connection between the handle and latch) wouldnt function. so go ahead and smash the window of a very attention grabbing car have the alarm going off and Dukes of Hazard'ing the entrance then finding a way to make all the computers in that car come to life when it knows its under attack.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 04:30 |
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In some cars, it's pushing down on the gearshift. In manual Saabs and the Ford Focus ST, it's something completely different. Guess what you have to do in those. The pushing down on the gearshift is actually pretty common.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 04:34 |
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Sorry to hear that! If they were willing to steal a hardtop, it's probably on some other Miata owner's car for the winter.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 04:47 |
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It was only like a quarter of a mile drive. It was around 11PM too so nobody actually saw anything except for the other valets. Nobody had any idea what it was.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 05:48 |
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that wasnt my point. it was that even if the thief were to figure out how to operate the car they would never find reverse. while they could put it in neutral i dont think they would keep any stealth pushing the car out of the space while running. at that point people may become suspicious. and another feature on a mk4 GTI (also not sure what other cars its on) the alarm goes off at the drop of a hat. alarm not off? push in the clutch? BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! door not closed when car locks and arms alarm? BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! try putting anything in the ignition when alarm is armed? BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! trial and error... it also auto locks and arms after a minute or two with no key in ignition. not good if you dont have a spare key and say put the keys inside the passenger door close it then go around to the driver's door to open it and find just as you get to the driver's door that it decided now is time to lock up.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 12:21 |
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For a minute , I thought that (in the opening frames) the police tried to get away with running someone down. It took a while (and re-reading prior posts) that this was a police-police chase!
![]() 10/27/2013 at 12:24 |
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I heard any Saab (except the 9000); there was a story in Car and Driver a long time ago about theives carjacking one. The owner handed over the keys, and the theives couldn't find the ignition switch.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 12:35 |
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Perhaps but I haven't yet seen it pop up on Craigslist so I'm hoping someone's been keeping their powder dry. But when I do see blue Miatas with hardtops I am careful to examine them closely for tell-tail signs that it's mine so maybe winter will help bring it out of the closet one way or another.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 12:51 |
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I can totally imagine that happening .
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![]() 10/27/2013 at 15:26 |
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How about anything unique looking.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 15:35 |
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Also another reason is that in this country R56 don't really share parts with any other cars, so that's one reason not to steal a MINI.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 15:48 |
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Anyone know where I can get a "MagnaVolt Equipped" sticker? Nobody will ever steal a car with one of those.
![]() 10/27/2013 at 16:20 |
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That hasn't stopped thieves from taking DeLoreans.
http://jalopnik.com/how-internet-c…
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![]() 10/27/2013 at 17:02 |
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So what is the theft rate for Teslas ? Or has the car been barely out for a year so there is no data ? The thing to note also is that a tesla is typically traceable by a owner via his / her smart phone, unless they're not very smart (lacking one, or not installing the app), in which case they have doomed themselves...
![]() 10/27/2013 at 17:19 |
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But the sophisticated thieves (the ones who steal S-Classes and Panameras) can disable those systems and then export the car abroad.