Why does the DMV have to suck soooooooo much!

"CO-OCD" (CO-OCD)
10/17/2013 at 16:50 • Filed to: None

Seriously, why?!

It is bad enough buying a vehicle but buying at a dealership is a crap shoot. You have to endure the waste of time finagling the price and being berated by d-bags whose sole purpose is to take those hard-earned dollars out of your wallet. Once you sign your life away the touchie-feelies are all over and then you are a number. Then the once-friendly salesman leave you like a fart in the wind as you drive off with temp tags and a hopeless smile cause you just bought a (nother) new vehicle.

Ah, but that is the fun, right?! You are independent and can buy what you want. For a short time you get to display your little piece of paper in the rear window that says, "Hey look at my new vehicle".

Then in 60 days you have to go to the most wonderful place in the world, the DMV. You basically get to once again bend over and take it. This one is not as fun because in some states you pay out the @$$ for your tags. My state, which is Colorado, is one of those states. My 2011 WRX cost me nearly $700 to register the first time!!!

Now imagine that you are in this scenario and eagerly awaiting your day at the DMV because we all love it. You keep waiting and waiting yet you never receive your notification from the DMV to come register your vehicle. Ok, so you try and be proactive and call the stealership. They tell you the paperwork has been sent.

Well, that money you have been saving for your new plates is burning a hole in your pocket as that new Roush exhaust has been looking very enticing. Maturity and the basic obvious reasons take over your judgement so you head to the DMV in hopes that you you will be out in 25 minutes.

Who in the 7th circle of Hell will ever get out of the DMV that quickly? It is like a veritable time warp that slows down time yet consumes hours from you?! An hour and a half later you are realizing that when you picked your number (461) you were 53 away from talking to a middle-aged bald and fat guy with mustard in his beard. Or maybe, just maybe you will get that hot blond that sits at desk #7. Man she was looking good today.

As you wake from your coma you hear "461" repeated as it hasn't clicked. You are indeed next. Didn't draw the blond, rather the 75 year old who simply "likes" to work. When you approach her you can tell she is already sizing you up because well, you have no paperwork as the stupid dealership never sent it to the lady you are about to talk to. Well not her per se but you know what I mean.

All I could provide was a VIN for the new vehicle. In my own haste I realized just then that the piece of paperwork I had printed out two hours ago to use at the DMV was on my desk at work!! That is right, I screwed myself. But there was no turning back as I had made it to my sentencing of debt.

Quickly I realized that this wonderful product called an iPhone 5 could save me with some proof but as I was in the 10th ring of Hell at this point, there was no reception for cell phones. Ah ha! Foiled by the cinder blocks and raw iron construction of our new DMV. I begin to think about how my tax dollars built this thing and I never got to decide what it looked like. That is not fair. Maybe next time I guess.

I then offered to go outside and hope that my carrier pigeon of a phone would connect to its supposed LTE network. Amazingly the forces from Hell retained their grasp on the iPhone and it went into what I call "stupid mode". You know that mode where your brand new phone acts like a 1996 Nokia in Wyoming. All I could do was laugh.

I regretfully returned to my public servant and told her the news. Ironically while I was gone she said that she couldn't have helped me any way. "Your vehicle isn't even in our system", she said. In my mind I realized that I literally could be a complete @$$ and then it hit me.

I WILL BE COMING BACK AGAIN NEXT WEEK........

I hate you DMV.

DISCUSSION (22)

Nibby > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 16:52

Obligatory.

davedave1111 > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 16:53

Looking at the picture - DMV = Department of Many Vagrants?

EL_ULY > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 16:55

because most of the things you do at the DMV should be done online by now in 2013! But no, because people are freakin idiots in which you have to be sandwiched between them for hours at the DM fucking V!!!!!

CO-OCD > davedave1111
10/17/2013 at 16:56

It was and will always be the "melting pot" of public gatherings. Only place you can see a mullet on anything that walks in there.

Casper > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 16:57

It's the government, they don't have customers so they don't care. If you don't give them your money, they will just take even more of it by force.

Our DMV got in so much hot water for screwing things up and wasting money that they have bent over backwards the last few years to be easier to deal with. Renewals can be handled online, they are timely getting you plates and tags, and they are not nearly as absurdly expensive as some places. That said, they are still just less shitty... no where near actually being competent. It's insane these items I mentioned are jewels in their crown... when it's 2013, this should have been standard for 10+ years.

CO-OCD > Casper
10/17/2013 at 16:59

My rant forgot to address the online portion as you can't do this with a new vehicle?! Why, you have the info, here is my money and now mail my plates to me?! I cannot see why this is so hard?!

Takuro Spirit > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 17:02

TL;DR here in WI most dealers do all the paperwork/collect fees/issue plates.

Doge_Supreme drives a BRZ > Takuro Spirit
10/17/2013 at 17:10

Its the same in Oregon. when my parents got their outback they already had the plates for it because the dealer bought the car so they could take it out of inventory and order more. the plates and registration for my BRZ were mailed to me a month after i bought the car.

davedave1111 > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 17:12

A good point. Do you get social segregation by time, though? The worker bees coming in early, and those with a predilection for domestic mobility turning up at whatever time they woke up because their neighbour fired off his shotgun at his babymommy.

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 17:22

The Enviro's set it up this way to deter personal vehicular transportation.

Gasolinelollipop > Nibby
10/17/2013 at 17:30

If I had my druthers I'd screw a chimpanzee!

Nibby > Gasolinelollipop
10/17/2013 at 17:31

I like that they kept that line but censored out THC

xxstich666xx > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 18:13

"Amazingly the forces from Hell retained their grasp on the iPhone and it went into what I call "stupid mode". You know that mode where your brand new phone acts like a 1996 Nokia in Wyoming."

Oh you mean when you go into a 3G deadzone, go back to an area that supposedly has service only to find my iPhone forgets that it's a fucking phone and you actually have to reboot it to get a signal?

highmodulus > CO-OCD
10/17/2013 at 18:47

Virginia sets some dealers up with plates: you get the plate and registration at the dealer. Title shows up in the mail. You can do a bunch of DMV stufff online too. And I have even had good luck in person too (knock on wood).

#yay Virginia!

JasonStern911 > Doge_Supreme drives a BRZ
10/18/2013 at 00:07

And your Oregon registration lasts for two years instead of just one. I'm jelly, I'm jelly...

911e46z06 > CO-OCD
10/18/2013 at 04:23

AAA is super worth the money. Bought a truck last week, knocked everything out in about 5 minutes.

CO-OCD > Nibby
10/18/2013 at 10:20

Ah Primus - every song sounds the same, lol.

Nibby > CO-OCD
10/18/2013 at 10:57

Not at all.

Doge_Supreme drives a BRZ > JasonStern911
10/18/2013 at 11:25

my current registration lasts 3

The Real Dacia Sandero > CO-OCD
11/12/2013 at 18:38

I've only ever had positive dmv experiences. That includes getting my permit, license, new license when I moved, and registering a car. Now, I always came fully prepared and was selective about which office I went to, which probably helped a little bit. It took about an hour and a half for learners and full license, but everything else was under an hour.

The Real Dacia Sandero > highmodulus
11/12/2013 at 18:40

Virginia is pretty easy. Getting my new license when I moved from Florida took about a half hour IIRC. Even registering a car I bought only took 45 mins.

Svend > CO-OCD
11/16/2013 at 12:51

Makes our buying experience a pleasure. You buy the car, fill out the new owner section on the V5 document and send it to the DVLA, then pay your Vehicle Excise Duty when required either over the internet or at a post office. Licence plates stay with the vehicle unless they are private plates then you need to either put them on retention or transfer them (now GBP£120, which is retention and transfer fee paid ahead of time), this I've found is the only inconvenient part, the rest is a doddle.