Top 100 Car Tips For Men

"BJ" (benjamin-bignell) 10/17/2013 at 11:55 • Filed to: tips, men's health, do you think we're idiots?

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From Men's Health, a series of tips that are useful, ridiculous, and a bit patronizing. Apparently these tips don't apply to women (it says so right in the title - "For Men"), so don't bother showing this article to your tender half. It would be a waste of time for both of you.

I got to #2 - Skip the DIY Car Wash and mostly lost interest, but skimmed the titles anyways. #48 is Wax Off, Then Wax On, which details the importance of waxing your car after washing it yourself. I'm sure there are plenty of other gems in there - I just don't care enough to read through it all.

http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/100-…

AbigGRNboot > BJ 10/17/2013 at 11:59

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Don't drive like a woman?

WTF is the difference? Them girls drive too.

BJ > AbigGRNboot 10/17/2013 at 12:07

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Nobody's talking about women drivers here (the article doesn't mention them once).

I was making fun of the title of the original article. It's from a magazine called Men's Health, do we need to put "For Men" in the title? And was it really necessary for them to exclude women, as if they can't also benefit from this information? It's like publishing an article in Cosmopolitan called "Top 100 Child Rearing Tips for Women " because we're still living in the 1950s...

Jayhawk Jake > BJ 10/17/2013 at 12:12

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I almost didn't even make it to number 2.

Keep spare wiper blades in the trunk? For the love of god why?

Then they tell me not to wash my own car?!

How much worse does this get...*keeps reading*

04sneaky - Boxers. Blowers. Bikes. And bitches. > BJ 10/17/2013 at 12:15

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I made it to number 3.

And then realize that since I drive a manual, I must evade death every single day by "multi-tasking".

Bird > BJ 10/17/2013 at 12:15

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48. Wax Off, Then Wax On
Most old wax leaves a car on its own—in fact, three-quarters disappears after 2 months. But you'll want to apply an ordinary car cleaner prior to waxing to remove the rest. Anal-retentive pros also use a Silly Putty-like material called paint clay to remove any remaining residue. Find it at meguiars.com or griotsgarage.com .

Personally, I'd describe it as a clay like material...

Bird > BJ 10/17/2013 at 12:17

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Women can drive? Somebody should call that magazine...now there's a feature for them!

(Note: Sarcasm)

Jayhawk Jake > Jayhawk Jake 10/17/2013 at 12:18

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This is just terrible advice, all around

13. Ford a Stream
Do not drive in water higher than the air intake, which is typically on the front side fender. Pick an area where the flow of water is slow and enter at an angle to cut down on the surface area of the vehicle being pushed against by the stream. Enter gently but with enough speed to cause a bow wave, which pushes the water forward, creating a shallower area, and ford at a constant speed.

No. Just don't drive in high water

BJ > Jayhawk Jake 10/17/2013 at 12:20

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I'm no expert, but isn't a water crossing supposed to be done slowly so as to prevent the creation of a bow wave?

Jayhawk Jake > BJ 10/17/2013 at 12:26

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I have no idea. I just try to avoid crossing water, unless it's on a bridge.

Mattbob > Jayhawk Jake 10/17/2013 at 12:27

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it gets pretty bad. Shift into neutral at stop lights (Im assuming in an automatic) why? To wear out your transmission faster just so your torque converter can be a teensy bit more comfortable and not do something it was designed to do???

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Jayhawk Jake 10/17/2013 at 12:29

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These videos cover fording for a Landie - among their tips: loosen the fan belt.

Of course, most modern cars don't have the electrics and engine breathers all raised to a specific level just short of the beltline *for fording water*.

BJ > Jayhawk Jake 10/17/2013 at 12:33

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According to this page, you do want a small bow wave in front: http://4x4tourism.com/crossing-of-th…

liquid_popcorn > BJ 10/17/2013 at 13:09

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I'm reading all of them for fun.

Favorite so far:

78. Provide a Bolt Hole
When your kid puts himself in a tight spot, gently pipe up, "Where's your bolt-hole?" Establish that you want to spend as much wheel time as possible in a spot where there's an exit option.

liquid_popcorn > liquid_popcorn 10/17/2013 at 13:10

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Oh good, it gets better:

77. Embrace Caution
Tell your kid "the road is full of tools"—as in morons. By using kid-speak, you have an edge over the dreary drivers-ed teacher, and you allow him or her to embrace caution as an attitude that's defiant, rather than dorky.

liquid_popcorn > BJ 10/17/2013 at 13:12

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83. Play Tough
If your car gets scratched in a parking garage, start by negotiation with its management. While almost any garage has a disclaimer purportedly limiting its responsibility, that probably won't protect it against negligence. If that doesn't work, threaten legal action. Often just a letter saying that you're considering a lawsuit will make them cave.

Litigious assholes. If you car gets scratched it's some fucking useless driver's fault, not the garage.

Jagvar > BJ 10/17/2013 at 13:43

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"Don't slam the door closed on your wiener."

...tips like that?

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > BJ 10/17/2013 at 14:32

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Wow some of these are bad. Haven't made it far enough to see if they recommend snake oil, but this is enough to make me disregard every bit of "advice" they have listed.

46. Check Your Emissions The Blade is an aftermarket device that attaches to your car's tailpipe and reduces CO2 emissions by up to 12 percent. It also improves fuel economy by up to 12 percent by shortening the duration of your car's wasteful cold-start period, when fuel burn and particulate emissions are both at their worst. Go to: bladeyourride.com .

BJ > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 10/17/2013 at 14:41

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Wow. Product placement of the least subtle kind, or a gullible author?

BJ > liquid_popcorn 10/17/2013 at 14:43

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The only time this type of action would be appropriate is when you use a valet parking service in an exclusive garage where the only users are the employees themselves.

BJ > Jagvar 10/17/2013 at 14:45

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No, more like the infinite wisdom of tip #42, which suggests not using your car when you go out and instead using a "hire a car service", which is just a stupid way of saying "call a cab".

It's not even a car tip. It's a lifestyle tip, a being-a-responsible-adult tip, but a car tip? Not exactly.

BJ > You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much 10/17/2013 at 14:52

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The Blade has been mentioned on Gizmodo before, where they seem to think it's a good thing: http://gizmodo.com/5067780/blade-…

However, if you go to the site it looks like it is no longer selling crappy devices, but rather offering tons of advice on basic exhaust system function and maintenance. I guess the Sabertec Blade is not longer on the market...

liquid_popcorn > BJ 10/17/2013 at 14:52

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Agreed. They definitely did not make that clear, though.