So you want to own a Unimog?

"Ted Ladue" (ladue-it)
10/15/2013 at 16:04 • Filed to: None

Why ever would you want to own a Unimog?

Do you have some big rocks you need to climb over in order to drop the kids off at school?

Have to ford a mud pit on your way to the office?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may live in Russia. Or maybe you DO need a Unimog.

Before you run out to your local Mercedes-Benz dealer an pick one up, let me clear up a few misconceptions about the Mog.

1) The Mog is not fast. This may shock you. You may think that just because it is painted flat black and has no doors that it is quick. This is not the case. I once got my Unimog up to about 45 mph and it FELT fast. Kind of like when you were a kid and you were on your drunk Uncle Carl's shoulders and he would run around wobbling side to side and it FELT fast because you were SCARED. It's fast like that.

2) The Mog is not stealth. There is no way around it. Driving this thing is like being in a one man parade. Or a one man/one woman parade. Or a one man/one woman and a dog parade, depending on who you have with you. Regardless, people wave. They get up off of the couch, put down their beer and come to the door and wave at you like you were some conquering invader or the pope. It's pretty nice, but it's not sneaky. Maybe I should attach an exhaust.

3)The Mog is not cheap or easy to repair. Sure, it was designed in the 1950's to be repaired on the side of the road by a farmer with nothing but rocks and sticks, but you know what? I'm not a farmer in the 1950's. I don't have rocks and sticks. Well, I do, but they aren't GERMAN rocks and sticks, so I have to order GERMAN rocks and sticks form a (very nice) guy in Oregon to fix anything. And then your "buddy" says "oh, I can fix that carb" and then he runs off to Kentucky to do meth and you have no carb. So look out for that.

Besides that, though, it is a wonder and a joy to own and drive on very rare occasions.

Also, it makes a great DJ booth.

DISCUSSION (23)

ddavidn > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:06

Um, if I had a Unimog, every commute to the office would definitely include a huge puddle and several rocks and maybe some heavy brush.

Pearson Hurst > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:09

Completely impractical? Yes, therefore I want!

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:10

Sounds almost like Corvairs. They're not slow though, many of the parts aren't at local shops. But they're easy to get through Clarks. If you meet a Corvair owner who hasn't ordered parts from Clarks, he takes his car to a mechanic that orders parts from Clarks.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:11

Do you have some big rocks you need to climb over in order to drop the kids off at school?

Close. I have some kids I need to climb over in order to drop some big rocks on a school.

HammerheadFistpunch > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:12

I've talked to several mog owners, as they are popular here in Utah, and it seems like they are all selling them to get something else. I was tempted once, then I drove an NA diesel once in Mexico that had to shift down to 2nd to get over a tiny rise on the road.

offroadkarter > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:12

I would rock the hell out of a Unimog

How great would it be to tell a girl that you drive a benz, and pick her up for a date in that?

Ted Ladue > offroadkarter
10/15/2013 at 16:34

I do like to say that I got a Benz on dubs.

Ted Ladue > HammerheadFistpunch
10/15/2013 at 16:36

It is a pretty neat thing to own. I could see the novelty wear off and you maybe want some creature comforts, like doors.

Ted Ladue > Pearson Hurst
10/15/2013 at 16:38

It is way beyond impractical. It's ridiculous.

It's good for parades, maybe.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:39

Ted Ladue > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
10/15/2013 at 16:40

I need to do THAT!!!!

HammerheadFistpunch > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 16:40

I think the main problem is that people live in Salt Lake, but use their mogs in Moab, thats a log drive in a mog.

Doug DeMuro > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 17:18

We need to roll up to Mercedes of Buckhead in this thing and demand an oil change.

A3R0 > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 17:19

It just looks FUN.

offroadkarter > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 17:31

truck yeah!

Ted Ladue > Doug DeMuro
10/15/2013 at 17:40

"We need to roll IT up to Mercedes of Buckhead in this thing and demand an oil change."

There, I fixed it for ya. When it does move under it's own power (not including the power of gravity), that would be a hoot!

Doug DeMuro > Ted Ladue
10/15/2013 at 17:50

Hah! Still no carb?! Kentucky meth, man.

Casper > ddavidn
10/24/2013 at 16:49

... or at least the neighbors yard?

DennisThePeasant > Casper
10/24/2013 at 17:09

Nah, there's lots of great terrain and unexploded shells around the military base. I'm sure they won't mind if I cut through there on my way to work.

-ddavidn

J. Walter Weatherman > HammerheadFistpunch
10/24/2013 at 17:47

That is pretty much the exact reason I traded up from my FJ55 to my FZJ80. Pretty much everywhere I wanted to take it off-roading required getting on the highway at some point to get there. Highways here have a 75mph limit (with traffic flowing at around 80) and the Cruiser topped out at around 60mph, making every trip somewhat harrowing. Once we got to the trail, the 55 was brilliant, but getting there was quite a chore.

McMike > Ted Ladue
10/24/2013 at 19:28

Whatever you do, do NOT search "NW Mogfest" or "Syncro De Mayo" on YouTube

Kinja'd!!!

Ted Ladue > J. Walter Weatherman
10/25/2013 at 08:46

I haven't even attempted to take the Mog on a highway yet. It is going to suck.

And that is the exact problem with them. They are cool, and bad ass and all that, but it suck taking them anywhere.

My FZJ80, on the other hand, can drive anywhere and then drive over anything.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
10/30/2013 at 09:46

"hey Apocalypse? Yeah, I was just callin to say fuck your zombies. Come at me bro. Have a great day, tell your mom I said hi."