The Article About Useless Tech In Cars

"Victorious Secret" (victorioussecret)
10/14/2013 at 14:05 • Filed to: None

Lets me know who on Jalopnik has crossed into the senile category.

Now, I'm not saying some stuff isn't amazingly stupid to have in a car but for the most part...come on guys. Seriously?

DISCUSSION (18)

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:11

Jalopnik loves a good circlejerk, don't they. Everyone will have different views on what's useless or not, so it should be a really interesting thread to monitor. However, I think a better question would be something along the lines of "what new car technology's disadvantages outweigh its benefits?" instead of a vague "useless", which implies the new tech has no advantages at all. Most of them make the road safer, but on the other hand it does kind of place less responsibility on the driver.

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:13

Yes, but aren't you now "get off my lawn"-ing about people "get off my lawn"-ing?

CIRCLE OF LOPNIK.

Victorious Secret > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
10/14/2013 at 14:14

The best one I thought was the Lane Departure Warning tech. THAT is useless.

Lane Departure ASSIST? No, that is not useless.

The former only bitches at you for being out of the lane, the latter actually earns its pricetag by doing something about it.

I feel like its hate for the sake of hate by a bunch of 16 year olds who don't even drive...much less drive cars equipped with anything that they bitch about as being 'useless'.

Victorious Secret > Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney
10/14/2013 at 14:15

BOB LOBLAW STOP LOBLAWING ME BEFORE I GET OFF MY LAWN CHAIR AND TEACH YOU WHAT THE OLD DAYS WERE LIKE

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:19

Grenade launchers will never be useless tech. Lane departure assist, yes.

Sparf > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:19

Hmm... Took me awhile to figure it out but that's an -46 alright. This would mean that the pictured older gentleman is Bulgarian.

*Completely ignoring the subject*

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:22

LOBLAW'D

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:22

The only real argument for many of those technologies is that it "ruins" the driving experience by taking control away from the driver, but so long as it improves road safety, I see no real problem. These kinds of questions are somewhat designed to rile up the commenters, ( WHAT'S RUINING CARS HERE'S A MASSIVE LIST ZOMG ), and I'm not going to lie, I kinda got caught up in it too. I posted for automatic braking simply for the reason that I feel braking and steering are the top two things a driver should be able to do, but again, it's really a matter of opinion.

Hermann > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:23

But every technology that is somewhat useless for me and doesn't add race-car-ness to my Camry is wrong, and therefore should be banned!

Victorious Secret > Hermann
10/14/2013 at 14:26

GROUNDED TO SOME OF THE GROUND BREH

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
10/14/2013 at 14:29

I think my suggestion can be classified as "useless" - synthesized engine noise through the speaker. No, not the piped in induction noise, the fake noise generated through the car speakers. We have bi-modal exhaust now so we can switch at will between quiet and loud. There is no reason for high end performance cars to fake their noise.

Gamecat235 > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:39

Senile? I haven't even read the article and I probably...

Where are my glasses? Who are you people and why is my computer shaking?

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LAWN!

PatBateman > Victorious Secret
10/14/2013 at 14:47

There are some noteworthy items listed (the trees growing on some hybrid dashboards, maybe the CVT that mimicks gear shifts), but there are other "useless" tech listed that I find pretty nifty.

I don't know. Just stay the f**k off my lawn and nobody gets hurt.

Mikeado > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
10/14/2013 at 14:58

The point of auto-braking accident avoidance systems is that they can react faster than you might do in a potential collision situation.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Mikeado
10/14/2013 at 15:45

Oh no I get that, I'm in no way against it if it makes our roads safer, I'm just kind of angry that it's even necessary. I take driving very seriously, and it's kind of maddening to think there are people who will need auto-brake because they genuinely don't pay attention while driving, be it daydreaming or texting or what have you, and need such a system to avoid being a danger to other drivers. On the FP I wrote something along the lines of "if you need autobrake you deserve to rear-end the guy in front of you" when what I really should've added "the guy in front of you doesn't deserve to be rear-ended" as well. I made a somewhat stupid statement on the Internet, I'll admit it, it happens. I like the idea of auto-brake as a safety feature, but I hate the idea that it's necessary.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/14/2013 at 22:12

You're absolutely right with the synthesized engine noise, good call. I can't believe BMW went that route with the new M5, I have no idea who would rather hear some fake engine noise rather than the raw induction going on up front. That's a useless feature.

Tony Dickson > Victorious Secret
11/02/2013 at 17:20

Since I only drive old cars, I worry about all the tech stuff lasting until I can afford to buy the car. I'm seeing 2007 W221 Mercedes-Benzes becoming reasonably priced, but the tech scares the crap out of me. Not sure if I want to deal with a demonic Distronic or a seat that wants to squash me.

RSWhore > Victorious Secret
11/13/2013 at 02:20

I loblol'd