What is the least Jalop car?

"Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur" (velocity860) 10/08/2013 at 16:39 • Filed to: Beige

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It has been a widely known fact for a while now that the ultimate Jalop car would be a manual diesel miata wagon in brown. Now, I want to know exactly what the least Jalop car possible would be, and who would drive it. Have fun with this one, guys.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:41

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'95 Corolla DX driven by a pediatrician specializing in ear and nasal infections.

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:41

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Hybrid, Automatic, Donked Acura ZDX?

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:41

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Anything pre-2000 from the Koreans. Especially this 1999 Sephia in beige.

AbigGRNboot > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:41

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This? Driven by people with no soul?

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. 10/08/2013 at 16:42

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Yes, but it would have to be a CVT, not just any old slushbox

Nibbles > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:42

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/thread

Volvosaurus-Rex > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:42

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This is a tricky one, because if a car is too terrible, it blips on the jalop radar again. I was going to suggest an 80's Ford Escort Sedan, but those came in stick shift and were properly light...ergo there is probably a jalop who wants that car.

It has been discussed numerous times, but the essence of being a Jalop is not that you like a particular type of car, but that you like a certain car for a certain reason. With that in mind, every car could be a non-jalop and jalop at the same time, but with different owners.

dieselwagon > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:43

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I know ya'll love to hate on the Camry, but as they're rare and obscure here, I think they're awesome!

My vote, at least for now is for:

Daewoo Matiz

dogisbadob > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:43

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I strongly dislike the Venza.

A useless crossover SUV or sport truck would do it

The Ridgeline is also stupid as hell

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > AbigGRNboot 10/08/2013 at 16:43

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I dunno. Those are quirky and lunatic-looking enough that I half-expect there to be a hipster fad with them in about 10 years.

willkinton247 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:43

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I mean, besides a beige Camry? Hmm..

I'm going to go with a Prombron Iron Diamond.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:43

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I see your Camry and raise you one Breeze.

You can hoon both mercilessly, but I would drive the Toyota.

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Volvosaurus-Rex 10/08/2013 at 16:44

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That's deep, bro.

AbigGRNboot > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/08/2013 at 16:44

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Oh gawd, please no.

FireSpittingV12 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:45

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Pontiac Aztek

MIATAAAA > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:45

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It really can't be anything used. I propose that the LEAST jalop car must be new, because it would require spending a significant amount of money on something terrible.

For example:

Not Jalop: 2001 Toyota Camry LE. Maybe it was a handmedown? Maybe you found it for like $1000??

REALLY NOT JALOP: 2014 Toyota Camry LE. YOU SPENT HOW MUCH FOR THAT?!

Pessimippopotamus > FireSpittingV12 10/08/2013 at 16:45

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Aztek is far too weird and functional.

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > dogisbadob 10/08/2013 at 16:45

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I find it odd how the nicer looking (better wheels, mainly) version of the Ridgeline is the cheaper one, and the Ridgeline with kinda bleh wheels is more expensive because its more "truck-like" or something

Volvosaurus-Rex > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:46

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That's what she said.

Zohaibman72 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:46

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but

but

CAMRYS ARE AWESOME

>pic related My 2008 Camry Hybrid

Jagvar > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:46

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Hmm. Toyota Sienna, I think.

Pessimippopotamus > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:46

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These are it, right?

I'd say despite the beigeness, normal family sedans are exempt because of their lack of pretentiousness (for the most part). Car based SUVs though...

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Zohaibman72 10/08/2013 at 16:47

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>no they aren't

I know a total Jalop who has an 06 Camry V6. He hates it, but still hoons the living crap out of it. J-turns all day

dogisbadob > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/08/2013 at 16:48

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Well Hardigree does drive a Ford that's about 10 years older than that, so who knows? :)

willkinton247 > AbigGRNboot 10/08/2013 at 16:49

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My family had one of these things. It was awful. It also had about 30,000 windshield wiper settings, which is totally awesome because who needs that many windshield wiper settings?

FireSpittingV12 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:49

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Old minivans

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Pessimippopotamus 10/08/2013 at 16:49

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Nah, because AWD. You could, maybe, possible, hoon them off road (I did a rental RAV-4 once, ha!)

dogisbadob > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 10/08/2013 at 16:50

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Yeah, but they're simple enough so they're not too bad. Plus, the 94-97 Sephia is heavily based on the Protege, if not just a reskin.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:50

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The least jalop car is any car driven by someone who don't care about cars. A manual twincharged diesel miata wagon in brown would be very UN-jalop if the owner only drove it because he/she did so to impress someone, or because "I needed a car to get to work so my mom got me this thing, I think it's a VW or something, I dunno cars are lame, I'd rather use public transport"

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Jagvar 10/08/2013 at 16:50

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Sport Edition Sienna, if anything. They at least make me laugh, though

dogisbadob > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:50

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You can have fun in any car. But yeah, even the Camry isn't what it once was (I drive a third-gen)

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > FireSpittingV12 10/08/2013 at 16:52

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The one pictured? Sorta Jalop. Mid 90s Ford Windstar? Now you're talkin (as in, terrible and not Jalop at all)

Chairman Kaga > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:53

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It's this.

The 2wd EX with fake chrome wheel covers. It's worse than the Accord Crosstour because fuel economy, SUV pretense, ambiguously uncomfortable interior, less space than you think you're getting, horrendous acceleration, old-style (ie brain damaged) 4 speed slushbox, and mousefur as far as the eyes can see. And they're EVERYWHERE. Like cockaroaches, they are.

And unfortunately, I drive one.

Nibbles > FireSpittingV12 10/08/2013 at 16:53

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But what about Turbo 5-speed Caravan?

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Nibbles 10/08/2013 at 16:53

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Well folks, looks like we can all go home now. This man has won the internet

Pessimippopotamus > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:55

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We can make that kind of exceptions for most cars, but the fact of the matter is, most car-based SUVs and CUVs are designed primarily for on-road use and are styled as "not-a-wagon" despite offering no particular advantage over a wagon for everyday use (aside from marginal height clearance and higher visibility), so they're pretty pretentious, therefore pretty non-Jalop.

GreenN_Gold > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:55

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I think Top Gear had the right idea.

FireSpittingV12 > Nibbles 10/08/2013 at 16:56

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I had no idea they made that

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 16:57

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Well if you take a look at the Jalop-meter, you'll see that it has a V8 and is RWD, which ALMOST makes up for it being awful. So its just blehhhh

MIATAAAA > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:58

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I propose, after much thought, this:

It must be large, but not too large. It must be heavy. It must be automatic. It must be ubiquitous. It must be ugly AND boring (ZDX is out). It must basically be the least interesting new car anyone can buy and it must be TERRIBLE at the track. Like terrible.

This must be worse than ANY sedan. It beats any SUV or van, because it's not as useful. And it's everywhere. And it's terrible. In every way possible.

If you buy this, you really have no *#@%@$# idea what you're doing with your life right now. Or ever.

FireSpittingV12 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 16:58

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MIATAAAA > Zohaibman72 10/08/2013 at 16:59

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Venza beats this.

Camry is better at the track *shudders while speaking those words*>

MIATAAAA > Jagvar 10/08/2013 at 17:03

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Venza wins.

MIATAAAA > Chairman Kaga 10/08/2013 at 17:03

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Venza wins

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 10/08/2013 at 17:03

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That wasn't really my question though, my question was more along the lines of what would a jalop never be caught dead in

MouseFitzgerald > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:03

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Found It...

EL_ULY > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:04

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One of the the best engines ever produced was put in this. Last MY had the updated Navi and excellent interior color/material options. Add the updated wheels, headlights, and LED tail lamps, i'd totally rock one in Matador red.

MIATAAAA > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:04

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Would you rather have this, or a Venza?

Zohaibman72 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:06

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Honestly this is my first car, but to be completely honest, it's not as bad as everyone says.

It's boring, but it's probably best for going point a to b and nothing else.

Compared to like Dodge Avengers, Old Tauruses, and some other cars

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > Zohaibman72 10/08/2013 at 17:08

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That's the problem with it. Its not so awful you don't want to drive it, it makes you fall asleep because its just so....nothing. Its like luke warm soup. Not hot and good, but not so cold you want to send it back.

Boxer_4 > MIATAAAA 10/08/2013 at 17:09

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At least the 2001 Toyota Camry LE was still all mechanical (not yet drive by wire, a good portion had no ABS, no traction control, etc). The Camry was a good car until the 2002 redesign.

GreenN_Gold > EL_ULY 10/08/2013 at 17:11

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Grandpa's everywhere will be very jealous of you! ;)

My dentist drove a white one with the ugly wheels from my pic for a long time. He was telling me about it when he got it. I withheld my opinion because he drills holes in my teeth and stuff.

EL_ULY > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:15

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Grandpa's drive everything, dont believe everything Top Gear says. Take the time to break the vehicle down and make your own decision.

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:15

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OK, fair enough guv'. I'd never be caught dead in a First gen. Dodge Stratus (Chrysler Stratus here in Norway), it's got shitty handling and shitty engines. Driven only by senior citizens with alzheimers. :)

GreenN_Gold > MIATAAAA 10/08/2013 at 17:16

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Is there a 3rd option?

GreenN_Gold > EL_ULY 10/08/2013 at 17:19

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I've always had nothing but distaste for these, even before Top Gear was a show. I just happened to see that episode last week.

MIATAAAA > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:20

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Hahaha. In defense of the Lexus, when it came out, I think it looked REALLY COOL.

Maybe I was in the minority. If it was actually fast and light, I think it would've been one of the best cars you could get!

Turner950 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:21

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Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken 10/08/2013 at 17:24

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My grandmother's 86 year old friend drove one for 15 years until someone made her stop driving.

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > MIATAAAA 10/08/2013 at 17:25

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Oh yeah me too, when I was like 8 I thought they were the coolest things.

MIATAAAA > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:26

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Exactly!

EL_ULY > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:33

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I'd also choose many vehicles over this, but truly take the time to break down this car, analyze, and give me specific reason why you agree with Top Gear as you said. Here, i'll start since i worked for Lexus as a master tech for 5 years. It has a rough ride yes. Great suspension geometry allowing camber-toe adjustments in the rear AND camber-caster-toe up front, yet it does wear the expensive run flats down within 10K miles. Which actually in most performance cars today that is normal. Ask any mechanic and they will tell you how bullet proof the engine is, enough power, but more can easily be squeezed out. Back seats? Hella small yes, but just like in Lotus Evoras, Aston Martin DB9 and others.

PRBot II > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:33

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cuts_off_prius > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:35

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PRBot II > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 17:36

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Just about anything from r/shittycarmods .

GreenN_Gold > EL_ULY 10/08/2013 at 17:53

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It's really just the styling I find objectionable. It's a non-starter. You listed plenty of negatives I wasn't even aware of. I wasn't so much intending to agree with Top Gear, but rather meant that it was top of mind for me after having just watched Top Gear select it as the worst vehicle of all time. I was honestly sort of hoping they would select it when I watched though.

EL_ULY > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 17:57

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Styling, that's all? There are waaaaay more ugly FWD expensive ecoboxes built in western europe than this quality RWD V8 coupe. Top Gear is wrong, yes its possible. Odd because they totally non bias pfffft! lol SC430 is not perfect, no car is,but its far from the worst car in the world or least Jalop car.

GreenN_Gold > EL_ULY 10/08/2013 at 18:05

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I'm not a Top Gear guy honestly. I've seen about 5 episodes.

Sorry to disappoint you with how shallow my distaste is for these. I recall reading some other less than stellar reviews on them over the years though. It was just meant as a comment other than the obligatory Camry!/Sebring!/Aztek! repsonses. You've defended the car's ground honorably.

It will still be my go-to selection for ugliest factory wheels. You can't take that from me!

No Prius Needed > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 18:21

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ANYTHING WITHOUT A MANUAL!

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > No Prius Needed 10/08/2013 at 18:24

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Not exactly, but keep thinking that.

EL_ULY > GreenN_Gold 10/08/2013 at 18:27

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that's why they stopped making them in 09 lol.

No Prius Needed > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 18:29

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So I'm guessing a bro truck with truck balls with an auto rollin coal with a train horn and flames...that's in Florida...

Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur > No Prius Needed 10/08/2013 at 18:31

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Bro trucks are not really all that Jalop, so you're getting there

No Prius Needed > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 18:39

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Hmm then a donked bro truck with stickers that add 50hp each (In true jdm hellaflush style) that also has vtec2jzsr20 conversion that is then stanced has underglow lights with an awful knockoff bodykit more spoilers than the owner can count and has BMW logos for extra asshattery.

TheJWT > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 18:44

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I believe this is the answer you were looking for

911e46z06 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 18:52

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Really? Nobody's mentioned the Prius? I think this car has done more to encourage the car-as-appliance mentality than any other car ever. As such, Prius edges Camry and anything by Daewoo.

911e46z06 > Pessimippopotamus 10/08/2013 at 18:56

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I had an older RAV-4 as a rental in Costa Rica a while back. I was shocked by how capable it was. Handled everything I threw at it. From sandy beaches to muddy, washed out jungle tracks.

D > AbigGRNboot 10/08/2013 at 18:57

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My friend's soulless girlfriend drives one of those.

Zohaibman72 > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 19:43

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Yeah I get what you mean.

I still say there are worse though, I'd rather have this over a malibu, or avenger.

It's the most boring in it's class, but it's one of the best in it's class.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > Velocity- Peuguette Connoisseur 10/08/2013 at 22:33

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Close...convertible form = most un-Jalop