"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
10/04/2013 at 17:19 • Filed to: f1
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"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
10/04/2013 at 17:19 • Filed to: f1 | 0
| 1 |
How Red Bull Racing F1 cars are actually made:
1. a pentagram is drawn by Newey on the wind tunnel's floor with Red Bull, the lights are turned out, and Infiniti logo candles are lit.
2. all of the engineers gather around the pentagram in Red Bull officially licensed cult robes holding laptops with CAD and aero simulation software.
3. Vettel leads a young bull into the middle of the pentagram
4. Newey takes out a golden stylus and carves out the outline of the car in the bull's skin
5. Horner leads the group in a chant, "Multi twenty ooooooonnnnnnneeeeeee, Multi twenty ooooooonnnnnnneeeeeee, Multi twenty ooooooonnnnnnneeeeeee."
6. the wind tunnel starts up by itself as the chant gets louder and faster.
7. a torrent of money is blasted at the bull by the wind tunnel
8. the bull lets out a frightening howl as there is suddenly a blinding flash
9. everything goes dark and silent, Newey proclaims, "It. Is. Done."
10. the lights come up, and there in the middle of the pentagram, where the bull just moments before stood, sits the new f1 car.
Meanwhile at Marussia:
How Red Bull Racing F1 cars are actually made part 2
1. The engineers have a look at Vettel's car.
2. They reverse engineer the entire car, every single dimension, nut, bolt and spec is recorded.
3. Theses are then faxed to a Cambodian sweatshop.
4. The Cambodian kids do an excellent job making the car, because there would be consequences if the didn't. However, there is only so good of a job that they can do and there are some quality issues.
5. The car is sent back to England and Webber is called in, "your car is ready."
How Red Bull really makes their cars part 3
1. After Vettel and Webber's cars are made, it is time for testing.
2. The testing reveals that Vettel and Webber's car are too similar, and one of the mechanics is told to do his job.
3. His job is to make sure that Webber's car is tested for "endurance" capabilities. These tests include:
What happens if someone pisses in the gas tank?
If the oil is replaced with 40 weight, will it effect performance?
How long can the gearbox survive in a cage match with a silver back gorilla?
Can the car survive a dip in the ocean?
5. Only after these tests are performed to Webbers car is it race ready.
6. Vettel gives his car an "interesting" name.
7. The cars are now ready for the season.
Meanwhile at Suaber:
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> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/04/2013 at 22:15 |
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Mean while at Enstone:
