Women

"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
10/02/2013 at 12:43 • Filed to: Offtopic

"historychannelalienguy.jpg". Things were going well, but now she feels they are moving to fast and wants to slow things down. Considering where things have gone, it just seems weird, haha. Do I agree with this and ride it out for a week or more, or do I call bullshit? This is a girl that's dated assholes all her life, by her own admission, here I am, the nice guy. It scares her. Which in turn frustrates the hell outta me! Even her friends are telling her that this is a good thing, I may need to tell her to listen to her friends, haha.

For your troubles, of reading my troubles, I've provided you with one of my wagon-not-a-wagon picture in honor of todays-theme-not-todays-theme...

DISCUSSION (28)

Party-vi > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:44

How mature is she? From my experience you're spinning your wheels if she's not mature.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Party-vi
10/02/2013 at 12:46

she is 1 year and 1 month older than me, haha. I am 26.

William Byrd > Party-vi
10/02/2013 at 12:47

Yeah, same question. Younger girls are more likely to keep the same pattern up and keep dating assholes. That can go well into their 20s unfortunately.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:49

maybe she just likes assholes. Either let her be, she may be damaged deeper than you want to fix, or ditch on her for a week with one of her friends and see if she crawls back. Not a good basis for a relationship, but I have seen worse

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux
10/02/2013 at 12:52

I am not going to ditch on her with one of her friends. I'll be just as much of an asshole and I am genuinely interested in her, that's not exactly setting myself up for success, lol. At least her friends are on my side, that should help. My last girlfriends friends hated me, it made things very annoying sometimes.

Party-vi > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:52

No no - her "maturity". There's sometimes a difference between her age an her ability to handle situations as an adult (just like everyone else it depends). If she's mature I would imagine you're a keeper since you're a self-described nice guy. If she's immature maybe she's not ready for a long term relationship. Is she nervous that you'll dump her for some reason? If she's dated assholes her whole life maybe she's bracing for the inevitable impact she would have usually gotten from an asshole. Talk to her and ask what's up - communication is the best thing here.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:53

Physical age has almost no bearing on maturity. I have had more luck with the girls I have dated who were younger than me, than older.

Knock on wood.

Tom McParland > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:53

It really depends...is she just "girlfriend" material or possible "wife" material. If the later it is worth riding it out. Everyone comes with baggage, if you really care about someone there are certain things you need to be patient and let them work through (if they are willing). Of course there is some baggage that is a deal-breaker, but this seems standard fare.

Grindintosecond > William Byrd
10/02/2013 at 12:54

....and 30's.....and not get out of that sometimes....

William Byrd > Grindintosecond
10/02/2013 at 12:55

I haven't dated since my 20s, but I'm not surprised.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 12:58

yeah, at 26-27 it is all games though. Either you play or are very lucky to not have to (usually with an older woman). Slow things down exactly how? In the sack or with your interactions?

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Tom McParland
10/02/2013 at 13:01

yeah, it seems relatively standard fare. Being 26 I approach any situation as wife material these days, I'm pretty much over the whole short-term dating scene (to put it delicately), haha.

So yeah, she is worth it to me, without going into too much detail, she's got a lot going for her, physically and personality-wise. So it's a question of how I approach things from this point forward. It seems she may be somewhat afraid of commitment, afraid of changing her life to fit someone in it and afraid that someone actually cares about how she feels, haha.

Tom McParland > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:04

I'm not normally one to give relationship advice other than try to communicate as best as you can. Tell her you really do care about her, and want her to be happy both in the short term and long term. So if slowing down a bit, will make her more comfortable then you are open to it. Maybe I would tell her, that you can imagine being with her for a long time (shows you care, but doesn't seem too pressurey)

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Party-vi
10/02/2013 at 13:06

She seems mature enough, but you are right in the sense that she has had a bunch of shitty relationships. I can certainly tell that's exactly why she is apprehensive here. I'm hoping to convince her that I am here to give it an honest effort and that I am genuinely into her, for more than just her awesome boobs (which are very awesome).

I feel like I have one very powerful thing going for me and that is that her roommate is on my side, telling her that I am a good thing, and such. Because I certainly know how hard it can be to keep a relationship alive when her friends dislike me.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux
10/02/2013 at 13:09

The relationship got physical almost right away. She is saying she wants to cut out overnight-stays. I think in addition to that she doesn't want it to get to "relationshippy" at this point. Which I was obviously going for. She did still kiss me before she left my place last night. So it is something more than friends and we did leave it at agreeing we should keep seeing where this will go.

505Turbeaux > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:13

ok so it isn't dire. If you have been intimate with her already maybe she is scared you are going to end up being an asshole (so scratch first idea), so she wants to save a little something for her own peace of mind for a bit. I say let it ride for another week or 2. You showing her you have the self control to understand her needs, plus the time off from the sex will prove to be good in the end. My 2 cents. Good luck

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > 505Turbeaux
10/02/2013 at 13:15

Yes. Time off from sex has been good in past relationships. Puts the rest of the relationship into perspective.

I don't think she is worried I am an asshole, because she is constantly commenting about how I am not one. Along with her friends telling her the same thing. I think it is a question of having her to a point where she is willing to take the chance.

Party-vi > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:20

Then it should work out. Play it out and see what happens. Worst thing is she says "no" and you're back to square one, which means you have free time and more money :D

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Party-vi
10/02/2013 at 13:24

Haha, that's a cool thing about her, she doesn't cost me a whole lot! She loves beer! My last girlfriend has an expensive appetite for wine and intricate cocktails (she also made slightly more money than I did, so had I married her, I would have been quite well off, lol).

Yes, something tells me I have a good shot at this working out, but it is the not knowing that kills me! On top of that there's the time I am investing that may not end up being worth it. But I suppose she's worth a few weeks of giving her some space to think.

Leadbull > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:29

Telling her your feelings is good, but try asking her why she feels that way first. Maybe she'll talk herself out of the apprehension, but for certain you'll get a better idea of where she's at.

But just be careful not to dig too hard. People tend not to like that too much.

maximillious > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:31

Explain to her that the 89 skyline is about to turn 25 and if she doesnt want to be with you, you will simply import one of those to fill the void (and save money).

(This is an automotive sit afterall) Good luck tho dude, really Ive been there and it usually doesn't end well... not saying it wont for you...just protect yourself too.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Leadbull
10/02/2013 at 13:35

lol she told me yesterday to ask her anything I wanted, so I did. But today I am just left with more questions, thoughts and ideas, haha. I need to have another of those sessions with her, I think.

The good thing is that she did decide to communicate with me, in person. Which is a lot more than I'd expect out of other girls, who'd probably just stop talking to me until their "trouble" goes away.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > maximillious
10/02/2013 at 13:38

Haha thanks man. I broke things off with two other girls because I saw more potential in this one. So now I am left to deal with the baggage, haha. Either of the other two would've likely had their own share.

Leadbull > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 13:49

Sounds like her heads in the right place. I'd say if she's willing to talk, she's worth it.

maximillious > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 14:50

We are all people and we ALL have baggage you and I and all those lovely ladies out there

Dont get hung up on baggage, unless its something super nuts. Just watch your back on this... These types of girls hate the "assholes" of their past but only really care about a guy if he treats her like shit.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > maximillious
10/02/2013 at 15:25

lol yeah, how annoying is that? You give her what she thinks she wants and then she thinks she doesn't want it anymore. GAH!

Lol, I had 4 other potentials and dropped them all for this one (actually, one dropped me).

1) Jumped the gun on having me meet mom.
2) Ended it because some guy she met a month ago was all of a sudden interested (bull-fucking-shit)
3) Had 2 kids, I was in that one for the short term, she did look very good
4) Never got very far as shortly after meeting her I met this one.

Damn this sounds terrible, all that at the same time... 1 felt more like a friend, so no biggie, 2 didn't really seem like someone I'd spend more than a month with, 3 didn't seem like someone I'd spend more than a month with, lots of baggage, haha, 4 who knows?

I've never been in this situation, I hit the dating seen HARD, but in the end I am a one-woman kind of guy and the girl we've been discussing seemed very much the best candidate, still does, so I hope it works out.

maximillious > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs
10/02/2013 at 17:19

Your name on here should be

"Yowen - The lady Killer and meatballs."

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > maximillious
10/03/2013 at 08:34

If only ostentatiously long display names were still possible. I am holding onto this one, because it exceeds the current maximum of characters.