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Kinja'd!!! by "DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
Published 12/22/2017 at 20:49

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STARS: 1


The catch? It can’t be a performance car. Has to be one of these 5. What do you get Oppo? Edit: I will allow EVs and hybrids too btw.

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I’d get the base Impala with the only option being the V6. (Thanks Chevy, for making the bigger engine options available on all trims!)

Also, is having twenty inch rims on the Impala still cool, when you can get 19" rims from the factory?

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Replies (51)

Kinja'd!!! "Dusty Ventures" (dustyventures)
12/22/2017 at 20:52, STARS: 7

I choose walking

Kinja'd!!! "Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies" (jordanwphillips)
12/22/2017 at 20:54, STARS: 0

Volt

Kinja'd!!! "My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
12/22/2017 at 20:57, STARS: 1

Why wouldn’t you get the impala? Provided you couldn’t sell it, use it as a cheap DD and spend the money on something fun. bigger is also better. although it would be more useful if it was a wagon.

Kinja'd!!! "yamahog" (yamahog)
12/22/2017 at 20:59, STARS: 7

brb starting a spec Spork racing series

Kinja'd!!! "PanchoVilleneuve ST" (PanchoVilleneuve)
12/22/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 9

Those sure are some cars.

Kinja'd!!! "interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
12/22/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 0

Can I just electrocute myself instead?

Kinja'd!!! "HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo)
12/22/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 0

1.4 Turbo Sonic.

Kinja'd!!! "fintail" (fintail)
12/22/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 3

Cruze diesel or Impala, both loaded to the hilt.

Kinja'd!!! "DucST3-Red-1Liter-Standing-By" (ducst3-red-1liter-standing-by)
12/22/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 1

I’d definitely go for a volt as a DD. The only non performance Chevy I’m interested in

Kinja'd!!! "EL_ULY" (uly)
12/22/2017 at 21:05, STARS: 1

Diesel Cruze in white and VIP it on bags

Kinja'd!!! "Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap" (ddadragon)
12/22/2017 at 21:08, STARS: 0

Impalla. If there’s a hybrid I’ll take it

Kinja'd!!! "jimz" (jimz)
12/22/2017 at 21:08, STARS: 1

I will allow EVs and hybrids too btw.

does that mean I can choose the Bolt? because I’d take the Bolt.

Kinja'd!!! "Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
12/22/2017 at 21:11, STARS: 1

Wow for a moment there I thought I was looking at BMW’s!

Kinja'd!!! "Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
12/22/2017 at 21:14, STARS: 0

Spark EV all day long. 320lb/ft and a lower center of gravity in something that normally had less than 100hp/tq? Sign me the fuck up.

Kinja'd!!! "Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
12/22/2017 at 21:16, STARS: 0

Impala, all day, every day. By all reviews, that’s a good car.

Kinja'd!!! "MM54" (mm54mk2)
12/22/2017 at 21:16, STARS: 0

Whatever combination nets the highest resale value so I can sell it and use the money for something I actually want.

If that’s not allowed, cruze hatch I guess.

Kinja'd!!! "punkgoose17" (punkgoose17)
12/22/2017 at 21:16, STARS: 0

Cruze sedan, manual, diesel, kinetic blue metallic, tan leather, all weather floor mats, and blue tooth audio.

Kinja'd!!! "boredalways" (boredalway666)
12/22/2017 at 21:17, STARS: 0

As much as I would want a Cruze diesel hatch, I would go with a Volt.

Kinja'd!!! "Deal Killer - Powered by Focus" (dealkiller-ii)
12/22/2017 at 21:18, STARS: 2

Chevy Cruze hatchback, with the diesel engine. It’d made a really great work car for me, with the mileage and comfort being a major step up from the Focus.

Kinja'd!!! "not for canada - australian in disguise" (for-canada)
12/22/2017 at 21:22, STARS: 2

Kinja'd!!!

Astra SRi Cruze hatch in RS spec.

Also, damn the Spark is expensive in Yankistan. Especially when you consider $10,000 Canadian is like $5 American.

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Kinja'd!!! "Svend" (svend)
12/22/2017 at 21:22, STARS: 1

Do I get to pick one of these?

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It’s still only five cars, Viva, Adam, Corsa, Astra and Insignia.

I’d go for the Vauxhall Astra GTC Limited Edition, 1.6T 16v 200 (197bhp).

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Kinja'd!!! "E92M3" (E46M3)
12/22/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 0

I guess I would choose the Volt. If it’s got to be boring, it might as well not cost much to run.

Kinja'd!!! "davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
12/22/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 0

The SS is a respectable family sedan, not a performance car.

Kinja'd!!! "Svart Smart, traded in his Smart" (svartsmart)
12/22/2017 at 21:28, STARS: 0

Sure, I’ll take a Spark Activ in red with a manual gearbox.

Kinja'd!!! "Kiltedpadre" (kiltedpadre)
12/22/2017 at 21:36, STARS: 0

First choice would be upgrading to a newer Volt. Second option diesel Cruze hatch.

Kinja'd!!! "Logansteno: Bought a VW?" (logansteno)
12/22/2017 at 21:38, STARS: 0

Malibu Premier loaded up with every option in blue velvet metallic (?) with the brownstone leather (this used to be an option I have no idea if it still is)

Kinja'd!!! "BaconSandwich is tasty." (baconsandwich)
12/22/2017 at 21:44, STARS: 1

Chevy Volt or Chevy Bolt. I’ve been wanting a plug-in hybrid or electric car for a while. Both of these would fit the bill nicely.

Kinja'd!!! "fhrblig" (fhrblig)
12/22/2017 at 22:03, STARS: 0

Completely loaded Impala.

Kinja'd!!! "Captain of the Enterprise" (justanotherdayinparadise)
12/22/2017 at 22:06, STARS: 0

Volt

Kinja'd!!! "shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
12/22/2017 at 22:24, STARS: 1

I’d rock an Impala. I love big comfy cruisers.

Kinja'd!!! "DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
12/22/2017 at 22:28, STARS: 3

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Kinja'd!!! "DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
12/22/2017 at 22:30, STARS: 1

The Chevy website says it’s a performance car. And we all know you’re not allowed to lie on the internet!

Kinja'd!!! "j250ex" (j250ex)
12/22/2017 at 22:37, STARS: 0

Is a Tahoe a performance car.

Kinja'd!!! "DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
12/22/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 0

It’s not a car, performance or otherwise.

Kinja'd!!! "j250ex" (j250ex)
12/22/2017 at 22:50, STARS: 0

Oh then the Cruz with the diesel.

Kinja'd!!! "404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
12/22/2017 at 22:53, STARS: 1

Any trim? Sonic RS Turbo. I mean it’s 138hp... hardly “performance”.

Kinja'd!!! "CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)" (ccpbb)
12/22/2017 at 23:01, STARS: 0

I don’t really understand why GM has to offer both the Malibu and Impala

Kinja'd!!! "DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
12/22/2017 at 23:07, STARS: 0

I don’t even think it does anything for performance, I think it’s just an appearance package.

Kinja'd!!! "dsgolson" (dsgolson)
12/22/2017 at 23:22, STARS: 0

Cruze hatchback with the diesel and the manual transmission

Kinja'd!!! "Nick Has an Exocet" (nickallain)
12/23/2017 at 00:07, STARS: 0

Either Volt or Cruze Hatch. A rally style Cruze hatch would be awesome.

Kinja'd!!! "Svend" (svend)
12/23/2017 at 03:48, STARS: 1

That’s the old Astra/Cruze hatch isn’t it?

Old

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New

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Kinja'd!!! "pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
12/23/2017 at 04:16, STARS: 0

bus pass.

Kinja'd!!! "404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
12/23/2017 at 09:47, STARS: 0

RS is the appearance package, but the base Sonic comes with the 1.8L, not the 1.4T.

Kinja'd!!! "Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
12/23/2017 at 11:12, STARS: 0

This was hard. Like brutally hard. They did have some workable variants of the Cruze, so I went with that. Ended up at $30,045 before their discount.

2018 Cruze Hatchback, Diesel, 6MT, Kinetic Blue Metallic, Jet Black Leather, Interior Protection Package (rubber floor mats, a requirement where I live), Leather Package (heated leather-wrapped wheel), Performance Brake Package (because if they offer it, there must be something particularly shitty about the base ones due to aggressive cost cutting), Painted Moldings (so it’s less obvious that it is a commuter appliance), the black bow ties (to subdue the Chevy), and the stainless door sill plates.

It isn’t completely depressing. It’s a fairly unattractive car with a particularly ugly rear end, but it comes in colors that allow me to ironically highlight it *and* draw attention to the car. The engine has good torque numbers, which is all that matters when you drive in traffic and at artificially-low speeds (where I live, these are constants), plus it has an available manual, for which I must give GM props, because a lot of manufacturers are removing the option. I really think I could live with this and not have a sense of absolute self-loathing every time I get in it.

The downside, of course, is dealing with Chevy dealers and their service centers, plus their notoriously-poor quality.

Alternatively, I’d strongly consider the Chevy Bolt because it’s a fairly practical electric car and electric would be good on my commute.

Kinja'd!!! "Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
12/23/2017 at 11:20, STARS: 0

Almost identical to mine. Considering Chevy’s love of producing niche market named variants, it could be the Chevy Cruze Oppo Spec or Jalop Spec.

Kinja'd!!! "Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
12/23/2017 at 11:32, STARS: 0

GM’s car sizes are all wonky and the rental fleets eat them up because of it. Their Spark is a large city car, their Sonic is just shy of compact size, the Cruze might as well be a mid size, the Malibu is a traditional mid size, and the Impala is really intended to be sold to police departments.

Kinja'd!!! "FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
12/23/2017 at 14:05, STARS: 0

I’ve heard a rumor that these push 180 hp with a $500 chip tune. That might actually be entertaining. I had a Sonic as a rental a few years ago - it’s a pretty solid, if uninspiring car. More power would help.

Kinja'd!!! "404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
12/23/2017 at 14:20, STARS: 0

I wouldn’t be surprised, just carrying the tradition of factory GM tunes. The Ecotec 2.0L Turbo had a factory tune that brought it from 260 hp/260 lb-ft to 290hp/340 lb-ft.

Kinja'd!!! "Carbon Fiber Sasquatch" (turbopumpkin)
12/23/2017 at 14:52, STARS: 0

Sonic RS turbo in green please

Kinja'd!!! "not for canada - australian in disguise" (for-canada)
12/23/2017 at 16:19, STARS: 1

It’s the new one in a hat. They came around at the same time. The Australian Astra sedan is the same as our Cruze sedan.

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Kinja'd!!! "Svend" (svend)
12/24/2017 at 02:07, STARS: 1

I prefer the Holden front end.

Though I’ll stick with the Astra GTC.