by "arl" (arl1968)
Published 12/20/2017 at 21:29
by "arl" (arl1968)
Published 12/20/2017 at 21:29
No Tags
STARS: 9
My Mom crashed her Subaru Outback last week. She didn’t know she drove over a curb and bumped into another car. People were waving their hands at her to stop rocking back and forth over the curb, banging into the bumper of the other car.
Sigh.
I think this may be the last time she ever drives a vehicle in her life.
The Subie’s in the shop and will probably be sold to help fund assisted living.
Things that suck in this world:
Becoming your parent’s caregiver
Your parents becoming children
Thinking about becoming senile and never driving again.
I need a fucking drink.
Please find in this post a random picture of an Outback that has not been crashed into another car.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
12/20/2017 at 21:38, STARS: 0
I’m so sorry. I’m torn between not wanting mine to end up that way and not being able to handle losing my Mom and Dad.
"CB" (jrcb)
12/20/2017 at 21:42, STARS: 0
Yikes, I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a heavy subject for sure. Do you have any siblings to help?
"mazda616" (mazda616)
12/20/2017 at 21:52, STARS: 0
I’m so sorry to hear that. My grandma is 85 (will be 86 in February) and I dread the day we have to take her car away.
"415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)" (415s30)
12/20/2017 at 21:53, STARS: 1
My remember when my grandma had a big mark on a fender and she knew nothing about it. Well Top Gear, when it was still Top Gear, had the old people self driving car. If there is one good thing that can come from self driving cars, it’s ferrying Mildred to her bridge party.
"E92M3" (E46M3)
12/20/2017 at 21:56, STARS: 0
I’m sorry man. My Dad is on the verge himself.
He’s already went over a curb and taken out a neighbors mailbox.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0
Thanks.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:09, STARS: 0
Thanks.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:09, STARS: 0
Thanks, it’s not a fun time to have the “maybe you shouldn’t be driving” talk. Good luck to you.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:10, STARS: 1
Thanks. No, only child. But I have a supportive wife (and a bottle or Merlot, so there’s that).
"fintail" (fintail)
12/20/2017 at 22:12, STARS: 0
Sorry to read that, I don’t envy you.
Several years ago when my grandma was maybe 85-86, she voluntarily gave up driving when she had a low speed scrape. That gave her doubts about her depth perception and judgment in tight spaces. Fortunately, my uncle is nearby and drives her where she needs to go. She’s in her 90s now, still as sharp as a tack, just slowing down a very little.
My mom is about 70 now, and still speeds and drives like she always has. Knock on wood, she’ll keep it up and then hang em up when she knows she needs to,
"Nothing" (nothingatalluseful)
12/20/2017 at 22:13, STARS: 0
That sucks. Sorry to hear.
Neither of my parents made it to that phase in life, my mom died young at 52, and my dad at 78. When he was in his late 60s early 70s, I remember getting up to our camp, and seeing him hang upside down from the rafters by his knees, hanging tongue and groove pine board on the ceiling.
"JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder!" (jqj213)
12/20/2017 at 22:20, STARS: 1
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. But, on behalf of a lot of other drivers, we really need more people like you stepping up and putting your foot down.
"ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable)" (adabofoppo)
12/20/2017 at 22:22, STARS: 0
My Gramps went missing for 48 hours earlier this year. He was found over a hundred miles and a couple hours from where he lives. He claimed he took my Gma on a trip, but she’s already in a home and has Alzheimers. He clearly swiped a guard rail as there is damage on one side of his Escape. My parents live nearby and have been helping out as much as they can. He gave up his keys begrudgingly, and had been officially diagnosed with mental issues.
I share your dread of caring for aging parents and I am furious and heartbroken at the state of elder care in the US.
You have my sympathy and empathy on dealing with your mother.
"sm70- why not Duesenberg?" (sm70-whynotduesenberg)
12/20/2017 at 22:28, STARS: 0
I feel this. my grandpa is getting to the point where he will have to hand over his keys away because he’s bumping into shit, but it sure as hell isn’t easy process to go through .
"wafflesnfalafel" (wafflesnfalafel1)
12/20/2017 at 22:29, STARS: 0
how old is she? Statistically issues pick up dramatically about 80 (at least from an insurance claim standpoint.) I’ve been watching my father recently (he’s 70) to see how he’s doing. My mother is going to drive until she’s 105 - she wants another 67 MGBgt... ok, how about a Miata instead?
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:34, STARS: 1
Thanks much. Yea, we’re just starting to wrap our heads around the finances ( or lack thereof,) and what the fallout will be. Elder care ain’t great in the USA unless you have a hefty bank account.
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
12/20/2017 at 22:35, STARS: 0
Yeah, that is rough. I’ve been there with two of my grandparents. We’re starting to watch my father-in-law pretty closely now. I’m hoping autonomous cars will be figured out by the time I need to hang it up.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:38, STARS: 0
Thanks. It’s odd to see how people age differently. My Dad and Stepmom are the same age, but doing just fine; driving, exercising, living full lives, etc.
I will say my Mom is the poster child for “If you ignore your diet, don’t exercise, and don’t forge any social connections, you will fall apart in your old age”. She’s a loner who never ate right, never exercised, and never had friends. And now it’s all coming back to haunt her (and the rest of the family, mainly me).
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 0
Thanks. Sorry to hear about losing your parents. That’s a great memory of your Dad.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 1
Thanks.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:41, STARS: 0
Thanks. Yea, and as a cyclist I shudder to think of my clueless Mom (and all the clueless parents and grandparents) out there in big, heavy, Outbacks driving around, potentially creaming us 2-wheelers into dust.
"arl" (arl1968)
12/20/2017 at 22:43, STARS: 0
Only 73. But senility is kicking in hard. You’d think she’s 90 with her mental condition and the way she physically shuffles around.
Good for your Mom - hopefully she keeps her facilities long enough to drive MG’s or Miata’s!!
"ranwhenparked" (ranwhenparked)
12/20/2017 at 23:06, STARS: 0
We’re going with this with my grandmother right now, problem is she lives alone, in the suburbs, 1200 miles away from her closest family, and all her kids and grandkids still have to work and can’t always drop things and get on a plane right away.At Thanksgiving, my uncle was discussing how he was going to have to take some time off and fly back with her to find her car- she got in an accident on her way to the airport and left the car in a parking lot, and a police officer drove her the rest of the way, and she didn’t remember where she left the car.
Apparently, she’s also resorted to asking strangers in parking lots to adjust her seat for her, because she no longer has the strength or flexibility to work the lever and needs to constantly readjust it for some reason.
"fintail" (fintail)
12/20/2017 at 23:49, STARS: 0
Yep, I know how it feels to hope you inherited the good genes, and have been good enough to yourself. Hitting 40 brings it home.
I suspect a key for my mom is that she still works - not 40 hours, but it gets her out of the house, allows her to socialize (not much to do in a small town), and gives some extra money. I think that kind of thing helps a lot. If she sat around the house all day, she’d slow down too fast, and that can’t be good.
"Tohru" (tohrurokuno)
12/21/2017 at 00:20, STARS: 0
describing your mom sounds like you’re describing me. that’s probably not good
"E92M3" (E46M3)
12/21/2017 at 01:06, STARS: 0
Yeah, I’m not ready either. I have no idea what to do with him at that point, than to have him move in with me. I don’t think assisted living is going to be an option for him.
"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
12/21/2017 at 05:45, STARS: 0
the good thing my dad did was to voluntarily give up driving. his eyesight wasn’t the best.
"SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media" (silentbutnotreallydeadly)
12/21/2017 at 06:13, STARS: 0
You have my sympathy. My mother is 73 and my father is the other side of 80 and both still drive quite well. Though I give them both a driving test each year now. Fortunately I don’t think their driving will kill them or anyone else as they are both delightfully compus mentus...but they will drive the people behind them a bit mad from time to time!!
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
12/21/2017 at 08:27, STARS: 0
I’m not sure how I feel about it. I lost my mom in March. It wasn’t a long, slow decline. It was pretty quick. She had a run-in with cancer and survived, another run-in with cancer and survived, then it came back again and took her down in a matter of months. She last dro ve her Outback in January after a visit to the doctor. After that, she went on oxygen and couldn’t drive any more.
I had to care for her for the last two months of her life. The last three weeks or so, I had help from hospice (God bless people who are called to that profession).
Here’s wishing you the best. May your mom’s final journey be an easy one.
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
12/21/2017 at 08:35, STARS: 1
My great-grandpa put bollards on either side to mark the edges of his driveway so drivers wouldn’t fall into the ditch. We knew it was time for him to give up the keys when both sides of his car were crumpled and covered with b right-yellow paint from the bollards .