by "K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
Published 12/17/2017 at 20:22
by "K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
Published 12/17/2017 at 20:22
Tags: Advice
STARS: 1
A mix of cars as buffer, not sure if it’s necessary or not.
The holiday season and break is a time of getting together with friends and family and having a good time with them and reminiscing about the year and such, right?
Every year since the end of high school that’s been less and less for me to the point that since all the old friends I’ve had since high school and the start of college have graduated college, moved away, work all the time, a couple got married or are in relationships or other things that take priority. This season has been consistently lonely and not together for me, and I’d like to try and make it different this year.
I have no idea how or where to make new friends. I’ve had the same ones from as early as 1st grade. This world is so complicated and sensitive since then, I overthink my thoughts and words and feelings before I even chose to interact with new people because I don’t want to make a mistake with long term consequences , it’s bad.
So where exactly does this 22 year old go to hopefully make new friends and how?
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/17/2017 at 20:51, STARS: 0
Its weird because in American films they always sell bars as really sociable places where you can just approach anyone and make a conversation!
I wouldn’t know, my dream is that I publish a book that makes a lot of money so that I can tour the Americas on a BMW k 1600, part of this dream is to land in bars in the middle of the US and Canada and get to know some people.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 20:54, STARS: 3
So where exactly does this 22 year old go to hopefully make new friends and how?
I thought after 21 you were just supposed to kill your feelings with alcohol.
"hike" (hike15)
12/17/2017 at 20:56, STARS: 0
Do you play any sports? I was forced to move to a new city where I didn’t know a single person. Picked up rec league soccer and ended up meeting a bunch of cool people.
"Mattbob" (mattbob)
12/17/2017 at 20:59, STARS: 1
I suggest going to events related to your hobbies. I mountain bike, and just started racing this year, and have met quite a few people that I see at multiple events that I wouldn’t think twice about having a beer with and hanging out. Just focus on doing what you want, and talk to the people you meet while doing it. ... side note: you should mountainbike, SE Michigan is great for it, and it’s a great way to meet people...
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:00, STARS: 0
I’ve been trying hard not to start. It’d be the death of me.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:01, STARS: 0
I’ve never really believed that. American films are so fake and unreal I sometimes wish I was living a scripted life like them because they’re perfect and everything works out. Unless it’s a psychological thriller.
"WRXforScience" (WRXforScience)
12/17/2017 at 21:02, STARS: 2
I met all my “adult friends” at autocross, we’re all addicted and as a bonus end up helping each other out all the time with car stuff.
As an adult, the only places I’m going to even think or try to make friends are either work (those are “work friends” though, which are different) or during a hobby (eventually you might decide to have children, gross, then you can meet “parent friends”).
Do something you like, talk to someone else who does and likes the same things and make (and follow through) on future plans, done.
Alternatively, you can get into robotics and learn to make your own friends at home.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 0
There aren’t many events that interest me. I guess I’ll have to do new things. I also don’t have many hobbies and the ones I do are solitary.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:05, STARS: 0
I played tennis. But that requires a membership at sports clubs and that’s expensive.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/17/2017 at 21:05, STARS: 0
Yeah, I doubt I’d like to be in American physco!
Or American Beauty...
Or really any film with American in it!
"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
12/17/2017 at 21:09, STARS: 0
work? neighbors?
"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures)
12/17/2017 at 21:09, STARS: 1
Honestly, I wish I knew. It’s just really hard after college to make new friends. It’s taken 8 years in my current city to make just a tiny bit of progress in that area.
Good luck, and don’t give up.
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
12/17/2017 at 21:11, STARS: 3
You could try signing up for some volunteer/community service work. You’ll meet plenty of people, it’ll be fulfilling, and it makes up for the lack of non-solitary hobbies that you mentioned.
I’m in the same boat as you. My one really close friend is at school 700 miles away, after which she plans to go straight into the peace corps. It might be two years before I see her again and I have to figure out how to fulfill my social needs in the meantime.
"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo)
12/17/2017 at 21:11, STARS: 1
Just about any adult friends I’ve had I met through activities relavant to my interests, namely theatre/music stuffs and car meets. I’d recommend trying to find some car meets you haven’t been to and scope them out. If you like the cars that show and keep attending, you’ll likely fall into a group of like-minded enthusiasts.
The thing about being an adult (at least that I’ve found) is that everyone has their life going a different direction at any given time, and the group of people you spend time with will always change over the course of a few years.
"R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet" (r-saldana)
12/17/2017 at 21:12, STARS: 2
Welcome to your future in the professional-post-graduate thunderdome. We are all forever alones and have more online friends than irl ones.
"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo)
12/17/2017 at 21:13, STARS: 0
As a parent, few things bore me more than “parent friends”. Probably because I’m an introvert and don’t want to make small talk with these normies who don’t seem to nerd out about anything the way I nerd out about nearly everything.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
12/17/2017 at 21:14, STARS: 2
I came here to say the same thing. I started volunteering about once a month at a food bank that boxes up donations and ships them out to distribution centers. It’s fun, it’s a good 3 hours of exercise, and I’ve met a few nice people. It’s a good way to spend an evening, and it’s nice knowing that you helped.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 21:17, STARS: 2
I want to say that was sarcasm, but it’s more of a self criticism. I have wonderful friends, I just don’t live close to any of them. I too have struggled to make friends. At my last job I became really good friends with people I worked with. It can be good, but then lines between friendships and work can become blurry. I would say hobbies or something, but that’s not really helpful. I feel like people tell me things like that and it’s a good idea, but that doesn’t mean I know how to do any of these things. Yes, I know I need to get out and meet people, but don’t just say that, tell me what to do. Be like you should go to this. I tired to go to cars and coffee and meet some people that way, but I didn’t really talk to anyone of meet any people. Figured it’s easier to start conservations if you have things in common, especially cars. It’s really hard to get out there and meet people, or at least I find it to be hard. I’ve sort of given up here, which, while I wouldn’t recommend, happens.
My sister and her fiancé lives really close by so I at least have someone to hang out with. If they weren’t here, I would have headed back to the oilfield a month or two ago.
"XJDano" (xjdano)
12/17/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 0
When I was that age ( that makes me sound old) I actually just bought a jeep and joined the local jeep club. A lot of cool people I meet there. Some A-Holes too.
Given the different types of people that buy jeeps vs. mustangs, and availability of specific make clubs in your area, it may or may not be the scene your looking for.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:27, STARS: 1
The trouble is finding anyone with my interests. If I make robot friends at home, they’ll eventually acquire self sufficiency and self awareness and kill me.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:32, STARS: 0
I want to say that was sarcasm too. I know I have some good friends, but it gets episodic doing the same things every weekend and nothing changes. I’d go to cars and coffee every day if I could, or if that was a thing. It’s hard for me to go out and meet people without a sense of direction or instructions on how to do that.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:33, STARS: 0
What about American Werewolf in London.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:35, STARS: 0
As many times as that’s been recommended, I just don’t understand the fulfillment part of it. I’ve done it before as an assignment and I didn’t feel like I did anything special. I just bagged up many fruits and vegetables and put them in a box.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:36, STARS: 0
There aren’t any car meets this time of year with snow, slush, and stupid drivers being more prevalent than any other season. Having car friends feels seasonal and not year-round.
That’s something I hate about being an adult.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:37, STARS: 0
This doesn’t bode well...... And I’m not out of college yet.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 21:37, STARS: 0
I’m terrible at meeting people as well, I don’t know what to tell you.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:37, STARS: 0
I work for family, that last one is just not gonna happen.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:38, STARS: 0
I think I’d rather go back to high school.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 21:39, STARS: 0
I don’t even know what to tell me.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/17/2017 at 21:41, STARS: 0
that’s a double “nope”
"RTeeJay" (ryanjohnston13)
12/17/2017 at 21:46, STARS: 0
I joined a coed social sport league once I moved on my own. I’m sure if you Google “coed social groups near me”, you could probably find something that way. Or use the website meetup.com, it is basically match.com for people looking to do similar things together.
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
12/17/2017 at 21:46, STARS: 1
You don’t feel better after doing things to help other people?
"WRXforScience" (WRXforScience)
12/17/2017 at 21:49, STARS: 1
I’d recommend sticking to the Lego Mindstorm robots, they lay mean traps but although they are some of the most painful things known to man, there is little actual damage.
The trick is never using materials that are strong enough to be difficult to defeat in unarmed combat.
You may have to step a little outside of your comfort zone and actively try to make friends. It’s winter where you live, so finding people could be difficult. You might have to wait until spring.
You could try a mustang meet, but you’ll have to hang out with mustang people...
Well, that’s the life you chose (or at least the one that chose you). It could be worse though, I used to drive a WRX. I went to meets but my hats were too bent and I detested vaping (it was brand new then, at least it got a few of them to stop smoking).
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 21:49, STARS: 0
At times life sucks, then you find yourself a 1000 RPM from the redline in 4th on an empty Farm to Marker road, and think you know what, it’s not all that bad.
I’ve just accepted my solitude and try not to think about it too much; although, this is one of the main reasons I want to find a new job and move.
"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo)
12/17/2017 at 21:53, STARS: 0
We have some year-round meets in my area, rain, shine, or snow. Maybe you should be the one make that happen.
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
12/17/2017 at 21:58, STARS: 0
I used lots of IRC, and the odd forum here and there.
"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures)
12/17/2017 at 22:00, STARS: 1
Study groups, then? My college engineering friends and I bonded through our shared suffering. I can’t say that I still hang out with any of them anymore, though.
Just know that you’re not alone in finding this difficult. There are many of us out there that just take a lot longer to trust and connect with people. Like I said, don’t give up.
"Dusty Ventures" (dustyventures)
12/17/2017 at 22:01, STARS: 0
I can’t provide an answer, but I can at least offer commiserations. My most recent local friend moved back home to Austin after she graduated college in 2012 (no, I don’t mean Stef, she went to Baylor and I didn’t know here then). These days aside from occasional visits to my brother’s place I don’t really hang out with anyone unless I’m traveling. On the positive this makes it easier to rule you miscreants on here.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:05, STARS: 0
I actually understand why people move and leave where they come from now. I just hate change if it has to be like this.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0
I felt satisfied that I did work that was helping people help people, that was pretty much it. I mean anyone can bag and box food. If I had been delivering food, I might’ve felt better than satisfactory.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0
Sometimes you have to make a change.
One of the reasons I moved from Corpus Christi to San Antonio was a girl, that was a bad move. Pun intended.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0
I’m not sure I’m a trendsetter or leader for such a thing.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:09, STARS: 0
The semester ended so it’s 2.5 weeks of nothing. I’ve got nothing to do other than work.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:11, STARS: 0
Well that’s something. Did I miss that last Oppo sticker thing or did that not happen this year?
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
12/17/2017 at 22:11, STARS: 1
There’s plenty more to volunteer work than packing food boxes. Does your town have an animal shelter?
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:11, STARS: 0
I wish I could just go on a road trip for a couple days, but that’s not possible.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:12, STARS: 0
Trying to use meetup.com, nothing is clicking yet.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:13, STARS: 0
There are animal shelters around, yes.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:14, STARS: 0
I can’t afford to do such a thing right now.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 22:14, STARS: 0
Why not? School?
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/17/2017 at 22:18, STARS: 0
Go to the Vancouver Oppo meet they spoke about
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:18, STARS: 0
School, and money.
"Dusty Ventures" (dustyventures)
12/17/2017 at 22:19, STARS: 0
Didn’t do any. I’ll do a round before the next Oppo Rally because I’ll be ordering rally stickers then anyway.
"Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
12/17/2017 at 22:21, STARS: 0
If you figure out the secret formula, let me know. I just happen to make friends through work in most cases, otherwise there doesn’t seem to be any avenue that is even marginally comfortable for me. My wife’s friends date back to high school or earlier and mine are almost all former coworkers...
The only thing that sort of works is gaining friend circles from romantic partners and when I did R/C racing in SoCal (it is a nice and friendly community down there). Finding a hobby or outing that involves others does seem to help. Sadly, those were not long lasting. :-/
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 22:21, STARS: 0
When you graduate, find a job somewhere else.
Since you’re still in school, have you tried clubs or something. I joined a fraternity, that was probably one of the best things I’ve ever done.
"merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc" (merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc)
12/17/2017 at 22:22, STARS: 0
I belong to a volunteer car repair group in the Detroit metro area. I don’t know what part of Michigan you call home, or if you’re the religious type. But there are some good larger nondenominational churches in the area that offer ways to get you plugged into some sort of community of folks with either similar interests or similar ages and life situations. My group is church affiliated, but we’re all about fixing cars for needy folks. We do bible studies every other weekly meeting time too, but it’s a lot more social than anything. It’s definitely been great for me personally. So maybe you can find something along those lines to get plugged into?
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:30, STARS: 0
That’s across the country, but I would if I could.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/17/2017 at 22:32, STARS: 1
hmmm
I’m lost for recomendations on how to be sociable, so Instead I’ll recommend music.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:38, STARS: 0
“The only thing that sort of works is gaining friend circles from romantic partners”
You might have this more figured out than me. We’ll get someone to fund your experiments.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:38, STARS: 0
I hope I don’t miss it.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 0
It’s more a matter of IF right now. In the meantime, I haven’t found any clubs that I’d fit in.
"jimz" (jimz)
12/17/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 0
sorry man, I don’t know. Out of all of the people I went to grade school and high school with, I keep in touch with exactly one.
honestly, I refer to Chris Rock here. “I didn’t have 12 friends in high school! I ain’t got 12 friends now!”
when you’re a kid, having “lots of friends” is ok. when you’re an adult, you don’t have lots of friends. You have people you get along with, you have people you’re friendly with. but they’re not friends.
Childhood is in the past.
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
12/17/2017 at 22:41, STARS: 0
Do you like animals?
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:41, STARS: 0
That sucks. Being more adult is gonna get worse and worse it sounds.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 22:42, STARS: 0
I do. I’m allergic to all the ones that have fur, but I like them anyways.
"E90M3" (e90m3)
12/17/2017 at 22:45, STARS: 0
I failed out of school
and somehow still graduated. Don’t give up hope.
I’ve found hope for the better can be a really positive influence. Negativity is a cancer. I say that because, at times, I am a very negative person. Sometimes just being positive can make things seem better. I failed out of school, spent 11 months unemployed; being positive during these times is extremely hard but it can make it just a little better.
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
12/17/2017 at 22:49, STARS: 0
Well that’s tragic. I was going to mention that animal shelters are usually always looking for volunteers. Dogs are a pretty damn good substitute for human contact.
"jimz" (jimz)
12/17/2017 at 23:01, STARS: 0
no, it’s better. the reason I only keep in touch with one person I went to school with is because I’d rather set the rest of them on fire.
look, children are vicious, amoral pack animals. Teenagers are hundreds of times worse. The time I spent in grade school, middle school, and high school has convinced me I don’t ever want to be responsible for bringing even one more of those little shitheads into this world.
I don’t need “lots of friends.” I’m not a social person. I’m glad I’m not beholden to a bunch of people.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 23:07, STARS: 1
As long as I remember not to rub my eyes, I’m usually fine.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 23:10, STARS: 0
See, other than having more money (unless you have a shitton of debt, which I will when I’m done), I’m not sure what exactly is “better”.
I don’t need a lot of friends, I’d only like to have a few consistent and constant ones. Enough that I could count on at least one hand would suffice.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 23:17, STARS: 0
It’s extremely difficult to keep hoping sometimes. Grades aren’t my problem, loans are.
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
12/17/2017 at 23:19, STARS: 0
Almost all of my new friends are 10 years or more older than me. Last friend I made that was my age? Uh...we all know how that went down.
How do you make more friends? Idfk, I want to know too!
PS - I promise that once this crap in my life mostly comes to a close I’ll spend a weekend with you <3
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/17/2017 at 23:26, STARS: 1
Come to think of it, I’ve been more consistently social with people 10-15 years older than me for years...WTF is that about? Yeah, I remember.
I’m sure I’ll crack the code on that eventually.
Definitely focus on yourself first and foremost before anything else right now.
"pauljones" (pauljones)
12/17/2017 at 23:46, STARS: 3
You know, bud, that’s actually a pretty tough question. There’s never any handbook or guide for how to make that sort of thing happen. Sometimes, it just does without you even realizing it.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you to just be yourself. You’re a smart guy, and you already know that. You’re also a good guy, and I think that if you give people a chance, not only will you like them, but they’ll like you, too. It all starts with putting yourself out there. I know, I know. Everyone and their parrot tells you that, but how do you do that? How do you put yourself out there?
Well, here are some ideas:
1) Church groups - now, hold on a minute. I know that sounds dumb and lame. I know, church and religion are evil and dumb. Slow your roll for a minute and listen, though. There are a lot of people your age that are looking for the exact same thing: friendship, companionship, and belonging. The church itself may not be able to provide that for you, but a church group can provide a starting point that does a lot of the work for you. It will organize events and provide a group of young people similar to you. Most of them don’t even ask that you go to service or be a member of any religious group. The only thing they ask is that you try to be positive and believe in helping out. The quality of the other people you meet there will often be pretty high, too. All in all, it’s a great place to start.
2) Intramurals - most places have community leagues for everything from baseball and soccer to ski ball and bowling. They’re just groups of local people hanging out looking to get a little exercise or relaxation in a low-stress, low-pressure environment of peers. Some can be more competitive than others, but they’ll all usually be pretty upfront about that sort of thing. Seasonal membership may cost you between $10-$50, plus whatever equipment you may need, but it’s another fun way to get out there, enjoy and activity, and meet people.
3) Volunteering - whether it be at a museum, a charity event, or whatever else, volunteering a day out of your weekend to help out and do something positive is a great way to meet people. You’ll feel good about yourself, and when you feel good about yourself, you’ll be in a better state of mind to be positive and social.
Boom, three ideas for your right there - and that’s not even a comprehensive list!
While we’re on the subject, though, let’s also talk about what to do once you’re actually out there. The first rule is to simply be positive and bring the best you’ve got to the table. If you do that, people will see it, be impressed by it, and strive to do the same. Secondly, just be willing to listen. Go a whole conversation, a whole day, without focusing on yourself. Instead, invest a little time upfront listening to others. If you do that, people will be grateful, and they’ll jump at the chance to return the favor and be open and receptive to you.
Thirdly, don’t go in with any expectations of whom you are going to meet or whom you want to meet. I know how easy it can be to get lost in bit of a fantasy - even just a little one - about meeting your new best friend or some cute young lady. Maybe t will happen, maybe it won’t. But if you walk in with expectations of that sort, and people don’t instantly meet those expectations, you’ll get disappointed and close yourself off to knowing how wonderful those people may be. When that happens, nobody wins.
Fourth, and also on the note of expectations, try your best not to put any expectations on yourself. You don’t need to be smartest person in the room, or the funniest, or the coolest, or the best at anything at all. You don’t need to walk in there and be the life of the party. The instant you set expectations for yourself, you run a big risk of setting yourself up for disappointment. Just do you. If you’re a little tense and anxious in new social settings, then that’s okay. Be a little tense and anxious. I promise you you won’t be the only one, and if you’re open about it, you’ll see that others are, too - and you can explore it and work through it together. That’s how younform a positive bond with others around you.
Finally, one last bit of advice - be prepared not just for successes, but for disappointment as well. You moght try something and find that that it’s just not a fit, and that can be a definite bummer. It happens to everyone, and it’s going to happen to you. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay. That’s how we grow and learn. Just remember: when it does happen, that’s not a negative reflection on you or anyone else, and you should never take it as a retraction from you. It’s just a learning experience for you to grow from and be all the better for.
You’re a good guy and you’re going to be just fine - as soon as you get yourself out there!
Merry Christmas, bud.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
12/18/2017 at 00:00, STARS: 0
I have maybe four friends, two of which I’ve known for over a decade, and even that many has been an effort to maintain.
Coworkers are usually the fastest route to new friends. If that’s a possibility.
"Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
12/18/2017 at 01:18, STARS: 1
Due to marriage, I am unable to continue experimentation, even for science.
Note that these friend circles are almost always lost upon dissolution of the relationship.
"ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com" (ita97)
12/18/2017 at 01:20, STARS: 0
As an adult, most all of my friends are people I’ve meet through hobbies or, um, mutual activities like the local brewery. I’m only still friends with a handful of people from highschool or before, although since I’ve been a kid I’ve tended to have a decidedly small, but close, group of friends. I’m introverted and painfully shy around people I don’t know, so I tend to make friends slowly. I’ve also tended to have mostly older friends.
Whatever you’re interested in, or whatever your hobbies are, that is where you’ll find friends. I do remember the still pretty intense social pressure that comes with being 22. I can tell you that thing does get better. At 32 now, I know who I am in a way that I didn’t at 22, and there is something very comfortable about that. I don’t fell that I have anything to prove to anyone. While I’ve became more selective in who I choose to become friends with, I think that lack of social pressure makes it easier to become friends with the ones I do choose.
Perhaps a collorary to this is something I learned from a couple romantic relationships that ended: If you’re not a complete person on your own, which is to say you don’t feel complete without someone or something else, you’ll never be complete with them. When I realized this about both of these women, I ended the relationship because I knew I could never provide what was missing and that the pressure of trying to do would eventually break one or both of us. Eventually both of these wonderful people became okay with themselves, and okay with not being in a relationship or even having prospects at one. Both of them found spouses once they got to this place.
Pursue activities that interest you, work on feeling good about who you are, as you are, and folks will want to be around you. You’ll find your place and your people soon enough.
P.S. Even if we don’t all tend to physically hang out together, you’ve got friends on Oppo. That is what makes Oppo special.
"random001" (random001)
12/18/2017 at 06:40, STARS: 0
Strip clubs.
"random001" (random001)
12/18/2017 at 06:40, STARS: 0
But seriously, SCCA.
"gmporschenut also a fan of hondas" (gmporschenut)
12/18/2017 at 07:30, STARS: 1
I’m in the same boat.
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
12/18/2017 at 08:18, STARS: 0
I think it has to do with what stage you are in life? It seems I basically skipped over my 20s and am living my life like a 30 year old.
Most of the people I meet that are my age are either broke (can’t go out), childish, are “dicks”, criminals, having sex with everything that walks, or are in the process of making ALL THE BABIES/getting married.
Meanwhile, my 30 year old friends (and my mature friends in their 20s) just want to go out for lunch, go explore some new place, then finish it off with a nice drink at a bar we’ve never been to...or Netflix ‘n Chill. Both are entirely my speed. :3
"diplodicus" (diplodicus)
12/18/2017 at 08:21, STARS: 0
Go take a beginner yoga class. It’s like 12$.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
12/18/2017 at 15:31, STARS: 0
You mentioned that you volunteered as part of an assignment. Perhaps it would feel more rewarding if you did it again for yourself. When I volunteered through my work, it just felt like work. But when I started volunteering on my own, I felt like I was actively choosing to spend my time helping people instead of watching tv.
If it feels too detached from helping people, maybe try volunteering at a soup kitchen or food pantry where you’re actively serving food to the hungry people who need it.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
12/18/2017 at 15:45, STARS: 0
Noted, but I’m looking for something right now. SCCA doesn’t do anything this time of year.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
12/18/2017 at 16:45, STARS: 0
Doesn’t have to be. I bet there are leagues (when it’s nice out) through the public park system.
Do you have a rec center with racquetball courts?
"random001" (random001)
12/19/2017 at 06:36, STARS: 1
I think you’re wrong about that! At least my SCCA chapter, the two closest ones, have monthly meet ups at a regular restaurant to sit around and shoot the shit. I find that these group gropes are a lot of times way more fun than an auto or rally cross. Check into that!
"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce)
12/19/2017 at 22:03, STARS: 0
Detroit SCCA rallycross. Look it up. I’ll be at the next event at I-96 speedway and probably the next thistle hill event too.
"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce)
12/19/2017 at 22:05, STARS: 0
Not that it’s a perfect solution but I found that attending the same placeat the same timeon a weekly basis helps you to make bonds with “regulars”. For me, it’s a brewery. But it doesn’t have to involve alcohol. It could be a place like a bowling alley or arcade. Or even a known dealership or parking lot or something. It’ll be a bit awkward at first but slowly you’ll make friends and get into the swing of things.
"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce)
12/19/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0
Ugh. High school was crap and high school me was a shithead. Getting the ball rolling in adulthood is tough but it gets easier every year. I’d say I’m in the prime of life in my mid-late 20s. Not much ohases me after my last breakup and I’ve learned a lot about who I am and what I want.