by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 12/14/2017 at 16:51
by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 12/14/2017 at 16:51
Tags: Taketheoutsideline
; Satire
; Net Neutrality
; Embiggen this
STARS: 26
In news announced quietly Thursday afternoon , the National Highway Traffic and Safety Administration (NHTSA) voted 7-4 to unwind the century-old statute known colloquially as Lane Neutrality.
Under Lane Neutrality, which has been the norm since the advent of high-speed roadways, all cars are allowed equal access to all lanes with very few exceptions (for example, restricting HOV/Carpool lanes or giving more freedom to emergency responders). Federal law clearly stated that all vehicles, regardless of the value of their cargo or importance of destination should be given equal access to roadways, provided they all follow the laws for those roadways.
However, under today announcement, roadways will be more heavily regulated and the Federal and State Governments will be permitted to allow preferential times, lanes, and speed limits to high-value cargo and passengers that are considered more important to the public interest. Details are still early, but so far include the following tiers:
Tier 1 (Platinum) : Semi tractors with greater than 50% load capacity will be allowed to use all lanes, at all times, with a speed limit of 100mph.
Tier 2 (Gold) : Semis under 50% capacity; and certain professions, including doctors, attorneys, and DMV clerks will be allowed the same unlimited access, provided they yield to semis.
Tier 3 (Silver) : All other employed people, but only while commuting to or from work (after yielding to Tiers 1 and 2)
Tier 4 (Bronze) : The unemployed, homeless, schoolbuses, college students, and other “drains on society” must yield to all of the above tiers and maintain speeds below 50mph.
The NHTSA is already working on licensing and enforcement plans. The public comment period on these plans is open until March 15 th , 2018 . Comments and complaints can be purchased for $10,000 each, not to exceed the best value, which is $100 million for 15,000 comments (a 33% discount!).
"Orange Exige" (OrangeExige)
12/14/2017 at 17:08, STARS: 4
Well done... This would have been cool to see on the main Jalopnik site maybe a month ago when people would have been more likely to reach out to their representatives... :/
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
12/14/2017 at 17:09, STARS: 2
The powers that be have told me personally there will be no satire on the FP. Maybe now that the Onion is part of the family that will change...
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
12/14/2017 at 17:14, STARS: 6
The...homeless...must yield to all of the above tiers and maintain speeds below 50mph.
That would be an awfully fast shopping cart.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
12/14/2017 at 17:38, STARS: 0
Yeah, homelessness is 83% the guys from Jackass now.
(Honestly, though, most homeless are living out of cars and not walking the streets in the stereotypical image.)
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
12/14/2017 at 18:29, STARS: 1
I don’t see how many are living in cars since they’re out of my sight, but I see an awful lot of them pushing cars around here.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
12/15/2017 at 11:29, STARS: 1
Maybe there will be more automotive satire on the Onion? I can understand not wanting to mix satire with real articles, though. Too dicey these days...
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
12/15/2017 at 11:29, STARS: 0
Maybe there will be more automotive satire on the Onion? I can understand not wanting to mix satire with real articles, though. Too dicey these days...
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
12/15/2017 at 14:06, STARS: 1
I try to alternate a bit between timely stuff (a la Onion or South Park) with more universal, free-form ideas. The current event stuff is harder to write, but is more recognizable. The freeform stuff is more fun, but usually more esoteric.
"fintail" (fintail)
02/15/2018 at 10:40, STARS: 0
I’d imagine Russian money launderers and political donors would also get Tier 1 access in this new drained-swamp regime.
"Maxima Speed" (maximaspeed)
02/15/2018 at 10:52, STARS: 1
He he he, dicey (dicey onions).
"BigBlock440" (440-4bbl)
02/15/2018 at 12:30, STARS: 0
Is that a new policy? I remember reading an article about a late 70's Saturn not too long ago.