by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 11/28/2017 at 10:12
by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 11/28/2017 at 10:12
Tags: Taketheoutsideline
; Satire
; Jeep
STARS: 10
Fresh on the heels of
President Trump’s “Pocahontas” quip in front of Navajo veterans
—a reference to
Elizabeth Warren’s 2016 claim of Native American heritage
—the President was overheard telling members of the National Auto Dealers’ Association (NADA)
Monday afternoon
that his nickname for his 1982 Jeep Wagoneer was “Sacajawea” in honor of the famed Shoshoni Native American guide who helped Lewis & Clark navigate the most difficult parts of their early 19
th
century expedition.
“Old Sac got me through some tough times,” he told the group at an informal breakfast in New York City. “One time I had to get all the way across Long Island to meet some friends for brunch in Montauk. I mean, talk about the middle of nowhere Redneckville!” he said, in reference to the harrowing five-hour ordeal he previously outlined in his ghostwritten 1987 autobiography,
The Art of the Deal.
“That thing was so big and fat, it might as well have been a pregnant chick, so the analogy works.”
Jeep’s parent company, FCA North America, quickly distanced itself from the statement via Twitter, saying “We condemn President Trump’s anecdote in the strongest possible terms,” later adding “1980s Jeeps were nowhere near as reliable as Sacagawea. Maybe the 1940s models were, though.”
The FCA addendum sparked yet another firestorm among Native American groups who did not appreciate the personification of vehicles used in an imperialist effort that was reminiscent of the European conquest of North America. Auto enthusiasts from Oklahoma native groups went as far as to offer the President of FCA, Sergio Marchionne, the honorary title “Chief Ranwhenparked” – a slight that was directed at FCA’s current reputation as the least reliable mainstream brand in America. The statement closed by saying “Our people were ‘Trail-Rated’ long before your products. Just ask Andrew Jackson.”
The furor quickly went viral among diverse groups around the country. Left-wing protest conglomerate Antifa quickly mobilized demonstrators from unemployment offices and colleges around the country, demanding FCA and Trump both retract their statements and issue an apology, plus $500 billion dollars in reparations, to Native American groups. Right-wing groups simultaneously organized counter-protests, demanding the removal of Sacajawea dollars from circulation and pushing for textbook revisions stating that Lewis & Clark completed their journey with nothing but “their own superior European instinct.”
The NADA has largely remained silent on the issue, insisting in a post on its website that it is an apolitical organization that does not wish to comment on the firestorm, only adding “We support the First Amendment right for everyone to express their thoughts in a fair and equitable manner, provided it doesn’t undermine the norms of civil society or harm our dealers’ freedom to engage in four-square, front-loaded interest, racial profiling, and/or usury lending practices.”
"V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches" (jbv12)
11/28/2017 at 10:18, STARS: 1
9.5/10 shitpost
"Dru" (therealkennyd)
11/28/2017 at 10:27, STARS: 9
It legitimately took me 90 seconds to realize this was satire. That’s where we are as a nation.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
11/28/2017 at 10:29, STARS: 9
It’s a both a dream and a nightmare to write this stuff now.
"Future next gen S2000 owner" (future-next-gen-s2000-owner)
11/28/2017 at 10:33, STARS: 4
Never stop. The Onion is going to start picking them up.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
11/28/2017 at 10:33, STARS: 1
“Just ask Andrew Jackson”
Wow. Didn’t see that coming.
"HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo)
11/28/2017 at 10:38, STARS: 1
You know at first the idea of Trump having a beloved Wagoneer nicknamed Sacajawea actually made me like him more.
In reality I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump has never even driving his own car. He’s probably been chauffeured his whole life, and believes driving to be beneath him. Golf carts included.
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
11/28/2017 at 10:48, STARS: 1
This doesn’t even make sense. Sacajawea was an upstanding guide to terrible people, and the Jeep is a terrible vehicle for clueless people.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/28/2017 at 10:54, STARS: 1
Samesies. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I operated on the assumption that this was a legitimate news story, that this stuff was true, until I realized it wasn’t.
"fintail" (fintail)
11/28/2017 at 10:55, STARS: 2
ORV on the Oregon coast, any with bullet holes the size of matzah balls?
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/28/2017 at 10:55, STARS: 0
This might be my favorite line: “Our people were ‘Trail-Rated’ long before your products”
I hope whoever coined that phrase reads this, haha.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/28/2017 at 10:55, STARS: 0
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/28/2017 at 10:57, STARS: 1
Same.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
11/28/2017 at 10:58, STARS: 1
I was hoping that wouldn’t be missed. ;)
"fintail" (fintail)
11/28/2017 at 11:16, STARS: 1
And it was also a Jeep!
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
11/28/2017 at 11:34, STARS: 1
Goonies has it all.
"Berang" (berang)
11/28/2017 at 11:37, STARS: 0
Trump doesn’t have enough taste to own a wagoneer.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
11/28/2017 at 13:02, STARS: 0
Genocide jokes are kosher if the genocide happened “a long time ago”.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
11/28/2017 at 16:48, STARS: 0
Thank you kindly. I always got room for an Aziz gif.