by "Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
Published 11/19/2017 at 17:50
by "Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
Published 11/19/2017 at 17:50
Tags: Depression
STARS: 1
Buffer Hummer!
Darkness surrounds my life. I hate myself and literally everything right now. Life doesn’t have any joy, nor perhaps should it.
Last night, I got a report that someone tried to break into my mum’s house. Someone hurled a brick at the window but the window failed to break. I wonder if the previous tenant (tenant #1) did this.
Tenant #1 (the one that was evicted a couple days after tenants 2 and 3 moved in) was a trans girl that I wanted to help in her transition and stop her from becoming homeless. I did the critical crime of cheating on my girlfriend with this girl...My girlfriend told me I was immediately forgiven. Not long after, I broke up with her because I felt that she deserved someone better than someone like me and that I should be single. At least that way the only heart I destroy is my own. Then I tried to kill myself as punishment.
When that failed, I got a house and (stupidly) decided to move tenant #1 in to reduce the price of the mortgage and bills and to “save” her.
She immediately performed a slightly hostile takeover of the house and started a drug operation. She was a drug drive-thru while she often treated me as less than human. I slowly became a prisoner in my own home. She was even going to buy an illegal gun in case a deal went bad. I allowed it to happen because I thought (as I still do now) that I deserved it.
My parents found out and planned to evict her, but she caught on and moved herself out, taking my tv with her. My parents confronted her about the tv, in which her response was to move back in to spite my parents. She pushed one my two new tenants, earning herself an Order of Protection. Her new best friend - the next door neighbor - decided to insert herself into the situation by attempting to get an OP against us (failed). Poop got thrown at the house and a window also got destroyed. Despite everything, they won the court case.
These new two tenants are making life almost as much as hell. They stole $300 by breaking into my room and stealing my debit card while I slept. Tenant 3 smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and try to make me pay for them..That’s after they stole a flashlight from Walmart then “returned” it to buy...you guessed it, cigarettes. All that’s on top of having to watch and hear tenant 3 get savagely beaten every single day by tenant 2. Tenant 2 has a mountain of child porn on his computer and stalks teenage girls from those “scared straight” shows. He catfishes them with a fake Facebook and tells them he’s going to murder their family if they don’t send nudes. Tenant 3 protected 2 by wiping the hard drive and disposed of the computer. She too is taking over the house because we have chosen to evict her domestic abuser boyfriend because we’re just not going to sit there and watch and have the police called to my house multiple times a week. Not even the other two cars are safe now, despite being at my parents’ house.
All of the bad things in life are seemingly blending together. I still haven’t had the time to even process my breakup and it’s nearly 6 months later. Tenants 2 and 3 were moved in by my parents to leverage out tenant 1...Guess that was a mistake.
In the end, all of this is my fault. Had I never met that girl, had I never cheated, had I never moved them in...I deserve this. My parents don’t deserve this on them. We’re being attacked because of my stupid choices. There’s nothing to stop this. The county Sheriff is no help. We’re placing cameras, but what then? They’ll just burn down both houses.
I considered an inert gas today. I didn’t do it, though the mindset is still lingering there. I’m going to sign off and seek some help. I’ll be back sometime in the future, though I cannot say when. Good night, Oppo.
If you made it to the end, have a RHD mail Jeep in Milwaukee.
"HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute" (hondoyota)
11/19/2017 at 17:56, STARS: 1
Damn.... Life ain’t easy, I can tell you that much. Pretty much same thing happens to me every day, grandparents are bitches and my parents are sick and we’re all broke. I can’t get a good education or social life at school so all I do is spend my time here and looking up stuff to teach myself. Keep going strong and hope to see you back here someday, we all have issues some worse than others but in the end we’ll push through and make it out. I’ll remember you, friend.
"CB" (jrcb)
11/19/2017 at 17:57, STARS: 12
You take care of yourself, alright Mercedes? You don’t deserve any of this. You deserve to be happy. Take your time, and I hope that all of this gets resolved in a positive manner. Keep your stick on the ice, and if you need anything, just give us a shout.
"Nibby" (nibby68)
11/19/2017 at 18:00, STARS: 1
people suck
sounds like you need a change of scenery! try moving out of state if you can and it’ll surely brighten things up after a bit
"boredalways" (boredalway666)
11/19/2017 at 18:02, STARS: 25
Take care of yourself, young lady.
Also, CALL THE FEDS IMMEDIATELY if your tennant has child porn and illegal drugs & guns.
"CB" (jrcb)
11/19/2017 at 18:04, STARS: 5
^This.
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
11/19/2017 at 18:08, STARS: 7
You’be made mistakes. That doesn’t mean you’re worthless. Everyone makes mistakes. Go get some help, you’ll get through this, just like you’ve gotten through so much else.
You came up in conversation last night. I showed the picture of you to that you posted last week to my wife. She thinks you’re adorable and wants to go shopping with you.
"Nobi" (nobi)
11/19/2017 at 18:14, STARS: 16
What I’ve learned in my 33 years of life is you can’t “fix” people. People have to fix themselves. Once I figured that out, my life became way more positive. Concentrate on yourself. Don’t worry about others or trying to make people happy. If you can’t make yourself happy first, then you can’t make others happy. Trust me, it does get better. After being in my funk for almost 7 years, I’m now in a great place in life, married, with two kids, a house, a great job, and the sky’s the limit. Don’t give up now, the best is yet to come, I promise.
"AC2 - The Now 15 Year Old Jalop" (ac-2-shoes)
11/19/2017 at 18:43, STARS: 0
Damn, at this point I say to hell with all your tenants, they all seem like monsters who should burn in hell
"Dogsatemypants" (kb113400)
11/19/2017 at 18:59, STARS: 0
So heres the thung, you can keep blaming yourself for a long shitty chain of events happening, or you can come to the conclusion that people are autonomous beings capable of fucking up your life and their own without any major influence in your part.
People suck, all of them. Me and you included. The really cool stuff only happens when that expectation gets broken. When the moment presents itself be the best you can be, but know that failure is the default option. Success is a happy outlier.
"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
11/19/2017 at 19:20, STARS: 5
Suicide doesn’t end the pain. It just passes it on to someone else. My only suggestions are that you seek help for yourself and keep an open dialogue with local authorities.
"Saab wagon is best wagon-now with less Saab" (saabwagon)
11/19/2017 at 19:27, STARS: 4
I second this. FBI/DEA/ATF is gonna be much more helpful for this stuff than county police.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
11/19/2017 at 19:36, STARS: 2
Who the fuck are these people?
Just because you let fucked up people into your life doesn’t mean you deserve their being fucked up people.
"just-a-scratch" (just-a-scratch)
11/19/2017 at 19:47, STARS: 0
It is not all your fault. Making a mistake does not mean people should get to take advantage of you. You are deserving dignity and love even when, especially when you don’t feel great.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/19/2017 at 19:49, STARS: 4
I think it may be time for you to get rid of the variables that you have no control on in your life. If i was in your place i would move out, find a smaller place that you can afford by yourself. Your house should be your shelter from life’s irritants, not the major source of them.
"Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen" (distraxi)
11/19/2017 at 19:50, STARS: 1
I deserve this
No. No, you don’t. You’ve maybe made some decisions which turned out bad, or maybe just had to choose from a lousy menu, but either of those just makes you a member of the human race, it doesn’t mean you “deserve” the level of shit you’re going through. That’s your depression talking, and with the right help it can be beaten: good to hear you’re going to go looking.
Kia Kaha , Mercedes, better times will come. Come back happier and soon. And if you feel you get any support at all from this forum, maybe consider not backing completely away while you sort things out - connections to community are important, even if it’s only to anonymous gearheads on the internet.
"Your boy, BJR" (jerseyshoreben)
11/19/2017 at 20:03, STARS: 2
Look, fuckin’ around happens. Not always, but it does. It’s not that huge of a deal.
Usually it doesn’t lead to your life becoming a DMX video, idk what to tell ya there.
You prob don’t deserve this, and it’s not like all of this happened because you cheated.
I’d say the biggest problem here is that you’re fuckin’ shit at picking housemates, and that’s not something to end your life over. Get a long-term close friend to help you screen tenants, maybe, but it certainly isn’t the end of the world.
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
11/19/2017 at 20:17, STARS: 0
Stay strong girl. This to shall pass.
"vicali" (vicali)
11/19/2017 at 20:37, STARS: 1
A friend I’ve known for almost 20 years just posted on fb about her transition, she was going to her first day of work as who she feels right as. I immediately dm her how strong and brave she was. I feel the same for you- it is amazing the strength and bravery you demonstrate. These other trials are just that- just things to get through and deal with.
Know that for ever person and friend you make here, there are 10 standing behind them. We don’t call it the Oppo army for nothing..
"Maxima Speed" (maximaspeed)
11/19/2017 at 21:23, STARS: 0
As a told a friend once “everybody makes mistakes the first time around”.
Seriously though, I don’t know if you are religious but, I will pray that you find true contentment and peace. “Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you”.
"Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW!" (theduckduck)
11/19/2017 at 22:04, STARS: 0
Take care of yourself Miss Mercedes. Be safe!
"105 HP of fury" (105HPofFury)
11/19/2017 at 22:14, STARS: 0
I mostly lurk here, but I did want to jump in and say that I enjoy reading your posts.
Stay safe! Please find some help. We need a Smart Car enthusiast in Oppo, I hope it continues to be you.
"The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock" (jukesjukesjukes)
11/19/2017 at 22:44, STARS: 2
The Fed’s will sieze all computers (& cameras, phones, hard drives, etc) if child porn is found on computer. It’s a precaution on their part.
"E92M3" (E46M3)
11/19/2017 at 23:58, STARS: 0
Watch this video, maybe it will help some. Please call the number if you’re thinking about suicide anymore.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
"feather-throttle-not-hair" (feather-throttle-not-hair)
11/20/2017 at 14:50, STARS: 0
YOU. DESERVE. HAPPINESS.
"Ike" (untitledcarshow)
11/21/2017 at 11:10, STARS: 0
Hey we all love ya, and if you need help in the future this community is the best place for it. Be safe, and come back when your ready to