by "Jcarr" (jcarr)
Published 11/16/2017 at 15:11
by "Jcarr" (jcarr)
Published 11/16/2017 at 15:11
No Tags
STARS: 15
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:15, STARS: 3
Does giving someone a facial with a dead man’s ashes count?
"PartyPooper2012" (PartyPooper2012)
11/16/2017 at 15:16, STARS: 2
Shoooot... You remember back in 1934, you put your hand on my shoulder? I did not give you consent. My people will call your people. You best not be running for an office either.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 15:17, STARS: 7
unless it’s for president, then he’s good
"PartyPooper2012" (PartyPooper2012)
11/16/2017 at 15:20, STARS: 1
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 15:22, STARS: 11
Everyone wants to be a ‘victim’ these days. There are some legitimate problems out there, to be sure, but I feel like there’s a gross lack of accountability on the part of some of the victims, as well. If you engaged in an uncomfortable situation and didn’t have the backbone to stand up for what you felt was right, then perhaps you have some lessons to learn as well...
There is a growing sense that the world owes everyone safety, happiness, and cuddles, and it’s getting out of hand. And no, I’m not a conservative. I’m a liberal, by most measures. I’m just not impressed with the thin-skinned crybabies out there who want everything given to them, and protection from anything and everything that might even retrospectively offend them, at any point in the future... We all get our own chance to make our own choices. Rape is inexcusable. Racism is inexcusable. Gender bias is inexcusable. But having your sensibilities hurt for something you chose not to walk away from? The world is full of assholes, and if you’re not one, it’s still on you to learn how to deal with them...
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
11/16/2017 at 15:25, STARS: 6
didn’t have the backbone to stand up for what you felt was right, then perhaps you have some lessons to learn as well...
Sometimes it’s not that easy. Sure, in some cases you’d love to throw a right hook while screaming FUCK YOU but in other cases that means burning down things that you’ve worked hard for. These are people with some degree of power we are talking about.
Sometimes standing up for what’s right comes at a great personal sacrifice or risk, and when that’s weighed against “letting it slide” a blind eye is turned.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:27, STARS: 0
Can you guys help me with this question?, I have very little knowledge of this and the answers will probably help me self reflect about the horrible things happening.
https://theslot.jezebel.com/1820515924
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:32, STARS: 3
“There is a growing sense that the world owes everyone safety, happiness, and cuddles”
John Locke would like to have a word with you....
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:32, STARS: 7
Holy shit it’s Maximum Sarge.
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
11/16/2017 at 15:33, STARS: 5
I hope you know that you’re basically telling a whole lot of women (including myself), some men (Terry Crews, even), and others in precarious positions against people in power that they’re at least partially at fault that they were sexually assaulted.
I’d like to see that logic’d out how I’m at least somewhat responsible for the men who follow me home, vandalize my car, and the guy who’s in an absurdly high position in my company that basically has admitted at one point in time that he wants to rape me.
Sometimes the only way to survive being a minority in an industry (I’m the ONLY person in the entirety of my massive department that is LGBTQ and also the only POC) is to let some things “slide”, but that doesn’t mean that I am to blame for how someone treats me. I have to work in a system not designed for me to succeed. Obviously I’m far from being alone. Let the heads of sexual assaults perps roll.
Edit: Holy grammatical mistakes! Fixed!
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:33, STARS: 2
I think we can all agree that the laws state a clear definition! I think the debate lies on what the consequences should be and how we need to change the flawed gender relations that have lead us here.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:34, STARS: 0
I wouldn’t even touch that with your 10 foot pole.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:36, STARS: 0
Um, what do you mean?
I just want to learn, if you feel as if I wrote something dumb please let me know...
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
11/16/2017 at 15:38, STARS: 0
Makes me think of that stuff with Terry Crews. Dude, you are gigantic. I am not and I would at least break the nose of any dude that grabbed my balls, not whine about it like a bitch.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 15:41, STARS: 6
I don’t think he’s saying that they are at fault, only that they should have reported it at the time, not 30 years later in a highly charged political environment. I don’t think he fully understands how hard it is for a nobody to stand up to somebody in power.
"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
11/16/2017 at 15:43, STARS: 3
I’m waiting for the guy on guy, or girl on guy accusations to come out. I’ve endured so many nut taps and ass fingering, mostly from dudes, and I’m sure others have too but no one I know is a senator actor or comedian so I have no reason to speak out.... I also do not feel emotionally scarred so that’s another reason.
And if I think back, there were also some unwanted actions performed by women, i.e. sitting on my lap, rubbing my shoulders, referring to themselves as my ‘girlfriend’ when I was already married... they made me feel uncomfortable at the time but I would not go as far as to publicly accuse them either of sexual misconduct.
I dunno, seems like a very one-sided thing that’s been going on, and the focus is all on the people in the limelight, while there are COUNTLESS cases of actual physically and mentally scarring sexual abuse that no one speaks about.
Because not news-worthy.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
11/16/2017 at 15:44, STARS: 9
I’m sure a black guy punching out a rich white executive would have went really well for Terry.
“not whine about it like a bitch.”
You sound like an intelligent individual...
"Jcarr" (jcarr)
11/16/2017 at 15:45, STARS: 0
Is this like a Porsche8675309 sighting? I’m too Kinja-young.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 15:45, STARS: 3
But having your sensibilities hurt for something you chose not to walk away from?
Is it really that easy though? Take Louis CK, he asked people who likely believe he controlled their fate whether it’d be okay to jack off in front of them. He’s in a position of power. All of the men who’ve been accused have all been in positions of power. It’s not all about having the physical means of getting out of a situation.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:46, STARS: 4
You know, when it actually happens to you, you just end up being so confused that you don’t even know what to do.
I have personally never been assaulted, but I know how friends of all genders who have been assaulted and the answer is not as binary we sometimes wished it was, many pressures come into play and we need to take that into consideration.
"diplodicus" (diplodicus)
11/16/2017 at 15:46, STARS: 1
But Terry Crews is black, he knew if he beat a white mans ass he would go to jail. It would be powerful white hollywood guys word vs black guy from Flint one of Americas most violent cities.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
11/16/2017 at 15:50, STARS: 1
There was a guy in high school that used to do this all the time. I hit him once and he stopped, and another guy later broke his jaw. He wasn’t slapping nuts or ass in a playful way like you would with a teammate (sounds weird, I know, but it isn’t depending on the relationship), but in an aggressive way. It was almost like he could see who he could dominate.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 15:50, STARS: 1
One of the pressures is the relevance; some feel that admitting it may not be relevant if someone isn’t powerful, I think this is very selfish but still understandable. But its still a pressure. Think; theres a difference of relevance between accusing a county’s D.A. and accusing a member of the USC.
Again, it’s not as binary
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:50, STARS: 2
I think it depends on the severity of the act, the response from the accused, and if the victim accepts the apology. There’s also the acceptance by the accuser that they must live with this label following them around for the rest of their life.
For Franklin, I think there will be forgiveness after he prostrates himself in front of his constituents and his victim. I think you are right in that his work has had a positive impact on society, but it would be wrong to say his work makes up for any abuse he caused to that woman. Bill Clinton appears to have been forgiven by the DNC for all his alleged abuses, at least publicly.
For other public figures I’m not quite sure. I bet Anthony Wiener will get another chance once he’s out of prison, and I bet he’ll fuck it all up again. It seems like the Democrats have the unique ability to overlook and forgive their members on this sort of thing, while the GOP just denies the abuse happened, and then when the proof comes out they cut ties and run away. I don’t think Roy Moore will have a political career after skeeving on under-aged girls for a few decades, but Franklin will.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 15:52, STARS: 1
The one thing Franken has going for him right now is that he stepped right up and owned it, and apologized, rather than attack his accuser’s credibility, as Roy Moore and his supporters are doing. Hell, even Sean Hannity is backing away from Moore. Had the Franken incident happened at any other time, it might have gotten brushed aside. But sexual harassment is a huge hot-button issue in the US right now. And it should be, as it is part of a larger discussion about generations of gender inequality.
As to your question of whether or not good deeds should outweigh a transgression, I do think you have to look at the larger picture, at whether the alleged activity was part of a pattern of sexual aggression, or a misunderstood gesture, or even, in Franken’s case, an attempt at humor, however misplaced. A lifetime of good deeds doesn’t necessarily mean that the slate should be wiped clean. But I don’t think you can necessarily tar an entire career over one event, unless this is part of a larger pattern of sexual harassment. That remains to be seen.
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
11/16/2017 at 15:53, STARS: 2
There was Kevin Spacey.
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
11/16/2017 at 15:54, STARS: 0
George Taki.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:54, STARS: 4
Maximum Sarge is like a Bill Murray sighting - everyone goes “oh yeah! I remember him oh how neat he ate a guy’s hotdog and told him no one would believe his story”. A Porsche9146 sighting is like when someone says they saw the Lochness Monster because the monster is fake and the Mods made it up to deflect poor decision making skills on a false entity that “owns” Oppositelock so we never have to take real responsibility for our actions.
I mean, what?
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 15:54, STARS: 2
It’s not binary, but the world, particularly those who consume traditional and social media, are not very good at nuance.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:55, STARS: 5
Optics. “Human Work-Out Regimen Terry Crews Lays-Out Skinny Hollywood Exec” has bad optics.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 15:56, STARS: 2
Rule #1. No dicks. We are strictly dickless in here.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 15:56, STARS: 2
no not dumb, but what ever your side is on that topic on jezebel you will get burnt.
You asked the question, not defending his actions or what ever so you should be safe. But just wait and see the responses your responses are going to get.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/16/2017 at 15:58, STARS: 1
Franken acted as a complete asshole, whether or not he actually touched her in that photo or not. Even posing that way is harassment. As a man, I’m imagining how pissed and violated I’d feel if anyone (man or woman), stuck their tongue in my mouth without my permission... It’s just unacceptable behavior.
As a dad of a young daughter, every revelation makes me all the more fearful that she’ll have to deal with an experience like this in her life...
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:01, STARS: 0
didn’t have the balls to reply on Jezebel???
:)
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 16:02, STARS: 1
Bill Clinton appears to have been forgiven by the DNC for all his alleged abuses, at least publicly.
Counterpoint: “What About Bill?” Sexual Misconduct Debate Revives Questions About Clinton
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:03, STARS: 2
I think Anthony’s wiener is cooked!
he’s all done!
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 16:03, STARS: 3
oh ok I see how it is fuck you then I’ll post it there, too.
I just need to update my will. I leave all my Kinja comments to Spiegel, if he’s ever unbanned.
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
11/16/2017 at 16:03, STARS: 0
Really?
I barely comment on Jezebel or the other blogs in Kinja. When I do I try to have a conversation with the authors (which are professional journalists(perhaps a stretch, but you get the jist) and have their povs to give me further perspective.
But I understand that some users are shit! Its just that I hate staying inside my own bubble because I tend to develop strong views on things, before I develop opinions I try to get as many POVs as I can so that I remain the least biased as possible...
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
11/16/2017 at 16:04, STARS: 3
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:05, STARS: 1
I’m having a hard time with the Al Franken case (not Franklin), I’ve respected him very much as a politician. At the end of the day I think what he did was wrong. But not as egregious as some of the other recently accused.
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
11/16/2017 at 16:05, STARS: 3
I can’t speak for the others, but I haven’t reported most of those who have sexually assaulted me or threatened harm against me. I place more importance on just getting out of the situation than I do getting a report out.
And for those who I did place reports on, it wasn’t worth the trouble. IF I got someone to even believe me, nothing ever happened. Hell, even outside of sexual assault the police in my parts do hardly anything.
The police have been to my house about 10 times over the past week for a variety of issues and only twice out of those 8 calls did they do anything outside of shrug. What’s even the point of reporting something when nothing happens? :’(
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:05, STARS: 0
i’m not in the grays over there for some reason,
Don’t tell anyone, I don’t think they know I’m a man
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/16/2017 at 16:06, STARS: 2
Whatever’s he done since his offenses against her, it’s clearly made no difference in how she has personally suffered from this incident since it happened. Intentionally or not, he hurt her, and deserves punishment for his actions (if not legally, in the court of public opinion).
I sure hope that none on the left who have lambasted Trump & Moore (for good reason) for their actions don’t become apologists for Franken because he’s on “their team”.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 16:07, STARS: 1
Counterpoint to your counterpoint: None of the Dems contacted about the story offered a defense or condemnation of Clinton. Hell at least the Republicans said “if he did it...” about Roy Moore.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 16:08, STARS: 1
I was specifically referring to the abuse allegations levied against Benjamin Franklin, of course.
>.>
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:09, STARS: 0
you will see.
post your findings later. That’s why many of us stay mostly on oppo
We tease and play with each other. but the mean shit is mostly absent here.
we shit post, not shit stir.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:12, STARS: 1
It’s how I’m starting to feel too, I was talking to some colleagues about it today. And this is not some shit that can just be swept under the rug as maximum_sarge seems to be suggesting. There’s some especially terrible shit some of these men did. And are doing. It’s significantly altering the trajectories of many, many Hollywood careers, movies and tv shows. As well as political trajectories of others.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:14, STARS: 0
Hi Ken, it’s Ken, how you doing?
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
11/16/2017 at 16:14, STARS: 1
*Looks down* Dammit! Oppo’s rules have failed me!
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:15, STARS: 2
I’m not either, and honestly I’ve had some decent discussions there and have found anyone I spoke with perfectly reasonable, despite what is sometimes said about them.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 16:16, STARS: 3
hehe
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
11/16/2017 at 16:16, STARS: 0
Ehh, also possible. I caught a dude trying to steal my belt off my jeans in gym class years ago and my brain literally shut down. I think the physical thing would be the difference there, he did shove him pretty hard. I’m saying he should have followed through and beat his ass.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:18, STARS: 1
so have I, also that’s why i’m not gray.
I don’t troll or stir shit, but just like every other FP, you will get some assholes who will troll, bait, of be offended by a simple comment.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:20, STARS: 0
“but no one I know is a senator actor or comedian so I have no reason to speak out”
“And if I think back, there were also some unwanted actions performed by women, i.e. sitting on my lap, rubbing my shoulders, referring to themselves as my ‘girlfriend’”
The accused men of late have all used their position of power to satisfy their urges. It’s got to feel a whole lot worse. Much harder to just brush off. If I imagine some of the bosses I’ve had doing any of that stuff, I’d consider it sexual assault. It’s not just some instance at a party, likely motivated by booze/insecurity/a crush.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 16:29, STARS: 2
Actually, Franklin was a major skirt-chaser back in the day. No, really. He was famous for chatting up the ladies in Paris and getting frisky with them.
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
11/16/2017 at 16:29, STARS: 2
Read my response to maximum sarge.
In Terry’s case all it would take is a “hey, I was only joking, blah blah” and he’d be in really deep shit. A 250 lb angry black man will get zero slack for beating down a toothpick white producer.
Terry had to take it because he didn’t want to burn down what he built.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 16:29, STARS: 1
It certainly does put the Dems in a bit of a pickle.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
11/16/2017 at 16:30, STARS: 0
He was a big fan of older women as well, saying something along the lines of you can’t tell their age if the dress is over their heads or something.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:32, STARS: 1
“As a man, I’m imagining how pissed and violated I’d feel if anyone (man or woman), stuck their tongue in my mouth without my permission... It’s just unacceptable behavior.”
I’ve had this happen (as a man, by a woman). And while it was uncomfortable. It wasn’t life-altering or scarring. Yeah I was a little pissed, but I brushed it off with relative ease. These things do happen and I think they are often fairly innocent. Unwanted kisses happen. In my case it was just someone that probably had a crush on me and had acted on it awkwardly, totally forgivable. But everything changes when the person is in a position of power and the abuse that power, to satisfy some urge.
But when those things happen to you OFTEN, there’s a problem. If you are constantly forcing kisses on people that don’t want them, you have a problem. In the case of Franken, it seemed a little beyond innocent, if it’s true that it was his idea to work it into the script and to then follow up with practicing it. I still think what he did is forgivable, wrong and in VERY poor taste, but forgivable with the details that are public at this time.
Especially considering it’s the only known incident related to Franken at this time and considering that publicly/politically he has proven himself what appears to be a decent human being. Standing up for women, kids, education, etc.
"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
11/16/2017 at 16:32, STARS: 0
Oh damn.
"Tekamul" (tekamulburner)
11/16/2017 at 16:33, STARS: 2
At least some of those ashes use to be a penis. And butt. And knees, if you’re into that sort of thing.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:34, STARS: 0
Yep, and though some like to make fun of Jezebel for that stuff, as you said, Jalopnik and other FP’s have it just as bad.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 16:35, STARS: 1
“...in the dark, all cats are gray.” Franklin didn’t coin the phrase, but he used it in “ Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress ” and it has become attributed to him. However, as much as he chased the court skirts, I don’t think there’s any evidence that he actually bedded any of the women. He was pretty old at the time.
"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
11/16/2017 at 16:35, STARS: 0
Oh yeah, forgot about the details of that... is he still hiding behind his homosexuality claim? Because if it was sexually motivated as far as attraction goes I’d lump that in with the dudes assaulting girls bunch. Though the age of the kid at the time makes it extra creepy no matter what his preference.
"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
11/16/2017 at 16:36, STARS: 0
Hadn’t even heard of that one... guess there’s just way too many at the moment to keep track of.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
11/16/2017 at 16:38, STARS: 0
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
"Mercedes Streeter" (smart)
11/16/2017 at 16:40, STARS: 1
...you just end up being so confused that you don’t even
know
what to do.
This. ^
When that guy was trying to rape me at the bar, I had an easy out. A solid punch to the nuts followed by a stiletto to the same region would have put him down for the count before an additional butt kicking from the bouncer.
But in that moment, that easy solution may as well have been on another universe. The simple thought of “grab his nuts and squeeze as hard as your sharp nails will allow” never crossed my mind. I got out of it safe (well, physically safe, anyway) but darn does being under pressure make things weird.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
11/16/2017 at 16:42, STARS: 3
Let’s be honest here: speaking as a man, I’m pretty sure every man has inner dirtbag tendencies or inclinations. Sure, plenty of us haven’t sexually harassed people, but men think of messed up shit all the time. Or even not-messed-up shit like being hyper aware of every halfway attractive female (or whatever gender we’re into) that crosses our paths.
It’s up to us to stop ourselves. We need to develop and cultivate our inner dirtbag defense mechanisms that kick in and remind us, “hey, no, don’t do that.” It takes practice and persistence to suppress the inner dirtbag. I mean, hell, when I’m at the gym, and my testosterone is flowing, every time a halfway decent looking woman in spandex gym clothes comes within 15 feet of me, this is my inner dirtbag and my dirtbag defense system:
That testosterone means that my definition of “halfway decent looking” becomes extremely permissive. But the dirtbag defense system wins, because I know that’s what is right and decent and acceptable behavior, and I want it to win. I’m willing to admit that I have that inner dirtbag, because I know my defense system is a damn good one. Plenty of guys don’t listen to their dirtbag defense systems enough, or don’t develop them at all.
So no, this doesn’t surprise me.
The only thing that surprises me is how so many of these guys like Harvey Weinstein or Louis C.K. get off on getting women to watch them take care of business. That’s something that by design, you can do all on your own! But I suppose someone who embraces their inner dirtbag might feel differently.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 16:46, STARS: 1
you need to be thick skinned on every FP here, still not as bad as the trolls on Foxnews, where everyother comment on any article, is Hillary is this is that. Dems are this, liberals are that. The Trump trolls are strong there
"random001" (random001)
11/16/2017 at 16:48, STARS: 1
I have two kids, and pregnancy was referred to in unkind ways at times....
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/16/2017 at 16:54, STARS: 1
Haha! I’ll gladly stay away from their comment section (Fox). I’ve had some fun “encounters” on reddit. They can be a special bunch on some subs.
"EL_ULY" (uly)
11/16/2017 at 16:56, STARS: 1
YEAH! Stupid traumatized women. Walk it off bitches!
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/16/2017 at 17:06, STARS: 0
“at this time” I honestly hope there aren’t more, but am afraid of what else might come out of the woodwork (see Cosby, Louis, et al). If he didn’t have some history of this, I’d expect some female comics whom he worked with for many years to speak out in his defense (a very, very difficult position to take, I know).
And the power position does change a lot (I was envisioning an older woman in my scenario).
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 17:39, STARS: 0
I don’t comment I just read and laugh
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
11/16/2017 at 17:44, STARS: 1
This^^^
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 22:31, STARS: 0
I believe these are yours
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 22:32, STARS: 0
Let me be crystal fucking clear for you: It’s not restricted to any particular gender, race, sexual orientation, or preference for flour vs wheat totillas.
This world is full of willing victims, and like so many racists riding Trump’s coat tails these days, there are also a lot of whiny victims coming ‘out of the closet’ who frankly don’t qualify for abject victimhood, in so much as they fail to identify their own role in the situation.
Like bullies (who I thoroughly enjoy seeing punished), a lot of victims are victims over and over and over again. And when that’s the case, you earn the status “willing victim”. When you repeatedly put yourself in situations where you are victimized, because you keep associating with people who would abuse you (‘abuse’ in any manner - from physical abuse to abuse of trust, power, etc) - when you keep choosing those situations, then I don’t feel sorry for you. I won’t cheer for your oppressor, but I’m not really that interested in your victimhood, either...
Suck it up, all you buttercups.
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 22:44, STARS: 0
Show me on the doll where the man touched you. And then please explain why you’re playing with a naked doll.
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 22:46, STARS: 1
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 23:01, STARS: 0
I’m not saying what he did is ok, but I have to say that if you’re in a situation like that, you get to make a choice. And if your business is comedy and entertainment, you can’t tell me you don’t know of any way to respond to him, even in a comedic, friendly way, that says “nope, not interested”.
You don’t have to outright reject the guy and make him feel like the creep that he apparently is in a total slap to the face retort, but you don’t have to say “well, I’m not that good at my job and I might never make it in my career if I don’t let the bad man do what he wants...”
That’s your own weakness and insecurity, and you own that. He doesn’t owe it to you to fix that in you. It’s no one else’s job but your own.
Now, I wasn’t there and don’t know all the considerations of the specific situations, and that’s why I didn’t name any specifcs, but I know there are a lot of people who I have watched through the decades I’ve been alive, and some of them walk their sorry asses into the same shitty situations over and over and over. Married five times to abusive people (men or women)? Well, either you’re stupid, you like bullies, or you’re just an inexorable button pusher who brings out the worst in people. But you don’t get to keep doing these things and not take a long hard look at yourself.
Even if it’s your first time in a given type of shitty situation, you shouldn’t have to be told not to eat the shit sandwich. You don’t have to eat a shit sandwich even once to know it’s a terrible sandwich. “Can I beat my little red-headed clown in front of you?” Well... don’t you kind of know beforehand whether you’re interested? And if your answer to yourself was “well... maybe... I’ll try anything once”... then get some therapy and vow not to eat another shit sandwich the next time one is offered.
But if it happens again, and you’re like “hmmm, but this one has corn in it!”...
"Wacko" (wacko--)
11/16/2017 at 23:10, STARS: 0
He said dickless, so it was either a Ken doll joke, or
This pic with the text “I was once dickless”
"maximum_sarge" (wolverine001)
11/16/2017 at 23:14, STARS: 0
Can has sarcasm?
"EL_ULY" (uly)
11/17/2017 at 00:36, STARS: 0
lol :]
"gmporschenut also a fan of hondas" (gmporschenut)
11/17/2017 at 00:48, STARS: 1
(doesn’t look at the news for 3 days)
wtf just happened.
Really dissapointed in Franken. everyone fucks up, its how one acknowledges what they did is the only way for one to begin to be forgiven. In his case hes owned up to his actions which is a stark difference than anyone else in hte past few weeks and the victim has accepted the appology.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/17/2017 at 09:40, STARS: 0
I could imagine that in the comedian world pretend boob grabbing and vulgar jokes are very commonplace. As I imagine someone like Amy Schumer doles out her share of sexually graphic jokes. Not that I’m condoning what happened. But I could see that some of those interactions might be common and nothing thought of them. It definitely went too far however, if what was claimed was true. And you make a good point, I would feel better if some women would come to his defense, or I would feel more certain that he deserves what’s coming if more women come forward or corroborate.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/17/2017 at 10:39, STARS: 0
Yeah, in a writer’s room, where it’s all comedians and the girls are dishing it out as much as they’re getting it, maybe something like this (the picture, not the unwelcome tongue) is understandable. If she had looked at this photo and thought “what a dumbass” instead of feeling violated and belittled, then their relationship as friends would have been such that it would be okay. Clearly, they weren’t in such a relationship and it wasn’t okay.
Off-topic: I really enjoyed Tina Fey’s book.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
11/17/2017 at 15:20, STARS: 1
So, this is interesting because I can now think of many instances where I was touched by women or was the subject of off0color humor from male (and sometimes female) coworkers. I never considered it harassment because I wasn’t offended, and when I was offended, I said so and considered the matter handled. But if I had never said anything, would I have the right to protest later and say I was harassed? Does everyone have the right to be told they offended and have the opportunity to apologize and cease, or are any potentially offensive actions simply things that all responsible adults should know about and avoid? And how does this requirement change if one person is in a position of authority over another? These seem to be the issues that are being debated now.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/21/2017 at 11:13, STARS: 0
So, update: one other woman came out saying he grabbed her ass when taking a photo with her, and 36 of his co-workers at SNL came out saying they had personally been treated with nothing but respect in their time with him.
Clearly he crossed a line with these two women, but clearly his acts (that have come to light so far) weren’t as egregious as Roy Moore’s.
Or now, Charlie Rose’s... SMH
Assholes abound.
I wrote this a while back: http://oppositelock.kinja.com/assholes-inside-and-dadlopnik-question-1819376290
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/21/2017 at 11:37, STARS: 0
Haha, I thought of you this morning when I heard this on the radio (NPR specifically). My entire morning commute consisted of discussions about sexual harassment. Franken, Moore, Some Senator, Rose, Trump.
So far I still have hope for Franken, I hope that he can move beyond this, I hope that this is all it is and I hope he continues to push the kind of policy that I’ve come to respect him for. But we’ll see.
As for what you wrote some time ago, it seems to be more true with each passing day. But I’m hopeful it’s limited to, in a lot of cases, men abusing their power. Something I’d hope your children won’t run into on the daily. And I certainly believe kids can be raised to know these types of advances are completely unacceptable, to know when something is just fundamentally wrong and out of place. It’s the best you can do, from there they will, on their own, have to identify if or when this happens and deal with it.
I’m not a parent, but that has always seemed like a tough step, that when your kids are old enough, that you have to start trusting them to make the right decisions on their own and that part of that will be watching them make mistakes. But hoping that for the most part you’ve raised them to succeed.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/21/2017 at 11:52, STARS: 0
I appreciate the very considerate response. Thankfully my daughter has an incredible example in her mother of an intelligent, successful and strong woman who’s not about to take any shit from anyone... I’m not looking forward to having these conversations with her, but we will, and she’ll be well-prepared for the worst the world might throw at her (as much as I hope & pray she never has to experience any of this in her life).
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/21/2017 at 12:38, STARS: 1
Hopefully it won’t take too much of a conversation. I think a lot of my innate sense of right and wrong comes from my life experience and for the most part excellent guidance from my parents.
As you grow up you’ll hear about so-and-so down the street cheated on his wife. Later so-and-so was fired for sexual misconduct. Seeing your parents and/or people you trust or look up to react to those events, I bet that does a lot in shaping your own reaction those events.
And as you say, your daughter has a fantastic mother (and father) to look up to. If she’s a strong woman and doesn’t take shit, just setting that example I bet will be the most important thing. Leading by example is huge.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/21/2017 at 15:46, STARS: 1
That a very good point - character is modeled much more than taught. I was very fortunate to have a mother & father (and three older brothers and lots of uncles and aunts) that were a wonderful example to me, and I aspire to set a similar example for my kids as they grow up.
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
11/21/2017 at 15:57, STARS: 1
That’s awesome! I think we are both immeasurably lucky to be part of families like that. I feel the same way about mine. It’s amazing how often the care with which I’ve been raised has helped me in life (I’m 30, for context).
Not to strike a very depressing tone (but I am): It always pains me to think that a lot of kids out there have such incredible odds to rise above. Sadly, a lot of them don’t stand a chance. I can’t believe the extent to which that is going on in this country, the richest nation on earth.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
11/21/2017 at 16:06, STARS: 1
I’ve got a decade on you; my Dad just celebrated his 80th birthday. The greatest gift he’s given me in my life is two-fold: he never let me question how much he loved me (even when it’s the last thing I wanted to hear), and he’s always showered my mother with love & respect.
I’m with you - far too few kids get what you and I got from our families. It’s not a new problem, but it does feel like it’s getting worse.
