by "Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
Published 11/16/2017 at 01:04
by "Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
Published 11/16/2017 at 01:04
Tags: Cereal
STARS: 11
I’ve been seeing a lot of offensive new cereals lately. So I thought instead of being a grouchy old man, I’d start pissing away $2.98 a week to provide High Quality Content™. So let’s begin.
This is General Mills slapping the iconic “toast crunch” suffix on something else, much like FCA taking a Fiat and calling it a Jeep Renegade. But does it live up to the hype?
First off, not unlike Cinnamon Toast Crunch, all the little blueberry bits are basically sprinkled right on there. They fall off when you touch them, float in milk, which results in blueberry-flavored milk. More on that later. They are shaped like French Toast Crunch, but poofier.
But the texture is like neither of its two predecessors, which is an exteme disappointment. They absorb milk quickly, and can be eaten almost immediately. The consistency is similar to a much softer Crunch Berry. Dare I even say Kix?
And that’s the the big thing: these just taste like a soft, watered-down Cap’n Crunch “Just Berries.” The first bite *seemed* like it was blueberry flavored, but it quickly devolved into “generic sugar bomb” status. It’s not unique enough to be addicting, and the texture isn’t satisfying enough to pour a second bowl. The resulting milk is virtually indecernable from, say, Froot Loops milk. Or perhaps more accurate: Trix milk.
I think kids will like it, because kids will eat any bad cereal if it still has a shitton of added sugar. If you ate these blindfolded, I’m not betting you would ever guess what it was you were eating. This isn’t even a contender among the “tastes kind of like blueberry” class of cereals.
Not only never buy this again, I’m not even sure I will eat another bowl out of this box.
Thanks for reading.
"Kat Callahan" (kyosuke)
11/16/2017 at 01:07, STARS: 1
It is manual, but it’s not the right shade of brown, and it’s powered by sugar? Not diesel? Get out of here.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
11/16/2017 at 01:07, STARS: 1
URHGG THIS ISN’T A CAR
"Kat Callahan" (kyosuke)
11/16/2017 at 01:13, STARS: 6
This clearly said “Oppositelock review.” CP. I want my money back.
"Tapas" (tapas)
11/16/2017 at 01:30, STARS: 0
Important question: Can you Oppo a bowl goingsideways at 50mph?
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
11/16/2017 at 01:36, STARS: 1
If you’re interested, my next review is of a knuckle sammich.
"RPM esq." (rpm3)
11/16/2017 at 01:37, STARS: 3
Thank you for doing this important work.
"Kat Callahan" (kyosuke)
11/16/2017 at 01:38, STARS: 1
Nah, that brand is notoriously unreliable and not relevant to my interests.
"Steve in Manhattan" (blogenfreude01)
11/16/2017 at 01:40, STARS: 0
Does Honeycombs still exist? I remember kinda likin’ that ...
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
11/16/2017 at 01:47, STARS: 1
I will never eat a bowl of honeycombs as long as I shall live. I think it was always the cheapest on a price per ounce basis when I was growing up. We had that for like 8 years straight. I don’t use the H word much, but I do hate it with an irrational passion haha
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
11/16/2017 at 01:49, STARS: 0
New cereal every week?
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
11/16/2017 at 01:53, STARS: 2
All puff and no flavor.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
11/16/2017 at 01:54, STARS: 12
Beats politics.
"boxrocket" (boxrocket)
11/16/2017 at 05:47, STARS: 0
My wife and I devoured a box of this when it first was hitting shelves. That’s really saying something since we usually don’t eat breakfast at home during the workweek, either eating en route (if cereal bar or similar) or at work before clocking in (better to be there than to eat first and risk being late of there’s an accident or something). Now that it’s winter we’ve switched to hot cereals (instant oatmeal, instant grits, the occasional toaster pastry).
"SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media" (silentbutnotreallydeadly)
11/16/2017 at 05:47, STARS: 0
On the upside, you can use the box and its remaining contents as very effective firelighters.
"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
11/16/2017 at 07:24, STARS: 1
Poofier is a word that needs more use in Oppo reviews.
"Manny05x" (Manny05x)
11/16/2017 at 07:40, STARS: 0
This is good oppo.
"Manny05x" (Manny05x)
11/16/2017 at 07:42, STARS: 2
Burger king will like you to review this lol.
https://www.bk.com/menu-item/cinnamon-toast-crunch-shake
"Under_Score" (tomtheatum)
11/16/2017 at 09:21, STARS: 1
The strawberry stuff is good. It sometimes goes down to $2.50 a box at the chain I used to work at. I think I have a box back home that I never ate with an expiration date in March 2017 haha.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
11/16/2017 at 11:19, STARS: 0
Absolutely! I would be a huge fan of this series haha
"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
11/16/2017 at 13:15, STARS: 0
YUM!
"BREADwagon" (BREADwagon)
11/16/2017 at 14:50, STARS: 0
More of these please.
"not for canada - australian in disguise" (for-canada)
11/16/2017 at 21:42, STARS: 0
What the fuck is “blueberry toast”. That isn’t a thing goddamnit. Maybe if it was “Blueberry Jam Toast Crunch” or something. French toast exists. Cinnamon toast exists. Blueberry toast doesn’t fucking exist. Jesus. I’m really angry about this for some reason.
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/17/2017 at 17:12, STARS: 0
Better. That french toast crunch looks disgusting.
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
11/17/2017 at 17:22, STARS: 1
I’m not daring enough to take the step from honey nut cheerios to the true >50% by weight sugar cereals.