by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 11/13/2017 at 11:45
by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 11/13/2017 at 11:45
Tags: Taketheoutsideline
; Satire
; Indiana
; Daylight Savings Time
STARS: 11
Analysts at the Federal Bureau of Personal Habits and Statistics, an obscure FDR-era office that measures low-priority trends in society, reported a dangerous trend
Monday morning
: Very few people have changed their cars’ clocks since last week’s “fall back” time change from Daylight Saving to Standard Time. Only 17% of drivers have changed their clocks, according to the study.
Initial followup data from around 1,000 drivers who responded to the FBPHS phone survey indicate that only around 25% of the
remaining
drivers intend to change their clocks at all, citing a range of reasons from “lack of importance” to “vehicle complexity.”
“The most telling part of these data is that, among the 17% of drivers we call ‘Active Clockchangers,’ more than 90% drive vehicles whose clocks adjust automatically due to Internet connectivity,” states FBPHS Chief Economist Dr. Martin Freedman. “When you normalize for the inclusion of ‘smart vehicles,’ the trend is extremely troubling. People across the nation may love to complain about the DST/ST transition periods in March and November, but statistics show it’s more of a casual conversation topic than a genuine concern.”
Dr. Freedman urges all drivers to pull out their owner’s manuals or find rambling, five-minute videos on YouTube for assistance in changing their car clocks. “Car clock studies represent over 60% of our research since 1970, so it’s vitally important we continue to study this issue in order to maintain funding. And public safety — being on time for work, not missing your kids’ soccer practice, things like that.”
“By the time the March time change rolls around, your brain has already adjusted for the change and you’re set up for another disaster.”
The FBPHS has been on the Trump Administration’s chopping block for nearly a year, labeled by the President as “Fake Stats” and “Pork but not the delicious kind” in a series of tweets in the 2016 campaign season. However, since the FBPHS is based in Indiana, observers believe that political ties to Vice President Mike Pence are keeping the agency afloat.
Indiana has long fought against the recognition of Daylight Saving Time and has repeatedly threatened to secede from the United States if not allowed to move back to a single, year-round Standard Time. However, that movement has been downplayed in recent years, despite a 1998 nationwide effort to reduce First World Problems by more than 80% by 2020 – a goal that has been an abject failure in every metric, since the proliferation of the Internet has made every little problem a priority for everyone.
Director of the alt-right Reddit photography and anti-DST group “Indianans Against the Dark,” a man known only as @WhiteBalance, insists that its aim is to ensure adequate daylight in the evenings and nothing more. “With one more hour of light in the afternoon, we can ensure enough time to arrange photo shoots, buy our khakis, test-fire our sniper rifles, or whatever it is people like to do in the afternoon.”
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
11/13/2017 at 11:47, STARS: 1
Daylight Savings or not, time is an arbitrary human invention that you can avoid by shifting your schedule by one hour.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
11/13/2017 at 11:50, STARS: 1
You kid, but 2/3 of the car clocks in my household haven’t fallen back yet.
And the star is for ‘Pork but not the delicious kind’
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/13/2017 at 11:51, STARS: 3
There is no “S”. It’s Daylight
Saving
Time. For lack of a nail...
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
11/13/2017 at 11:52, STARS: 1
k
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/13/2017 at 11:54, STARS: 0
“In an attempt to same money and pave the way for the tax cuts, the House of Representatives has proposed a reorganization of the federal regulatory agencies that deal with airline safety. FBI, ATF, DHS and NTSB will form a new organization that will be called the Federal Aviation Transportation Administration Security Service.”
"404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
11/13/2017 at 11:54, STARS: 1
For those cars with navigation, why isn’t it auto synced with GPS? Even my cheapo dashcam does that.
"KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs" (kusabisensei)
11/13/2017 at 11:56, STARS: 0
GM cars in the US, with most MyLink/Cue setups sync automatically from the cellular network (AT&T or Verizon).
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
11/13/2017 at 11:58, STARS: 1
Area man finally figured out how to change the clock on his car, after seven years.
"facw" (facw)
11/13/2017 at 12:10, STARS: 0
I haven’t changed my clock yet. I’ll probably do it, though maybe I’ll just wait until spring. Really all cars should be able to set their clock automatically at this point.
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
11/13/2017 at 12:42, STARS: 0
I think I changed my car clock before I changed any of my house clocks.
"Takuro Spirit" (takurospirit)
11/13/2017 at 12:50, STARS: 0
Dammit I had plans to adjust the clocks on my dashcams this weekend.... fuck.
"punkgoose17" (punkgoose17)
11/13/2017 at 12:51, STARS: 0
I thought about this. There is too much tv I like to watch the hour before I go to bed, and my wife would not like me spending 1 less hour with her so many days.
It is the Spring time change that is the most difficult.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
11/13/2017 at 12:55, STARS: 0
I haven’t changed the analog clock in my K900 yet. I need to figure out how.
Growing up in Indiana, we didn’t observe daylight savings. And now, as you note, they do, but they go with Eastern Time, except for around Gary and Evansville, which is stupid because the state is much better aligned with the Central zone. The counties around Chicago rebelled because they’re largely filled with commuters who work in Chicago.
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/13/2017 at 13:04, STARS: 1
They need to choose one of the times and leave it alone. I don’t care which.
"punkgoose17" (punkgoose17)
11/13/2017 at 13:13, STARS: 0
Agreed
"fintail" (fintail)
11/13/2017 at 13:48, STARS: 0
My MB W212 changes by itself.
"404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
11/13/2017 at 13:49, STARS: 1
They better. Germans were the ones who started this DST mess.
"Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)" (6speedhaven)
11/13/2017 at 13:56, STARS: 1
Nails*
"Wagonlife740" (wagonlife740)
11/13/2017 at 14:02, STARS: 1
Shit... I’ve been waiting almost all year for my VCR to be accurate again, and its still blinking!
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/13/2017 at 14:24, STARS: 1
For Want of a Nail
For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the message was lost.
For want of a message the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
"Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)" (6speedhaven)
11/13/2017 at 16:13, STARS: 2
Fo rs Wants Of As Nails
Fors wants ofs nails thes shoes weres losts.
Fors wants ofs shoes thes horses weres losts.
Fors wants ofs horses thes riders weres losts.
Fors wants ofs messages thes battles weres losts.
Fors wants ofs battles thes kingdoms weres losts.
Ands alls fors thes wants ofs horseshoes nails.
"Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo" (rustyvandura)
11/13/2017 at 16:46, STARS: 1
"You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much" (youcantellafinn)
11/13/2017 at 17:50, STARS: 0
Holy shit, you have a VCR!!
"Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling)
11/13/2017 at 18:42, STARS: 0
Sounds legit. I just changed mine this morning as I hadn’t driven since 10/03.
"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
11/14/2017 at 06:14, STARS: 0
we have a big arse reminder in our workshop for the techs to reset it when a car comes in
"MrDakka" (mrdakka)
11/15/2017 at 00:28, STARS: 0
