by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 08/15/2017 at 21:35
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 08/15/2017 at 21:35
No Tags
STARS: 1
The husband just wants to watch bowling, but the wife keeps grabbing him and saying stuff like “talk to our new friends. You’re rude.”
“Tell them about the first time you saw me?”
“What?”
You’re not paying attention to us.”
“I like bowling. It’s a game. They used to have it on The Wide World of Sports, but it’s not a sport. It’s a game. It’s fun. I like fun things.”
“Tell them about the first time you saw me.”
“What about it?”
“You thought I was pretty. But...”
“But what?”
“When you first saw me you thought I was pretty but.”
“But I thought you were too young.”
“He thought I was pretty, but he thought I was too young.”
“I like bowling. It’s a game. It’s fun.”
I want to slip him a note that says “say you’re going to the bathroom. run. I’ll cover for you.”
Edit: “I just want to go upstairs and watch some HGTV”
“Okay. You just go upstairs and I’ll stay here.”
“You don’t want to go up with me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Edit:
“So you don’t want to go?”
“Well I’m not going to be the one to go.”
“So you’re just going to sit here?”
Bartender, who the woman keeps calling Disney’s Jasmine: “Do you want another drink here?”
Husband: “Yep.”
Wife: “... you don’t care...”
I bet this ends in a murder-suicide. Right here. In this bar.
Edit:
“Go to sleep.”
“I can’t when you’re watching TV in the other room. And when you go to the bathroom light on BAM it goes right in my face.”
“What do you want me to do? Get another room?”
“Pull out the sofa bed and I’ll sleep there then you don’t have to deal with your wife.”
“That light is like a fucking bullet in my head.”
I’m telling you, this is ending in a murder suicide.
“I can’t believe I’m spending my night watching fucking bowling.”
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
08/15/2017 at 21:14, STARS: 5
I’m not sure if I feel bad for him being with her or for her being with him. Not sure who got the short stick here.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/15/2017 at 21:16, STARS: 1
Definitely him. He just wants to watch the bowling on the bar TV.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/15/2017 at 21:19, STARS: 3
He’s so quiet and has a thousand yard stare. I can tell that man has been through some shit.
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
08/15/2017 at 21:20, STARS: 2
Just drinking away his issues waiting for it all to fall apart?
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
08/15/2017 at 21:20, STARS: 4
How can people watch bowling? They literally do nothing, but get strikes.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/15/2017 at 21:21, STARS: 1
I guess it’s like watching snooker or darts. You know how it will go, so it’s just a bit relaxing.
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
08/15/2017 at 21:23, STARS: 1
Poor guy, sometimes you just need to watch bowling. Sometimes you don’t want to brag about how young and cute your wife used to be.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
08/15/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 1
It’s amazing how two people can talk to each other yet fail utterly at communicating.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
08/15/2017 at 21:26, STARS: 8
He probably doesn’t even give a shit about bowling (who does?) but it’s his way of being by himself. Some people just want to be alone.
My wife and I were visiting another couple at their house. It was getting late, we had all been drinking, and the husband said to me, “Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight. Your wife will fall asleep and you can watch whatever you want on the TV.”
"Phyrxes once again has a wagon!" (phyrxes)
08/15/2017 at 21:30, STARS: 1
Oh wow I just read your edit, this could go any number of ways and the majority of them aren’t good.
"Quadradeuce" (quadradeuce)
08/15/2017 at 21:31, STARS: 0
And you said you were bored...
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/15/2017 at 21:32, STARS: 4
“Go to sleep.”
“I can’t when you’re watching TV in the other room. And when you go to the bathroom light on BAM it goes right in my face.”
“What do you want me to do? Get another room?”
“Pull out the sofa bed and I’ll sleep there then you don’t have to deal with your wife. That light is like a fucking bullet in my head.”
“It’s one night in this hotel.”
“It’s not one night it’s all the fucking time.”
I’m telling you, this is ending in a murder suicide.
"Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle" (1500sand535)
08/15/2017 at 21:44, STARS: 1
On the train the other day this couple had essentially a 40 minute nit quite an argument about some sailing or rowing race she was doing that weekend and the guy was being whiney. Sober it was painful, booze might have made it funnier but I don’t know.
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
08/15/2017 at 21:46, STARS: 0
This night won’t be ending without escalation. Shit is going to get loud.
"Phyrxes once again has a wagon!" (phyrxes)
08/15/2017 at 21:49, STARS: 0
So over under on security vs. law enforcement?
"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo)
08/15/2017 at 21:51, STARS: 1
As an introvert married to an extrovert, I kinda relate to the guy. But at the same time they both sound like terrible people and I’d like to think that neither of us would ever act like that.
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
08/15/2017 at 21:51, STARS: 0
Only the 2 of them so just security.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
08/15/2017 at 21:56, STARS: 1
That’s the best case scenario.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
08/15/2017 at 21:57, STARS: 2
He probably doesn’t even give a shit about bowling (who does?) but it’s his way of being by himself. Some people just want to be alone.
Bingo.
And she doesn’t want to be alone. That’s why this ends badly.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/15/2017 at 22:02, STARS: 0
I got really into bowling with him because I felt bad.
Then I ordered a beer and the keg kicked at 5/6 of a glass. The bar tender told me she would have to fill as much of my glass as was empty. I finished the whole thing by the time she changed the keg. Karma is real.
"Svend" (svend)
08/15/2017 at 22:27, STARS: 0
Some couples have their quirks.
I remember when I stopped with a couple of old friends. I’d gone for a meal and ended up having a little too much to drink. They said you can’t drive home, stay with us. I said you’ve only one bedroom and you don’t have a sofa. They said “mate we’ve known you for years, just share the bed with us”. I felt weird but we all drifted off to sleep quickly then the wife nudged me awake. She said, “do you want to have sex”, I said “you’ve husband and my best mate is right there”. She said “when he’s asleep he’s fast asleep, to prove it, pull out one of his butt hairs”. Out of curiosity I did. Sure enough he was out for the count so I thought why not. But each time we did it, I’d pull out another hair to check if he was asleep. After the sixth time the husband woke up and said, “mate, I don’t care if you sleep with my wife, but please stop using my arse as a score board”.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
08/15/2017 at 22:27, STARS: 0
I need you to keep telling stories. Somehow, it makes me feel better about the world.
Also, you’re really good at telling stories.
"KnowsAboutCars" (knowsaboutcars)
11/12/2017 at 08:08, STARS: 0
This story feels to good to be true.
"Svend" (svend)
11/12/2017 at 08:44, STARS: 0
Ye’, most jokes tend not to be. ;)