by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 08/04/2017 at 18:30
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 08/04/2017 at 18:30
No Tags
STARS: 11
I’ve spoken before about how I did a lot of things at a past job that were very firable ( http://oppositelock.kinja.com/a-semi-comprehensive-list-of-things-i-did-at-my-old-job-1794974929 because Kinja doesn’t let me have fortmatting tools on mobile anymore, so I can’t embed).
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from that job. It went kind of like this:
“A lot of them really fucking hate you, you know that, you fucking asshole?”
“Good!”
“When you left, they kept bitching about you, especially [older coworker who really didn’t like me]. They were saying stuff like “can you believe he put up a calendar of himself in his office?”
“Yesssssssssssssssss!!!! I was really worried that that was too subtle and that I wasted an entire morning learning how to print a calendar.”
I did, in fact, make a calendar of myself photoshopped into various pictures that I hung in my office. It actually started very innocently as an April Fools joke in which I made a pin-up calendar of myself and a fake CD of me playing the top hits of the 80s on the ukulele. The album cover was my head photoshopped onto this photo of Warren Buffett:
I put both up for sale at the receptionist’s desk ($25 and $30, respectively) and they stayed there for about an hour until my boss brought them to my office (“cute, but not very appropriate, is it?”).
Since it was a functioning calendar, I decided to hang it on my wall.
I had an ulterior motive for that. There were some coworkers I didn’t like very much, but I don’t play office politics, because it’s stupid. My response was to be very obnoxiously and over-the-top egocentric in their presence.
For instance, I once explained that because my office was in the middle, I was center to everything that happened in the office, and that although I was not in charge, my location meant that everything and everyone was in my orbit, as if I were “the sun, and the rest of you are a series of small moons orbiting other planets, but trapped in my gravitational pull.”
It means a lot to me to know that the things I did didn’t go unnoticed, you know?
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/04/2017 at 18:37, STARS: 0
At one point, we rebranded. To prove that I was completely loyal to our new identity, I photoshopped it onto a Chairman Mao propaganda poster with my head on Mao’s body.
That one got taped to the wall, because even I knew there were times when I’d have to take it down really quickly.
"Ssfancyfresh" (scotttt)
08/04/2017 at 18:48, STARS: 2
I am inspired.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/04/2017 at 18:55, STARS: 1
Just so we’re clear, I take no responsibility for any repercussions and do not advise doing firable things unless you’re okay with getting fired.
"Ssfancyfresh" (scotttt)
08/04/2017 at 19:00, STARS: 1
That’s sort of how these things go.
I’ve had a framed poster in my office for 5 years that says “Carpe that Fucking Diem”. It’s mixed in with some other auto related photographs. Most people don’t notice it. Only 2 have ever commented on it (1 was the head of HR).
There’s a general feeling of apathy that has infected the office. It might be time for shenanigans to bloom.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/04/2017 at 19:14, STARS: 1
Office work just becomes so much better when you no longer care.
"AuthiCooper1300" (rexrod)
08/04/2017 at 19:28, STARS: 1
I rather like the
gravitational pull
episode.
The pictures, the calendar, disappearing for a while are not far removed from kindergarten behaviour.
Grandstanding as if you were a sort of latter-day Bourbon monarch, however, demands some real chutzpah.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
08/04/2017 at 19:48, STARS: 0
In all fairness, why should I engage in grade school antics when kindergarten antics suffice just fine?
"ptak appreciates old racecars" (racecarptak)
08/04/2017 at 19:59, STARS: 0
Bless this
"DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back" (karsonkinja)
08/04/2017 at 20:04, STARS: 1
As someone who works in a negative office environment, this amuses me to no end.
"AuthiCooper1300" (rexrod)
08/04/2017 at 20:07, STARS: 0
It makes you look more certifiable, ergo it makes for a better narrative.
"Funktheduck" (funktheduck)
08/04/2017 at 23:36, STARS: 0
I want to work with you