by "functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
Published 06/27/2017 at 12:47
by "functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
Published 06/27/2017 at 12:47
Tags: rants
; neighbors
STARS: 3
Years ago I lived on a private road that wound through some dense woods, but it was mostly flat, and importantly, single lane but two-way. This means you just can’t go very fast because a) there are driveways every 50-100 feet, b) there are trees JUST off the pavement on both sides and c) you never know when someone might be coming the other way and one of you needs to pull off into a driveway to allow the other to pass. This road also mostly serves summer-only homes as it is near a lake.
Well, one summer the residents all chipped in to have the thing re-paved, about $1,000 per home for a total of around $25k. Now suddenly it’s smooth and people are going faster. Two residents - summer only residents, by the way - decided to take matters into their own hands and purchase two speed bumps. One was placed right AFTER the first guy’s driveway (Jay) and the other, naturally, just after the second guy’s driveway (Louie). So Jay didn’t have to drive over any; Louie only one. How convenient.
Well, this did not sit well with others; in particular I lived there year-round, so this guy comes in June, then decides to ruin our investment in a smooth road by installing these things without so much as asking
anyone
but his buddy. Well, guess what? They didn’t fasten them at all so every time we drove by (along with several other residents) we threw the speed bumps into the woods. And every day, these vigilantes were hauling them out of the woods and putting them back.
One day, we go to remove one and it’s like, glued down to the road. But not very well, so up it came. And away it went. We... “made it disappear” once and for all.
Days later, a letter is stuck in everyone’s front doors from one of the more reasonable residents, basically saying, please drive slowly and also please do not modify the road surface we all just invested in
without consulting EVERYONE FIRST
. To this day, I speed up just to go by these two houses, then slow back down.
There’s also one particularly sharp corner in this road where a puddle would form, then a pothole, over time. So it should be filled, right? Well, one day half a dozen FOOTBALL SIZED ROCKS are lining the inside of this corner like so many cones on an autocross course, presumably to keep people from cutting it tightly. Well guess what? What about a large truck? Or a boat trailer? Lots of residents haul trailers on this road, remember, it’s near a lake. What about if it’s dark and rainy and you move inside to avoid an oncoming car, because remember it’s one lane but two-way?
There’s also a guy on the road who, while grumpy and old, had nothing to do with the rocks or the speed bumps. But he did have a late model 911. Can you imagine his fury if he had clipped these rocks with the front of his 911 unsuspectingly one night? I can see him carrying one of these rocks right up to the guy’s front door and holding it over his head, waiting for someone to open it....
So yup, round two. Rocks in the woods, back the next day, rocks a little farther into the woods, BIGGER rocks back this time, then rocks disappeared. I bet you can guess whose house was adjacent to this corner. Right, a Speed Bump Vigilante. Finally, one day, the hole is filled with a nice ledgepack material, and has remained that way since.
I have other stories about these guys, but this is long enough already.
"benjrblant" (benjblant)
06/27/2017 at 12:56, STARS: 1
Scrape those speed bumps off with a snow plow!
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/27/2017 at 12:58, STARS: 4
The sad thing is that they are moaning to their friends about this jerks who keep sabotaging their work. Their version of the story talks about how they selflessly reached into their own pockets to protect the community but some nogoodnics kept stealing their stuff and causing problems. Can you believe that?! they should be shot.
What I mean to say is that its amazing that these people not only don’t get the hint that they are causing problems...they actually think they are the victims.
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
06/27/2017 at 13:00, STARS: 2
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/27/2017 at 13:02, STARS: 2
Next time one of their creations needs to be removed from the road, bring it up to their door along with an apple pie and explain why it’s so bad.
"Wrong Wheel Drive (41%)" (rduncan5678)
06/27/2017 at 13:03, STARS: 1
The only kind of speed bumps I am okay with are the sort that allow you to maintain the speed limit. Those Speed “hump” things I have seen are perfect. Those stupid curbs in the middle of the road that make you go 5mph and still scrape are the worst.
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
06/27/2017 at 13:27, STARS: 1
I’m not a fan of speed bumps, but I understand where these guys are coming from. I live near the entrance to our neighborhood. The road in is about a 1/4 mile long and is straight as an arrow. We have a big problem with speeders.
I’ve seen near-misses with my kids and several of the kids in the neighborhood. I’ve even been “that guy” who stepped into the street to confront a speeder. This works well, but it doesn’t take long for the same drivers to start speeding again.
My neighbor and I finally decided that when the kids were playing out front, we would street-park our cars opposite each other, forcing people to slow down to navigate between them. That always worked the best.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 13:32, STARS: 1
You’re right about being diplomatic; except if you knew these guys, you wouldn’t have any patience left for diplomacy.
One of them came up to us on the lake one night, screaming at us for the danger we were causing for wakeboarding literally 5 minutes after the allowed time of sunset. Meanwhile, he had followed, no exaggeration, 50 feet behind the person wakeboarding so if they had fallen, he would have 100% run them over and killed them. This is at 8:35pm with an 8:30 sunset in June in New England. He’s a vigilante of the worst, most hypocritical kind.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 13:34, STARS: 0
Oh let me tell you about the other place we spend time near the water with the kids. There’s a dirt road between the house and the beach, and kids and dogs are constantly crossing it - not just at one house, but probably 15 in a row on this road.
I step into the road multiple times a day to slow people down who are going, like, 30. I am always calm and nice about it; I do not yell or use bad language at all partly because the kids are right there.
Sometimes if a kid leaves a toy in the road, I leave it - it will guarantee the next car has to slow down!
"RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht" (ramblininexile)
06/27/2017 at 13:35, STARS: 0
There’s someone on my drive who had a fling with road vigilantism. Muh grass = > Putting steel stakes about 8" out of the ground on the verge of the road within a foot of the asphalt to keep people from putting a tire off. Now, this is on the inside of a curve, but the road curves oddly and is narrow and undivided - so it is not uncommon for a tire to come off, particularly from someone trying to avoid a lane-hog coming the other way.
But no. Much too important that the lawn extend perfectly all the way up to the asphalt. It was pointed out to him that the verge is part of the right of way and - get this - totally illegal to do that with. So, he took them up for a while... and then put them back again because of injury suffered to muh grass. The winter following that, I got a car slid off the road on the wrong side (backing down the hill, it was stupid), and not only knocked a piece of trim off my door on one of the stakes, but cut my leg. I was >this close< to losing my shit over it, I can tell you.
Somewhat happy ending - a couple years back they went away for good. Might have been an actual threat from somebody. Perversely enough, the grass has never looked healthier.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 13:39, STARS: 1
You’re right on this. One of these same “victims” followed us while we were wakeboarding one night, at no joke 50 feet behind the rider - he would have for sure killed the guy if he fell. Then he comes up to us screaming about how we’re dangerously riding after sunset (5 minutes, to be exact). This guy is unhinged.
He also came into my work one day (he was a customer) all pissed about how we didn’t do something or other. Guess what, records show we did that when you were in last time, so unless you want it done twice unnecessarily, we took care of it and took the liberty of NOT ripping you off by doing it a second time. All this is documented by the work request form that he filled out. Which we showed him.
Nice guy.
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
06/27/2017 at 13:40, STARS: 0
While you are mad about someone installing a more permanent solution to the problem, you are also the crazy guy who will step into the street to slow people down.
Since it is clear you are aware of and sympathetic to both sides of the argument, what would be your permanent solution to the problem?
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/27/2017 at 13:45, STARS: 3
I know guys like this. We call them “wally”. I was on rope when my driver cut out to the right before stopping the boat (to make sure I didn’t get run over) then CHEWED THE HELL out of the guy following us. He was complaining about some minor thing like riding on the hatch slightly and the guy towing me (owns a boat shop, probably spends 60% of his life on a boat) REAMED the dude for what he did and threatened to call the police if he ever saw him doing something to willfully dangerous again and then wait until they hauled him away. I think he got the message. Point is: cast the beam out of thine own eye before looking for that mote...
People are nutty.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 13:56, STARS: 2
lol
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 14:02, STARS: 0
Just to be clear, these are different places, but you’re right I’m on both sides of the fence here and I don’t have an answer. I teach my kids to look both ways, every time. And we put out little signs ONLY when the kids are out - to help with people going sign-blind - but I don’t have a solution! We just try to be nice about it so people will understand, maybe even remember next time, rather than the dudes who just put speed bumps out.
One issue is there are a lot of out-of-town people on the one that goes through the yard, so these people have never been here and may never come again. It’s a lot easier to reason with neighbors than to educate every single car that comes by. GPS nav leads people down this road, now, too - where it didn’t used to be as busy because it’s not really a through-road. It leads to a glorified jeep trail in the woods that connects to another area of the lake.... but since everyone drives an SUV these days people seem to like the adventure.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 14:02, STARS: 0
Just to be clear, these are different places, but you’re right I’m on both sides of the fence here and I don’t have an answer. I teach my kids to look both ways, every time. And we put out little signs ONLY when the kids are out - to help with people going sign-blind - but I don’t have a solution! We just try to be nice about it so people will understand, maybe even remember next time, rather than the dudes who just put speed bumps out.
One issue is there are a lot of out-of-town people on the one that goes through the yard, so these people have never been here and may never come again. It’s a lot easier to reason with neighbors than to educate every single car that comes by. GPS nav leads people down this road, now, too - where it didn’t used to be as busy because it’s not really a through-road. It leads to a glorified jeep trail in the woods that connects to another area of the lake.... but since everyone drives an SUV these days people seem to like the adventure.
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
06/27/2017 at 14:14, STARS: 1
I actually heard a story about that happening to someone one time.
About 20 yards from the gate to the base I was stationed on there were these giant metal plates that could be activated by the MPs at the gate that would spring up to block the road.
Apparently one time they malfunctioned while someone was driving over them and it flipped his car over once or twice. He wasn’t seriously injured, but he did get a brand new car from the government :)
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
06/27/2017 at 14:15, STARS: 0
I’m glad I’m not the only one here with a problem and no good solution. I just hope we don’t have a kid killed in my neighborhood, especially since it’s most likely to happen in front of my house.
Thinking back to the corner/grass problem, I have an issue with that too. One of the neighbors leads a prayer group every week and some of them can’t seem to figure out how to parallel park without putting their tires into the grass. While this isn’t such a big deal when it’s dry, it leaves big ruts in my yard when it’s been raining and it’s usually raining here in Louisiana. The tires kill the grass by compressing the roots and the ruts they leave behind make it hard to mow. I’ve been considering converting the edge of the lawn to a nice flower bed filled with big rocks to keep the wayward SUVs out.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 14:58, STARS: 0
What about a few taller shrubs near the edge of the yard where the cars encroach onto the lawn?
What I want to do (not in reality, but kind of) is rig up some kind of remote-controlled rig that I can trigger just as a car comes by too fast, that throws one of those giant stuffed animals you see at a fair, right in front of the moving car. They’ll think they hit a dog or a kid or something; it will give them the fright of their life, but won’t hurt anything of value, and not the car either.
But yeah I can’t see that happening.
I am with you, though, I don’t want to have a kid or dog injured before we come up with some sort of solution. For now, when I’m watching the kids I basically stand at the edge of the road watching for approaching cars.
You can see the problem, with the beach across the road from the yard.
"TheRealBicycleBuck" (therealbicyclebuck)
06/27/2017 at 15:21, STARS: 0
I’ve thought about some shrubbery, but I see several challenges in that part of the yard. Shrubbery, even a flower bed, wouldn’t be in keeping with the rest of the neighborhood. Maybe we’d be the trendsetters. We do have some serious water issues at the curb. The whole yard slopes down to the curb and water collects there. Any bed would also require some drainage so everything doesn’t drown.
On its face, your idea about rolling a ball in front of speeders seems like a good one. It’s something I’ve thought about doing many times, but I read an article about a woman who did that and caused a crash when the offending speeder swerved into a neighbor’s lawn.
I’m jealous of your home. I’d love to have a home on a real lake. We have some man-made lakes that are little more than mostly-drained swamps. They are fine for kayaks or canoes, but are worthless for sailing. I have to move further south to get to some deeper water.
"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
06/27/2017 at 21:50, STARS: 1
Yeah I can see it now, someone crashes into the lake when they swerve to avoid the giant flying stuffed animal. We get sued and have to sell the house, and you end up buying it, haha