by "BIGBLOCK472 - wide and bizarre" (bigblock472)
Published 06/18/2017 at 19:07
by "BIGBLOCK472 - wide and bizarre" (bigblock472)
Published 06/18/2017 at 19:07
Tags: Father's Day
STARS: 3
My dad and I haven’t enjoyed an ideal father-son relationship. In fact it was mostly terrible, but not “cut you out of my life” terrible except for a few times. Father’s Day remains one of the days where my stomach churns all day until I work up the nerve to call Dad with well-wishes and awkwardly run down the list of approved topics: His general state of being, my general state of being, his dogs, my dogs, his job, my job, his truck, my car, his wife, my husband, and finally the weather. It’s usually seven minutes or less although it feels like an awkward hour and a half.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not wishing I wanted more but relationships are like kinda like credit scores, where after so many years of acting as though it doesn’t matter, it’s hard to ever repair. I’d like to talk to him today if only to prevent myself from feeling guilty about not talking to him at a later date but I have a paper to write on motor vehicle death/injury prevention. At least I look forward to that, and graduating in a month.
"Captain of the Enterprise" (justanotherdayinparadise)
06/18/2017 at 19:56, STARS: 0
I’m with you we’ve had a bad relationship too
"Berang" (berang)
06/18/2017 at 20:07, STARS: 0
I haven’t spoken with my father in probably a decade, last tried to call him up in 2009. Don’t really care anymore. He has my number, if he wanted to talk, he would.
"barnie" (tlanarch)
06/18/2017 at 20:13, STARS: 1
My Dad was dry as stone to us (his wife, my brother and me). Neither love nor god existed in our house. But, he was an intellectual, a great teacher, and very handy. A PhD physicist, Mechanical Engineer and Master Tool Maker. I told Dad once that I loved him and all I got was an abashed nod. This when he was bedridden in the last stage of cancer. He is still my hero and I miss him. He taught me to be courteous, always, to never lie about anything, and to study. There were years after I left home (under clouds) that I didn’t talk to him. But in the end we came to the understanding that we had wasted a lot of time apart and he still had stuff to teach me. He tried, in his way, to be a good father but he was inept at it.
Oh, that last afternoon we got our Marlins out and went squirrel hunting up the hill from his house. Quiet stalking thru the trees and fall leaves. Both of us got the pace and the signals came back after 40 years since we’d done it. Didn’t get anything but we both found a good place to be.
I recall admiring his hands as he shaved slivers of the next gun stock. Veins, tendons, muscles and liver spots. I now have the same hands... We weren’t close but I am his son.
After a couple glasses of wine, I’m reliving him. So many folks have told me “Happy Father’s Day” today and I have no children (that have admitted it). All I can think of is my father, now that he is gone (in 2001). Love and miss ya, Dad.
"V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!" (v8demon)
06/18/2017 at 21:05, STARS: 0
My father and I have an awkward relationship mired in a web of lies spun forth by an alcoholic mother that caused many years of no communication between us whatsoever. They divorced when I was a kid and we didn’t speak for about 10 years. He’s 700 miles away now. We patched things up quite a while back, but both of us DESPISE phone conversations. We’ll call people to include one another, but we are inept at it. Much better in person.
At least he makes the effort, which is more than I can say for my mother’s SECOND husband who basically raised me from the ages of 10 until I moved out at 20. He moved to Florida about 8 years ago (a few years after my mother died), changed his number, and ceased all contact. I’ve been at the same house for 14 years with the same phone number. He called my house about 2 weeks ago. The wife spoke with him. The sole reason for his call was persuade me to talk to my younger half-brother, who moved with him and also changed HIS phone number.
I’m to the point with the 2 of them were I was always available and you had my contact info whereas you cut me off and now; NOW you want to reconnect? It leaves a sour taste. I could understand if I did some horrendous act toward them, but there is none to speak of. I’m 41 years old and have my own 2 children to raise and hopefully be a good role model towards. Maybe that sour taste will disappear and I’ll contact my step-father and half-brother. Maybe not. Only time will tell.
Such is life.....
"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
06/19/2017 at 08:55, STARS: 0
at least yours is still alive.
"BIGBLOCK472 - wide and bizarre" (bigblock472)
06/19/2017 at 09:04, STARS: 0
I’d trade him for my mom back in a heartbeat though.
"Monkey B" (monkeyb)
06/19/2017 at 10:03, STARS: 0
toxic people are always toxic. Write them off. I gave my dad many chances, even being much like him makes me understand him. But he lied to my children and I lopped him off for good not looking back. I didn’t see him much as a kid, slightly more as a young adult. I’m your age. Maybe it’s easier for me to say do that because my stepdad is my Pop and has been since I was 2. He’s an admirable man that is hard to come by and I got lucky. But I think even if I didn’t have him I’d still be 7 years free of my real dad...you never lie to a mans children to try and paint their father as the bad guy, especially when in reality you are to blame.