by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/18/2017 at 23:18
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/18/2017 at 23:18
No Tags
STARS: 19
Somehow I came to inherit, by virtue of being a borderline alcoholic, the liquor of a man I never met in an antique armoire I don’t particularly care for.
My uncle Jack died in the 70s. I never met him and he wasn’t my uncle. Apparently he was a friend of my grandmother. I don’t know anything about him, except that he was born in the 19th century and his house is maybe haunted question mark.
The armoire is old, but crappy and locks, but I don’t have a key.
The booze is shitty. Really shitty. Shitty bourbon, shitty gin, shitty whiskey (four roses! Fuck me no). Shitty white wine called “white wine” in a green painted bottle.
Uncle Jack’s booze is not worth drinking. It is interesting mostly because it is older than me and older than the vast majority of you.
I would not open it, because it sucks and is mostly interesting for having survived 40+ years without being opened, but yet (fie upon but yet! but yet is as a gaolor to bring forth some monstrous malefactor [Shakespeare, bitches]) there are TWO bottles of old Seagrams gin. What is the harm of opening one of two, I ask you, my dears?
Join me as I drink this thing:
A live and drunkblog adventure.
Update 6:56 PM
The stage is set.
The glass is a double walled Bodum filled with ice. We shall drink this straight. Like men. 19th century men. Cowboys? Perhaps. I don’t know Uncle Jack, but I have decided he is a cowboy.
6:57
The gin is poured.
It’s vaguely yellow. I thought the bottle was vaguely yellow, but no, it’s the gin. Will yellow gin kill me?
6:58
First sip.
It’s gin. It tastes gin-like. I don’t know if this is the age, but there’s decidedly less burning taste than I am used to from gin. Considering the period, I think only alcoholics were ever supposed to drink this straight. As a mixer, it would be serviceable. Straight? I could see myself lying in a gutter with it.
7:05
Tasting notes are:
Gin. Ice cubes. Melted ice cubes. Ice Cube? It was a good day. Somehow there is the slightest taste of death.
7:10
This landed on my swing next to me:
Today seems kinda odd
7:20
Ice Cube lead to LL Cool J. Gin, however, lead to ginand juice, but I really don’t wanna.
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From this, Sir-Mix-Alot cannot be far behind. From that? Biz Markie. God help us all, Oppo, o have opened the 7th seal.
7:25?
I have ascended time and space. I can feel color.
I have this:
I will triage gin and tonic out of this despite this not being tonic.
7:50
I called my mom.
“I’m drinking that alcohol that came from Uncle Jack”
“What?”
“That old alcohol I have.”
“That’s not from your uncle Jack. That’s from you grandfather. He used to work as a bartender at this Polack bar after work. They gave him a bottle every week.”
“?????????”
“You grandmother loved Seagrams 7.”
“That’s what I’m drinking”
“That’s your grandmother’s alcohol”
Shit got real.
8:20
So that lemon thing ended up in my fridge. I thought it was lemon with seltzer. It was not. It was sweet. I know understand death. I will avenge this indignity with better gin.
8:30
I poured that hateful shit out and I’m back to straight gin.
The shoes are Italian. I hope they like gin, because a lot has spilled on them.
9:00
Is Graham Coxon’s solo in this live recording of Coffee + TV in Japan the best guitar solo ever recorded?
Half a bottle of old gin says “Yes!”
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9:05
I’m being bitten by mosquitos now that the sun has gone down. They mostly come at night, mostly. Do you get this reference? We’re best friends if you do.
9:15
If you haven’t heard Born in Chicago, you should. It’s one of the best blues songs about friends dying in Chicago.
Blues are alright if there’s someone left to play the game
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10:00
Like many Jews in the throes of alcohol, I have found my way to the blues.
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Do I get Blind Willie McTell? No. But he gets me.
11:05
This is my world
It’s dark. But there is gin to drink.
The bottle is at 50%. I become philosophical. What is the purpose of life? Is one’s life the sum of experiences? Is drinking old gin with your dog an experience? Yes. Is this life? Probably? What is life if not sort of live blogging drinking old gin.
11:06
It’s just me and Nina Simone singing Sinnerman.
11:15
I’ve reached the point where this seems profound
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“There’s no women in Alaska
There’s no Creoles in Vermont
There’s no Coast of Nebraska
My mother I forgot
Slavic princes without robes
In a teepee we suppose
She would bite you if she could
Insane cobras split the wood”
There’s a moment when you’ve realized you had too much. For me, it’s when I’m like “fuck yeah there’s no Coast of Nebraska!”
There isn’t. But still.
"for Michigan" (formichigan)
06/18/2017 at 18:53, STARS: 9
"themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles" (themanwithsauce)
06/18/2017 at 18:58, STARS: 2
Maybe age has improved it? After all, wine ages in the bottle, why not cheap gin? Now you can be a nice snob. “If you think gin bought after 1978 is good? You obviously don’t know what TRUE good tastes like”
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:03, STARS: 0
“if you think that Aviation small batch is good, you should try gin bottled in 1978 and inherited by a deadman.”
Age has not improved it, but I’m not surprised. People have told me that you shouldn’t keep scotch, because it stops aging once it’s bottled. I imagine gin is the same.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/18/2017 at 19:14, STARS: 1
This is a huge step up from ouzo or absinthe. Good move.
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
06/18/2017 at 19:24, STARS: 2
I don’t think gin is a cowboy thing. I always though it as more of a fancy brit thing.
"Levitas" (levitas)
06/18/2017 at 19:34, STARS: 1
Went digging in my parent’s bottle shelf a few Christmas’ ago, found an opened bottle of Bacardi 151. Off the top of my head it was dated 1976. Would even still catch fire in a shot glass.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:36, STARS: 1
There’s rum in this cache, but it ain’t Bacardi. The label says “Puerto Rico’s best rum.” Take that as you will.
"BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind" (briangriffinsprius)
06/18/2017 at 19:48, STARS: 3
I have a bottle of Tanqueray and a bottle of Martini&Rossi from the Kennedy era left over from my grandmother. I want to / am afraid to drink them.
Also cool IRS label picture.
"MM54" (mm54mk2)
06/18/2017 at 19:53, STARS: 3
I like gin but you can’t beat absinthe
"RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars" (rallydarkstrike)
06/18/2017 at 19:54, STARS: 2
Thoroughly enjoying this....I feel educated and enlightened.
Though, on a side note - as one who does not partake of alcoholic drinks (I’m not one of ‘those’ people, I just personally find I don’t like the taste of everything I’ve ever tried with alcohol in it)....how can gin be extra dry...
....if it’s a liquid? :O
:P
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:59, STARS: 0
I know, right? I like to think that there’s a record of this bottle somewhere.
"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
06/18/2017 at 20:01, STARS: 3
I’m entertained. You shall continue to the end
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:01, STARS: 0
I don’t question alcohol, I just follow its ways
"BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind" (briangriffinsprius)
06/18/2017 at 20:01, STARS: 3
Don’t go blind. Also you’re not drinking Seagrams 7. That’s whiskey.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:02, STARS: 2
I always thought of it either as a genuine alcoholic thing or as the sort of thing to drink while holed up in a colony while there’s a revolution. So you’re not wrong.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:03, STARS: 0
The end is ominous.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:03, STARS: 0
Shit. I never put that much thought into it. I thought Seagrams was just gin. My grandmother was one BAMF.
"Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna" (lukielauxd)
06/18/2017 at 20:04, STARS: 1
This made my night. I love liveblogging.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:06, STARS: 0
I will see this through until I pass out.
"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
06/18/2017 at 20:07, STARS: 6
You’re one of my favorite Oppos. Seriously.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:11, STARS: 2
Despite the fact that, like 10% of my posts are about cars?
"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
06/18/2017 at 20:31, STARS: 2
More like because of. Also, I have a shelf of crappy liquor that I inherited from my grandparents. About the only names I recognized were Bacardi and Gordon’s.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:35, STARS: 1
Is it pre-embargo Cuban Bacardi? Because that’s legit rum.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/18/2017 at 20:36, STARS: 1
Absinthe is okay to me, but the taste is just too weird to drink in quantity.
Gin, on the other hand, I can drink in quantity. Especially in a good martini.
"V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!" (v8demon)
06/18/2017 at 20:37, STARS: 5
I have ascended time and space. I can feel color.
This is a superpower.
"RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars" (rallydarkstrike)
06/18/2017 at 20:38, STARS: 1
But....how can you follow it’s way onto your own shoes if you are still wearing them...? :O
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:41, STARS: 0
When you can follow in my shoes, the physicality of the feet in them won’t matter
"avalonian" (avalonain19)
06/18/2017 at 20:41, STARS: 1
Give us cool stuff from his armoire! Or the house, we could make a movie!
"RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars" (rallydarkstrike)
06/18/2017 at 20:46, STARS: 2
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:48, STARS: 0
The armoire is sitting behind a generator in my garage. There’s nothing in it except for the booze.
The story, that I was told, is that the house is haunted and that my grandmother inherited it. She tried to sell it, but the lightbulbs in the attic kept exploding. Like, they’d blow apart. I can’t comment, because, yeah, fuck that shit.
"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
06/18/2017 at 20:48, STARS: 1
No, it all looks to be 70s-80s vintage.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 20:50, STARS: 0
In that case, I vote keeping it as a conversation piece. Or at least until you’re bored and want to live blog it on Oppo.
"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
06/18/2017 at 21:04, STARS: 0
I’ve drank most of it gradually over the past two years. I go through “beer is making me fat” phases where I drink liquor or wine instead.
"BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo" (bluemazda2)
06/18/2017 at 21:07, STARS: 1
Did someone say Big in Japan? I’m here.
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"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
06/18/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 1
I know for olive oil. Extra virgin means it’s never masturbated :p
"Xyl0c41n3" (i-am-xyl0c41n3)
06/18/2017 at 21:25, STARS: 1
Thoughts on the pending return of Zima?
First it was Crystal Pepsi, now it’s Zima. What have we done to deserve a revival of the late 90s? >.<
"boredalways" (boredalway666)
06/18/2017 at 21:29, STARS: 2
Somebody needs to work on their tan
...soooo pale.
"BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind" (briangriffinsprius)
06/18/2017 at 21:38, STARS: 4
You have to live blog tomorrow’s hangover, deal?
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 21:52, STARS: 1
The irony is that I’m hilariously dark due to taking many smoking breaks, but I usually wear socks.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 21:52, STARS: 0
Deal
"MM54" (mm54mk2)
06/18/2017 at 21:54, STARS: 1
I’ve not had any in a long time, but when I was in college I found it to be weird in that it tasted good until drunk, at which point my body turns around and says “wait that’s gross don’t keep drinking it” which works out well since I can imagine things getting out of hand pretty fast the way my rommate and I did things.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 21:54, STARS: 1
Crystal Pepsi is great, especially if it leads to the revival of Pepsi Kona.
Zima though? Nooooooo
"BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind" (briangriffinsprius)
06/18/2017 at 22:02, STARS: 3
(I don’t know if you care or not but) in alcohol terms, “dry” means “not sweet”. Extra dry just means extra not sweet / tastes like rubbing alcohol mixed with Christmas trees.
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
06/18/2017 at 22:13, STARS: 3
Wow. You willingly drank an old bottle of bumpy face!
Have fun in the AM! LOL
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/18/2017 at 22:21, STARS: 1
Ha - I’ve never had that experience. Would be kinda nice if more booze was like that- built in safety valve!
"Kiltedpadre" (kiltedpadre)
06/18/2017 at 22:44, STARS: 0
I say give it a try. A few New Years Eves ago my uncle and I decided to crack open an old bottle of Jim Beam my grandfather gave him when my grandfather stopped drinking. I’m not sure how old it was, but it was in what looked like a porcelain bottle with a western scene painted on it. It was fantastic.
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
06/18/2017 at 22:52, STARS: 2
I am looking forward to the aftermath tomorrow morning.
"Kiltedpadre" (kiltedpadre)
06/18/2017 at 22:53, STARS: 1
That means one of two things. It’s either so good that there was no need to waste time with fancy names, or you’ll need to find a hazardous waste disposal site to get rid of it because it’ll eat through the pipes when you poor it down the drain.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 22:54, STARS: 1
I think it’s the latter.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 22:55, STARS: 0
If 40 year old gin can take me down, then I’ll pack it all in and stop drinking.
"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
06/18/2017 at 22:56, STARS: 2
This amuses me greatly for some reason.
"Kiltedpadre" (kiltedpadre)
06/18/2017 at 22:58, STARS: 0
I have little doubt that’s the case. I look forward to the live blog of the plumbing failure it causes; most likely a failure of both your home and your personal plumbing.
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
06/18/2017 at 23:14, STARS: 1
Obvis the purpose of life is to sacrifice yourself and welfare for the glory of the state!
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"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
06/18/2017 at 23:15, STARS: 1
"RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars" (rallydarkstrike)
06/18/2017 at 23:22, STARS: 0
(I asked that question half as a joke and half not as I’ve genuinely never known what it meant :P)
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
06/18/2017 at 23:34, STARS: 1
You can drink a quart of gin and not wake up with a hangover? That’s impressive.
"awmaster10" (awmaster10)
06/18/2017 at 23:35, STARS: 1
No dog pics?
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 23:36, STARS: 0
It’s looking like half, but we shall see.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 23:37, STARS: 1
"awmaster10" (awmaster10)
06/18/2017 at 23:38, STARS: 1
He looks like he wants some gin
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 23:40, STARS: 2
If I had to share my hooch with the dogs, I would enjoy both much less.
"RPM esq." (rpm3)
06/18/2017 at 23:41, STARS: 2
Four Roses is a damn sight better than Seagram’s gin. And I’m usually snobby about this sort of thing. (Not really: in your shoes I would have conducted much the same experiment, and have done similar experiments with very old bourbon and even older champagne found at my grandparents’ house).
"TheTurbochargedSquirrel" (thatsquirrel)
06/18/2017 at 23:42, STARS: 1
That’s still 11 servings.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 23:48, STARS: 1
I’m pretty sure that this bottle was one serving in the time when it was bottled
"Where have all the lightweights gone?" (sniderjadam09)
06/19/2017 at 02:05, STARS: 0
Actually, clear spirits (gin, vodka) were seen as a women’s drink in Britain a couple of generations ago. My friend, who moved to the States from Oxfordshire, told me this one time over a couple drinks.
He visited his gran and was drinking a gin & tonic. It drew a one word response from her: “Gay?” She then shuffled into another part of the house.
"avalonian" (avalonain19)
06/19/2017 at 04:25, STARS: 0
Yeah, nope nope nope nope. So the house didn’t include an e-type jaguar like every blog makes it seem?
"for Michigan" (formichigan)
06/19/2017 at 05:26, STARS: 0
Re: 9:05
I actually just watched that movie for the first time this weekend. It’s great!
"AuthiCooper1300" (rexrod)
06/19/2017 at 06:29, STARS: 0
For the aftermath, a bit of Apo:
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I prefer Large’s version - her pronounciation is just slightly better than China’s.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
06/19/2017 at 08:26, STARS: 0
this ended with only about half the bottle drunk. RIP goats
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
06/19/2017 at 08:27, STARS: 0
also, four roses bad? how dare you.
"X37.9XXS" (x379xxs)
06/19/2017 at 08:31, STARS: 0
Dropped without comment
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"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/19/2017 at 12:21, STARS: 0
Well that looks like fun. I haven’t had Gin in a long while. Last time I drank Gin straight by myself I polished off a bottle of New Amsterdam Gin and ended up passed out on the porch at home then woke up in bed in the morning.