by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/18/2017 at 18:15
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/18/2017 at 18:15
No Tags
STARS: 1
But it was sort of depressing and not funny like most of my stories, so I saved it to drafts for another time.
That happened in college and it was a genuinely life changing experience. It forever altered me as a person into the debilitatingpy conscientious gigantic asshole that I am today.
Something about seeing, firsthand, how someone would try to kill themselves over pretty inconsequential shit shook my to the core.
The result of it is that I really don’t get worked up about anything. Sure, I’ll bitch and kvetch, because that’s my culture. And I’m more than willing to assail people with a string of really vile profanity. But nothing really bothers me.
I have a deeply ingrained attitude of not giving a fuck. It has been a very useful life skill, although it’s caused problems in relationships. There really isn’t anything in your personal or professional life worth getting upset about.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
What are you going to lose?
You come from nothing and you go back to nothing.
What’d you lose? Nothing!
"wafflesnfalafel" (wafflesnfalafel1)
06/18/2017 at 18:34, STARS: 1
yeah... I need to work at not getting p!$$ed at stuff... But I think you are right, everything that happens can be helpful in the future, even if it was horrible at the time.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/18/2017 at 18:34, STARS: 3
I had an ex pull that twice, both times because I was breaking up with her. In both cases, I’m 95% sure she was fucking with me to get attention/pity but there was no way in hell I was going to guess wrong on that. She had a 9 year old daughter, too.
Worst experience of my life. Ugh
"TheBimmerGuyWhoNowOwnsAChevy" (thebimmerguy)
06/18/2017 at 18:35, STARS: 2
Suicide is an interesting creature, one that corrupts, many people view it in different ways, some view it like you, say its pointless, and others view it as the bright light at the end of the tunnel known as depression, there is no wrong way to think about it, but its worth understanding how people feel about. Almost everyone feels that it should never be considered an option, those who think otherwise are close to finally choosing it, hell, I once thought it was an option. Thankfully I found help, but I understand now why some consider it to be a choice.
I guess what I’m getting at is, while you may not get it and get mad about it, you don’t understand. Yes I admit its a horribly douchy thing to say and you might get angry at me for it, but not everyone sees suicide how you do. Sorry for whatever this response is, I just felt I had to say something because suicide is a topic that sits close in my heart because it once sat so close in my head. I’ll probably regret posting this, but, whatever.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 18:50, STARS: 1
My mom used to work in an ER. They would get lots of people in who didn’t totally commit to committing suicide for attention. I vividly remember telling the ER nurses that this ex was not one of them and to please not make this worse by fucking with her.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 18:52, STARS: 1
Not at all. I totally agree with you. If anything, this gave me a perspective on how people see it as a solution, and sometimes the only solution. In my case, it affected me in a way such that I more or less resolved that absolutely nothing was worth taking that route.
"66671 - 200 [METRIC] my dash" (66671)
06/18/2017 at 19:09, STARS: 1
Like the BimmerGuy said, I think it helps show that it can be really hard to look into the minds of other people and how complex the brain can be. On an individual level I think it is hard to get help from a perspective that understands the suicidal persons position.
As for not giving a fuck, I’m sort of doing the same thing. There’s a lot of people that you can feel pressure from and to a certain extent I think it’s a good idea to not care what they think. It would be unhealthy to committing all your mental energy (for lack of a better term) to caring what other people, even strangers, think about you. Like I said, you never can really know what goes on the mind of someone else and at the same time it’s kind of made it hard for me with relationships too. The only people I can really exclude are family, a few close friends and of course Oppo :D
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:12, STARS: 1
This is the reason why I love Oppo
"Svend" (svend)
06/18/2017 at 19:31, STARS: 2
I’m 37 now but having had depression for many years and tried suicide several times.
There are times I look back and laugh at how absurd some of them were.
Once I was so down I took a knife from the kitchen, went out bought a bottle of vodka and sat on a park bench, drank some vodka, felt sorry for myself and tried cutting my wrist. Only in my haste to get out the house, I had picked up a bread knife. I tell you, that knife hurt like a bitch, so I drank some more vodka hoping to numb the pain a little to try again when this guy pulled up and asked for directions. I hid the knife, I gave him directions and he sat down telling me where he was going and that he was going to sell some mobile phones and then tried to sell me one. I can remember thinking, ‘I’m bleeding here, my wrist hurts like a bitch, I’ve got jaged laceration, I want to be left alone and this git is trying to sell me a bloody mobile’.
I gave up after another half and hour and just went home thinking, ‘I’m sure those mobile phones will be stolen’.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:33, STARS: 1
See? That’s one of the weird as fuck aspects of life that makes it worth living. I love for moments like that.
For what it’s worth, you’re one of my absolute favorite Oppos and I’m glad you grabbed a bread knife.
"Svend" (svend)
06/18/2017 at 19:36, STARS: 1
Cheers mate, it’s appreciated.
I’ve tried tablets, etc... yet I’m still here. So never mind, I better just get on with it.
I have car cleaning to distract me when things get too heavy.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:37, STARS: 1
Next time I’m in the U.K., we should meet for a beer. Although I’ve made effort to avoid England, at some point I’ll end up there.
"PotbellyJoe and 42 others" (potbellyjoe)
06/18/2017 at 19:40, STARS: 1
I had a similar experience in 2000, my freshman year of college.
I’ve turned the entire thing into a script because it was the only way I could get my mind to cope with it.
We talked just before she left her house on her way to school. She had left her seatbelt unbuckled, her books and purse were left at home, and there was no trace of her using her brakes before the tree.
Supposedly a note was left in her room to me, but their neighbor who cleaned their house gave it to the mother and I never saw it. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. It may have never existed. My mother is friends of the neighbor and I heard through my mom that a note existed.
The family blames me to a large extent due to how close we were, so I’ve lost contact with them over the last 10 years after a progressively tougher 7 years.
It was my brother’s 16th birthday, so I don’t even get the luxury of forgetting the day as time moves on.
I’m married now, for 8.5 years, and I still have a picture of my friend in my wallet, and a bag with some of the letters she wrote me and a t-shirt of hers in my attic. I don’t want them, really, but I can’t stand to part with them. Thankfully my wife understands. We were both damaged emotionally when we met, she from a failed marriage with an agoraphobic drug addict, me from having this friend and four others die from September 2000 - August 2001.
Good luck. It never goes away, but it does lessen.
"Svend" (svend)
06/18/2017 at 19:51, STARS: 1
Sounds good.
Why avoid England?
Nothing bad here that isn’t elsewhere.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:54, STARS: 0
I still have letters that I can’t get rid of too.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/18/2017 at 19:56, STARS: 1
Mostly the cost. I keep meaning to visit London, but it’s so damn expensive with the pound. Just visiting Scotland was a killer and I was staying with a friend for most of it.
"Svend" (svend)
06/18/2017 at 20:00, STARS: 1
Ah, true. Prices in London and big cities can be crazy. Where I am the cost of living is very low. So ye, when we go to the big cities it’s always best to shop around first.
"gmctavish needs more space" (gmctavish)
06/18/2017 at 21:17, STARS: 0
I have a lot of thoughts related to this that I have trouble wrangling, and relevant experiences including a friend who nearly killed herself. I’ve pushed most memories away that relate to any of that, but yeah. It’s perspective altering stuff.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/18/2017 at 22:24, STARS: 0
Yeah, I can’t imagine messing with someone like that, then finding out you misread it. My ex had mental health issues, which she finally dealt with after we broke up and she moved to New Jersey to be with family. Thankfully she’s doing well now AFAIK.