by "Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
Published 06/16/2017 at 11:14
by "Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
Published 06/16/2017 at 11:14
No Tags
STARS: 10
In today’s episode of people I hate at the gym, allow me to tell you about a gentleman at my gym who does a bunch of annoying weird crap. This includes lots of one-leg hip thrusts, banging even light weights very loudly, and crop dusting farts.
For those who do not know what a hip thrust is, here is James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers hip thrusting a significant amount of weight, with both legs.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
You may notice that black foam pad on the barbell. It’s a squat sponge .
Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. does not believe in locker rooms. Every time he arrives at the gym, he proceeds with his backpack toward the back of the weight room, drops his backpack on the floor, then removes his jeans to expose his often very-large gym shorts which somehow fit underneath his jeans even though his jeans are not equally large. Thrusty Slammington III, Esq.’s jeans are like a gym shorts TARDIS.
Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. brings his own squat sponge to do single leg hip thrusts with. He also does a bunch of other weird exercises that I can’t find any videos of because honestly, I don’t even know what the hell they’re called.
One thing I do know how to describe is he sets the cross bars of the squat rack super high up and squats 3 plates, except the cross bars are so high that the total squat depth is maybe 6 inches below standing straight up.
If all Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. did in the gym was a bunch of hip thrusts and other weird exercises, that would be totally fine! But no, Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. manages to make the most noise possible with every single weight he touches for any purpose.
Finish a set of hip thrusts? Sit down to the floor as quickly as possible to bang the weight really loud! Putting a 10 lb plate back on the squat rack? Bang that shit in there against the other plates as hard as possible to show your male dominance to the other gym dwellers! Putting the barbell back on the hooks on the squat rack after doing some weird exercise that I can’t even begin to describe? Throw it on there with a crash and a bang!
On top of all that, Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. likes to silent-but-deadly fart in the middle of the weight room, then leave the weight room to go get water and pretend nobody smelled his SBD. And that shit is
deadly.
Finally, when Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. is finished with his workout, he picks his jeans up off the pile he left them in on the floor, puts them back on over his gigantic gym shorts, and leaves with his backpack and squat sponge, only to return again for more hip thrusts and farting.
Last night I was tempted to yell,
“Hey Thrusty Slammington, you think you can make some more noise with those weights?”
But Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. wears large over-the-ear headphones, so I would have to first attempt to get his attention so he’d take his headphones off, and
then
yell at him, and doing the little “hey I know you can’t hear me but I have something to say to you” hand wave kinda diminishes the FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEIGHT SLAMMING message I’d want to convey.
Thrusty Slammington III, Esq. is a bad person.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/16/2017 at 11:19, STARS: 2
Horrible. Just horrible. I don’t know anybody at my local YMCA (which is a converted grocery store — sounds crazy but it’s actually awesome) who tries to show off to that degree, and we definitely have our share of bros. I always though that in most cases, finesse wins. When I’m doing sets of deadlifts, I try to put it back down as quietly as possible. If you’re going for functional strength (eg moving a couch or picking up a bag of concrete), the world doesn’t let you just drop your crap on the ground from full extension.
And what good is a 315# squat if you only go a 1/4 of the way down?
"razorbeamteam" (razorbeamteam)
06/16/2017 at 11:20, STARS: 0
I guess with him being a lawyer and all, he knows his gym rights. Nothing irks me more than people who bring their shit with them when they’re in the gym. They don’t trust those lockers, no sir, his daddy put his stuff in a locker once, that’s how the aliens got him.
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
06/16/2017 at 11:24, STARS: 4
And what good is a 315# squat if you only go a 1/4 of the way down?
For when you *really* want to be an ego hero leg presser but you have to fill your instagram with #squatalldaybro posts.
If your hip crease isn’t below your knees it does not count.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/16/2017 at 11:25, STARS: 1
Preaching to the choir. If your ribs aren’t pressing against your quads, it’s not deep enough.
"MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s" (mastermario)
06/16/2017 at 11:29, STARS: 1
Dude, your ass should be touching the ground. Get out of here with that weak shit. :P
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/16/2017 at 11:31, STARS: 4
If your rectum isn’t prolapsed, you’re just pretending, brah. Ass-to-ground is weaksauce. :D
"StoneCold" (StoneCold)
06/16/2017 at 11:32, STARS: 0
Starred for “The System” comic!
"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/16/2017 at 11:33, STARS: 0
Ew. All of this makes me want to hurl things at his head.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/16/2017 at 11:36, STARS: 0
Fuck people who slam their weights. It’s pointless, you gain more by controlling it on the way down.
Then again, cropdusting is just as bad. What an ass.
"Future next gen S2000 owner" (future-next-gen-s2000-owner)
06/16/2017 at 11:42, STARS: 0
This is why I have a punching bag stand/pullup machine at home. I can get all the fitness I need from that.
Oh, and an exercise ball.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 11:44, STARS: 0
Things like this make me glad I do Cultfit. There’s always that one bro that skips reps, doesn’t squat //, etc., but for the most part, we are all at a pretty equal level of douchebaggeriness. Although, my gym friends are drinking the kool-aid way more than me. I just needed something to supplement running and help build strength/speed. They are 100% immersed in the culture. Haha
"Stapleface" (patrickgruden)
06/16/2017 at 11:51, STARS: 1
Know what I love doing at the gym to annoy all of the gym bros? Maxing out the seated leg press machine.
I’m a big (read: fat) guy. As such, my legs are used to carrying a lot of weight. While they’re struggling to press like 260lbs, I can put all of the weight the machine offers, and really not struggle. Then I will see them try to get on the machine and not even move it.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/16/2017 at 11:54, STARS: 1
Both my current and former gyms are relatively small local places. I’ve chosen them because they have the equipment and pricing I want.
In both places, most everybody does group classes and cardio. Of the smaller group that uses the weights, it’s about a 60/40, maybe 70/30 ratio of people doing weird crap to people who know what they’re doing.
The problem is, I find that people doing weird exercises also tend to take up way way more space than the people who know what they’re doing, who generally are much more mindful of others who want to use the space.
My base irritation level is already raised by the the don’t-know-how-to-lift people taking up too much space, and then the small subset of them who are truly irritating like Thrusty Slammington push me over the edge.
"Rico" (ricorich)
06/16/2017 at 11:59, STARS: 1
I think you need to find a new gym like Gold’s or PowerHouse, a place where serious people go and bullshit like the above is not tolerated.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
06/16/2017 at 12:16, STARS: 0
This makes me glad I have a full weight set in my backyard. Unfortunately my backyard is in Phoenix fucking Arizona. Mr. Harrison could save money on the sweat suit and just step outside while he works out.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/16/2017 at 12:21, STARS: 1
There’s a Gold’s here but the reviews aren’t very good. Too crowded, not enough equipment and it’s poorly maintained. Gold’s is a franchised chain so not all of them are of equal quality. There is a powerlifting-focused place called Madtown Fitness but their cardio equipment is sorely lacking.
All I really want is a regular gym with some good ellipticals, plentiful dumbbells, a decent number of bench presses, squat racks, deadlift platforms, cable crosses, and a plate loaded incline chest press.
At my gym, people are more likely to use things like squat racks and cable crosses as a place to tie up their stupid TRX harness and then leave that shit on there when they’re done. I swear 3/4 of the time I go to do pull-ups or squats I have to take someone else’s stupid TRX crap off there.
"whatisthatsound" (whatisthatsound)
06/16/2017 at 12:23, STARS: 0
TRX rules though.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/16/2017 at 12:27, STARS: 1
TRX is fine. Leaving your TRX harness tied up on a cable cross, pull-up bar, squat rack, or some other piece of equipment that people might want to use for its intended purpose is a party foul.
"whatisthatsound" (whatisthatsound)
06/16/2017 at 12:30, STARS: 0
Agreed.
"RutRut" (RDR)
06/16/2017 at 12:33, STARS: 0
I worked out a deal with my local crossfit to powerlift in a corner during the mostly empty morning class. Must say, the level of dipshittery is much lower than most commercial gyms. Sadly, I am probably the douchebag but I’m at least a dbag in my own little corner with headphones.
"R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet" (r-saldana)
06/16/2017 at 12:41, STARS: 0
I really miss my old gym in Memphis. I got so freaking strong there. Now here in Nashville I am relegated to training at a “recreation center” (read: no freeweights). So I have taken to running my dogs every morning for 4 miles and doing calisthenics bodyweight exercises at the dog park.
"R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet" (r-saldana)
06/16/2017 at 12:45, STARS: 1
......but for Olympic/competition you don’t have to go that low for the rep to be counted.
My motto go full deficit when using warm-up to moderate weight.
Go competition depth when you are over 4 plates (each side, you guys know what I mean).
"Rico" (ricorich)
06/16/2017 at 13:34, STARS: 0
There’s other things you can do for cardio besides running like battle ropes. Also, you are in pretty good shape at this point you really don’t need that much cardio and can probably get almost all your future gains through strength training and lifting. If you were still fat then I would say do more cardio but take a little creatine and keep lifting and I highly doubt you’ll need to do much running.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/16/2017 at 13:37, STARS: 1
I take creatine already and do cardio for general health reasons. I like my elliptical sessions dammit!
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 13:42, STARS: 0
We have open gym whenever you want. Typically you should try to stay out of the way if there is a class going on but no one really minds. I’d say 50% of the people that go to our gym also do their own thing before or after a class. We also have really good coaches that will tell you when you are doing something wrong and work with you to correct the issue.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 13:45, STARS: 0
Everyone is pretty courteous of space at my gym and there is a very large knowledge base between members and coaches. Pretty much everyone knows proper lifts/form/programing but there are always coaches on hand that will help you correct something or lend a hand for a spot. Overall, it’s a pretty good environment.
"Rico" (ricorich)
06/16/2017 at 13:48, STARS: 0
Lol but you’re FIT! You’re good already dammit!
"RutRut" (RDR)
06/16/2017 at 13:54, STARS: 0
This place only does open gym on Saturdays, but I work out at the same time as the 530am class since that is usually low attendance compared to the evenings. The fact that I brought in most of my own equipment also helped the situation, as well as the fact that my wife trains there.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 13:58, STARS: 0
That makes sense. I wouldn’t even be awake enough to notice someone working out in the corner at 5:30 am lol
"RutRut" (RDR)
06/16/2017 at 14:00, STARS: 0
This morning there were 7 of us total haha 6 doing a partner WOD, me benching in my corner.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 14:19, STARS: 0
HAHAHA! Our 6am class used to be absolutely packed and everyone was really high energy. That all changed when the old 6 AM coach opened his own gym. Most of that class followed. Now it’s typically ~6 people in the class, at least in the few times I’ve actually made it that early.
"RutRut" (RDR)
06/16/2017 at 14:42, STARS: 0
5:30 AM: about 8 of us regularly
5:30 PM: up to 25 depending on the day of the week.
But I like the mornings and opening the roll up doors, fresh morning air and hard training go together well.
"SPAMBot - Horse Doctor" (spambot2002)
06/16/2017 at 14:49, STARS: 0
Agreed. I’m not much of a morning person though haha
"Frank Grimes" (FrankGrimes)
06/16/2017 at 19:07, STARS: 0
Our public places need more enforcement of people totally ignorant to how much everyone around them thinks they are a total clod. Some kind of anonymous button that lights a flashing sign that someone is being a total dick.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/16/2017 at 21:19, STARS: 0
This exists....at Planet Fitness.
Personally I don’t need my gym to be the dumbass police. I just wish people there acted like dumbasses less.