by "HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
Published 06/15/2017 at 19:13
by "HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
Published 06/15/2017 at 19:13
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STARS: 1
As a father, the least I can give to my family is a codified want list to celebrate me...as a father. Thankfully, this year my task of endlessly scouring skymall/hammacher schlemmer/bulk underwear outlet is no longer necessary as the onion has provided the penultimate fathers day gift guide. Any one of these well thought through and affordable gifts will guarantee the feigned smile of gratitude for a noble attempt to adequately celebrate what is the most important holiday of the year.*
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*Obviously hyperbole, just trying out my onion writing style. True story? I hope my family gets me nothing for fathers day. I just enjoy being a dad...its actually pretty great. Plus I think mothers day and fathers day feel arbitrary and artificial. I’ll just show you I appreciate you in my own time and way.
"vicali" (vicali)
06/15/2017 at 19:30, STARS: 4
Fathers day goals; Go for a drive with the family, play in the dirt, find some bumpy roads, nobody barfs..
I’ll give it an 87% chances of success..
"Junkrat aka Rick Sanchez: Fury Road Edition" (realasabass)
06/15/2017 at 19:34, STARS: 0
That was a pretty good list, The Onion is almost perfect when comes to satire.
I know what you mean about most “holidays” that we celebrate here in the US. I’m not talking about the obviously fake ones like secretaries day or donut day. I’m talking mother/father’s day, valentines day, or birthdays after the age of 10. I even think this about christmas and thanksgiving, but can see why people would disagree with me. None of it was ever a big deal, when I was growing up, with my parent’s either. Down with BIG holiday, lol
"Nibby" (nibby68)
06/15/2017 at 19:47, STARS: 0
my sister just texts me and says “you owe me $50 for dad’s father’s day present” [other sister paid her beforehand, apparently they did this together without telling me]
as no communication beforehand of anything like this whatsoever
Things like this is why I fucking hate doing ANYTHING with them.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
06/15/2017 at 20:29, STARS: 1
My Father’s Day plans is to finish the pond i’m making for the wife. And if I have time, replace the rear shocks on her car too.
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
06/15/2017 at 21:12, STARS: 0
“Brooks Brothers Tie ($60)
A silk tie adds the perfect pop of color to any father’s dresser drawer.”
My dad gave me a tie a couple years ago. I’ve worn a tie roughly half a dozen times in the last decade. I can’t even tie one. Yet he bought me a tie.
"wiffleballtony" (wiffleballtony)
06/15/2017 at 22:04, STARS: 0
I genuinely hate holidays where I get presents. It always plays out the same. My wife asks what I want. I respond. She says it’s too expensive or she won’t know what to get. She gets me something completely different. Lather, rinse, repeat.
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/15/2017 at 22:35, STARS: 2
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"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/15/2017 at 22:37, STARS: 0
p.s. if link is dajnik
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
06/15/2017 at 22:49, STARS: 0
I just said thank you, but I really wanted to go on a gun rack rant.
Now I need to watch Wayne’s World again.
"Tapas" (tapas)
06/15/2017 at 23:17, STARS: 0
The strip club called St. James (which also looks like a church) by my office reminds people of the approaching father’s day.
I don’t know if I should laugh or not.
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/16/2017 at 00:03, STARS: 0
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"Tapas" (tapas)
06/16/2017 at 02:17, STARS: 0
What did that video mean?
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
06/16/2017 at 09:08, STARS: 1
Next time: I bought myself this from you for ____ Day. Thanks! =)
"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
06/19/2017 at 13:59, STARS: 1
Ha, ha, ha, slow clap.
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It’s nothing fancy, but it would make his day if you took the time to tell him that it’s fine by you if he wants to get back out there.