by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/15/2017 at 11:29
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 06/15/2017 at 11:29
No Tags
STARS: 6
Lifehacker’s advice for asking for advice is as follows. I’ve broken them down into steps so you can follow along at home:
1 Spend 95% of your time researching the person you’re emailing, and 5% writing the email.
2 Introduce yourself quickly but specifically, and ask specific questions.
3 Ask one or two questions. Not three! You’ll feel like adding a third because your email looks too short. It’s not.
4 Google your questions first.
5 Don’t offer to “hop on the phone” as a compromise. That’s not a compromise, it’s a threat.
6 Say “Even one sentence would be great.”
7 Novelist Tao Lin came up with this one : Tell the recipient it’s OK to ignore your email. Not just to say no, but to completely ignore it .
8 Say thank you.
9 As soon as you’re ready to send, find and delete at least one sentence.
10 Send and move on. Never “follow up.”
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
Dear Oppo,
I see from Googling you that you like cars, animal photos, and memes about Doug Demuro(1). I am Honeybunchesofgoats I like Jags and making dumb posts about Lifehacker articles(2).
Can I ask you two questions? Fuck, does this count as one?(3)
I do not want to “hop on the phone” with you. Please don’t take that as a threat. People often interpret the things I say as a threat. I don’t mean to threaten you. I love you. I’ve spent so many nights watching you sleep, how could I threaten you? (5).
Even one sentence would be great (6).
It’s okay to ignore my email. Not just to say no, I mean you can completely ignore this entire email. Will there be dire repercussions if you ignore me? Well, let me put it this way, have you seen Fatal Attraction ? But, sure, just ignore me. That’s cool (7).
Thank you.(8) (9)
I am sending this and moving on. You can comment or star it if you want, but I will never follow up, because I don’t care (10).
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/15/2017 at 11:33, STARS: 6
This is almost all horrible advice. Where do they get this stuff? As a general rule, I hate blanket statements!
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
06/15/2017 at 11:33, STARS: 3
"Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs" (yowen)
06/15/2017 at 11:34, STARS: 2
Wow, that’s not a great email. I think I’ll stick to my format of, well... write it, reread it, adjust, send.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:35, STARS: 2
I don’t think that Lifehacker is written or read by real humans:
http://lifehacker.com/tag/social-gps
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/15/2017 at 11:35, STARS: 2
You know, their fitness sub-blog is actually pretty good in the rare times I read it, but most of it seems pretty phoned-in, USA Today-grade stuff.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:35, STARS: 0
I said you could ignore me, not ban me!
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
06/15/2017 at 11:36, STARS: 3
It’s probably written by millennial engineers
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:36, STARS: 0
I did bookmark a pretty cool periodic table of exercises that they shared recently.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:38, STARS: 0
I prefer to stick to the tried and true methods:
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/15/2017 at 11:40, STARS: 1
I just found it — great visual resource. I did strictly bodyweight work for a couple years when I didn’t have a gym membership. I used an empty office in my old building and it worked pretty well. Working out alone with bodyweight is much harder than going to a gym, IMO. Just the mental motivation to stick with it...some of the stuff (like one-leg squats, aka pistols) can be really dangerous depending on your bodyweight and limb geometry. #tangent
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/15/2017 at 11:41, STARS: 5
Lifehacker:
“Come for the OCD ways to organize the gadgets and Moleskine notebook in your hipster messenger bag, stay for the patronizing advice columns and shitty cooking tutorials.”
"benjrblant" (benjblant)
06/15/2017 at 11:42, STARS: 2
This seems an entirely effective way to be perceived as annoying while also not getting a reply to your questions.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:43, STARS: 4
I used to exercise in my old office instead of working in the morning. At first, I liked the idea of being paid to exercise and it worked pretty well. Then I realized that I could both not work and not exercise and still get paid, so it sort of fell apart.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:45, STARS: 3
Save $20 over your lifetime by scraping the leftovers from your old deodorant together. Related article: How do I know when I smell?
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
06/15/2017 at 11:49, STARS: 3
You also said you would never follow up.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 11:53, STARS: 0
I’ll miss shitposting here.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
06/15/2017 at 11:53, STARS: 2
Thank you.(8) (9)
Best part.
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
06/15/2017 at 12:24, STARS: 0
"RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht" (ramblininexile)
06/15/2017 at 12:27, STARS: 1
Their advice looks like an auto-generated algorithm from someone trying to train a markov-chain letter writing robot with really, really shitty rules in the morbid fear it will sound like a robot.
In a shocking twist, any letter thus generated will seem “off” and, well, robotic.
"TorqueToYield" (torquetoyield)
06/15/2017 at 12:45, STARS: 2
Lifehacker: advice for people who would take advice from a Gawker Univision blog.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/15/2017 at 12:48, STARS: 2
You know what the best part of Lifehacker’s site is?
Your posts tearing it to shreds. If it weren’t for that, it would be completely useless.
"Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)" (6speedhaven)
06/15/2017 at 12:50, STARS: 0
I have so many good old articles bookmarked by lifehacker, but nothing much from the past two years.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 13:02, STARS: 0
Jajajajajajajaja
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
06/15/2017 at 13:56, STARS: 3
I really want to make this a thing.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
06/15/2017 at 14:27, STARS: 0
I support this idea.