I Don't Understand

by "CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
Published 06/07/2017 at 17:22

Tags: online ; fb
STARS: 2

*personal buffer image*

So my guy friend that I care about just informed me that I come off like an asshole on FaceBook. I don’t know why it is upsetting me so much, but it is. He said, “You come off as a gun toting asshole Republican know it all who thinks everything and everyone is stupid. And I know that isn’t the real you” I just can’t get passed that. I didn’t think I acted any different on FB than I do in regular life. I guess it hurt a little more because he started off with comments on things about how my FB presence is terrible and I started getting offended that he would judge what I wanted to post compared to his kittens and sunshine out his ass. Damn it, sorry I just really needed to vent. Some reason this is really upsetting me. I wonder if it is due to me not wanting people to see me as an asshole... Idk it just doesn’t help I have been feeling like shit lately and this is one of those things I don’t need piled onto my thoughts.

Thanks Oppo for putting up with my bs, here have more Jag

Update: Apparently it has to do with my comments on his posts more than my specific posts. Though all I do is complement things and maybe make a few sarcastic comments. Idk, some reason his friends ask why we are friends and who is this asshole and then he explains that I am not an ass... I guess at least he defends my honor?

Replies (37)

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/07/2017 at 17:26, STARS: 1

an online person and a real life person are often different people. Sounds like your friend is very different online than in person and since his online presence is recorded in time, he wants it on record that his online self doesn’t jibe with you (online or in person if you are indeed the same). I mean, despite my agreeable demeanor on oppo Im a total dickhead in real life...

"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
06/07/2017 at 17:27, STARS: 0

Examples of your comments and post that could come off as assholeish?

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:28, STARS: 0

hmmm

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:28, STARS: 0

I have no idea, I tried looking back at my posts and I don’t feel I do and I don’t feel like I do when I comment on things... So idk.

"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
06/07/2017 at 17:31, STARS: 1

Idk, in my experience these ‘important’ people just say and do weird stuff sometimes, I’ll never understand why. To test this in 2 weeks see if he acts like he forgot about the whole thing or not.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:32, STARS: 0

Hmm, yeah I guess I could.

"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
06/07/2017 at 17:32, STARS: 4

I’d say he’s a good friend for sharing his opinion.

Tone is very hard to impart in simple text.

Advice: consider how a comment or something you post could be taken by someone else, even if you don’t mean it that way.

In the end, if someone wants to pass judgment on your character with little merit without truly knowing you, that’s on them, not you.

"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
06/07/2017 at 17:35, STARS: 0

Hmm... perhaps you could earnestly and not-defensively ask him for specific examples to see where he’s coming from with this?

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/07/2017 at 17:38, STARS: 0

Well, you know what they say about gun-toting Republicans.

"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
06/07/2017 at 17:41, STARS: 2

That awkward dichotomy is real. I’m way harsher and blunt online.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:43, STARS: 0

Hmm.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:46, STARS: 0

That they are gayer than rainbows?

"WiscoProud" (wiscoproud)
06/07/2017 at 17:46, STARS: 1

Its very possible he was just having a rough day, and its possible you come off as an asshole online. I have no idea what you post, so its hard to say.

I will say that if you’re posting articles and other stuff that insult those with differing political views, it can be assholish. This goes both ways. I see a lot of liberal stuff bashing conservatives, and a lot of conservative stuff bashing liberals. I typically find what the source article was and post that instead to eliminate the social commentary.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:47, STARS: 0

I am trying to

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 17:47, STARS: 1

Thanks, that is very good advice.

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
06/07/2017 at 17:54, STARS: 0

That they have guns and vote for other Republicans?

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/07/2017 at 17:54, STARS: 1

On a serious note though....

As a lefty librul, I hate guns.

I always find it odd when members of groups who experience discrimination, often by “traditional values” Republicans, still vote Republican. Whether that’s gay people, women, minorities, whatever. I understand that there could very well be other issues that are important to them which line up more with the GOP platform, but frankly, there’s a lot of anti-gay Republicans.

So if your man friend is not a fan of all that GOP anti-gayness, and you’re posting typical GOP talking points on facebook, well, I could see how that would lead to him being disappointed.

On a less serious note, at first I was tempted to use this gif but I thought it might’ve been a bit too sassy.

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
06/07/2017 at 17:54, STARS: 1

Oh shut the fuck up.

So am I.

"yamahog" (yamahog)
06/07/2017 at 17:55, STARS: 3

plenty of leftist gun owners ¯\(°_o)/¯

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/07/2017 at 17:57, STARS: 0

Well they suck too!

"TahoeSTi" (tahoesti)
06/07/2017 at 17:59, STARS: 0

To me it sounds like your doing it right.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 18:01, STARS: 5

All I want is to carry my gun to my gay wedding with driving my whatever I want modified car and smoke weed.

Is it too hard to just allow all that?

Honestly I don’t think I post too much politically

"Shoop" (shoopdawoop993)
06/07/2017 at 18:02, STARS: 0

Hmm

"Saracen" (manualdoucheelitist)
06/07/2017 at 18:09, STARS: 2

Pretty much my exact political stance.

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
06/07/2017 at 18:17, STARS: 2

Well, aside from the guns and maybe lax emissions regulations, a large chunk of the GOP doesn’t like you doing the rest of that stuff.

The Dems want you to give up the gun and drive a Prius in exchange for the weed and gay wedding.

My personal opinion is I’m fine with the occasional gearhead skirting emissions/fuel economy laws as long as those laws end up giving most people more efficient cars which help the environment and give less money to petro-despot countries. My car has a catless downpipe and a tuned ECU so it puts out more emissions but hey, I kept the mini-cats in the midpipes so that’s something .

I’m a big fat NOPE on guns though.

Without knowing what you’re putting on fb and where your friend stands on issues, I can only generalize, but frankly there’s a pretty good reason not many gays are Republicans.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 18:24, STARS: 0

Yeah. Stupid FB

"Maxima Speed" (maximaspeed)
06/07/2017 at 18:32, STARS: 2

Crazed, gun-toting Republican? We should hang out some time :)

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 18:47, STARS: 0

Lol, a beer with any Oppo I am sure would be a good time.

"Nick Has an Exocet" (nickallain)
06/07/2017 at 19:09, STARS: 1

Like you, I’m kind of that guy as well. I’m pretty centrist. Living in California, everyone here thinks I’m some kind of gun toting republican nut bag and all my family back east (republicans) think I’m some kind of ecoliving liberal dim. I take that on the whole as meaning that I’m pretty much right where I should be.

I see people fall into traps of posting the most insane party-driven bullcrap in existence. My response is usually something like: Here are three whitepapers you should read by respected people in the scientific community if you have an interest in this topic.

That tends to go over well. Just kidding, I get unfriended (including by family members). But here’s the thing, I have a pretty simple code of facebook ethics:

1) If something looks fishy, I will research it before commenting.

2) If my research turns up interesting data, I will post it.

3) I will never unfriend someone for their political opinion.

No matter what, I know that I came from a place of data of openness. If people unfriend me or their friends take issue with me, then I know that all they really want is confirmation bias. That’s sad, but it’s on them.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/07/2017 at 19:14, STARS: 1

Yeah I try to look into anything I share that isn’t cat videos and car related. I like being in the middle, but my friend is quite a bit more liberal so maybe he only sees the more conservative things I post.

But some reason he meant more the things I comment on his crap. I don’t know.

"smobgirl" (smobgirl)
06/07/2017 at 20:35, STARS: 0

I think he probably prefers to not actually not have discussions on Facebook - he’d just rather not have his point of view publicly challenged. I doubt it would matter what sort of opposite opinion you were expressing.

"BJ" (benjamin-bignell)
06/07/2017 at 21:30, STARS: 0

Like davesaddiction said, it’s about tone. Most likely, your friend understands you’re being sarcastic but everyone else doesn’t.

If you insist on being sarcastic - and I encourage that you be so! - then make sure add a smiley or wink or some other emoticon that indicates you’re just making jokes.

"gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee" (gogmorgo)
06/07/2017 at 22:51, STARS: 0

This is the problem with US politics. There’s no middle ground. The only vocal people are either extreme right or extreme left (arguably left-of-centre but your right is waaaaaay right) and they hate each other and refuse to acknowledge anything the other side says might make sense.

"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
06/07/2017 at 22:57, STARS: 1

and maybe make a few sarcastic comments

That’s it, right there. He’s probably ok with it and used to your sense of humor, but hoo boy can tone easily get lost on the internet. You’ve posted something for all to see and not everyone may get if you’re just teasing or actually being an ass. Having to defend someone you love to another person/persons you care about is a huge pain, just ask my partner :).

You sound like you really do feel bad about this, so really I think the only thing you need to do is apologize to him and going forward try to be aware of how your comments could be taken by someone who maybe doesn’t know you as well as he does. I don’t think you need to go overboard or anything, just be sincere.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/08/2017 at 04:19, STARS: 0

Thanks

"Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW!" (theduckduck)
06/08/2017 at 11:21, STARS: 1

I have always thought there needs to be a way to indicate sarcasm. Like we can make text bold, underline it, etc... why not have a sarcasm option? Genuinely serious on this because I have also offended people because they couldn’t tell something was sarcasm.

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
06/08/2017 at 11:25, STARS: 1

Idk, I know a lot of people use “;)“ but the could also indicate other things, so IDK.