by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 06/01/2017 at 11:25
by "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
Published 06/01/2017 at 11:25
No Tags
STARS: 11
I always try to share this with my wife whenever she thinks I’m giving her the silent treatment or holding something back.
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
06/01/2017 at 11:31, STARS: 3
Sometimes “Nothing.” is a valid answer to, “Whacha thinkin’ ‘bout?”
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
06/01/2017 at 11:31, STARS: 0
Oh my god, I need to show this to my wife! As the owner of a 45 year-old motorcycle, this is spot on.
This actually just happened a few months ago. Bike died on me after teaching classes, and all my students got to watch me walk my motorcycle home. Went through the normal routine, before I finally realized one of the wires for the ignition system came unplugged in the headlight.
“Grab the kids honey, I’m taking us out to dinner tonight!”
"MrDakka" (mrdakka)
06/01/2017 at 11:33, STARS: 0
Topkek
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/01/2017 at 11:36, STARS: 2
Zen AF.
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
06/01/2017 at 11:39, STARS: 10
False. Watcha thinking about is a red herring question. The correct response is. “Why the hell does the artificial gravity work when the power is out?!”
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
06/01/2017 at 11:40, STARS: 0
3Meta6me
"jimz" (jimz)
06/01/2017 at 11:49, STARS: 4
sounds like a different take on an old Dave Barry column:
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was...let’s see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means... lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty... scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and..........
“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so...” (She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that... it’s that I... I need some time,” Elaine says.
There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. “Yes,” he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.
“Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”
Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. “Thank you, Roger,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
And that’s the difference between men and women.
"CobraJoe" (cobrajoe)
06/01/2017 at 11:53, STARS: 1
My usual response is “Nothing you’d care to hear about”.
She doesn’t like to hear my ramblings or theories about cars.
"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
06/01/2017 at 11:56, STARS: 1
when ever I go upstairs my wife asks what i’m doing. She always gets disgusted with me when I say I’m going up to take a shit. For some reason she still continues to do this and still continues to get mad with the answer
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
06/01/2017 at 11:57, STARS: 0
Dave Barry is awesome
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
06/01/2017 at 11:58, STARS: 3
It is good to have a couple James May type things on deck that will put her straight into that glazed over look.
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
06/01/2017 at 12:00, STARS: 0
http://bravetheworld.com/2016/08/09/50-real-differences-men-women/
"CobraJoe" (cobrajoe)
06/01/2017 at 12:09, STARS: 1
That really isn’t anything that needs to be prepared... Usually she’s stopping me from saying whatever musings come to mind.
"MonkeePuzzle" (monkeypuzzle)
06/01/2017 at 12:10, STARS: 0
residual rotation. will take some time for the mass to stop especially in space.
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
06/01/2017 at 12:12, STARS: 9
Party-vi: *blankly staring into the wall across from where I’m sitting*
Wife: you ok?
Party-vi: Yeah, just thinking
Wife: About what?
Party-vi: Well, if Ford didn’t sell Jaguar would the F Type have been just a really nice Mustang like the Cougar used to be? Would Mercury exist as a brand to fill the gap between Ford products and Jaguar? Is Lincoln going to make a Mark IX?
Wife: *packs her things. Goes to her mother’s*
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
06/01/2017 at 12:13, STARS: 0
Sorry, the correct answer is “How much I love you” but I love your train of thought.
"Snuze: Needs another Swede" (markg)
06/01/2017 at 14:07, STARS: 0
This cracks me up every time I see it!
"Future next gen S2000 owner" (future-next-gen-s2000-owner)
06/01/2017 at 16:42, STARS: 0
Well, if Ford didn’t sell Jaguar would the F Type have been just a really nice Mustang like the Cougar used to be?
This is an important question.