by "Agrajag" (Agrajag)
Published 05/11/2017 at 08:30
by "Agrajag" (Agrajag)
Published 05/11/2017 at 08:30
Tags: Bad joke thursday
STARS: 7
A man goes to a costume party with a woman on his back.
The host asks him, “And what are you?”
“I’m a turtle.” He replies.
“And who’s that on your back?”
“That’s Michelle!”
Feel free to share more bad jokes in the replies.
"Azrek" (azrek)
05/11/2017 at 08:33, STARS: 3
So a Horse walks into a bar and the Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
05/11/2017 at 08:35, STARS: 7
"Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero" (sampsonite24)
05/11/2017 at 08:39, STARS: 9
two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks
*ba-dum-tish*
"BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires" (biturbo228)
05/11/2017 at 08:41, STARS: 8
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip...
"Svend" (svend)
05/11/2017 at 08:54, STARS: 1
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, “F**k this,”
“F**k that.” The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,”You shouldn’t swear like that, Johnny.
God is all around us.” “Is he in the sky?” asks Johnny. “Yes,” says the priest. “Is he in that bush over there?” asks Johnny. “Yes,” says the priest.” Is he in my wagon?” asked Johnny. “Yes,” says the priest.
“Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!”
"$kaycog" (skaycog)
05/11/2017 at 08:56, STARS: 1
It took me a minute, but I got it. Very cute!
"Svend" (svend)
05/11/2017 at 08:57, STARS: 12
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief.
The chief says to the cowboy, “You going to die.
But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days.
On sundown of third day, you die.
What is first wish?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.”
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.
She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man - can only think of one thing.”
The second day, the chief says, “What your wish today?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.”
The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slaps it on the back.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing.”
The last day comes, and the chief says, “This your last wish, white man.
What you want?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.”
The indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”.
"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
05/11/2017 at 08:58, STARS: 5
Holden finishes production in Australia on 20 October 2017
"Svend" (svend)
05/11/2017 at 08:59, STARS: 8
A chicken walks into a library, goes up to a librarian and says, “Book book book.” The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, “Book book book.” The librarian decides the chicken wants another book so he takes the old book back and gives the chicken another book. The chicken walks out the door. Ten minutes later the chicken comes back again, very agitated, saying, “Book book book!” so quickly it almost sounds like one word. The chicken puts the book on the librarians desk and looks up - waiting for another book. This time the librarian gives the chicken another book and decides that something weird is happening. He follows the chicken out the door and into the park, all the way to the pond. In the pond is a frog sitting on a lily pad. The chicken gives the book to the the frog, who then says, “Reddit, reddit.”
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
05/11/2017 at 09:01, STARS: 2
[Groans]
[Recommends]
"Svend" (svend)
05/11/2017 at 09:06, STARS: 4
The teacher asks, “Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” Flora blushes and says, “That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question.”
The teacher calls on Johnny: “What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?” “That’s easy,” says Johnny. “It’s the pupil of the eye.” “Very good, Johnny,” responds the teacher. “That’s correct.”
She then turns to Flora and says, “First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.”
"LOREM IPSUM" (lorem---ipsum)
05/11/2017 at 09:07, STARS: 5
Two muffins are in the oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says “Jeez, it’s hot in here.”
The other muffin turns and says “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”
"Svend" (svend)
05/11/2017 at 09:08, STARS: 9
An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
“Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbour?”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
05/11/2017 at 09:17, STARS: 4
Two penguins were in the bath. One turns to the other and says, “Could you pass me the soap?” The other penguin looks back and asks “what am I, a chair?”
I don’t get it either
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
05/11/2017 at 09:30, STARS: 1
That’s not bad, that’s sad.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
05/11/2017 at 09:31, STARS: 2
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
"CB" (jrcb)
05/11/2017 at 09:32, STARS: 3
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef. Can you pea soup?
What do you call a man who runs in front of a car?
Tired.
What do you call a man who runs behind a car?
Exhausted.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
05/11/2017 at 09:35, STARS: 8
A kid wants to take a girl to the prom.
He goes to get a tux, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets his tux.
He goes to get her flowers, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the flowers.
He goes to get a limo, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the limo.
They go to prom, and there’s a long line, but they finally get in.
He goes to get them some punch, and there’s no punchline.
"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
05/11/2017 at 09:50, STARS: 5
A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”
"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
05/11/2017 at 09:52, STARS: 4
Dung!
"X37.9XXS" (x379xxs)
05/11/2017 at 09:52, STARS: 3
Drunk woman walk into a bar, with a duck under her arm
She sits down next to a guy who has been there since last Sunday
He looks up from his drink and gives the female and fowl a glassy stare
Fellow remarks: “What’re doin’ with that pig?”
Woman: “Thas not a pig, itza duck”
Guy: “I know. I wash talkin’ to the duck”
(I’m here all week. Try the veal)
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
05/11/2017 at 09:57, STARS: 1
I have a horrible, despicable, no-good, rotten, awful, disgusting joke.
"qwertt" (qwertt)
05/11/2017 at 10:22, STARS: 3
"Agrajag" (Agrajag)
05/11/2017 at 11:03, STARS: 0
I’m sure I’ll regret this, but go on.
"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction)
05/11/2017 at 11:16, STARS: 0
Yes!! =)
"Azrek" (azrek)
05/11/2017 at 11:22, STARS: 5
The Irish invented the bagpipe and gave it to the Scottish as a joke. The Scottish haven’t gotten the joke yet.
"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
05/11/2017 at 11:29, STARS: 1
That’s one of my favorite Monty Python sketches.
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
05/11/2017 at 11:33, STARS: 1
And the guy on the shitter is high on pot
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
05/11/2017 at 11:34, STARS: 1
I’ve heard this one about kilts
"Party-vi" (party-vi)
05/11/2017 at 11:41, STARS: 4
Ok.
What’s worse than eating out your grandmother?
.
.
.
.
Banging your head on the coffin when you’re done.
"haveacarortwoorthree2" (haveacarortwoorthree2)
05/11/2017 at 11:46, STARS: 3
Why did you do this? Why?
"haveacarortwoorthree2" (haveacarortwoorthree2)
05/11/2017 at 11:48, STARS: 1
I’m laughing, and I feel bad for laughing.
"Agrajag" (Agrajag)
05/11/2017 at 11:50, STARS: 2
I was right.
"Agrajag" (Agrajag)
05/11/2017 at 11:52, STARS: 1
I don’t know. I’m so sorry.
"CB" (jrcb)
05/11/2017 at 12:07, STARS: 5
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
So the sheep can’t hear the zipper.