by "My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
Published 05/06/2017 at 01:29
by "My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
Published 05/06/2017 at 01:29
Tags: first world problems
STARS: 1
So, as I sit here feeling sorry for myself, in a better situation than 90% of human beings on earth, I can’t help but feel conflicted. I am a graduate student, on free tuition that I am likely going to lose (because I don’t study enough) however, grade wise I am realistically doing just fine (consistent B student) I have gotten this far on natural ability alone. (thanks mom, dad, and the gene pool) I really don’t study much, just pay attention in class.
I can’t bring myself to do stupid, easy things. It’s not as if I procrastinate. I stare at my screen wasting time on the internet, until it is close to midnight, and fire out what I need to do at 3 AM. I have absolutely no idea why. Well, some idea, I just don’t really give a shit. If I really wanted to procrastinate, there is other, better things I could be doing, like playing videogames, or reading. Instead I stare blankly at a screen for hours.
I could easily get my life together at any time, but find myself unable to take that small step. I don’t know why.
I really don’t know what I am doing. I am not depressed, just unmotivated as shit. I am doing what I am doing right now because I want to be able to afford nice cars someday. And TBH that is not a really great reason. I can’t say I would find other work more fulfilling (I don’t really like people that much) so it is not as if I can do much else.
Not sure where I was going with this, Sorry for whining. Have a morgan for your time.
"Land_Yacht_225" (nadenator)
05/06/2017 at 01:39, STARS: 0
That’s been my entire senior year (the last 8 months) and that is the primary reason I’m calling a timeout on my education for a year or two. I got my undergrad, finished with the major and minors I wanted, and now I’m trying to get a dealer sales job because I need to do something I find genuinely interesting for a while. I think those 3AM bullshit sessions and staring at a blank screen for hours is one of the main reasons I have ended up in the poor physical shape I’m in, let alone intellectually.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 01:44, STARS: 0
I just have like zero self esteem because it’s the biggest non-problem and I still cant fix it. I guess you could say that to a lesser extent it is the school’s fault for wasting my time. And society placing importance on an additional year of school that is in no means improves my knowledge.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/06/2017 at 01:55, STARS: 0
What are you studying?
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 02:03, STARS: 0
Going for my MBA, specifically in marketing.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
05/06/2017 at 02:05, STARS: 4
Can I be honest? Playing video games is not “better things to do”. Reading? Sure, as long as the material expands your mind and teaches you. Read things that do that, voraciously. Things that were assigned and evaluated to death to fit a curriculum never had that effect for me.
Take a break, if that’s viable. Do something else for experience. Ride bicycles, work construction, apprentice at a shop, something physical, whatever. But don’t give up on school, especially if you have a free ride. I gave up college before even transferring from JC because it was rent or tuition and a career working on cars paid bills and student loans made them. At least you’re well along, right? Finish it and make some money, but by all means take a short break first if you’re burned.
Also, you have a T/A, right? Consult it. Become one with it. Trans Ams are Oracles to us all, they will lead us to the light. Hallowed be thy name, Trans Am... Trans Am... Trans Am...
"MrDakka" (mrdakka)
05/06/2017 at 02:12, STARS: 2
Welcome to the ennui of life.
"Frank Grimes" (FrankGrimes)
05/06/2017 at 02:13, STARS: 2
go talk to a therapist the school you go to might be a good start to find one. seriously. I know you probably wont but it seems like you need to do some checking of your thoughts and find more about yourself and what motivates you.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 02:17, STARS: 1
Working on the last one. I am not giving up on school, I am just throwing away a scholarship due to apathy. I plan on graduating and working a job I hate to buy a caterham. such is life.
"OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars" (jakeauern)
05/06/2017 at 02:17, STARS: 2
You’re exactly where I am. I graduate in just over a week and get married in just over two weeks but I have had very little motivation recently. The only thing that has kept me from going completely down a rabbit hole is my fiancé but because of the rabbit hole I stayed going down I am not going to get my MACC and instead I’m going to wait to get my MBA but I feel that rabbit hole has lead me to exactly where I shouldbe in life. I already feel happier since I don’t have that stress right now but I know I’ll be fine just like you’ll make it just fine.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/06/2017 at 02:17, STARS: 2
Sounds like you need to figure out what you really want to do with your life. I knew a guy in high school (this was back in the 80s) who partied and drank and smoked with the best of us and still got straight As. Great guy. Last I heard (1990, when he came to my wedding), he was working in DC. Probably making serious coin. Things just came easy for him; some people are just like that. Most people have to bust their ass to get where they are, and would give their eye teeth to be in your shoes. Free ride? Passing grades with minimal work? Sounds like Easy Street to me. Don’t blow your scholarship, do what you need to do to finish. Appreciate your good fortune, but finish well, and do good work. Be glad that you aren’t at a school that is kicking your ass.
Then, go out and find something that really challenges you.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
05/06/2017 at 02:18, STARS: 5
Motivation can be really difficult when you’re naturally talented and usually don’t have to try hard. I was a B/C student in college because I never studied and I coasted on my intelligence. I probably could have gotten straight A’s if I tried, but that would have involved trying.
You’ve got to decide if you want a good life, or a “good enough” life. You’re probably bright enough to get a half decent job, but if you want nice cars and a big house with a 5 car garage and all sorts of fun stuff, you’ll probably need to put forth some effort. And be careful, because if you’re like me, you’ll eventually encounter a task that you can’t just put off until midnight and knock out with a late night session, and when that day comes you’ll realize that you never bothered to develop good study habits and coping techniques.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 02:18, STARS: 0
It is just a very odd problem to have. hopefully they can help.
"SVTyler" (svtyler)
05/06/2017 at 02:36, STARS: 3
As someone going through the same thing, I’ve found it to be a feedback loop where you start developing these self-loathing thoughts because you procrastinate, which in turn leads you to procrastinate more because you think you’re such a piece of shit who doesn’t do anything. It’s a really vicious cycle and honestly it’s not something you’re going to change overnight. Like Frank said, these kinds of problems are almost entirely rooted in deeper psychological problems so some professional help to get to the bottom of why you feel this way is a great start.
That being said, you have to start trying to break that cycle. You’re not going to go from 0-100 immediately, but if you start small and just force yourself to do at least one productive thing once a day (doesn’t have to be anything huge, just like work on a paper or do a few practice problems or read about a relevant school topic for a half-hour or clean your place or do laundry or something, just
anything
that you can point to as being productive), you’ll start to feel this sense of accomplishment like, hey, I’m actually not a piece of shit, I
can
do things. That’s what you’re looking for. Keep chasing that feeling, keep doing little shit, keep working even if it sucks, because eventually you’ll develop a habit of doing little shit.
From there, you can build on that and start doing even more. Humans are creatures of habit and if you can get yourself out of the rut you’re in now and back into a productive mindset that kind of structure will eventually feel normal. It absolutely fucking sucks to get started but I can tell you from experience that it’s worth it, you just have to find the initial motivation.
Final suggestion is to go to the gym. I know it’s a cliched answer but exercise has been shown to help with depression and even if you just go like five miles on a bike that little sense of accomplishment is huge and will affect you the rest of the day.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
05/06/2017 at 02:39, STARS: 1
Good, you owe it to yourself to see it through, I think, and you have a worthy goal. I now work a job I deeply hate (running the shop) to pay for diapers, a minivan, mortgage, and everything but my dormant projects, so please drive the damn wheels off that Caterham for the dads out there.
"500 Days of Kittens" (500daysofkittens)
05/06/2017 at 03:54, STARS: 0
There’s another side to this: maybe you’re happy where you are, but feeling like you’re not living up? You don’t need to live your life according to outside expectations; you do you. If that’s coasting a bit, that’s ok. Motivation comes and goes, and it’s worth feeling these things and working on yourself and all that jazz, but if you’re not depressed, maybe you’re happy but don’t feel like you should be. Well, you should be. Ride the waves my friend.
"DutchieDC2R" (dutchiedc2r)
05/06/2017 at 04:08, STARS: 0
How old are you, if I may ask? Some people spend their whole life in a place, in a job, in a situation they don’t want to be in, or at least, are in it and feel messed up because of it, but are not aware that its their situation that makes them feel that way.
I was in a similar position, maybe still am a bit. Either way, if your MBA in Marketing isnt what you like, there’s plenty of other things you can do, which can bring enough money in for you to buy cool stuff.
What Im trying to say is, those cool cars won’t make you happy in the long run. That feeling of not being motivated wont go away by just buying a cool car. Making money is one thing, but doing it with something you don’t like and/or have no love/enthousiasm for will make it very hard for you to keep your goal in mind. Think about it. Youre in a period of your life where you can make some proper choices for the future.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 06:49, STARS: 0
23. I don’t think what I am doing is the problem as much. There isn’t something else I really see myself doing, only that this school is a horrible waste of time in a short term sense. Higher education my ass.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 06:54, STARS: 0
Expectations have been a huge problem. Being no matter how good I do, it just raises the bar further out of reach.
I’ve done super well, but I can’t help but feel like the school has set me up to fail.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 06:58, STARS: 0
It’s why I am where I am. As silly as it sounds, without that carrot dangling I wouldn’t have even bothered. I figured it would be a pity to not at least give it a shot.
"RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars" (rallydarkstrike)
05/06/2017 at 07:38, STARS: 1
I feel the same way friend. I’ve been graduated with a BEd for 6 years now and still don’t have a full-time job as they are hard to come by here. Only got my first Term teaching position in January, and yet, I don’t feel 100% committed to it. I enjoy it, but it doesn’t feel like a “rest of my life career” thing yet, if that makes sense.
I have a BA with an Advanced Major in history as well and worked in a Museum which I really enjoyed. An Auto Museum SOMEWHERE would be an absolute dream job for me, but the closest one to me is thousands of miles away...right now I am just working along to save up for a house when the time comes (and of course, save up for the FIAT 126 I want to import).......but those are really the only goals I have right now.
"Aaron M - MasoFiST" (amarks563)
05/06/2017 at 08:20, STARS: 0
The big thing I can think of is valuing your time. My undergrad degree was in Mechanical Engineering, and by my junior year my GPA was...a little underwater. I worked my ass off to bring it back above a 3.0, and one of the things I did to make this possible was sleep five hours a night or less...it was the only way I could both get decent grades and still do all the other things I wanted to do. By the time I got to grad school, I was procrastinating a lot less, if only because I had gotten to the point where it was physically painful to lose that much sleep. Also, not procrastinating meant I could still go out a few nights a week, still date, and still play music.
So what would you do with those hypothetical three hours you spent on the internet? If you can’t think of anything the time could be better used for, then the academic program probably isn’t the issue. I played music, wrote fiction, and chased girls. Rather than thinking about what you want in the future, think about what you want to be doing right now.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 09:13, STARS: 1
I know what you mean. I would love to work at a big car company (Porsche comes to mind) but have a hard time seeing that happening considering the move. I think it’s more useful to keep an open mind about those kinds of things.
"BIGBLOCK472 - wide and bizarre" (bigblock472)
05/06/2017 at 09:20, STARS: 1
Depression can definitely manifest itself in the form of apathy and lack of motivation, for sure. As far as brains go, I got pretty lucky in the genetic lottery, but early in high school I really started to struggle with the same symptoms that you are having. In my case, however, it was a result of being a socioeconomically depressed, fat, redheaded, closeted gay kid with Tourette’s growing up in the Southern Baptist church. Damn, what a bitch hand to be dealt.
At any rate, while I had the mental capacity well beyond what it took to be successful in high school, I couldn’t find the motivation to leverage any of it, and instead sought out anything and everything to distract myself from the relatively simple tasks I was assigned. Hello, world of cars! I barely graduated high school, and I was at the bottom of my class with a 1.16 GPA. (Gah!)
I wandered aimlessly through community college for four semesters before deciding to take a semester off to sort out my head. In that off time I came out to my closest friends. I told the boat anchor “friends” in my life to get fucked. I decided to heed my mom’s sage advice and get into nursing school.
Although there were hiccups along the way, I eventually graduated nursing school (barely—that shit is tough) and started my career in healthcare as an RN. I still struggle with apathy and lack of motivation, but I have learned to identify my own bullshit that I am so tired of. I lost my wonderful mother (who has been the cornerstone of my success) suddenly... it will be four years ago tomorrow, so I still struggle with depression to some extent, but I have learned to cope.
I have been a nurse for almost 11 years now, and I will be finishing my bachelors in nursing in the next couple of months. I make a ridiculous salary in the field of clinical informatics. I have a wonderful husband and three beautiful dogs. I feel relatively successful despite everything.
My advice is to go see somebody to get to the root of your issues because you, like everyone else, will be dead soon. Even if you die at 105 it will feel like soon. I can’t count the number of people I have cared for on their death beds that had major regretsies over wasting their lives in some major way. You owe it to yourself, for real. And while chasing material possessions is okay, parking a Caterham in the hole in your heart is only a temporary fix. Go see somebody and get yourself sorted out so you can make the best of the limited time we all have and so that you can actually *enjoy* that Caterham.
"My bird IS the word" (mybirdistheword)
05/06/2017 at 09:45, STARS: 0
I’m not using the time productively. I’m not even doing things i enjoy. When I do those things I feel guilty about not doing my work. So I do nothing.
An odd problem, I know.
"RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire" (ricerocketeer2)
05/06/2017 at 12:33, STARS: 1
I feel like I’m reading something from myself 10-15 years ago.
Ah geez, I dunno dude. Sometimes I feel like short-term carrots work best for procrastination - set deadlines a few days early, then promise yourself a day off driving in the canyons, watching porn and eating pizza, playing video games, or something.
"Frank Grimes" (FrankGrimes)
05/06/2017 at 14:18, STARS: 1
I have the same problem. I think its related to my ADHD and depression. I understand in my case its feeling hopeless about the future is the depression part of it and then not being able to focus and give attention to things that don’t interest me from the ADHD side and it creates a cycle.
Either way something isnt working for you in your current machine and it needs new cams or ECU tuning or something to make the motor produce what you want it to.