by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 05/01/2017 at 18:09
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 05/01/2017 at 18:09
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STARS: 0
We haven’t been close, but I feel a sort of affinity towards you. I live in New Jersey, and like Texans, I think my state is the best, even though everyone else says it’s awful and makes jokes about it.
You seem to think the fact that this beer is made in Texas is an attractive fact. You mention Texas about ten times on the label, going so far as to include the zip code. I’m pretty sure the only Texans to ever refer to their Texas zip code are the Geto Boys, and they’re your greatest cultural contribution to the union, so that’s cool.
But you seem to not understand “cream ale.” See, this is cream ale:
This is also cream ale:
These have two things in common: Rochester, NY and Croydon, PA are arm pits of their respective states. I don’t know what your Texan equivalent is, Austin? West Texas? Maybe it’s Shiner, I don’t know because I thought this beer was called “Shriner beer” and its thing was that it was brewed by Shriners.
The other thing that these beers have in common is that they’re awful and taste like carbonated water that somehow manages to have an ABV.
See, your beer has a distinct taste of hops. If I were an awful human being that no one liked to invite to parties, I would call your beer “challenging.” Not “challenging” like 120 minute IPA, but “challenging” in so far as this beer has a taste. It’s pretty shitty; you got that part right. But it tastes distinctly like beer, and that’s unacceptable in a cream ale.
To paraphrase your greatest contribution to American culture, “a real gangsta ass cream ale don’t taste tops, because a real gangsta ass cream ale don’t got hops.”
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 18:14, STARS: 2
Shiner is overpriced and becoming stupidly hip and trendy.
"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
05/01/2017 at 18:14, STARS: 4
“Texas doesn’t understand something” is one of history’s most recurring themes.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:18, STARS: 0
That’s depressing. I bought it because it was $8.99 for a six pack and it’s style promised terrible beer. It’s not the good sort of terrible, but it’s pretty bad. Is this Austinites’ PBR?
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:20, STARS: 0
You win.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:24, STARS: 0
Also, I wasn’t slightly joking about that “cultural contribution” thing.
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I genuinely believe that this is the best hip hop song ever written.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:26, STARS: 0
I plan on having two songs played at my funeral. Monty Python’s Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and Six Feet Deep
When your time comes, just remember G,
You’ll always have a place in this world—as a memory.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 18:27, STARS: 1
I wouldn’t say PBR, but it’s sort of the go-to beer. It’s better on tap, but not overwhelming. I don’t think it’s worth premium pricing.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:30, STARS: 0
So it’s your Yuengling, but not priced cheaper than water.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 18:35, STARS: 1
Pretty much. And I’m not that crazy about Yuengling either. But I’ll drink it.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:46, STARS: 1
No one is, but it’s so cheap that it doesn’t matter.
As an undergraduate in Philadelphia, the most amazing part of my college life was that there was a bar/pizza place a block from my dorm where every Wednesday night you could get a slice of pizza and a pint of Yuengling for $2. At some point, I asked them if I could just have the Yuengling without the pizza, because I couldn’t eat more than two slices and I felt bad about wasting food. They told me no, because they did it to get rid of old pizza. So I started bringing my girlfriend with me so she could eat the pizza. I miss that bar.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 18:49, STARS: 0
When I was at Rice, there was (maybe still is) a grad student pub called Valhalla. They sold plastic cups of Shiner for 50¢ apiece. At that price, it didn’t matter how it tasted.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
05/01/2017 at 18:57, STARS: 0
They used to sell it for $3.99 at my local Sprouts then they started selling it for $8.99. Haven’t bought it since.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
05/01/2017 at 18:58, STARS: 2
They used to sell it for $3.99 at my local Sprouts, then they raised it to $8.99. Not gonna happen. If I wanted to pay premium prices for mediocre beer I’d buy Stella.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 18:59, STARS: 0
$3.99 for a six pack? That’s so beautiful.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
05/01/2017 at 19:01, STARS: 1
Yeah, it was nice. I’m guessing Sprouts bought a shit ton on discount. The funny part is the brewery isn’t even called Shiner. It’s the Spoetzle Brewery but they label the beer Shiner.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 19:10, STARS: 1
I’ve just looked at the label and confirmed.
I don’t know what Sprouts is, but it makes me think of being in Scotland with a good friend of mine. We went into an Aldi at, like, midnight, completely fucked up, to go find alcohol. And there were these stoned kids who were also there, and we just started laughing because it was just us looking for cheap Aldi booze and a bunch of stoned teenagers, and somehow they were well-behaved and we were the most obnoxious people in the store. So we go up to buy our six or so bottles of really shitty wine and she points at this box for a 60" television in the corner.
“Do you really sell this tel-e-vis-ion”? I see this box here every day.”
“I think so. I’d have to ask my manager.”
“No one wants the television?”
“No one ever asked about it.”
“Do you think it’s a good tel-e-vis-ion? I don’t own a tel-e-vis-ion.”
“I don’t know. It looks big.”
“The box is nice. Can I buy the box?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Would your manager sell us the box for the tel-e-vis-ion?”
So he gets the manager, and she starts making offers on buying the fucking box for the “tel-e-vis-ion.” But he wouldn’t sell it, because “we only have one, and people might want the box.”
"haveacarortwoorthree2" (haveacarortwoorthree2)
05/01/2017 at 19:12, STARS: 1
I have never once purchased or drank this Shiner Cream Ale stuff. I think they make it just to sell to yuppies. But good ole regular Shiner is a pretty good beer for not much money (although it seems like they have raised the prices once it started getting more popular outside Texas, but the law of supply and demand!).
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
05/01/2017 at 19:16, STARS: 1
Sprouts is a few rungs below Whole Foods.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 19:16, STARS: 0
I love proper cream ale. The second one I posted a photo of actually calls it “lawnmower ale” because it’s the beer that you drink when you mow the lawn. I don’t know if that’s a regional phenomenon, but it’s such a perfect description.
"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/01/2017 at 19:25, STARS: 0
I’ve been drinking Shiner Bock since high school. Does that make me the ultimate Texas beer hipster?
"Verdog ~ manual Bro, Bro - HellHawk Equipped" (verdog)
05/01/2017 at 19:35, STARS: 0
Central Market FTW
"Verdog ~ manual Bro, Bro - HellHawk Equipped" (verdog)
05/01/2017 at 19:36, STARS: 0
I would say they were the first Microbrewery. Now a mass produced beer.
"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/01/2017 at 19:37, STARS: 1
I went to Jersey once. I admire Newark’s beautiful scenery (spray paint).
Central Jersey was very picturesque. I imagine that’s where the mobsters live.
"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
05/01/2017 at 19:39, STARS: 1
Shiner has gotten pretty terrible over the years, not gonna lie.
I don’t know if this is tasty or not, though. Haven’t tried it.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 19:49, STARS: 0
It’s bad, but not good bad like actual cream ale is supposed to be. It’s just kind of “meh” whereas cream ale is supposed to send beer aficionados into convulsions.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 19:50, STARS: 0
I think they live far north. It’s ridiculously pretty up there and ridiculously expensive. I live in the south, where it’s basically just farms, pine trees, and Camden, which would be murder capital of the U.S., but they don’t have the population to support a per capita ranking.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 19:52, STARS: 0
I think mass production may have killed the product.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 19:56, STARS: 0
Yes. Yes it does. Does refusing to drink it make me a beer snob?
Well, I wouldn’t refuse it if you handed me one.
"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
05/01/2017 at 19:59, STARS: 0
I’m bummed they aren’t bringing prickly pear back this summer. Yeah it’s not really a great beer, but it’s perfect out on the lake or river on a 100+ hill country afternoon.
"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/01/2017 at 20:52, STARS: 0
There is little better in this world than an ice cold Shiner Bock.
"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/01/2017 at 20:53, STARS: 1
What do they call people in your neck of the woods? Pinies?
"Svart Smart, traded in his Smart" (svartsmart)
05/01/2017 at 21:15, STARS: 1
Shiner Bock was the first beer I ever got drunk/buzzed on, so I have a special fondness for it. Can’t speak to the cream ale, though.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
05/01/2017 at 21:23, STARS: 0
Yes, but we don’t call the actual Pineys anything, because that’s some genuine Hills Have Eyes shit, and you just run away.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
05/01/2017 at 21:24, STARS: 0
Most beers of that sort need to be served at about 33 degrees. That’s the only way to drink Budweiser.
"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/01/2017 at 22:40, STARS: 0
Sounds like deep East Texas.