by "K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
Published 04/19/2017 at 23:16
by "K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
Published 04/19/2017 at 23:16
Tags: Life Sturff
STARS: 3
Not only do I not really understand myself well (yet), I don’t really understand people either. I’m not sure if other people understand people either. It’s like removing drunk/Imaginationland goggles and seeing the world for what it truly is; which is really fraking different and strange and difficult to understand.
I’m not sure where to begin. People are very imperfect, fickle, and difficult to read creatures to others and themselves, myself included. I don’t really know or understand why we do certain things and whatnot. I’ve had this ignorant preconception of how the world and people worked that wasn’t accurate but based off of what I grew up knowing and learning. I feel behind on personal growth whilst everyone else is far ahead (even though that’s a fallacy that I created but often feel). But it’s idea of how the world and people worked is also based on social media and things I’ve seen, watched, or listened to in the past.
I also have many things I’ve difficulty understanding because none of it seems logical to me:
If you want a relationship you should go looking for one because some unexplained “thingy” makes it so that if you don’t look for one it just happens which makes no sense because I assume someone has to be looking to want one or vice-versa. And if you’re looking for one you’re clearly desperate even if you know that you really don’t need anyone other than yourself to make yourself happy and anyone else is simply an “mutual enhancer” of sorts. So not trying makes things happen, is the gist of this that I’m given to try and understand even though no one can actually explain how or even why this is the way it is.
You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself makes no sense because I’ve met many people who love other people more than themselves and they’re doing pretty good. I mean who’s the voice of reason that comes up with this stuff and makes it “law”? I don’t think I hate myself nearly as much as I use to in recent years (yay), I certainly don’t love myself, but I like myself a little more than before, that’s gotta count for something. Also, can’t someone who you love help you love/like yourself more if you don’t? What if someone is as happy as they’re gonna get?
For some reason, self improvement always feels more like it’s done for others and not yourself. There are benefits obviously, but it all feels like it’s attempts at making yourself more acceptable to a broader and wider audience. I always wonder what/who I’m doing it for, myself or other people?
If jealousy/envy is a natural human emotion, why’s it so bad or a shame to feel it, I feel? I guess it can go too far, but even the littlest amount is a “shame on you” from others?
Why’s it seem like people are only there for you when you’re at you’re worst then they leave or fade away once you start improving?
In other recent news:
I decided to deactivate my Facebook for the rest of the year. Facebook became breeding ground for shallow and fake people that aren’t really friends (because logically there’s no way I had 850), and it became an emotional energy drain with how I’d waste time and fuel jealousy and envy looking at what people had that I wanted, and other things. It’s been a couple weeks and it’s been nice not having the app on my phone or laptop. Minor increase in free time and productivity from that.
I’ve a new therapist that I’m seeing starting next week and I’m feeling rather good about this one. Should be a good help and improvement.
Of course, I start my summer engineering internship next month after the spring semester ends, should be much fun.
Today I started a bodyweight workout routine to build muscle/character .
College has been improving academically recently, but not really socially.
But I have to remember that this entire planet and the people that live on it are living sub-optimal lives, and I’m no exception and if it’s happened to me it’s happened to others and vice versa and stuff.
So yeah, this is kinda neat to me. It’s my life after all. The new objective isn’t to have a good or bad day, just to have a day. So far, it is what it is. And I guess I’ll be updating my YT channel this weekend too.
tl;dr being a human is fraking weird and more difficult, or something like that.
"CB" (jrcb)
04/19/2017 at 23:23, STARS: 1
I understand where you’re coming from. Nothing really makes sense, and really, we’re all just winging it. And you’re right on having a day. Just make the most of whatever life throws your way.
"Nibby" (nibby68)
04/19/2017 at 23:24, STARS: 4
I’ve found for me that when you try to understand how other people work, ESPECIALLY people of a different gender, you’ll eventually drive yourself crazy. It’s not worth it trying to superanalyze others.
Try to focus on ways you can improve yourself daily... whether that is physically, emotionally, mentally, or any of those. Try to eat better too if you can, diet affects mood. And try to get a decent amount of sleep or at least stick to a sleep schedule as much as possible and you’ll notice more energy and be more relaxed.
Deleting your Facebook is also good... a break from social media and all the superficiality it comes with. No one needs to get their validation from fucking daily selfies.
Happiness starts with you. It comes from within. Stay positive
"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
04/19/2017 at 23:27, STARS: 1
I’ve found the key to life is to dial all your “fucks given” meters down to about two. Then be just slightly optimistic.
"OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars" (jakeauern)
04/19/2017 at 23:30, STARS: 2
When I was myself the most I found the woman I’m marrying in 32 days. You be you, don’t worry about what others think. Girls love men who are genuine and themselves. Same with friends. I have 4-5 friends who I can be honest and myself with and that’s why they’re my friends you have a freakin blue Mustang Kroll. You win.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/19/2017 at 23:32, STARS: 0
But how else are you supposed to form relationships with different genders if you don’t analyze them? I don’t believe any of this stuff comes natural anymore, if it did.
improving oneself is easy enough, sticking with it and following through is difficult.
Didn’t delete, just deactivated it.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/19/2017 at 23:33, STARS: 0
I feel like some are more prepared than others though, or better at controlling things.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/19/2017 at 23:34, STARS: 1
I’m an extremely caring individual, so that’s a bit of a challenger; though I’ve been focusing more on simply not helping people and letting them handle things on their own, and simply not involving myself in something that has nothing to do with me.
"CB" (jrcb)
04/19/2017 at 23:38, STARS: 0
Those both come with experience and luck.
As well, I’ve learned comparing yourself to others is an easy way to get yourself down. Focus on making yourself the best you you can be, which it sounds like you are.
I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/19/2017 at 23:38, STARS: 0
But that makes no sense given everything I’ve known and am trying to learn or re-learn. I’m not even sure what being me is. Self improvement has often felt like making yourself more acceptable because no one would accept you prior. But I guess I made one of those “genuine” friends somehow in my chemistry class this semester, maybe. I don’t know. I’m not even sure who and what friends are. I kinda have to start over again in the head for some things.
"OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars" (jakeauern)
04/19/2017 at 23:43, STARS: 0
I’ve had to do that a couple times wjrn * I tried* to fit in with kids at college but my best absolute best friends were those who understand. Think about yourself( while not being a jerk) and you’ll be happy and when those people who are cool come around it’s just a bonus.
"V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!" (v8demon)
04/19/2017 at 23:53, STARS: 1
I don’t think forming relationships ever came naturally. It’s a learned behavior in my opinion, otherwise why do so many seek advice concerning it? I believe that I was one of the last generations that actually had to go about it in person due to the physical need that technology/social media is seeing fit to do away with. Plenty of people in my age group are using social media and the internet to get the ball rolling for a prospective new relationship. To me it is a foreign concept.
"wafflesnfalafel" (wafflesnfalafel1)
04/19/2017 at 23:58, STARS: 0
agree - there is a sliding scale of ability that any one individual has interpreting other humans. I read quite a bit and it took me a while to figure out that others simply don’t - for better or worse. Not a “good” thing or a “bad” thing - just a thing. I am generally positive, but I work daily to reduce my “f*cks given” so I don’t kill myself with stress/anger. I try to take little pleasures where I can find them, (even pics of Grabber blue EB ‘stangs - which are beautiful - best color and likely the best looking model of the current Mustang.)
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:00, STARS: 0
You’re not that much older than me, are you? Because I can’t use social mediaor apps for relationships either. It’s just not for me. Physical need for conversations eye-to-eye is much more rewarding and a useful skill. Now everyone has their nose in their phones at restaurants, it’s weird. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and try forming a relationship in the past; but then I remember that’s a horrible idea, and then I question if it’s really that much different from now.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:03, STARS: 0
I tried fitting in as well, turns out I really don’t in general. I don’t really know where and if I fit in anywhere because I’ve simply not found it if it exists. I often feel that college is the make it/break it time for these things because the rest of ones life is spent working and whatnot so...I’ve also often thought that thinking about myself was selfish and jerk-like, and prolonged periods of not thinking about myself made me have jerk-moments from time to time.
"Khalbali" (khalbali2)
04/20/2017 at 00:04, STARS: 0
Deleting Facebook is definitely a good start, my wife suffers from pretty severe depression/anxiety and I’ve been there in the past, neither of us have Facebook or miss it. It really does drain you and magnify shit when you’re already down. Just let us know if you need anything.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:04, STARS: 0
It seems impossible to acquire that experience though without luck. So if you have no luck, you cannot get the experience.
"smobgirl" (smobgirl)
04/20/2017 at 00:05, STARS: 0
I just wanted to chime in on a couple things here. One, loving someone else more than yourself just puts you in a prime position to be taken advantage of and disappointed in the long run. Not with 100% certainty, obviously (sometimes those people just become stalkers), but it really isn’t a safe place to be.
And I understand the confusion in figuring people out. After years of stressing over that very thing, I’ve learned to just let them be who they are and see the humor in it. I know there is a bit of cliche in the class clown being the depressed kid, but people are easier to sort out when they’re amused so I try to find humor in the ordinary and show that to others. Now, people whose humor I don’t get...I just give up on them. The key is to laugh with people though. If I can’t figure that out in a particular social situation, I’ll just sit back quietly and people watch.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:14, STARS: 0
That’s a fair point I hadn’t thought of.
How did you do this “letting people be who they are and see the humor in it”? And you’re preaching to depressed class clown, as that was who I was in late elementary and middle school.
"V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!" (v8demon)
04/20/2017 at 00:16, STARS: 2
I’ll be 41 in June.
I guess it’s just a different way to connect; no better, no worse. I do think many younger people are socially awkward longer because of it. Noticeably so.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 00:17, STARS: 2
I’m just going to address your first bullet point, the one about the relationship catch-22 (if you want one you can’t find one, but if you stop trying it will just happen).
Let’s consider platonic friendships in your life. When you made friends, was it because you decided to leave your house that morning and make friends? Or did you become friends with people after spending time with them in either mandatory situations (school, intramural sports, etc) or a shared common interest (talking about cars in the parking lot, meeting at a concert, etc)? I’m willing to bet that most friendships, especially good ones, evolved out of your shared common interests and not because they just walked up to you and said “hey, you look cool. Wanna be friends sometime?”
Romantic relationships aren’t all that different from a good friendship, except it’s 1. (hopefully) a very close, rewarding friendship, and 2. There exists a mutual attraction between BOTH people, and the fact that the attraction is mutual is crucial. If neither person is attracted to the other you’ve got a good friendship. If you’ve both got that attraction you might have a relationship. If only one of you feels that attraction, that’s unfortunate but remember that you can’t force someone to be attracted to you. But I digress.
TL:DR, good friendships are formed when people bond over common interests and usually grow out of some outside force (proximity to one another, truancy laws) requiring people to spend time together. Not because somebody found your profile in a dating website. Good relationships form the same way.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/20/2017 at 00:21, STARS: 1
It’s all trial and error. I have to often remind myself that I have a lot to be grateful for. And while there are many things I cannot control, the most important things are still within my influence. Feeling typical things is not a sign of weakness or anything. I’m not sure it gets “easier” with time... I think you just learn how to deal.
Relationship stuff: in my case, it’s better to be lucky than good.
"OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars" (jakeauern)
04/20/2017 at 00:25, STARS: 0
If you just think about what you need/love long enough and get what you need to get done, someone will come along who cares about you, not what you do, who you are, or maybe what you care about. Nicole is not a huge fan of cars but she understand the underlying aspects that come with being a Real from guy.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 00:30, STARS: 1
Did you need to analyze people of your own gender before you became friends with them, or did it just sort of happen? One of the best things you can do is to not treat women like they’re from another planet. They’re people just like you.
This is hard for me to say because I’m a scientist, but not everything needs to be analyzed.
"smobgirl" (smobgirl)
04/20/2017 at 00:31, STARS: 0
Ah, now I have to analyze! So I’ve always been introverted and super self conscious, but I also teach part time - and high school kids are assholes if you let them be. I am sarcastic but usually laughing when I try to get students to own their personality quirks, and I’m the first one to laugh about my own. I trip, I forget words, and where I might’ve turned red and tried to hide as a kid, now I just own it and shrug it off. I make a lot of faces to try and bring people into my laid-back world and out of their own worrying heads. Point out the amusing or absurd to strangers (maybe a little bit of schadenfreude here).
...I’m trying to think of concrete examples but yesterday was a 20-hour work day and my brain is sort of fried. One example of me failing at this is yesterday I did have some down time and I was at a car museum with simulators. And I talked myself out of trying them because I’m horrid at video games and there were about 8 male employees with nothing to do but watch the simulators...too much pressure. But on my way out the door I had a hilarious conversation with one of them about just that. After we had laughed about me likely being stuck in the wall the whole time I would have been totally fine to try it (and be awful) but I was unfortunately out of time.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:42, STARS: 0
You’ve got an extra two decades of experience on me. People in my age group/generation are socially awkward, me too. It might be a different way to connect, but it feels unnatural and unfulfilling to me.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:43, STARS: 0
It’s kinda like “I think, therefore I am” thing isn’t it..
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:47, STARS: 0
That makes more sense to me, a good explanation. However, it is also possibly a confirmation that I’m most unattractive to a majority it seems. This is what causes the “who’s the self improvement for?” loop. If I’m unattractive, then improving my looks will be so that I will be considered more attractive and accepted by more people; not because I want to.
"V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me!" (v8demon)
04/20/2017 at 00:49, STARS: 0
I’ve often felt that perhaps I was born 25 years later than I should have been. I wonder if that’s a common feeling among people. I’ve never really asked anyone about it.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:50, STARS: 0
But it may be a problem if you practice being grateful and gratitude out of guilt. When I’ve been told countless times to be grateful for what I have or practice the attitude of gratitude, it makes me feel guilty more often than not because I have all this cool stuff, and as such I have no reason to feel bad or sad about anything else. It’s complex and confusing.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:51, STARS: 0
I hope that in my avoiding Facebook, I’ll not lean on it in the future. A cold turkey practice of sorts that’ll allow me to not completely disconnect from it, but use it in extreme moderation after proving to myself that I don’t need it all day and every day.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:51, STARS: 0
I hope that in my avoiding Facebook, I’ll not lean on it in the future. A cold turkey practice of sorts that’ll allow me to not completely disconnect from it, but use it in extreme moderation after proving to myself that I don’t need it all day and every day.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 00:54, STARS: 1
I’ve thought the same thing! That I was born maybe 5-10 years too late. I probably could’ve fit in the late and early-mid 90s a bit better if I was born in the mid-late 80s. I’ve never asked anyone about it either.
"Khalbali" (khalbali2)
04/20/2017 at 01:02, STARS: 0
Could be, but neither is us has gotten there yet. Personally, I don’t miss it at all but I’ve been off for years now. It really does distract you from what matters though, I just try to focus on the (admittedly few) real life friends that I regularly see and work and my wife fill in the rest.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/20/2017 at 01:02, STARS: 1
Nonono, I’m not telling you to pucker up and be grateful. That is not helpful. I’m telling you I have to remind *myself* to be grateful for some of the things in my life that truly are amazing. It helps me keep moving. It’s all about perspective.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 01:08, STARS: 0
I understand completely. It’s forced me to try and find real friends that actually want to spend time with me; though I’m rather apprehensive with my learned social awkwardness.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 01:10, STARS: 0
I know, that was simply my counterargument against that perspective, but it doesn’t work for everyone. It’s great that it works for you. I’ve not found what works for me yet. Perspective always seems to be the catalyst for everything.
"OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars" (jakeauern)
04/20/2017 at 01:13, STARS: 0
It really is. Other than my fiancé, only one of my best friends is a senior like I am. Other than that they are all older and have jobs and understand that life isn’t easy. I mean I am the youngest and am getting married first which is a big deal but I have people there to support me like you have on Oppo. The sense of relief I had when you came back around was greater than you could know. I’ve seen too much in my mere 22 years already. Go one my profile and add me on twitter please. You know you always have friends here.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/20/2017 at 01:16, STARS: 1
Well bottom line is there’s no quick fix for what you’re feeling. You’re not going to wake up one day and find the thing that makes you click out of your funk. Though your preoccupation with what other’s think of you is one place I would start.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 01:16, STARS: 2
A few observations: (edit: sorry this got way too long)
1. Unless you’re talking about plastic surgery, “making myself more attractive” probably refers to losing weight or building muscle.
2. It’s ok to be partially motivated by other people, at least at first but eventually you’ll realize that you are in fact doing it for yourself. I’m going to use myself as an example: when I was 22, I was 5' 6" and I weighed 300 pounds. I was a virgin, and I never had a serious girlfriend. This was very frustrating, and my frustration had been increasing for years. I decided to do something about it and lose weight. So I was mostly motivated by trying to make myself more attractive to others (not specific people but just others in general). I started dieting and working out 5 days a week, and I started to lose weight. Over the course of a year I got down to 225 pounds. There were a lot of nights that I used other people as my motivation to keep going, but eventually I kept it up because I actually felt better about myself. I was healthier. I could go for a walk without wishing I was dead. So I decided it was time to find a girlfriend. So I did. She was a friend of a friend, I asked her out, we dated for a while, I finally had sex, I thought I was in love, and then she turned out to be a terrible person who cheated on me with multiple people. (Exhibit A: these are the types of relationships you end up in when you try to find one). I spent some time really messed up about the whole thing, and I gave up on relationships for a while. I made some new friends at college, and I tried to enjoy life. A year after making those new friends, I started dating one of them. We already knew each other really well, and we started dating because we both liked each other so much that we couldn’t contain it otherwise. We’ve now been together almost 7 years, and I truly love her (Exhibit B: these are the types of relationships that you get in when you stop trying to force it).
3. Try not to think about friendships and relationships as two completely different things with different rules and codes. They aren’t. Male or female, just try to meet people involved in the types of activities you like, and see what happens.
"Khalbali" (khalbali2)
04/20/2017 at 01:34, STARS: 0
Yeah I hear that, though I am convinced that in this day and age, anybody worth knowing is at least a little crazy, so it’s not worth getting too worked up or ashamed of your own. You’d have to be a fucking sociopath I feel like to not have dealt with at least some chronic anxiety/depression/social issues at this point, the whole world is pretty grade A fucked. Just try to find people who understand your brand of crazy and whose crazy you can likewise understand and you’ll have friends for life.
"Khalbali" (khalbali2)
04/20/2017 at 01:37, STARS: 0
This is where my wife really struggles, she thinks she’s the only one out there who feels inadequate or anxious or depressed and that everybody else around her just somehow has a perfect life, but I feel like we’re all a little fucked in the head, it’s the times we live in. Chances are nobody you’re not good friends with can see your crazy and they don’t let you see theirs, but it’s there.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:05, STARS: 0
I actually never had a Twitter. The only app I’ve left is Instagram for my friends photography and such. I’m touched that people here care for me so much like my parents do; and even more so than my friends do. They only made their worries known when I was at my worst and the minute things started to get better and they presumed I wouldn’t be dead they’d just carry on with their lives like nothing happened.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:09, STARS: 0
It just sorta happened. Same thing with girls too when I was younger. It only became a thing for me to study and analyze women sometime in high school. It’s damn frustrating because some girls wanna be treated like royalty or a higher level and I was raised to treat women with extremely high regards, so when high school came along and guys were getting girls by not that I was lost. Some prefer the pedestal and others don’t but don’t tell you that. It is my fault because I was raised to put them up there. Old school or something?
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:12, STARS: 0
I know I’m crazy, if not, weird. Trying to find my crazy in this world is a crazy adventure of mishaps and let downs and feelings of defeat and wanting to give up. I never thought life would be a breeze, but my head makes it hell at times.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:12, STARS: 0
I agree completely. If only we could all act authentic without fear of ridicule.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:13, STARS: 0
I wish it were that simple every day knowing I have to work this out.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 03:19, STARS: 1
As an engineering student, this is something I think I can work with. I like the logic and attention to detail.
1. Weight loss has been a core part of my failings. I was the fat kid class clown from 2nd grade until 8th and towards the end it got more and more depressing. I plan to stick to exercising 3x per week for the next month to see if I can stock with it.
2. That sounds like a success story I would like to live. Though I’m 5'10" and 180lbs, it’s mostly straggler fat.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 08:29, STARS: 0
I don’t know what you look like, which is fine, but I will say that 5'10" is well within most women’s acceptable height range for a man and 180 pounds is an acceptable weight for that height. Continuing to work out is a good thing for a variety of reasons, but please don’t do it with the mentality that you need to lose another 20 pounds in order for people to like you. You don’t.
It’s worth mentioning that by the time I started dating the woman who will eventually be Mrs. Chuckles, I had gone back up to around 250. Over the last 7 years, I’ve gradually let myself get up back to near that 300 mark again. I’m not happy about it, but it happened and I’m trying to do something about it. Through it all, she’s stuck with me, and she never stopped loving me. That’s what happens when you base a relationship on things other than looks.
If you want to meet us, we’ll be at the Oppo Tour de Connecticut next month. I’ll be the fat guy in the little Miata.
"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
04/20/2017 at 08:50, STARS: 1
My 2 cents: People are all crazy, nothing matters. You be you, it’s just better. You don’t have to pretend to be something you aren’t, everyone around appreciates you more because you aren’t being a fake.
I used to be a social leper... I wanted desperately to be liked and included, just wasn’t gonna happen. I would either be terrified of talking to anyone and get ignored, or in a sudden burst of self-confidence do something stupid... at which point the ridicule set in and I’d get psychologically driven through the floor. I had maybe 2-3 friends. Most of the time. Even they would turn on me sometimes.
Can’t remember when exactly it changed for me, but all I know is I started not to give a shit what people thought of me. Once I didn’t care about it, I started laughing at their comments about me. After that it was all uphill, they found it harder to bother me and therefore harder to get rid of me, and since I didn’t care I wasn’t being timid or doing out-of-character stupid shit to get attention anymore, so I actually got to KNOW people and vice versa.
Thus far my efforts haven’t paid off with the girls though :) I still get frankly terrified of doing something wrong around them. Here’s the key in my mind though, that I can talk to older women—like friends of my mothers—easily and naturally. Joke with them, listen, chat, bug them like I would my friends. All I can think of is that I’m not attracted to them or trying to be accepted by them, so I’m not nervous of them. This is exactly how I cracked the first half of my shell, so that makes sense to me.
So I’m not all the way there, but I know what to do... I just haven’t done it. For the moment it remains as my light at the end of my tunnel. And in my experience it’s only one thing that matters... you do you. That’s it. Just you do you. People appreciate genuine people.
Cheers, and good luck.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 14:08, STARS: 1
My advice would be to forget about the “put them on a pedestal or treat them like shit dichotomy”. Instead, just work on treating everyone like regular people. Women aren’t aliens. You don’t need to treat them differently if you just treat everybody well. It’s good to acknowledge how your upbringing has affected you, but that’s not an excuse to never change. Don’t worship women, but don’t treat them like shit either. Focus on friendships with people, regardless of gender and good things will happen.
"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/20/2017 at 17:52, STARS: 0
That’s the ideal reality. Treating everyone as equals; however, that’s impossible. Loving someone instantly puts the receiver of the love in a higher position than others, I feel. But I assume that means that person is also held to a higher standard, so it evens out and makes everything relative I suppose. Fair enough point. I’ve had difficulty finding the middle ground(compromising) in things, it’s always been an “all or nothing” sorta reality with me.
"Chuckles" (chucklesw37)
04/20/2017 at 18:18, STARS: 0
Certainly we might treat the ones we love a little differently than others, but that’s not really what I was referring to. That’s love, and love comes later. What I meant was to just focus on building friendships with men, women, and everyone in between. There’s no need to become exponentially more awkward around women as opposed to men. Stop trying to figure out how to ask them out and instead work on being friends. Approach everyone equally.