Give me your hottest takes

by "CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
Published 04/12/2017 at 14:08

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STARS: 2

Subaru Ascent. Tribeca successor.

Replies (58)

"CB" (jrcb)
04/12/2017 at 14:11, STARS: 1

100% adequate.

"DaftRyosuke - So Long and Thanks for All the Fish!" (daft-ryosuke)
04/12/2017 at 14:11, STARS: 0

Not bad, decently attractive like everything else Subaru makes right now. It’ll sell for sure...hell I’d buy one if the new Enclave didn’t exist.

"Nibbles" (nibbles)
04/12/2017 at 14:12, STARS: 1

Looks like a Ford Explorer fucked Mile High Invesco Field at Mile High Sports Authority Field at Mile High Mile High

"jimz" (jimz)
04/12/2017 at 14:13, STARS: 4

It’s impressively generic. It could have GMC, Buick, or perhaps even Ford badges on it and no one would bat an eye.

"4kc" (4kc)
04/12/2017 at 14:13, STARS: 2

ONE OF US

"jimz" (jimz)
04/12/2017 at 14:14, STARS: 1

Mostly harmless.

"Sir Halffast" (Sir_Halffast)
04/12/2017 at 14:14, STARS: 1

I like it. If there’s a third row, then I’d have one instead of a minivan.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:14, STARS: 0

I wouldn’t have one but I won’t mind seeing them on the road.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:15, STARS: 1

I don’t understand these words.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:16, STARS: 0

I’d love to see it next to a ‘Burban.

"J_P_Cars10s" (jpcars10s)
04/12/2017 at 14:16, STARS: 0

Subaru corporate grille + Subaru drive train + generic SUV = $$$$$$$$$

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
04/12/2017 at 14:16, STARS: 1

Worst name ever

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:16, STARS: 0

There is a third row.

"smobgirl" (smobgirl)
04/12/2017 at 14:17, STARS: 1

Boooooooring.

"Nibbles" (nibbles)
04/12/2017 at 14:19, STARS: 0

"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform)
04/12/2017 at 14:20, STARS: 3

It’s genuinely attractive. Can’t wait to see a whole bunch of these during SUBARU SEASON!1!!1! here in the PNW.

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
04/12/2017 at 14:22, STARS: 4

It’s like the Volvo except not good

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
04/12/2017 at 14:23, STARS: 1

I mean, it’s a car.

Sorry, that’s all I could muster.

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
04/12/2017 at 14:28, STARS: 1

RIP, Forester. Goodbye, Lesbomobile, we barely knew ye.

"Sir Halffast" (Sir_Halffast)
04/12/2017 at 14:29, STARS: 1

Like, a real functional one? Or a Nissan Rogue “family package” piece of fold-down cardboard bullshit?

"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
04/12/2017 at 14:30, STARS: 1

Welcome to the rental car game....

"Nibby" (nibby68)
04/12/2017 at 14:32, STARS: 0

A lot of cars and crossovers are like that now

"Eberle-Hills-Cop" (Eberle-Hills-Cop)
04/12/2017 at 14:33, STARS: 0

But will it overland?

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:34, STARS: 0

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:35, STARS: 1

This is like a big boy Forester.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:35, STARS: 1

Understandable.

"Sir Halffast" (Sir_Halffast)
04/12/2017 at 14:36, STARS: 1

Damn. That actually looks pretty good.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:37, STARS: 1

Undoubtedly someone will overland it. 

"Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW!" (theduckduck)
04/12/2017 at 14:37, STARS: 1

Looks pretty badass. I like all the new Subarus. I like the aggressive angular look of them.

"DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back" (karsonkinja)
04/12/2017 at 14:37, STARS: 1

“Can now carry up to 40% more lesbians”

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:37, STARS: 1

Does that mean better or worse?

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
04/12/2017 at 14:37, STARS: 0

That’s a paternalistic, cisgendered metaphor and I don’t appreciate your microaggressions in my Safe Space.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:38, STARS: 1

Isn’t it always SUBARU SEASON!1!!1! ?

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
04/12/2017 at 14:39, STARS: 0

I want to say it makes it worse but it may actually be better :/

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:40, STARS: 1

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:43, STARS: 0

That’s what I thought.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
04/12/2017 at 14:43, STARS: 2

It looks like I do at around the same time a 7 seat crossover makes sense: much bigger, softer, rounder and droopier than I would like.

"vicali" (vicali)
04/12/2017 at 14:44, STARS: 2

"ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback" (armadaexpress)
04/12/2017 at 14:45, STARS: 0

Let’s see what sort of engine they put in it. Is it a CVT? Turbo H-6? Will any of the driveline trickle down into other vehicles? If it’s another 4-cyl, or just the standard H-6 (and it probably will) I’ll be really annoyed.

Either way, I’ll probably take a serious look at it when we’re car shopping next.

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/12/2017 at 14:46, STARS: 0

Here’s a bit more detailed version of that photo.

Looks like a 2-seat, smaller-end-of-decent-sized 3rd row. Not as big as something like a Chevy Traverse/Buick Enclave but alright.

Oh, and I’m prettu sure this is not real, because this is the interior of the concept car:

"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
04/12/2017 at 14:47, STARS: 1

Looks like a bigger GMC terrain with the side windows from an Outback. It should be fine. It’s like a puffed up Outback which should be a good thing. I like the current Outback. I’m not really sure I’d call it a Tribeca successor, though. The Tribeca was never really a Subaru. It was supposed to be a Saab that GM was paying Subaru to develop for them, but then they killed Saab and Subaru had to sell it to recoup the sunk costs.

"m-b-w loves his SUBAROO" (m-b-w)
04/12/2017 at 14:48, STARS: 1

I’d trade my Outback in for one in a heartbeat if I had the funds.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:48, STARS: 0

It is supposed to be a brand new turbo 2.4L h4.

"ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback" (armadaexpress)
04/12/2017 at 14:50, STARS: 1

I hope it makes great power, and makes it’s way into other vehicles. If not, then shame on Subaru.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
04/12/2017 at 14:52, STARS: 1

hopefully that loss of 100 cc is being used to make the block not need to be replaced regularly...

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:53, STARS: 0

One can only hope.

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/12/2017 at 14:57, STARS: 2

It seems fine. I’m sure they’ll sell a bunch. The Tribeca was a mis-step because it launched during Subaru’s awkward upside-down Alfa Romeo grille phase, it only came with a not-very-efficient H6 motor, and it had a weird interior with a small third row. When they “fixed” the grille it became anonymous and didn’t address any of the other issues.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 14:59, STARS: 1

This looks like a 125% Forester.

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
04/12/2017 at 15:13, STARS: 0

Sounds about right. The Outback is about a 105% Forester right now, if we’re using a Forester as a unit of measurement. Well technically if you go by the supposed 117 inch wheelbase of the Ascent, it’s a 113% Forester.

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 15:16, STARS: 1

...if we’re using a Forester as a unit of measurement.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/forest-for-scale-1794035168

"IAN_Z" (theonline)
04/12/2017 at 16:59, STARS: 1

No Subarus look good and this one looks the least good of them all.

"uofime-2" (uofime-2)
04/12/2017 at 17:02, STARS: 0

Nah, bet they just bored out the 2L and called that good enough.

"HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo)
04/12/2017 at 18:29, STARS: 0

When I see the facelifted TriBeCa I always think opits a Chrysler

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/12/2017 at 19:35, STARS: 0

Damn that molten lava levels of hot take.

"gmporschenut also a fan of hondas" (gmporschenut)
04/13/2017 at 01:16, STARS: 1

looks like an Impreza hit the steroids.

"IAN_Z" (theonline)
04/13/2017 at 01:48, STARS: 1

"Alex B" (alexb420)
04/13/2017 at 08:06, STARS: 0

Tribeca was better

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
04/13/2017 at 08:25, STARS: 1

I got 3rd degree burns reading this.