"What does Zoidberg do for a living?" "I don't know, but I'm sure he won't miss yet another opportunity to talk about himself. What a conceited, self-assured, little tin-can driving, toll-lane hating butt--"

by "Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
Published 04/10/2017 at 20:44

Tags: the life of a male escort actually involves lots of paperwork
STARS: 0

HOLD your horses. For my job, I’m effectively available from 6am through 5pm, later depending on the circumstances. If I do get home early, I am likely still working on something anyway and the rest of the afternoon goes thusly:

[phone rings]
“Hmm... It’s Nick again. It can wait until tomorrow.”
[phones continues to ring]
“Ah fine... Hello, this is Zoidberg.”

[minutes later]

[phone rings]
“Oh it’s Will. This must be important... Hey Will, how you been?”

[minutes later]

[phone buzzes]
“They finally sent me a quote for that Seattle job. I’ll forward this to the homeowner tomorrow — Oh crap, they’re saying what she wants can’t be ordered... I better email her right now...”

[later still]

[looks up Oppo]
“Oh damn, I have to call Jesse to see if he ever signed that document.”
[beep boop beep]
“Hello?”
“Hi Jesse, this is Zoidberg from Goldberg, Goldberg, Goldberg, and Goldberg.”

[5pm rolls around]

“Hah! The day is done. Now for some peace and —”
[phone rings]
“Oh man, I’ve been waiting for this call all day!.. Hello, this is Zoidberg.”

Working from home is actually nice. It’s when I’m stuck at the office or in some Eastside city late afternoon, and then have to drudge through traffic to boot. Then my calls are something like:

“HEY. YEAH. OK. AHHHH I’LL HAVE TO LOOK IT UP. I- I DON’T HAVE THAT INFORMATION IN FRONT ME. I’M IN CLYDE HILL. YEAH. YEAH. I- I GOT YOU ON SPEAKER PHONE. I SAID I- NO. JUST NO.”

Replies (20)

"MrDakka" (mrdakka)
04/10/2017 at 20:54, STARS: 3

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Fixed that title for you

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/10/2017 at 20:56, STARS: 0

WOUNDS

"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
04/10/2017 at 21:02, STARS: 0

you are a realtor.

"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
04/10/2017 at 21:03, STARS: 5

i was also like WTF I don’t remember calling you today.

"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
04/10/2017 at 21:05, STARS: 5

this?

"Racin'Jason001" (racinjason001)
04/10/2017 at 21:06, STARS: 0

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/10/2017 at 21:07, STARS: 0

The best ones are when someone calls me from an unsaved number and I have no idea who the crap they are.

“Yellow?”
“Hey Zoidberg! It’s Flerpaderp!”
“Uhhh...”
“You came out to our house last week?”
“That’s... pretty much what I do. You’ll have to be more specific.”

"DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time" (dc3ls-)
04/10/2017 at 21:07, STARS: 0

IKR? Me neither.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/10/2017 at 21:08, STARS: 0

Your guesses have only gotten colder.

"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
04/10/2017 at 21:10, STARS: 2

really?? I thought I was close with giant sperm wrangler.

"fintail" (fintail)
04/10/2017 at 21:13, STARS: 0

Hey, someone has to give this quality cardboard and plywood construction the green light.

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
04/10/2017 at 21:15, STARS: 0

You are a home inspector.

"Spaceball-Two" (spaceball-two)
04/10/2017 at 21:36, STARS: 7

He’s not. He tried to sell me a time share in Florida last time I saw him.

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
04/10/2017 at 21:37, STARS: 0

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
04/10/2017 at 21:38, STARS: 3

You swear you’d never reveal my pyramid scheme

"InFierority Complex" (lanciere)
04/10/2017 at 21:46, STARS: 1

I’ve seen this part of the movie. You’re a teacher. You teach English composition in this little town called Addley, Pennsylvania. 

"Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras" (jegoingout)
04/10/2017 at 22:00, STARS: 0

You’re a “doctor”

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
04/10/2017 at 22:00, STARS: 1

Those chandeliers ain’t gonna inspect themselves.

"Deal Killer - Powered by Focus" (dealkiller-ii)
04/10/2017 at 22:04, STARS: 0

From all the houses you walk through, I thought you were an appraiser, like myself. But, no self respecting appraiser ever views a house before, at the earliest, 8am. I’m guessing a county building inspector of some sort?

"ptak appreciates old racecars" (racecarptak)
04/10/2017 at 22:08, STARS: 0

real estate fella