by "ImmoralMinority" (araimondo)
Published 03/30/2017 at 10:25
by "ImmoralMinority" (araimondo)
Published 03/30/2017 at 10:25
No Tags
STARS: 9
That’s right, folks, because of my success and sense of style, Alfa has invited me to their VIP Launch Event for the Giulia. Aren’t I special?
I just have to confirm my personal test drive, and sign myself up for a life time of hard sales pushes.
Alfa likes me!
"404 - User No Longer Available" (toni-cipriani)
03/30/2017 at 10:32, STARS: 5
When you say “test drive” , you mean a tour of their repair facilities?
"Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap" (ddadragon)
03/30/2017 at 10:36, STARS: 0
They’re trying to coax you out of that infiniti
"PS9" (PS9)
03/30/2017 at 11:20, STARS: 3
Alfa Guy 1: Damnit, No one wants to buy italian cars in the US. I guess our horrible reputation has caught up with us.
Alfa Guy 2: Yeah, This is the pits. We gotta do somethin’.
AG1: Well, I guess we have to knuckle down, get to the bottom of our quality control issues and weed them out. Go in for the long haul. Invest in our people and demand the best, nothing but. Long term testing, prototyping, zero defect policies, and shadow recalls. Take care of the customer no matter what, even grab some of them outside the warranty period for goodwill. After a few decades of this, we’ll have rebuilt our reputation and the customers will come back to us. Prefer us, even.
AG2: What? Hell naw, all that shit’s too expensive. Look, this is what we do; the car isn’t... defective , per-say. It has character. Our products aren’t malfunctioning, they have...soul - yeah, that’s it! - passion. A real enthusiast recognizes the difference between a thoroughbred sports car with a racing pedigree, and a japanese toaster built to ferry accountants to and from work forever. You’re not like the others. You’re an enthusiast who demands not just a machine, but a partner with a life of it’s own, and exclusive branding the sets you apart from all the other appliance drivers out there.
AG1: But...those are lies.
AG2: Which is a problem because...?
AG1:...
AG2: Look, we’ll try it my way. The cheaper way. If things don’t turn around, we’ll go your route. Deal?
AG1: Well...okay...
*one quarter of record sales later*
AG1: I cannot believe this...
AG2: See! Told ya!
AG1: BUT SOME OF THESE THINGS ACTUALLY CATCH FIRE AND PEOPLE ARE STILL BUYING THEM?? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE
AG2: I mean...if you don’t want your $30k quarterly bonus, I’ll just go on ahead and take it.
AG1:...
AG2: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now don’t forget to send out the passion flyers for the exclusive driving event next week, and don’t forget to include the legally binding wavers this time!
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/30/2017 at 11:59, STARS: 0
I’m pretty sure this is not made up.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/30/2017 at 12:01, STARS: 0
So wait, Alfa has identified you as a likely target, and we’re the suckers?
"Blind Willie Tyresmoke Namington IV" (sal-man)
03/30/2017 at 12:07, STARS: 0
How do you get invited to such things? I wanna try out a Giulia too!
"torque" (torque01)
03/30/2017 at 14:19, STARS: 0
AG2: Do you hear a slight buzzing / audio feedback sound?
AG1: Ummm... (gets really nervous and pauses too long)... What?
AG2: Jesus H. Christ, are you wearing a F*ing wire! Who are you working for?
AG1: Ummm... I gotta go
AG2: Hey! Get back here damn it! Guards!
"torque" (torque01)
03/30/2017 at 14:21, STARS: 1
Actually FCA is buying up International. When you get there, the Alfa will already be in it’s natural state, pre-loaded on an International tow truck.
The test ride is actually to evaluate the driving characteristics of the International tow truck.
"AMGtech - now with more recalls!" (amgtech)
03/30/2017 at 15:53, STARS: 0
So Alfa has cameras at your home and office to monitor your success?
"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
03/30/2017 at 16:41, STARS: 0
Can I come? I clean up well