by "Your boy, BJR" (jerseyshoreben)
Published 03/22/2017 at 09:48
by "Your boy, BJR" (jerseyshoreben)
Published 03/22/2017 at 09:48
No Tags
STARS: 8
Whatchu gon do now, oppo?
"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
03/22/2017 at 09:52, STARS: 0
I am infinitely jealous of Baruth’s turns of phrase.
"vondon302" (vondon302)
03/22/2017 at 09:53, STARS: 1
Lmao
"RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht" (ramblininexile)
03/22/2017 at 09:53, STARS: 0
If I get my own hot pockets does that mean I have to disappoint myself? I think I do already.
"Matt Nichelson" (whoismatt)
03/22/2017 at 09:54, STARS: 0
Not eating Hot Pockets
"Tekamul" (tekamulburner)
03/22/2017 at 09:54, STARS: 2
Jack who?
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
03/22/2017 at 09:56, STARS: 8
Woah, we may be socially stunted nerds, but we’re not perverts!
*casually deletes search history*
"Sir Halffast" (Sir_Halffast)
03/22/2017 at 09:58, STARS: 4
"FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem" (fuelstratifiedinjection)
03/22/2017 at 09:58, STARS: 1
Who?
"Viggen" (viggen37)
03/22/2017 at 09:58, STARS: 2
Lmao
#KinjaKids
#OppositelockMoms
"Tekamul" (tekamulburner)
03/22/2017 at 10:00, STARS: 0
Yeah, I don’t know her either, but she gets it.
"Rico" (ricorich)
03/22/2017 at 10:06, STARS: 4
"StoneCold" (StoneCold)
03/22/2017 at 10:15, STARS: 0
He is now never getting that nickel I owe him for not flipping a car.
"PS9" (PS9)
03/22/2017 at 10:15, STARS: 2
He thinks we jerk off to feet? Ha. You have no idea who we are at all, Jack.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
03/22/2017 at 10:17, STARS: 6
Pfft. Stef reads Oppo. She knows the only skeeving that goes on is between Zoidberg and rusty Toyotas.
"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5)
03/22/2017 at 10:20, STARS: 0
What is a Jack Baruth? Apparently he’s famous enough that he needs ‘official’ in his IG handle, but not famous enough that I’ve ever heard of him.
"RacingShark" (racingshark)
03/22/2017 at 10:21, STARS: 0
Yeah, I wasn’t all THAT disappointed when barkM got booted from TTAC...
"Milky" (jordanmielke)
03/22/2017 at 10:28, STARS: 2
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
03/22/2017 at 10:32, STARS: 5
He’s a car writer who uses unnecessarily complicated language mostly for its own sake, or to prove that he majored in English, or something.
When I read something he writes, I always think of Eli Cash, Owen Wilson’s pretentious novelist character in The Royal Tenenbaums.
Jack Baruth’s first paragraph of Road & Track’s 2017 Performance Car of the Year :
The sun has become staccato, a stippled Dopplering twinkle through a fast-forward canopy of trees, accelerated from a single scene into a 24-frame-per-second motion picture by the Porsche 911 Turbo S and the politely muted howl of its 580-hp twin-turbo flat-six.
Eli Cash, reading from his novel :
The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. “Vámonos, amigos,” he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.
"promoted by the color red" (whenindoubtflatout)
03/22/2017 at 10:37, STARS: 2
Hot Pockets? Spoken like a filthy casual. It’s all about those chicken tendies, you filthy casuals!
"jimz" (jimz)
03/22/2017 at 10:38, STARS: 0
depends on what you do with that Hot Pocket.
"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
03/22/2017 at 10:42, STARS: 0
Oh, Jack. Projection is such a terrible, unfortunate thing.
"McMike" (mcmike)
03/22/2017 at 11:16, STARS: 6
Every one has their thing. This just happens to be what gets
jack off.
"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5)
03/22/2017 at 11:24, STARS: 5
So short answer, he’s a douche.
Mark Twain once said never to use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent one will do. That first paragraph of Baruth’s looks like it needed to take out a home equity loan to write.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
03/22/2017 at 12:33, STARS: 0
Also, have you seen my guitars? I just bought another one, it’s in my 993 right now. Carbon fiber, with a coelacanth penis-inlaid fretboard and flamingo beak pickguard. (obscure album, literature or architecture reference)
The guy does make good points occasionally, and is generally enjoyable to read. It’s just taken some getting used to since he came to R&T, because I really didn’t like his stuff at first. I never check TTAC and didn’t know who he was. I recall one he did on track instruction that nailed it, and another on the new Corvette and what it meant to normal Americans that struck home. I don’t begrudge the use of flowery language, either, but it has its limits. Nonetheless, there’s a sometimes not so subtle arrogance that comes through his writing, and it’s off-putting. It’s something you never, ever get from my automotive writing hero, Peter Egan, or the guy I think will equal him, Sam Smith.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
03/22/2017 at 12:45, STARS: 1
Real Moms of OppositeLock.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
03/22/2017 at 12:46, STARS: 0
Don’t be, your writing is great. Been awhile since I saw one of your stories.
"Viggen" (viggen37)
03/22/2017 at 12:51, STARS: 3
Previously, on Real Moms of OppositeLock:
“ZOIDBERG YOU BRING HOME ANOTHER TERCEL AND YOU’RE GROUNDED!”
“Mom! HondaBro shitposted again!”
The Following Takes Place During the Oppo Day Shift
Events Occur, Before They Were Posted
"Jerry Harding" (jerrylh3)
03/22/2017 at 12:51, STARS: 0
I miss Side Glances. Smith was a good replacement though.
"RallyWrench" (rndlitebmw)
03/22/2017 at 13:01, STARS: 0
As do I, it was always the first thing I read when the new issue came in the mail. Sam’s got that gift, no doubt.
"IAN_Z" (theonline)
03/23/2017 at 00:28, STARS: 0
What does based mean
"IAN_Z" (theonline)
03/23/2017 at 00:28, STARS: 0
What does based mean
"IAN_Z" (theonline)
03/23/2017 at 00:29, STARS: 0
That is some offensively bad prose.
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
03/25/2017 at 06:25, STARS: 1
The arrogance came through a decade ago back when he shitposted on The Car Lounge all day, too. I basically considered him an asshole, but a funny and sometimes insightful asshole.