by "Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
Published 03/08/2017 at 14:29
by "Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
Published 03/08/2017 at 14:29
Tags: not really politics or religion
STARS: 5
Politics AND religion (kinda) after the jump.
From The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster :
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President Trump: you should build a monument instead of a border wall.
I won’t make the usual arguments against the wall — that border apprehensions are at a 40-year low; that immigrants are not a leading (or growing) cause of crime; that it is technology, not immigrants, taking American jobs. There are countless studies that conclude a border wall will be tremendously expensive and ineffective at its goals.
But I’m sure you understand this.
The wall clearly is about symbolism, about the message it sends to the world. And about you, and what your presidency represents. Here is a wall, you people stay on your side – America is full. The wall is about drawing a line, about Real American values, about American toughness.
But can I suggest to you that your followers may not entirely understand this message? That they may not be attuned to subtle ideas like symbolism? They may be irked after you spend $15 Billion of our tax dollars on a wall that does not improve American lives in any meaningful way, no matter the message it sends.
Let me next appeal to your sense of aesthetics. You’ve spent your life building magnificent buildings, beautiful golf courses, resorts and so on. The Wall will be ugly and plain, the money must be spread across too many hundreds of miles to be spectacular in any given spot. No one will want to come to look at it, no one will be impressed with it’s grandeur. Do you want that to be your legacy?
So I propose you announce a different project — a grand, glittering monument — one that promotes the idea of American Toughness, and which – I think economists will back me up – is a better use of our tax dollars.
Rather than describe the monument in words, I’ve commissioned an architectural concept drawing of the monument:
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Balls.
You’ll notice they’re gold. I did the math* and for a set of testicles roughly 30 feet tall, you can safely budget $10 Billion to gold plate the balls at a thickness of over an inch and still come out under what your border wall is estimated to cost.
And unlike a wall, here you’ll have a monument that people can come and admire in all its glory. Here is the literal symbol of virility and masculine toughness and all things alpha-male. Your followers are unlikely to miss the message.
Plus, this monument is a safe investment — if things don’t work out, the gold can be reclaimed. Unlike a border wall, the money spent gold plating a massive set of testicles is not a wasteful use of taxpayer money.
Thank you for your time. Please let me know if I can help with more details and so on (I have some ideas on replacing Obamacare also).
-Bobby Henderson, Concerned citizen and taxpayer
"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform)
03/08/2017 at 14:32, STARS: 4
I volunteer as the model. They may need to scale it down a bit though.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 14:34, STARS: 0
Okay, thanks. We’ll get back to you.
"DrScientist" (DrScientist)
03/08/2017 at 14:35, STARS: 2
balls to the wall?
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 14:38, STARS: 0
Exactly!
"Shoop" (shoopdawoop993)
03/08/2017 at 14:38, STARS: 2
... Why not both?
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"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 14:41, STARS: 1
Works for me. Let’s get Mexico and Canada to pay for them.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/08/2017 at 14:52, STARS: 1
“Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things we all care about.” —Balls for Walls
"HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo)
03/08/2017 at 15:01, STARS: 1
I can only support this idea if the monument is an actual replica of the Trump’s bits and tackle.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:01, STARS: 0
Is that the tribute band I’ve heard so much about?
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:03, STARS: 1
You’d have to ask Melania. I’m pretty sure they’re in her custody.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/08/2017 at 15:04, STARS: 2
Yeah, they’re a mariachi outfit based near Brownsville. They’ve been very outspoken on this issue.
"CRider" (crider)
03/08/2017 at 15:07, STARS: 2
They’re talking about a monument, not earrings.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:07, STARS: 1
Searching TicketMaster now.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/08/2017 at 15:09, STARS: 1
$7.50 Wall Surcharge, wtf?!
"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform)
03/08/2017 at 15:10, STARS: 0
If they’re making earrings, they’ll have to scale it down a lot .
No, I’m talking about the monument.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:11, STARS: 0
AND you have to lick the golden balls before we let you cross.
Fucking socialist.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/08/2017 at 15:12, STARS: 1
Sounds like the world right before Moses showed up with the 10 Commandments...
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:16, STARS: 1
Heh. Sometimes it feels like that’s what we’ve come to, doesn’t it?
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/08/2017 at 15:28, STARS: 0
I’ve got a family-sized inflatable boat in my garage...just in case. But I’m not taking any animals with me.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 15:42, STARS: 0
Can’t leave the cars behind. They’re innocent!
"for Michigan" (formichigan)
03/08/2017 at 18:45, STARS: 1
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
03/08/2017 at 18:56, STARS: 0
Not quite the same effect.