by "NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
Published 03/04/2017 at 09:45
by "NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
Published 03/04/2017 at 09:45
No Tags
STARS: 11
I know I typically use this space to give you a behind-the-scenes look at what it’s like running one of Canada’s biggest car blogs . But today I felt compelled to interrupt that regularly scheduled programming to answer a very pressing question: where do you put things in a C3 Corvette?
My good friend and Opponaut Clayton asked me this yesterday as he puzzled over how he was going to make weekend getaways in his ’70 happen when the ’Vette has no trunk (and when he refuses to install a rear luggage rack, for aesthetic reasons).
A wellspring of ideas immediately leapt to mind, all of which he poo-pooed, but not until after I’d shared a doodle of one. For him, and for Corvette owners in the same predicament, I decided to illustrate all of my fantastic solutions in rudimentary pen-and-marker.
The Mini-Trailer
This was my first and most obvious solution, and one I’m sure has been done before: a trailer shaped like it’s made out of a Corvette, specifically the rear fenders.
Most ’Vette owners who have put this into practice probably dressed the trailer to match its tow-er, but Clayton’s car is—well,
derelict-looking is giving it too much credit.
But that’s the appeal for him, he’s a drive-it-don’t-show-it guy. So in that vein – the let’s-piss-off-purists one – I suggested he get his trailer fitted with a plaque explaining how he cut up a numbers-matching survivor just to make it. Holy shit, I can hear the whistle of steam coming out of NCRS members’ ears from here.
The Cowl Induction Hood
Well, if a trailer was no good, what about under the hood? A massive fake cowl induction hood with a storage compartment built into it (demarcated here by the dotted lines) would give you plenty of space to store stuff, right? You’d probably have to insulate the bottom to keep it from heating up, but otherwise it’s perfect!
This solution has the secondary benefit of implying your Corvette is running some high-rise tunnel-ram shit, and is way more powerful than it actually is. Everyone else on the road will assume it’s so tall because that’s where you have to store your nuts of steel. (No, literally, it’d be great for keeping spare parts in, in case of breakdown.)
The Saddle Bags
For this one I looked to the world of motorcycles, who similarly face the problem of looking cool while piloting low-occupancy no-storage conveyances. What do they do when they need to move stuff on their hog?
They use saddle bags! A pair of large leather bags draped over the rear fenders works well for the two-wheels-bad crowd, so why not scale it up for ’Vette owners? You could probably emboss the inside of the cover flap with the Corvette crossed-flags or some shit.
The Front Trailer
The problem with saddle bags is they’d probably mess with the airflow around the rear tires, if they didn’t catch fire from the side-exit exhaust. My mind kept going back to “trailer”—hey, if he didn’t want one out back, what about one in front?
While initially I was going to put this piece on separate wheels, I figured it might be a little hard to control around corners and what-not, so I just fixed it right to the nose with brackets on either side.
I’m imagining a hard dark plastic case that splits open in two, and is secured shut with retro-throwback leather straps (the clashing materials and eras would do well to mirror the rest of the Cletus-Vette aesthete ). Plus it’d be super aerodynamic, I’m sure—it might even improve fuel mileage!
The Roof Rack
The front trailer was a fave, until I realized it would almost certainly block the grille from getting air. That’s when I seized upon my best Corvette cargo solution yet: the roof rack.
The upsides here are numerous: first of all, I know something like this is feasible, since our pal Peter Cheney worked a similar deal on his Lotus . Second, you could totally make it out of a kayak or an old canoe or something, if you sealed up the open side—cheap! Third, it’s aerodynamic-ish, and it doesn’t block the airflow to the engine! Win-win-win!
The only downside is a canoe would look arguably a little dorky up there; but if you sticker it up with a message letting people know it’s not dorky, you’ll be A-OK! —Except Clayton’s car has T-tops and they would almost certainly not work in this application. Damn.
The Cargo Kites
It was actually our buddy Alex who suggested this one, perhaps the most brilliant solution of all: cargo kites.
There’s actually something vaguely majestic about a Corvette blowing down the open road, Corvette-logo-emblazoned kites billowing behind, like the sails of a mighty ship. It would also give you a good incentive to keep your speed up and never stop, lest your cargo picnic baskets eat the asphalt or crash onto that police cruiser following you for definitely-not-kite-related reasons.
I’m really hoping Clayton goes for this option, or if he doesn’t, some other woe-be-gone C3 owner does. Your days of joyless no-luggage Corvette weekend road-tripping are over, my friend. You’re welcome.
"My X-type is too a real Jaguar" (TomSlick)
03/04/2017 at 10:07, STARS: 5
Since you live in a place that has snow, there must be 100s of used fiberglass truck caps for sale cheap, buy one, cut it down to fit the Vette, bond it on, and boom Corvette Shooting Brake with luggage space!
"NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
03/04/2017 at 10:09, STARS: 6
Like a Callaway Aerowagen, but made from duct tape and immediate regrets! I love it!
"aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe" (emaxxbl)
03/04/2017 at 10:14, STARS: 1
We all know there’s only one option. Fiberglass shooting brake.
"Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing." (granfury)
03/04/2017 at 10:16, STARS: 2
This is an easy task - just make a proper trunk. All you need is a cutting template:
.
.
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a couple of these:
one of these:
and some of this to keep it closed:
Just remember, for every problem there is a solution that is quick, simple and wrong.
"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch)
03/04/2017 at 10:16, STARS: 5
Look, it’s 2017, we live in a nightmarish surveillance-filled hellstate. That means there’s lots of cheap drones with okayish cargo-carrying capacity.
Just throw your purchases into the air as you leave the Wal-Mart™ Authorized Retail Depository, and one of the trusty swarm of drones that follows you at all times will pick it up for you and carry it home behind the C3.
"PS9" (PS9)
03/04/2017 at 10:21, STARS: 2
Solution: Can’t store all your things in your pretty car? You have too many things. Disregard clutter, acquire vettes.
"NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
03/04/2017 at 10:21, STARS: 4
I like it. A solution for the modern era. Thank you, Citizen #153624!
"$kaycog" (skaycog)
03/04/2017 at 10:28, STARS: 3
Problem solved.
"Flavien Vidal" (flyingfrenchy)
03/04/2017 at 10:55, STARS: 1
Or get an lt1 c4... Just saying...
Many great nights were spent in mine’s trunk...
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
03/04/2017 at 11:01, STARS: 3
I laughed harder than I should have at that :)
"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee)
03/04/2017 at 11:12, STARS: 2
Chevy already thought of that from the factory
"Tapas" (tapas)
03/04/2017 at 11:22, STARS: 1
Save money on these expensive mods and just buy whatever you need where you go. When it’s time to return, carry what you can and mail the rest back to you. Or throw it away.
It will be a good 2 to 3 years before that habit will cost you like 3 grand - which is what it would cost to do these mods.
So win win!
"CaptDale - is secretly British" (captdale)
03/04/2017 at 11:29, STARS: 2
But there is a rear parcel shelf thing and those little cubbies behind the seat. How do you need more space? I mean there is a trunk space back there, just no rear access.
See trunk.... If he’d gotten a later C3 with the rear glass
Then there would be plenty more space
"just-a-scratch" (just-a-scratch)
03/04/2017 at 11:58, STARS: 2
Oooh. The handyman’s secret weapon. Only temporary if it doesn’t work.
If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
"S65" (granthp)
03/04/2017 at 12:03, STARS: 0
Get a big wing and strap stuff to it
"NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
03/04/2017 at 12:04, STARS: 3
I like the luggage rack look, but Clayton does not, and since it’s his car, I guess I’ll have to break into his garage at night to drill the holes.
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
03/04/2017 at 12:12, STARS: 0
Makes it a dream to wash and wax the car!
"MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s" (mastermario)
03/04/2017 at 12:30, STARS: 0
Like Clayton, I really don’t like the looks of the luggage rack
"XJDano" (xjdano)
03/04/2017 at 14:30, STARS: 1
I like the trailer idea. But since he already have limited space with the rear, should use another front, but backwards. Big enough to fit a V8.
To give an idea.
"GenuineAlexReid - The Reidus" (genuinealexreid)
03/04/2017 at 14:36, STARS: 1
Absolutely brilliant article born from a silly conversation, well done bud! I think saddle bags have my vote.
"NickMaronese" (NickMaronese)
03/04/2017 at 17:27, STARS: 0
Genius! And if he ever needed to lug home a 454 for an engine swap or something, it’d fit perfectly!
