Adult-ing vehicles I would buy if I were a real adult.

by "Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
Published 02/25/2017 at 22:05

Tags: saturday night shitpost
STARS: 4

As I’ve alluded to (nice grammar, asshole), I am often in expensive homes because reasons. Reasons like: the Seattle-area housing marking is an giant elephant on stilts. But I digress. It’s acceptable that I roll up in a light-duty utilitarian base 2014 Tacoma, but it would be completely masochist to my income to roll up in say a Dodge Neon with half of the paint missing. “You must not be very good at your job if that’s all you can afford.” Fair or not, this is what many potential customers will think. Trucks and vans are often passed over due to the expected assumption that it is strictly a utilitarian vehicle and not a DD.

Because I am provided a work vehicle by my employer, there is zero incentive or reason to get a “nice” a car. It would be an undue — and unnecessary — financial burden on us, and be scarcely driven. Any subsequent nice cars will be allocated towards the Mrs., who drives almost 20k miles a year.

However, if I was forced to use a personal vehicle for work, I would happily consider the following:

TSX wagon. Probably the perfect choice. Looks great, comfortable, automatic 4-banger which is perfect for rotting in Seattle traffic 5-days a week. Plenty of cargo space for what few tools I may or may not need. Cons? 20-freaking-grand, plus.

tC. Reliable, interesting enough to keep me entertained, hatchback, easier to find parking on jobsites, and my wife would hate it. Cons? Tight squeeze for some of my necessities.

iM. No, not the Corolla iM, the SCION iM — because it would be used and cheaper (you monster!). No-nonsense hatchback that’s more passenger friendly. Probably the best of all worlds. Cons? WHY COULDN’T THIS GET THE SAME MOTOR AS THE tC, DAMMIT?!? 180hp would be niiiiice.

And for some more likely suspects...

My favorite affordable Bimmer. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as reliable as the above vehicles, but it would only cost $5-7k. So if I have to bend over for a water pump here and there, I’m still in the green. Cons? ... Other than the obvious potential expenses (decade-plus old luxury car), none really.

How about an actual truck of my own? (No, the longbed will not be subjected to sitting in traffic 20 hours a week). 4x4, SR5, auto. I love pickups and would happily sit in one all day. Cons? Have you seen the prices on theses?!?! Dropping 5-figures for a nearly 20-year old truck is a tough pill to swallow. I’m not even going to bother to post a T100 because they’re turning into total unicorns (THOUGH I WOULD KILL FOR ONE).

Also not going to bother with the IS Sportcross. That’s like a Unicorn with three horns and sunglasses.

Replies (33)

"CB" (jrcb)
02/25/2017 at 22:11, STARS: 0

Mazda6 hatch or wagon.

"Flavien Vidal" (flyingfrenchy)
02/25/2017 at 22:12, STARS: 0

E39 M5 is my adulting car...

"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
02/25/2017 at 22:14, STARS: 1

Also the iM comes in spring green the best Toyota color in...well, in ever, actually.

I would love to see them offer this nonsense on the RC-F. It fits the personality so well and they already have that goofball solar flare orange color as an option so it isn’t out of the realm of possibility.

"CRider" (crider)
02/25/2017 at 22:18, STARS: 3

So you wouldn’t drop $10k on a T100, but you’d ki l l for one?

"Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now)" (bman76-4)
02/25/2017 at 22:18, STARS: 1

Realistically:

Or:

Or:

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:21, STARS: 1

No, I don’t want to drop $10k for a Tacoma , but I would MURDER for a T100.

"Manny05x" (Manny05x)
02/25/2017 at 22:24, STARS: 1

I need a picture of a unicorn wearing glasses now.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:27, STARS: 0

Ooooh the ELR!

"Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now)" (bman76-4)
02/25/2017 at 22:32, STARS: 2

They’re coming off lease and going at auctions for (relatively) cheap. Low $20s with under 30k miles, if you know a dealer. Not too bad considering they were $50-60k new.

"Frenchlicker" (frenchlicker)
02/25/2017 at 22:37, STARS: 0

I get irrationally excited when I see one of these. I’ll be honest, I love minivans and I believe this is one of the most beautiful normal people cars on the market today. Don’t get me wrong, I love a larger majority of vans made after 20oo, but this one looks the best(loads better than my second favorite, Transit Connect Wagon).

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:39, STARS: 1

Do you have children and/or large slate of ceramic tile with which to fill?

"Frenchlicker" (frenchlicker)
02/25/2017 at 22:41, STARS: 0

No and that’s exactly why I am looked down on for wanting a van so badly. I’ll wait until I have a better job and children to get one... probably.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:42, STARS: 4

Owning a minivan is more honest than owning a unibody SUV that is effectively a minivan without sliding doors.

"E90M3" (e90m3)
02/25/2017 at 22:45, STARS: 0

I really like the Acura wagon, they really needed to put the V6 in it though. I’ve driven my friends and it’s a fantastic car, it just needs a little more power. I’ve also driven my mom’s V6 RDX and I think the combo of the RDX engine and the TSX wagon would be irresistible.

"Frenchlicker" (frenchlicker)
02/25/2017 at 22:46, STARS: 0

I despise SUVs with a passion and I’m about to own another one. As soon as I fix it I am looking to either trade it at a dealership and get a car loan,hahaha, or trade it for an old F150 or some kind of cheapo van. It’s equally in value to a Caravan.

"Forrest" (forrest)
02/25/2017 at 22:47, STARS: 1

I think we have similar taste. I like the TSX Wagon and the E46 3-series wagon. It is a shame that the TSX wagon didn’t come to the US with a manual. And, E46 wagons are rare (manuals even more so), and at this point an average E46 is old enough that it needs a lot of odds and ends replaced.

I currently have a 98 Volvo V70 T5 manual, which fills this niche pretty well. It took me forever to find it. If I ever run across a clean and inexpensive E91 328i manual wagon, I may upgrade to that.

The Volvo wagon only gets driven a couple times a month at this point, mainly to haul furniture and garden supplies. My daily driver is a BRZ.

"Nothing" (nothingatalluseful)
02/25/2017 at 22:49, STARS: 0

2001-2007 Volvo V70. Cheap, durable (later ones are more reliable), and acres of room in them. The seats are also soooo dreamy comfy. A beautiful throne for many hours during the week. Only issues I ever had with mine were some bushings and a CV joint. I hear you on the E46 wagon though, my wife nixed a trade I had arranged, the Volvo for a manual tranny wagon.

A Mazda5 as a work vehicle doesn’t seem like a bad option either.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:52, STARS: 2

If I bought a Mazda5, I would be morally obligated to get a stick though.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:52, STARS: 0

If I bought a Mazda5, I would be morally obligated to get a stick though.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/25/2017 at 22:58, STARS: 1

My wife hates minivans but likes crossovers. Luckily I was able to push her towards an oversized hatchback.

I would rather have a 4Runner or something if I was forced to go big. She’d want something like a CX-5.

"Shift24" (the-nope)
02/25/2017 at 22:59, STARS: 1

It is crazy how the TSXs hold their value. Though no manual for wagon. I would go for a new Civic hatch manual if i wanted to pay 20k+. Another adulting vehicle i would look at first gen lexus GX or that gen 4runner.

"Nothing" (nothingatalluseful)
02/25/2017 at 23:00, STARS: 0

Well of course. I was on a Mazda5 kick for a while a few years ago. Found a couple used around the $10k mark with a manual. And then I got the Tundra instead.

"vicali" (vicali)
02/25/2017 at 23:18, STARS: 0

1st gen tundra with the 4.7, double cab if you plan on kids, extra cab otherwise.

"Frenchlicker" (frenchlicker)
02/25/2017 at 23:36, STARS: 0

I had an ex that loved wagons and was fun with my van lust. She also liked Jeeps and Mustangs. Too bad she ended up having a personality.

I guess I can deal with someone that likes crossovers.

"C62030" (c62030)
02/25/2017 at 23:55, STARS: 0

I guess since Chrysler is Italian now, they’re still built like crap but they look fantastic.

"415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)" (415s30)
02/25/2017 at 23:56, STARS: 2

Those Acuras look nice when I peer into them. I have one responsible car, a CRV. I guess the diesel Mercedes is responsible, I mean almost every other person I see driving one is a grandfather...

"Frenchlicker" (frenchlicker)
02/26/2017 at 00:19, STARS: 1

Well, it would have a warranty so I could deal with it. There’s a Chrysler dealership about 10-15 minutes from my work so I could easily drop one off and pick up an okay loaner. They have a coworker a JKU when he Renegade needed work.

"Steve in Manhattan" (blogenfreude01)
02/26/2017 at 00:24, STARS: 0

Saab final gen wagon ... I’ll fly out if you need me to help you replace the front end.

"Amoore100" (amoore100)
02/26/2017 at 02:33, STARS: 0

P2 V70s are bulletproof. Don’t touch R’s with a ten foot pole if you want anything even remotely approaching reliability. Even my dad’s high-pressure T5 is at 214K miles with no problems. Apparently adding a center diff and 50 hp is just a recipe for disaster.

"Dogsatemypants" (kb113400)
02/26/2017 at 05:50, STARS: 1

They resolved most of the transmission issues by the 04 model year for the xc70. I love my 05

"HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo)
02/26/2017 at 08:54, STARS: 0

Adulting is one reason I look at Panthers. Well that and backroad drifting...

"Nothing" (nothingatalluseful)
02/26/2017 at 10:02, STARS: 0

I really liked my ‘01. Even with the apocalyptic warnings that the tranny was going to grenade, it never did. I only sold it to help out my wife’s aunt, who needed a vehicle, and I needed something I could tow with. If not for helping out family, I would’ve kept it.

"Nothing" (nothingatalluseful)
02/26/2017 at 10:05, STARS: 1

They pretty much are. I know early ‘01s had bad transmission programming, but that’s about it. Mine is still on the road. After selling it to my wife’a aunt, she sold it to another retiree in her assisted living home. There’s some 80+ year old woman driving around in a lowered (S60 AWD springs, so nothing terrible!) XC with a HPT swap!