by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 02/20/2017 at 08:34
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 02/20/2017 at 08:34
Tags: Life advice
STARS: 4
I need new lenses for my glasses and I was reading reviews on Yelp when I came across the worst person in the world.
Lesson 1: don’t be so starved for attention from the fairer sex that you confuse “being paid to not insult you to your face” as a sign of interest. Also, if you do, don’t announce your patheticness to all of the internet by leaving a review that consists of “a girl paid to interact with me pleasantly interacted with me pleasantly.”
Lesson 2: Don’t compare black people to cockroaches and refer to “human infestations.”
Lesson 3: Gay panic: try to avoid it.
Lesson 4: Don’t insult a goddamn institution. Also, don’t refer to Coke repeatedly as a “beverage.”
Lesson 5: Fuck off.
In summary, don’t be this guy.
"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5)
02/20/2017 at 08:42, STARS: 4
Yikes. Vegan Jay needs a hobby.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/20/2017 at 08:45, STARS: 2
He plucked a guitar string once and it made a noise, so he’s pretty sure he can play like Hendrix
"Nibby" (nibby68)
02/20/2017 at 08:52, STARS: 4
"Bourbon&JellyBeans" (bourbonandjellybeans)
02/20/2017 at 09:13, STARS: 1
I suppose that if the nice interaction with the cute girl at the first place went *that* well, she would have made known whether or not she was single. Sorry, Jay.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/20/2017 at 09:18, STARS: 12
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“I notice you didn’t say ‘yes,’ m’lady.”
"spanfucker retire bitch" (lelykon)
02/20/2017 at 09:21, STARS: 3
*tips fedora*
"yamahog" (yamahog)
02/20/2017 at 09:42, STARS: 7
Holy shit, Jay.
"DrJohannVegas" (drjohannvegas)
02/20/2017 at 09:47, STARS: 4
I dunno, he seems like the kind of dude who makes informing others of his veganism his job AND his hobby.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/20/2017 at 09:48, STARS: 3
Somehow, I think the one that bothers me most is the ice cream one. You find a fucking ice cream parlor that actually caters to your dipshit desire for vegan-ice-thing-that-isn’t-cream, AND STILL BITCH THAT IT’S A TOURIST TRAP AND YOUR FUCKING ‘BEVERAGE’ OF COKE DOESN’T STAY ICE COLD BECAUSE THE FREEZER ISN’T CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE REGISTER.
"Flynorcal: pilot, offshore sailor, car racer and panty thief" (flynorcal)
02/20/2017 at 10:21, STARS: 5
He sounds like the type of guy who would should up single to a swingers party and complain that there aren’t enough women.
"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5)
02/20/2017 at 10:33, STARS: 2
My cousin is a vegan, and he might be the only one on Earth who keeps it to himself. I’ve never successfully listened to a whole sentence that starts with “I’m a vegan, and...”
"DrJohannVegas" (drjohannvegas)
02/20/2017 at 11:48, STARS: 2
Here’s a joke: You hear the one about the vegan libertarian marathoner?
Of course you have.
"yamahog" (yamahog)
02/20/2017 at 12:00, STARS: 2
Oh sweet gourd, that is spot on
"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5)
02/20/2017 at 12:24, STARS: 1
We can go all the way out to “vegan libertarian marathoner from Texas who went to Harvard” and keep the punchline.
"DrJohannVegas" (drjohannvegas)
02/20/2017 at 13:32, STARS: 1
Yea, I rework it from time to time depending on the crowd. Got a lot of UChicago grads where I am, so they get tossed in there from time to time.
"JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t" (jawzx2)
02/20/2017 at 13:56, STARS: 0
question: You meet a Vegan Cross-Fit instructor, which does he/she tell you about first?
"NJAnon" (NJAnon)
02/20/2017 at 14:58, STARS: 0
Because vegans have superpowers. Maybe he doesn’t want all that attention.....yet.
"DrJohannVegas" (drjohannvegas)
02/20/2017 at 16:04, STARS: 0
Whatever it is, it 100% has to do with you “doing something wrong”.
"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
02/20/2017 at 17:05, STARS: 2
Zomg, what was the ice cream parlor?
Also, ew. Spot on: don’t be this guy.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/21/2017 at 08:20, STARS: 0
http://www.franklinfountain.com/
Franklin Fountain!