by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 02/13/2017 at 15:10
by "Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
Published 02/13/2017 at 15:10
No Tags
STARS: 7
They’re f-ing lifted Aveos, they’re everything wrong with everything ever, and they look stupid . Really stupid. Incredibly stupid. Every time I see once of these cars I become overwhelmed with a burning sense of disgust and hatred. Pictures can’t convey how awful and stupid and disgusting these things look. They’re the car equivalent of a unicycle. Jukes are at least weird, and weird is a hell of a lot better the soul-crushingly bland. These are basically lifted versions of the kinds of Korean and Chevy shit boxes that you encounter en masse in every poverty-striken Central Asian SSR, and I have a violent hatred towards them.
"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/13/2017 at 15:16, STARS: 6
In a fleet of turds, there is still room for a leader of turds.
"Land_Yacht_225" (nadenator)
02/13/2017 at 15:17, STARS: 2
The 2017 Encore is even uglier.
"TysMagic" (twjeffery)
02/13/2017 at 15:17, STARS: 2
I see a LOT of those little Buicks. I don’t hate it actually.
BUT I do support you going full jag owner. So we’ve at least got that right?
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:18, STARS: 1
That’s all that matters in the wider scheme of things.
"Frank W. Doom" (frankwdoom)
02/13/2017 at 15:18, STARS: 3
you can hate two things.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/13/2017 at 15:19, STARS: 7
I have never see the Chevy (indifferent), and the Juke makes me want to gouge out my eyes. But I see those Buicks everywhere and I like them for the following reasons:
They seem like a really bold marketing exercise — a subcompact “SUV” in a traditional luxobarge brand? And in the US, no less?
Because of the brand, they help keep old people in smaller vehicles that are easier to control and do less damage to others.
"Tekamul" (tekamulburner)
02/13/2017 at 15:20, STARS: 5
In a bowl full of turds, the floater is king.
"Milky" (jordanmielke)
02/13/2017 at 15:21, STARS: 2
I love that refresh tbh. And by love I mean I hate the pre-refresh so damn much, anything is an improvement.
"SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie" (sidewaysondirt)
02/13/2017 at 15:21, STARS: 1
You say that like i don’t hate these as well.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:21, STARS: 1
Yes, but that leader is the Trax/Encore. The Juke was at least designed by a person with a sense of humor and a vision, no matter how flawed. The Trax was designed by a computer that concatenated some information about market trends and spit out the results while simultaneously devoting most of its processors to making the world’s nuclear power plants melt down and kicking puppies.
"Tripper" (tripe46)
02/13/2017 at 15:22, STARS: 2
Ugh, those buicks and the new civic hatch are just sooo damned ugly!
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/13/2017 at 15:22, STARS: 2
The Trax was designed by a committee, the Juke by a spider on a roid rage.
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
02/13/2017 at 15:22, STARS: 4
It is possible to hate the whole segment.
Let’s see, what all is in it now, in the US market?
Juke
Trax/Encore (really they’re two different trim levels of the same thing)
CX-3
HR-V
C-HR
Mini Countryman?
BMW X1? (more premium, but similar size)
GLA 250/QX30? (rather low, though, for the class... and I guess I don’t exactly hate these)
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:23, STARS: 1
Those are fair points, but it doesn’t make me hate them any less.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/13/2017 at 15:24, STARS: 1
So your saying that hatred of various compact SUVs is not mutually exclusive. It’s not a zero-sum game. I can get behind this.
"Captain of the Enterprise" (justanotherdayinparadise)
02/13/2017 at 15:24, STARS: 1
I like the little encore it looks like a tiny dinosaur to me
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:24, STARS: 0
True, but some things deserve your undivided hatred, and the Trax is one of them.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:25, STARS: 1
That sounds like a selling point to me.
"FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem" (fuelstratifiedinjection)
02/13/2017 at 15:26, STARS: 1
The Buick Encore isn’t all that shitty. It’s actually the perfect car for 50+ year old people like my parents.
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/13/2017 at 15:26, STARS: 1
Oh, fundamentally the thing is a weird suppository that has no right to exist. Don’t get me wrong there. If it were so egregiously marketed to “The Youth” as the Juke is, I’d probably be on board completely.
"Bytemite" (bytemite)
02/13/2017 at 15:27, STARS: 1
Subcompact crossovers are the “in” thing right now. Honestly, I can’t tell which automotive trend is worse, the American landyacht years or this.
Late 80s/early 90s were the best years for general public taste in cars. And I think the best years are certainly behind us.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
02/13/2017 at 15:27, STARS: 0
"Sovande" (sovande)
02/13/2017 at 15:29, STARS: 2
All are rather goofy. I didn’t hate the Juke until I saw 17 posts about the Juke every day on this site.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:29, STARS: 1
But with all of those someone at least made some small tiny effort to redesign them when transforming them into crossovers. The Trax is just a tall Aveo. It’s offensively lazy.
"Land_Yacht_225" (nadenator)
02/13/2017 at 15:30, STARS: 0
See, you lose all the chrome trim, which is literally the only thing that makes it a Buick, and it’s indistinguishable from the Trax. Plus, that front end did not scale down from the Lacrosse very well.
"The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock" (jukesjukesjukes)
02/13/2017 at 15:30, STARS: 3
The Juke is one of the better options in its segment. It has some of the best 60-0 braking, one of options that offers a manual, amazing sub-2L turbo engine, & handles better then it should.
"smobgirl" (smobgirl)
02/13/2017 at 15:31, STARS: 0
I think it’s hilarious how large these “subcompact” crossovers are.
"SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie" (sidewaysondirt)
02/13/2017 at 15:33, STARS: 1
Let’s not call them compact SUVs. SUV implies some sporting or utilitarian purpose. These do away with both in order to place your butt six inches further from the ground.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
02/13/2017 at 15:33, STARS: 1
Yeah, my sentiments exactly. I hate them all. Perhaps the GLA slightly less them the others - mostly because it seems to sit a little lower.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:33, STARS: 0
"gmctavish needs more space" (gmctavish)
02/13/2017 at 15:35, STARS: 2
I already hated the Trax, and then one crashed into me, and now I really fucking hate the Trax
"Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell." (oppisitelock)
02/13/2017 at 15:35, STARS: 2
Fully agree. Not a juke fan but the vauxhall mokka as its called here, is not a pleasant car. Someone though hmm, how can we make a Corsa, slower, uglier and more expensive, without adding much usable space or capability. They succeeded.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
02/13/2017 at 15:35, STARS: 1
I barely noticed it until I was overwhelmed by it here. Now I hate it too!
"wiffleballtony" (wiffleballtony)
02/13/2017 at 15:35, STARS: 2
Why not both?
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/13/2017 at 15:36, STARS: 0
I hate them all because I love hatchbacks and these things all make hatchbacks unmarketable. The only one I can live with is the old Infiniti EX35, which was powerful, RWD, and basically a G35/G37 underneath. It still looked like it was designed by AARP, though.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:37, STARS: 0
Mostly because the Juke has become the target of all of the hatred for cars in this segment, when if it’s going to be directed at any one car, the Trax deserves it so much more.
"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/13/2017 at 15:38, STARS: 1
But the ride height is so commanding! Silly pleb, bow down before the commanding ride height of the Trax/Encore/Mokka.
"wiffleballtony" (wiffleballtony)
02/13/2017 at 15:38, STARS: 2
Maybe you should consider posting it nonstop. Modified versions, sink versions, slammed etc. You have to start spreading the hate.
"Sovande" (sovande)
02/13/2017 at 15:40, STARS: 0
While we’re on the subject, I don’t care for old clapped out Toyota Tercels much either anymore...
"benjrblant" (benjblant)
02/13/2017 at 15:41, STARS: 2
Isn’t the Crosstrek also in this segment?
"Bytemite" (bytemite)
02/13/2017 at 15:41, STARS: 1
I know right. Like people want shorter cars because they found out shorter cars are easier to maneuver and better to drive. But then they ruin any weight downsizing by upping the sheet metal and ride height. Not to mention height has a worse effect on MPG, ride, and handling than length. It’s just all bad. If there was ever a crossover that was better than the car it is based on, I will eat my toenail.
"Under_Score" (tomtheatum)
02/13/2017 at 15:41, STARS: 1
My store attracts a lot of old people. The old people that have newer cars have Encores.
"Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell." (oppisitelock)
02/13/2017 at 15:42, STARS: 1
Even mainstream british car magazines, which are often quite generous with praise of the crossover segment, hate the Mokka/encore/trax etc. Direct quote from whatcar: “The Mokka X isn’t particularly good to drive.” The Mokka X is the newest and supposedly best version of the car.
"Rico" (ricorich)
02/13/2017 at 15:54, STARS: 1
The Juke is a modern day Aztek
"Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell." (oppisitelock)
02/13/2017 at 15:56, STARS: 1
Theyre calling the facelifted car “all new” here. How that isnt false advertising I’ll never know.
"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
02/13/2017 at 15:56, STARS: 0
Because the Juke is weird looking and these only manage to be bland.
Personally, I don’t like any mini crossover that doesn’t have a back seat that fits normal adult humans. Yes they’re mini but these vehicles are supposed to be practical with room for passengers and cargo.
If I at 5'11" can sit in the back seat of a Honda HR-V with limo-like legroom, I should at least be able to fit in the back of the others in the mini crossover segment. But cars like the CX-3 and Juke are impossible for me to fit in the back.
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
02/13/2017 at 16:00, STARS: 0
If the GLA250/QX30 twins are, sure, I guess.
"Probenja" (probenja)
02/13/2017 at 16:00, STARS: 0
Just wait untill the Spark Activ is available:
"sm70- why not Duesenberg?" (sm70-whynotduesenberg)
02/13/2017 at 16:07, STARS: 0
Simple. I can’t hate on something if I never remember it exists in order to think about it.
The Encore does have a nice-looking interior for a car so cheap, though I wouldn’t be surprised if it also felt cheap.
"Logansteno: Bought a VW?" (logansteno)
02/13/2017 at 16:14, STARS: 0
My dealer can’t keep Encores in inventory so the general public must not share your opinion. The refresh is rather nice inside and out and surprisingly well built. Plus it’s not ass ugly like the Puke.
"jasmits" (jasmits)
02/13/2017 at 16:21, STARS: 0
Screw that whole segment.
Well, except the Renegade which does fall in it but who doesn’t have a soft spot for the Renegade?
"jasmits" (jasmits)
02/13/2017 at 16:23, STARS: 0
The difference is that people notice the Juke. The Trax is just so bland it flies under everyone’s radar
"syaieya" (syaieya)
02/13/2017 at 16:38, STARS: 0
I wouldnt be so bothered if they didnt have the cheap plastic wheel arch inserts.
Every car in the segment seems to add them and i cant figure out why. Theyre tacky and break up any chance of a clean looking auto.
I thought we figured out in the 70s that unpainted unnecessary plastic looks bad.
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
02/13/2017 at 16:43, STARS: 1
Oh, they’re marketing the Encore to THE YOUTH:
"bhtooefr" (bhtooefr)
02/13/2017 at 16:46, STARS: 0
Toyota’s gotten away with calling almost every refresh of the XV30/XV40/XV50 Camry “all new”. So, that’s model years 2005, 2007, 2010, 2012, and 2015.
OK, there were major updates - between 2010 and 2012, new powertrains were phased in, and the 2014.5 minor facelift strengthened the unibody - but a 2017 Camry is still pretty much the same car as a 2002 Camry.
"AMC/Renauledge" (n2skylark)
02/13/2017 at 16:47, STARS: 0
I like the Encore (facelifted 2017 model above) AND the Juke. The HR-V is fine. The Trax is dull, though. And the CH-R is about the worst-looking collection of lines, blusters, and bulges since the Aztek.
"RT" (rt-p)
02/13/2017 at 16:49, STARS: 0
The X1, GLA and QX30 are all a size bigger imo. They’re based on compacts, not subcompacts.
"j250ex" (j250ex)
02/13/2017 at 17:37, STARS: 0
At least Buick tried to make it look semi cool and had a decent marketing campaign. I don’t think Chevrolet tried at all with the Trax.
"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
02/14/2017 at 06:51, STARS: 1
we have it as the Holden Trax , they’re just meh.