by "mazda616" (mazda616)
Published 02/10/2017 at 17:55
by "mazda616" (mazda616)
Published 02/10/2017 at 17:55
Tags: Ranting
STARS: 7
As most of you probably saw, my son was born on Tuesday at 2:07 P.M. On Wednesday, at 1:30 A.M., he was admitted to the NICU .
They did an immediate round of tests. Today, we went back and got updates from the doctors. Not much progress from first round of tests. Have to do another one and see what it says tomorrow before we have a plan. Breathing and temperature are good. But white blood cell count and platelet levels are still borderline. Doctor said he is doing good overall and there’s a possibility he could go home with us on Sunday when my wife is discharged. But, that is a very small possibility. Have to do another 24 hours of antibiotics and then more lab work. Then the doctor can make a decision of what Chandler can do.
But, you know one of the things that sucks most about being a NICU parent?
This may sound dumb. I don’t know. But, the whole fatherhood thing hasn’t set in for me yet. Because I feel like he is someone else’s kid. Not mine.
I feel like I have to ask their permission to visit their kid, and when I do, I feel like I’m in their way and bothering them. He’s hooked up to about 80,000 wires and every time I pick him up to hold him or feed him, the machines beep and flash and the nurses come by or come in because his breathing, oxygen, or heart rate raised or lowered.
I don’t even like going back there. I feel awful because there are so many that have it way worse than me. But, I had to rant, and I figured here was as good a place as any.
Have a photo of me and Chandler before he was admitted to NICU. This was right after we got settled into our room and right before the nurses got suspicious about his ragged and rapid breathing and slightly cold temperature.
It didn’t help that his doctor was a total arse to my wife today. Luckily, I had gone gone to check the mail and take a shower, so I wasn’t here.
His heart rate dropped to like 78 or 79 while my wife was holding him and he was asleep. She asked the doctor about it and the doctor got all annoyed and said it was fine. And my wife said that still seemed kind of low and the doctor said “Well, we’ll just order an EKG then.” And was all shitty about it. And she was examining him and my wife asked a question. So, doctor lady yanks the stethoscope out of her ear and goes “What? I’m trying to examine him. I can’t hear you.” Ay yi yi.
Not to mention, I haven’t been to the gym since Tuesday morning (I was going five days a week) and haven’t eaten well so I feel extra gross. This whole hospital crap is for the birds. I cannot fathom how some parents do this for months on end.
"Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif" (lumpy44)
02/10/2017 at 18:10, STARS: 3
Asshole doctors are 99% of the time the best at there job so don’t worry there. (Source: Spent a lot of time in hospital and fiance works with surgeons daily)
It’s a lot for a dad at first you will get it, people who say they had this huge rush once they saw there kid are probably full of shit. Look for Bill Burr’s take on it, should give you a laugh.
Hope the little fella keeps getting stronger.
"$kaycog" (skaycog)
02/10/2017 at 18:11, STARS: 1
Thanks for the update. Crossing fingers he can go home Sunday. What an ordeal for you and your wife are going through.
"Xyl0c41n3" (i-am-xyl0c41n3)
02/10/2017 at 18:16, STARS: 4
First things first, your little one is going to be ok. You’ve got all of Oppo sending him good thoughts and prayers.
Second, it’s not so strange that you still feel a little bit like you have to ask someone for permission to hang out with your son. He’s your first, so it’s understandable that it hasn’t sunk in yet. You’re doing a great job, ok? And you’ve got this! You do. I promise.
The NICU may suck, but think of it this way: every time you go and visit its a chance for you and your son to bond and get closer. Read to him or sing or whatever you feel comfortable doing. Let him hear your voice and hold onto your fingers with his lil hands. He knows you’re there.
And no feeling bad because your son isn’t “worse off” compared to other infants there. He’s your son. It’s crazy stressful for you all the same. You are perfectly ok to feel freaked out or worried and anxious. So don’t worry about it. No one is going to think you’re overreacting or that your feelings aren’t justified.
Also, if your doctor is continually upsetting you or your wife, please know that you have the right to choose your healthcare provider. You have the right to ask for a different doctor. It’s your right under the patient bill of rights. You don’t have to accept that your doctor will be demeaning and dismissive of you. And frankly, I’m concerned that she was so dismissive, initially, of his falling heart rate. That’s not ok.
However, that said about your doctor, it is NOT ok to call her a bitch. It’s not ok in general, but more specifically, it’s not ok on Oppo. Gendered insults are a violation of the handbook.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
02/10/2017 at 18:17, STARS: 0
This is a good point about asshole doctors. It means the doctor is full of arrogance/confidence, and usually that comes from being really good.
"mazda616" (mazda616)
02/10/2017 at 18:21, STARS: 1
I think she may have just been frustrated with my wife’s constant questions, which I can sort of see but also sort of not see, if you will. I’m sure every parent back there is a question machine as they ought to be.
She was nicer later, so maybe she realized she snapped. Who knows. She seems pretty smart and qualified. Just not the best bedside manner. Which, for infants, I guess is okay.
Sorry for my wording. I was just upset. I edited it.
"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn)
02/10/2017 at 18:23, STARS: 2
Don’t take any shit from the doctor. If the attitude continues, ask to speak to her boss (even doctors have a boss, and I dumped two pediatricians because they were assholes). Doctors need to be compassionate to both their patients and their families. Write your questions down. Keep asking until you get an answer you are satisfied with. You MUST be your own advocate and INSIST on answers to your questions. Make them explain anything you don’t understand. If they don’t have time, ask for a doctor who does.
My oldest had surgery when he was less than one. He had swelling in his throat from being intubated, and he needed medicine for it. The pediatrician came in and “examined” him from the doorway. She ordered asthma medicine, which would do nothing. I refused to let the nurse administer it, and demanded to see the anaesthesiologist. He came and examined him properly, and gave him the medicine he needed.
Go see YOUR son whenever you can. Insist that you do. You are not in the way. If the nurses bitch, ask for the supervisor. Discuss your concerns and find out what their expectations are and what your rights are as a parent. Your son needs physical contact now as much as he needs antibiotics and EKGs. If your wife is breastfeeding, ask that your son be brought to the room for feedings if possible.
Hang in there! Hopefully, this will turn into a story you’ll tell around the fireplace one day. Until then, stand up for your wife and your son. BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! After all, you are a CUSTOMER of the hospital, and should be treated as such.
Best wishes to your whole family, and may you all be home soon.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
02/10/2017 at 18:31, STARS: 2
I’ve worked at hospitals. The asshole doctors are usualy just asshole, and not any better at their jobs. Part of their job is not being an asshole to a new parent with a kid in NICU.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
02/10/2017 at 18:32, STARS: 1
Your son sounds like he’s going to be great. Borderline WBCs means he’s still ok. He’s a handsome boy. Try to get him some breastmilk if you can
"mustangchris66" (mustangchirs66)
02/10/2017 at 18:34, STARS: 2
My thoughts are with your family. My wife and son Connor spent 5 days in the hospital. He was not nursing and was loosing weight really fast. I know what you mean about him feeling like someone else’s kid. The entire 5 days we spent in the hospital I felt so out of place almost like I had no control over what happened or when it happened.
Fatherhood really hit me on the drive home. We were were all alone, no nurses or doctors just us three.
It has been just over 6 months now and fatherhood is amazing. I’m having so much fun watching him grow and learn.
I wish you and yours the very best.
"Phyrxes once again has a wagon!" (phyrxes)
02/10/2017 at 18:42, STARS: 0
You got this, and it didn’t really sink in with me until the trip home.
"Xyl0c41n3" (i-am-xyl0c41n3)
02/10/2017 at 18:50, STARS: 1
Yep. Can confirm. Have several good friends in the healthcare industry who kick ass at their jobs, including an OB/GYN. She’s direct, but she’s never sharp with her patients.
"Wacko" (wacko--)
02/10/2017 at 19:31, STARS: 2
Helps if it’s from the mother, and not from him.
"DipodomysDeserti" (dipodomysdeserti)
02/10/2017 at 19:34, STARS: 0
"Ike" (untitledcarshow)
02/10/2017 at 19:46, STARS: 0
My daughter briefly went to nicu it was the scariest thing. We were also dealing with a rude doctor. It’s a weird mix of emotions, it didn’t feel real when you standing there with them in the nicu. I don’t think I really felt “like a dad” until a few days after we got home. When she fell asleep on me. It weird cause everyone says your supposed to feel this connection, but you don’t really get the physical bonding of the mother. There are still days (she’s 2 Now) where it doesn’t feel real, like I’m a dad? No that can’t be, but then she does something cute, or just like I remember doing when I was little, and I snap back to reality. It’s a slow burn to really feel like a father, like it’s really your child. Those moments where you really feel the connection are so worth it though. Don’t force it, just let it come and it will in its own time.
Also Congrats on the child!
"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
02/10/2017 at 20:02, STARS: 0
Neen there done that with twins. They were a month early and had to stay a month. We had to go home. My wife looks like she’s 10 so we felt like we were treated like kids. Just remember your on the best place for the child. I wanted to get the fuck out of there and I know u do too. But don’t rush it. If shit goes down hill u wanna be there. Make sure he’s 100% before u leave. U have plenty of time to be up all night every 3hours
"Wacko" (wacko--)
02/10/2017 at 20:03, STARS: 0
That’s meatloaf. I forgot about that part in fight club.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
02/10/2017 at 21:09, STARS: 0
Hanging around the nicu is kind of an otherworldly thing. You feel out of place, stressed, bored, uncomfortable all at the same time. But Chandler is gonna be okay, and this will just be a distant memory. I’m going to guess your doctor was post call and cranky, which doesn’t excuse her behavior toward anxious parents, but it’s encouraging that she was better later. Just remember to stick up for yourself if you have any questions. No need to be intimidated.
"wafflesnfalafel" (wafflesnfalafel1)
02/10/2017 at 22:04, STARS: 0
Dude - you have the entire oppo community sending you our very best 3-2 full throttle downshift to your mini-me right now. He’s getting the getting the biggest “oppo bump” the world has ever seen.
"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass)
02/13/2017 at 14:10, STARS: 0
Hang in there, and best of luck. If it helps, I know the feeling all too well. My first was whisked away to the NICU unexpectedly shortly after delivery. And it was so hard to go in there and be the parent of the full-size healthy-looking baby with all of the others there to see their pre-terms that were in much worse shape than mine. I felt almost guilty when another dad would ask me which was mine. It also made it take a lot longer to set in. But it does and you’ll love him just as much as any parent.
"mazda616" (mazda616)
02/13/2017 at 14:16, STARS: 0
Yes! That’s been a huge issue for me. I feel stupid for worrying so much about my kid when there are others in there that are premature and have all sorts of problems. Chandler was full-term and is a big boy anyway. So he is a hoss compared to all others.