So it's come to this

by "HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
Published 02/08/2017 at 18:01

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STARS: 15

At work we have grown so much as a department that we are now doing “get to know you” stuff in our weekly meetings. They sent out a questionnaire for us to fill out to be used for this effort. Being the smartass that I am I was unable to do it seriously.

Enjoy

1. Where were you born and raised?

West Philadelphia, its where I spent most of my days.

2. How many siblings do you have? Where do you fall in line?

I have 4 siblings, when I fall its usually not in line…that would be awkward unless you have a fainting problem I guess. Maybe it’s a mineral deficiency? I should get that checked out.

3. If you are married or dating someone, how did you meet your significant other? What did you do on your first date with that person?

I have known my wife since grade school. Our first “date” was when she asked me to a dance.

4. If you have kids, how many do you have and how old are they?

I have 2 kids and as of this writing they are 3 and 5 (subject to change)

5. Where did you attend college and what degree(s) did you earn?

I went to the U and I earned my BS degree.

 6. What is the most fun thing you’ve ever done or the most memorable moment you’ve ever had?

[Redacted]

7. What is one experience you have had where you had to step way out of your comfort zone?

See question 8

8. What are your hobbies and interests?

misdirection

9. What is one thing you couldn’t live without?

A heart.

10. What is your favorite vacation spot? What other places have you visited?

I have visited lots of places, my favorite to date the maze district of Canyonlands national park

11. What is your favorite food and restaurant?

I’m having a hard time finding a restaurant in town that prepares capybara meat pies just the way I like them.

12. Who is your favorite artist or band?

Pandora

13. If you could own any car, what car would it be?

Any one car is insufficient. My 3 car garage is my 80 series land cruiser, a Lotus esprit V8 in British racing green and a BMW 507 TS coupe

14. Who is your celebrity crush?

Flo (from progressive)

15. If you could be a super hero, who would it be or what power would you have?

My super power is to not have to eat, drink or breath. Life goal of walking across the pacific here I come!

16. What was your first job?

Sorting tiny nuts and screws to be sent into space to study the effects of weightlessness on tiny nuts and screws.

17. What was your weirdest/craziest job?

Eating pennies for nickels.

18. What would you do for a career if you weren’t doing what you are doing now?

Oh to have my penny eating career again, but it wasn’t sustainable for a family…too much change.

19. Who is your “best friend” at work? What is that person’s greatest quality, in your opinion?

I don’t like putting one work friend above the rest, its more of a friendship continuum. But we should definitely just remain friends.

20. What is something surprising about you that very few people know about?

I’m only mostly as handsome as is popularly believed. Still pretty handsome though.

Replies (37)

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
02/08/2017 at 18:06, STARS: 0

"XJDano" (xjdano)
02/08/2017 at 18:07, STARS: 1

6. See number 4.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:07, STARS: 0

My face when...

"EL_ULY" (uly)
02/08/2017 at 18:07, STARS: 0

i’d rek this questionnaire lol

"jkm7680" (jkm7680)
02/08/2017 at 18:11, STARS: 0

That’s about how it goes for me as well, haha. Except I’d be even more random.

"InFierority Complex" (lanciere)
02/08/2017 at 18:12, STARS: 1

So how’s your chat with HR going?

"BobintheMtns" (bobinthemtns)
02/08/2017 at 18:15, STARS: 0

Brutal... But could be worse.. I once had a boss that insisted that us, joining a cult, getting naked and drumming with a bunch of other naked dudes would *somehow* help the company.......

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:16, STARS: 0

well, did it?

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:20, STARS: 3

I have to do 3 hail mission statements and 3 core values.

"Toby F., Manager" (itsmefromhr)
02/08/2017 at 18:21, STARS: 3

I get the point of this, but your HR department needs to intervene/be fired. A lot of the questions won’t help the company if/when discrimination lawsuits arise. I’ve wondered why I need to learn certain facts that I thought are common knowledge, and this, I guess, proves why. HR 101.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:22, STARS: 0

best part? HR isn’t even remotely involved, though they probably aught to be.

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
02/08/2017 at 18:23, STARS: 1

something something. . .Lotus esprit V8 in British racing green. . .something something

"Future next gen S2000 owner" (future-next-gen-s2000-owner)
02/08/2017 at 18:24, STARS: 0

Working in Boulder is the best. Just really, the best.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:25, STARS: 1

Always and forever.

"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
02/08/2017 at 18:26, STARS: 0

Amen. A lot of this stuff is inappropriate for the workplace. HR=CYA. They would know better.

"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
02/08/2017 at 18:27, STARS: 0

Somewhere, Doug DeMuro is weeping after reading question 11.

I float between both departments at my job, so i’ve gotten to know everyone (~15 people) quite well. I’d consider 5 or 6 of them friends.

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:28, STARS: 0

When I started there were 13, now there are 62

"interstate366, now In The Industry" (interstate366)
02/08/2017 at 18:34, STARS: 0

That’s...a lot.

"Highlander-Datsuns are Forever" (jamesbowland)
02/08/2017 at 18:35, STARS: 2

#1 I LOL’d

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats)
02/08/2017 at 18:36, STARS: 0

Screw those questions so hard, and screw your work for circulating that rubbish.

"BobintheMtns" (bobinthemtns)
02/08/2017 at 18:45, STARS: 2

I actually did learn some stuff... like no amount of money is worth it to have to work for a fucking jackoff...... A co-worker and myself told the group to fuck off and left early.. naturally that didn’t enamor us to our employer and that job wrapped up pretty quickly afterwards...................

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 18:46, STARS: 0

valuable lessons indeed.

"BobintheMtns" (bobinthemtns)
02/08/2017 at 18:46, STARS: 0

Hahaha... actually this happened before I moved to Boulder.. When I left the company, that’s when I moved to Boulder..... But yeah, you’d think that would be a Boulder thing... You here as well?

"BobintheMtns" (bobinthemtns)
02/08/2017 at 18:47, STARS: 0

Totally.

"TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts." (thebloody)
02/08/2017 at 18:53, STARS: 0

My companies HR barely has any contact with us, they make a half hearted “healthy tips” email which I’ve created a rule for to send directly to trash.

Their only true function - it seems - is to make us use increasenly hard to navigate time card systems (I’m a saylaried employee) and that’s about it. Finance handles our W2 and retirement accounts.

"IanZ - limited-slip indifferential" (ianz-limited)
02/08/2017 at 19:00, STARS: 4

He was asked to answer 20 questions for work. #9 will shock you!

"avalonian" (avalonain19)
02/08/2017 at 19:00, STARS: 0

How is the Hondabro not your favorite celebrity?!?!

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch)
02/08/2017 at 19:01, STARS: 3

HR hates me.

"IanZ - limited-slip indifferential" (ianz-limited)
02/08/2017 at 19:01, STARS: 1

#7 - #8 is brilliantly done.

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
02/08/2017 at 21:45, STARS: 0

Aaaaand now I have the Fresh Price theme stuck in my head. Thanks!

"MyJeepGetsStuckInTheSnow" (myjeepgetsstuckinthesnow)
02/08/2017 at 22:26, STARS: 1

Oh man. I remember doing that shit when AOL and email was just getting started.

" The Compromiser" (charger)
02/08/2017 at 23:03, STARS: 0

"Leonardo DiCabriolet" (leonardodicabriolet)
02/09/2017 at 04:30, STARS: 0

Reading this was most pleasing.

"pip bip - choose Corrour" (hhgttg69)
02/09/2017 at 07:02, STARS: 0

dat Q6!

"gmporschenut also a fan of hondas" (gmporschenut)
02/09/2017 at 09:12, STARS: 0

I used to have a manager who was another film buff and we would try to squeeze as many film quotes in before people would notice, “where were you yesterday? training. what kind of training? AARRRMMMY Training sir!

I missed him when he left

"Future next gen S2000 owner" (future-next-gen-s2000-owner)
02/09/2017 at 09:35, STARS: 0

Not Boulder. Front Range.

"SirDrivesAlot (now with hybrid powerrrr)" (jmstanley)
02/09/2017 at 16:30, STARS: 0

I will have to send this to my boss (HR manager) I think she will find it quite funny.....