by "LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
Published 01/13/2017 at 12:41
by "LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
Published 01/13/2017 at 12:41
No Tags
STARS: 16
Exterior: 6/10
It’s kind of dull, kind of evil. It’s been through a bit in it’s 21 years, having been resprayed and a front end accident repaired. My dad went with the aftermarket grill, but I still prefer the factory grill with a red Chevy badge it wore for 90% of it’s life. No pretenses, the Impala SS is what it is. (a rebadged caprice, shh)
Interior: 3/10
This interior has been through a lot and it shows. Apparently GM didn’t build the best interiors in the 90's, who knew. In all fairness, most interiors would be in rough shape after 20 years/~300,000 miles, cigarette smoke and a few spilled gallons of coffee. The seats are still in good shape and great for long distance road trips (hence the coffee). There’s only one cup holder in a flimsy pull out tray (hence the spilled coffee).
Clean, straightforward, analog gauges. with inaccurate odometer.
Toys: 2/10
Decently equipped for 1996, so laughably behind today. The CD player doesn’t work anymore, but the power antenna does! Up! Down! Up! Down! Tons of fun for your inner 10 year old.
Audio: 3/10
Speakers are tired, wind noise is noticeable. The intake/exhaust are uncorked waking up the LT1 noise but regrettably when my dad replaced the rear end years ago I think he went straight cut, because that pumpkin is loud. Fluid level is fine, its just noisy, fades a bit with temp, but it’s honestly a distraction. On the plus side the lock up is so easy and predictable that every rainy day is an excuse for a drift event. If one decided to be irresponsible that is, which I would never. Ever. (wee!)
Acceleration: 6/10
Much like the interior, the performance hasn’t aged well. But some mild upgrades over the years have added a few horsepower and the current Hankooks are leagues better than the garbage BFgoodriches that came from the factory. Those plus the ravages of time and I’d guess its about equal. so mid 15's in the 1/4 and ~7 0-60. I give it an extra point for passing power, 40-80, 70-110 etc... torque is nice for dispatching pesky prii or semi’s. The ease of it is kind of addicting.
Braking: 8/10
60-0 in 120ft. For all GM’s ills, they did not fuck around with the brakes. This is still a respectable distance for modern cars and likely only got better with better tires. Plus the calipers are red, that’s got to take off a few feet.
Ride: 6/10
A big chassis with good shocks soaks up bumps and undulations well. It’s firmer than the boat it is based on but it’s still GM sedan. Ride wasn’t compromised much for the HD suspension.
Handling:4/10
My dad actually did a bit of work on the handling of the Impala, adding underbody and front strut bracing as well as installing rear control arms. But physics are physics and this is a 4200lb BOF sedan. This could be alright, but the steering is precisely what you think steering designed by GM in the 70's would feel like. Short of re-engineering the entire front end, you’re basically stuck with what you got. Grip and consistency is fine, but you’ll likely never extract the feel for a great handling car. I should probably give it more for the ease of power induced oversteer...
Gearbox: 6/10
It’s a 4l60e. It has 4 forward speeds and one reverse. The LT1 doesn’t really care it has low end torque and isn’t afraid to rev either. Kicking it down into third doesn’t really get old. It has a B&M Shiftplus add on, but I can’t tell if it does anything. Whatever, it’s original and still kicking, +1 for that.
Value: 8/10
SS values vary wildly. You can pick up a beater for a few thousand or a garage queen for close to MSRP (25k) and anything in between. The cheap ones can be great value (rust dependent), but I can’t see why anyone would want to buy a garage queen. These aren’t scared of miles. All examples are bound to appreciate as time wears on, and this is the last gasp of the B-body with it’s roots clear through to pre-war era. It’s a romantitc brute.
Total: 52/100 It’s a flawed car, especially in a modern sense, but it’s a time machine. The highways aren’t so long behind the wheel of a B-body.
"S65" (granthp)
01/13/2017 at 12:45, STARS: 2
That engine bay needs to be cleaned
"S65" (granthp)
01/13/2017 at 12:45, STARS: 0
That engine bay needs to be cleaned
"crowmolly" (crowmolly)
01/13/2017 at 12:46, STARS: 8
but regrettably when my dad replaced the rear end years ago I think he went straight cut, because that pumpkin is loud.
No. Whoever set up that gearset did a poor job, and may not have even bothered setting backlash, pinion depth, and wear pattern.
Sure, some brands are known to run a bit noisier than others (Richmond, I’m looking at you) but gears overall should not sound like a fucking TIE fighter.
"FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem" (fuelstratifiedinjection)
01/13/2017 at 12:47, STARS: 1
I wanted one soo bad when I was 12. The want is still there after 8 years.
"SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie" (sidewaysondirt)
01/13/2017 at 12:50, STARS: 0
Interior would be automatic 10/10 if it had a front bench seat and a long roof. Confused about ride. Figured even with double the stiffness that these things would still ride like you’re floating.
"Phatboyphil" (justphil)
01/13/2017 at 12:51, STARS: 2
YOU need to be cleaned!
BUURRNN!
"Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras" (jegoingout)
01/13/2017 at 12:53, STARS: 2
i want my gears to sound like a TIE fighter...that’d be sweet
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
01/13/2017 at 12:55, STARS: 3
*runs around office making Tie fighter noises*
"Urambo Tauro" (urambotauro)
01/13/2017 at 12:59, STARS: 0
My grandfather used to drive a ’96 Caprice, which lasted over 350,000 miles on the original powertrain (lots of highway miles). It wasn’t in very good shape during its final years, though.
His mechanic once informed him that the check engine light was on due to a bad oxygen sensor, so he just ignored it and kept driving. I borrowed the car once and decided to pull codes just for shits and giggles. It had over 13 stored codes.
The transmission was starting to slip, and the engine badly needed a tune-up. Distributor caps for these things are shockingly expensive. The car was finally put out to pasture after the floorboard rusted through.
"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem)
01/13/2017 at 13:03, STARS: 2
Those 5 spokes are fantastic.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 13:03, STARS: 0
It may be the brand. It reminds me of my supra’s rear end whine.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 13:08, STARS: 0
I bet theres a ton of codes on this too. I ditched the airpump when I cleaned the optispark distributor (thank God that seemed to work), plus my dad got rid of the cats, because for a SF liberal he wasn’t a huge fan of emissions apparently haha. then the passcode means that the key is wrong and shouldn’t work, when it obviously does. Who knows what else is on there.
"jsemerica" (jsemerica)
01/13/2017 at 13:11, STARS: 1
Definitely have a guilty pleasure for these, the exterior still looks good 20 years later. After seeing what ICON did with that crown vic, it’s tempting...
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 13:11, STARS: 0
You should’ve seen before I did the optispark. It’s an old car, anything short of a engine out job wont be enough.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 13:14, STARS: 1
They really are, especially in good shape.
"AfromanGTO" (afromangto)
01/13/2017 at 13:19, STARS: 0
You can sit 4 big guys in the back comfortably. The seats are so freakin comfy. I fell asleep in the back of my friends to go get something, and I woke up on the trip back. lol
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 13:21, STARS: 1
or barely fit three modern car seats!
"AfromanGTO" (afromangto)
01/13/2017 at 14:34, STARS: 0
2 and 1/2 you mean!
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 14:35, STARS: 0
One was a booster, so yeah.
"Rufant" (rufant2)
01/13/2017 at 15:37, STARS: 0
Great stuff, thanks. Also topical, I have been mildly obsessing about them lately.
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
http://www.caminokid.com/ImpalaSSFAQs.htm
These just happened to be other pages currently open on my device...
We never got them in Australia, but I’m feeling they would make a great car for the great American road trip, comfortable, fun, simple, tough. You could take it down dirt roads no worries?
Also we never got the Caprice so I’m loving its sinister looks.
Cheers.
"sm70- why not Duesenberg?" (sm70-whynotduesenberg)
01/13/2017 at 16:27, STARS: 0
the power antenna does! Up! Down! Up! Down! Tons of fun for your inner 10 year old.
I am surprised at the level to which I relate to this.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 18:59, STARS: 1
It’s a bit low for care free dirt road hoonage. The oil pan is a real pain to change.
Solution: mad max style, lift and K2500 axles and a clutched supercharger with open headers through the hood.
"LongbowMkII" (longbowmkii)
01/13/2017 at 19:00, STARS: 0
A detailed restomod would be a great use of lottery winnings,
"Rufant" (rufant2)
01/14/2017 at 00:01, STARS: 1
Isn’t that the solution to EVERYTHING though?