by "mazda616" (mazda616)
Published 01/01/2017 at 18:21
by "mazda616" (mazda616)
Published 01/01/2017 at 18:21
Tags: Anxiousness
STARS: 5
I’ve had Generalized Anxiety Disorder for a long, long time. Been on medication for it since 2005 or so. It comes and goes as far as its severity. I also have OCD, and it also comes and goes.
I think impending fatherhood (about a month to go) is really freaking me out. My dad died in a drunk driving accident (he was the drunk driver) in July 1991, when I was not yet two-years-old. So, I don’t remember him. My mom remarried an emotionally abusive man I was forced to call “dad” when I was about five. So, I haven’t had a positive fatherly figure to watch and learn from, which sucks.
I’m afraid of being a shitty dad. Afraid of never having a moment to myself (I’m a major introvert so I need that at times). And, afraid of never having enough money for...anything. It’s just a lot.
I’m excited for my son. Don’t get me wrong. I can’t wait to meet him and see his cute little face. I’m just afraid I’ll mess it up.
I’ve been having a lot of mini anxiety attacks lately. I’ll just sit there and my heart rate will jump to 118 or more and stay there while my mind starts to race as well. It comes out of nowhere. Highly annoying. It’s like my anxious thoughts are always bubbling under the surface and they occasionally bust through.
Sorry. Just had to rant. Thanks for listening, folks.
"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
01/01/2017 at 18:32, STARS: 2
You are probably under even more stress, as you likely wouldn’t share the depth of this thought with your extremely pregnant wife who obviously has much on her plate now and henceforth. I always think that’s the hardest part... Feeling like you
must
appear to be strong and solid for the good of the unit, in spite of all your doubts and worries.
"itranthelasttimeiparkedit" (itranthelasttimeiparkedit)
01/01/2017 at 18:41, STARS: 4
We’re about to have #2 (like any day now). Everybody is afraid of being a shitty dad, if you’re trying not to be it usually works out though. You don’t need a role model, just follow your instincts and you’re usually right. And regarding the anxiety, get ready, the first few months are probably going to suck, they did for me (and I don’t have anxiety). Your life is about to get turned upside down and it takes a bit of readjusting. It’s totally worth it, you’ll get over it, and I love having a kid, but just a heads up. Nobody ever really talks about that part.
"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo)
01/01/2017 at 18:43, STARS: 0
Everyone is afraid of being a shitty parent, so at least you’re not alone in that one. Also, you’ll likely be surprised at how well you can do just knowing what NOT to do as a dad.
"190octane" (admiralcb)
01/01/2017 at 18:44, STARS: 2
I assume you’ve seen a therapist if you’re on medication for OCD and anxiety issues, hopefully you are actively seeing one if they’re worse than normal.
To me, the fact that you’re so worried about whether you will be a good parent or not, is a sign that you will be a good parent. I don’t have kids, but I’ve done a lot of therapy and I know there is no such thing as a perfect mom or dad. The most important thing you can do is love your kid, put them firs, and do what you think is best for them. Everyone out there has issues, but if you know what your issues are, and you’re actively working on them, you’ll do fine.
"Phyrxes once again has a wagon!" (phyrxes)
01/01/2017 at 18:45, STARS: 0
One of the things that has helped us with our two munchkins is a family doctor (or specific pediatrician if you so choose) that is has similar views as you do on things and is available for those “new parent questions.” Our munchkins use the same family doctor that he Mrs. found for herself as she wanted one that she felt comfortable asking questions.
My buddy and his wife went a slightly different route and chose an old school pediatrician who was like call me whenever and I’ll tell you what I think. This was super important to them as his wife is a worrier and wanted that reassurance being able to call at an odd hour to hear the grandfatherly doctor be like its fine and if it doesn’t improve in 24 hours bring them by the office.
"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
01/01/2017 at 18:47, STARS: 0
My wife is an introvert, too. We have learned that whatever else, it is important to build in quiet alone time for her. It’s okay to need that and to get what you need to recharge.
Good luck and God bless, brother.
"Manwich - now Keto-Friendly" (manwich)
01/01/2017 at 18:54, STARS: 2
If you’re worried about being a shitty dad, you probably won’t be.
"WilliamsSW" (williamssw)
01/01/2017 at 18:57, STARS: 0
I’m a new dad, and I had similar feelings before he was born. I’d be more worried if you weren’t feeling some anxiety - it’s a big change, and a big responsibility - but it’s also the most awesome thing you’ll experience.
It’s clear that you care about doing the right thing, and that’s most of the battle.
There’s a lot of great advice on here - congratulations and best of luck! !
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
01/01/2017 at 19:02, STARS: 1
If you care about being a good dad, then you’re going to be a good dad. Perfect? Not a chance. We all make mistakes, that’s part of the human condition.
You will have less time for yourself, but not none. Same goes for money. None of that will matter when you have these moments. There’s another one snuggled to my left just out of view.
"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
01/01/2017 at 19:03, STARS: 0
Good point. Whenever our pediatrician has given us parenting advice, we’ve taken it. It’s done wonders.
"E92M3" (E46M3)
01/01/2017 at 19:23, STARS: 0
The fact that you’re concerned about, is a sign that you’ll do just fine. If we waited till we were financially prepared, none of us would ever have kids. Don’t worry so much, don’t bother reading a bunch of books, or getting advice from a bunch of relatives. Truth is it just comes natural. You’ll figure it out as you go. As long as you care, you’ll do great. You won’t have as much “you” time, and to be honest the 50% of the my son is with his mother (we divorced), there’s a huge void. Before long, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without kid(s).
"Frank Grimes" (FrankGrimes)
01/01/2017 at 19:51, STARS: 0
I think the fact you take it seriously and are afraid means you will do good at it. I think if your wife understands you need alone time you and her can cut each other slack. I also suffer from anxiety and need to get my butt in gear and begin again addressing it.
"OPPOsaurus WRX" (opposaurus)
01/01/2017 at 19:52, STARS: 1
I dunno if this will help or not but you don’t need an anxiety disorder to have massive anxiety over this stuff. I guess what your getting is normal.
"mazda616" (mazda616)
01/01/2017 at 20:15, STARS: 2
Yeah. I just think my anxiety disorder makes it worse on me than it has to be.
"Flynorcal: pilot, offshore sailor, car racer and panty thief" (flynorcal)
01/01/2017 at 22:00, STARS: 1
I was also forced to call someone dad at that age. So the fear resonates as having a shitty intro to father/son really drives you to not be That Guy. I get it.
Just having had the lesser experience will propel you. Do what you’d want a dad to do and you’ll be the best dad ever. They’re durable. You’ll get something wrong and worry. Don’t. You’ll learn learn on the job.
"itranthelasttimeiparkedit" (itranthelasttimeiparkedit)
01/01/2017 at 22:34, STARS: 0
I absolutely can’t stand our pediatrician, she is bubbly as shit and I like quiet/straight to the point*. However my wife and daughter love her so sacrifices must be made. The things you do for love.
* my personal doc is at the clinic that takes all the medicare/medicaid stuff locally (i.e. not the typical place someone with private insurance chooses), and the only personal conversation we’ve had in the past 7+ years is once he asked “is that the economist? good magazine.” Otherwise I know nothing about him and he knows nothing about me, besides how my balls feel when I cough
"Svart Smart, traded in his Smart" (svartsmart)
01/01/2017 at 23:31, STARS: 0
The fact that you worry about whether or not you’ll be a good dad probably means that you’ll be a good one.
"Tazio, Count Fouroff" (tazio0625)
01/01/2017 at 23:37, STARS: 0
Congratulations and best wishes on your upcoming brand new son!
I remember feeling a similar kind of anxiety before our first son came. Seems like after it’s finally happened, the anxiety is a lot less...cuz 99% of the time it’s totally clear what you need to do next and that takes all your time and attention. Not too many things defuse anxiety quite as well as taking needed action, you know?
Wishing you a similar (amazing, wonderful) experience :)